She wants to go back Home (Philippines)

[Brian121957 43]

How about some background info.

Once you start the long K1 both of you needed to be sure. I assume you meet her in the Philippines on a tourist visa because she could not get a tourist visa to come to the US . You went there at least once because that is required to get her a visa. I assume you did tell her you had two boys but did you take them with you one one of your trips to the Philippines to meet her.

[happiestmanalive 23]

No matter what anyone else here says, only you know the whole situation and everyones' feelings. So you have to ask yourself, is your new wife and possible new family worth giving up the family you have now? If the answer is no. Then just let her know that your family is yourself, your kids, and her if she wants. Otherwise it'll just be you and your kids.

Tough spot you are in, good luck getting out.

May the power of love be with you.

[Fight for Love 98]

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she want's to kick your OWN child??? oh men!!!!

i don't know dude. but if i were in your position i will kick her out instead of kicking my own child...REMEMBER your kids will be your kids...anyhow that's your decision. i just hope u will do the right thing goodluck!!!!

[unlockingsky 94]

this is somewhat disturbing to ask a parent to leave their children. i don't think she is either mentally fit to be a parent.

just let her go and move on..

Edited June 26, 2012 by unlockingsky

[Dirk 30]

Based on how criptic your post is, I think there is more to this story.

I think you both have overall commuinication issues that you both need to work on.

This may help

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo

My future brother in law brother in law is married to my fiance sister. He had kids from previous marriages and she did not understand child support and alamony. And went down a poor communication path that you described above. In the end, once they both communicated anf took TAMPO out of the middle, it ended up being she felt excluded from the children because they made no effort to accept her as a mother.

Hands down, I will say that Filpina's nurture their children to be loving, it is hard to find that in the states.........

Work it out, communicate, or stay divorced permently.

And for the rest of you stop being so insenstive and saying SEND THEM BACK. All of us have chose for a reason to bring their love to the US, in some cases it doesnt work.... Can you send your American Ex back to their parents NO

[Brian121957 43]

you can arrange her to visit her family,

If being "home sick" is the problem. It might be a good investment to cover (full or partial) the cost of Internet for a few family members and get every body set up with video chat.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I don't know were to start? She want's me to give up my two young boys to my X who is the none custodial parent. She wants her own family/kids....mmhmhm Well of course,, I understand

I said! She also can not find work. .,,,so she wants to go back.?

OP- Look what you have done to your wife. She's being lynched by a VJ mob. IMO, this is a very personal matter that shouldn't be aired on here as some people tend to crucify the silent one without hearing his/her side of the story.

Only you and your wife can solve this problem regardless of the different advice you are getting from outsiders.

[multi 5]

hmm does your kids respect or listen her as there mom or stepmom? or did you treat her as your wife?not a servant at home? we really dont know about the whole story tho but your wife cannot say those kind of words if evrything inside the house is fine.

[Maria TH 20]

I don't know were to start? She want's me to give up my two young boys to my X who is the none custodial parent. She wants her own family/kids....mmhmhm Well of course,, I understand

I said! She also can not find work. .,,,so she wants to go back.?

It would give us more idea if OP had more detail on the situation. This is too short and might create bias comment.

First, we don't know how OP and kids treat her at home. Does she get respect as a step-mom? If she knew about your young kids before she decided to move here, then that shouldn't be her first intention to tell you to give up your kids.

If she doesn't get any respect plus she doesn't have any work, I think that could make her feel so down and want to go home.

May be OP should try to sort thing out between wife and kids?

Just want to see from another angle.

But if she just asked you to give up your kids for no reason, but to have her own, you should let her go.

[jayne d 12]

As a child I was in the same situation as your two boys. I am my four siblings ranging from the ages of 3 to 14 lived with my father, my father had full custody of us. My stepmother knew this for the two years before she married my father. But she told my father that she did not want us living with her and sat us all down just after they were married and told all of us children that she didn't want us around either. As we didn't have anywhere else to go, she made life absolutely miserable for us and never missed an opportunity to make us feel unwanted and unloved. This situation did untold damage to all of us as well as our family over a long period of time.

It is not a situation I would wish on any child or family.

I am sorry you are now in this position with your own children, it is one that will have a lasting impact on them and you. There is no easy option as in the end someone will get hurt and there is also the longer term impact to consider especially for your own children both now and potentially in the future. As a father and as a husband I am sure it will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make.

I wish you the very best in reaching a solution. Warm regards.

[Laser1 63]

To the OP: One possible answer: Say, in X number of years, my sons will have grown up; we can start having our own children by then, and move to the Philippines, if you wish.

Edit: of course, it sounds like she has deeper issues. That is just a direct reply to the demands you stated.

Edited June 26, 2012 by Laser1

[deleted this acco 44]

sorry Alex but your kids come first before that woman! you are obligated to those children NOT her!

[Karee 4,189]

As a child I was in the same situation as your two boys. I am my four siblings ranging from the ages of 3 to 14 lived with my father, my father had full custody of us. My stepmother knew this for the two years before she married my father. But she told my father that she did not want us living with her and sat us all down just after they were married and told all of us children that she didn't want us around either. As we didn't have anywhere else to go, she made life absolutely miserable for us and never missed an opportunity to make us feel unwanted and unloved. This situation did untold damage to all of us as well as our family over a long period of time.

It is not a situation I would wish on any child or family.

I am sorry you are now in this position with your own children, it is one that will have a lasting impact on them and you. There is no easy option as in the end someone will get hurt and there is also the longer term impact to consider especially for your own children both now and potentially in the future. As a father and as a husband I am sure it will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make.

I wish you the very best in reaching a solution. Warm regards.

My divorced mother and father routinely shipped my sister and I back and forth between them based on who their husband or wife was at the time. I'm 43 now and have never gotten over it

[wife2be. 7]

I Didnt want to comment on your topic because it opened my wounds.Before i was with my fiance i was with another man who had a Son and i must say i loved that child so much u couldnt tell he wasnt mine unless i told u,the boy could spit on me rub soap in my eyes and do alot of horrible things to me but i never spanked him,i loved him cos i wanted to bond with him-his father however broke up with me for no reason,i was hurt cos i had bonded with the kid by then and the seperation hurt me.Am happy now though,however Sorry to say but your wife is selfish.she should accept your kids as her own and bond with them so that when she has her own kids eventually she will have no headache introducing her new born baby to your boys.Love is Sacrifice it shouldnt always be about you but about your partner-For me my partner comes first all the time and i second,hes a king and i tell him that.Even if he cheated with another woman and had a kid trust me id love that kid no matter what children are blessings from God and it shouldnt matter who brought them or how they came into the world what matters is loving and raising them the right way.i hope u have a talk with her and solve issues with her.Goodluck

[RobbyUSA 26]

I would move on and find another Philipino myself.

I wouldn't trust her at all.