She wants to go back Home (Philippines)

[Lisel N Javier 3]

selfish ###### send her back and keep you kids

[des1867 6]

Of course stay with your kids and do not abandon them. But realistically lets look at the way your wife was raised. The Phillipine government has no provisions for child support. So if you do father kids there and just deciede one day to get up and walk away then so be it. It is the culture that is to blame, not the person. Yes, keep your kids definately but also talk with your wife, explain to her the customs here and most importantly the culture here. Ask her to understand your feelings as well and you understanding hers. It was not mentioned but if there is a lot of contact with your ex then that may be where the problem lies. Unfortunately you have to communicate with your ex to see your kids so this is another concept that she is probably not used to.

Acceptance of another persons beliefs and feelings does not necessarily mean you have to agree with them. Communication is the key.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

My divorced mother and father routinely shipped my sister and I back and forth between them based on who their husband or wife was at the time. I'm 43 now and have never gotten over it

I can relate to this.

Based on my research, I came to the conclusion that this "shipping" of kids back and forth was detrimental to the kids. In my case I yielded 100% custody to my Ex Wife.

I personally think the OP should be thankful that this came to life this early in their relationship.

Not all Fiancees/Wifes are Mother material. Perhaps OPs Wife came to that realisation. She deserves to be happy too so if her being a step mother is not part of her plan then a dissolution is the only way to go. How does the Ex feel about getting the kids back?

It's a delicate situation.

[KKJJ 16]

You should talk to her and figure out what causes her to say it instead of posting the problem here.

[dbcroasman 2]

i am a filipina i have kids before i met my boy friend the first i told him is if he can accept and love my kids there is no reason not to love him and be with him for the rest,and we have problems sometimes,but he loves my kids like his own, , dont ever give up ur kids, she`s acting like a kid, send her home you can still find someone to be with you and love ur kids.

[mapletree 33]

In the end this is a mutual problem. I doubt it is as simple as one person being unreasonable.

Counseling. Find out what the parties want and need.

Often the problems we notice and ocmplain of are symptoms of the problems we do not like to consider.

[amyandjorge 76]

I don't know were to start? She want's me to give up my two young boys to my X who is the none custodial parent. She wants her own family/kids....mmhmhm Well of course,, I understand

I said! She also can not find work. .,,,so she wants to go back.?

If that is the extent of your response to her situation, then maybe it's time to have a conversation with your wife.

To the responses of she is selfish and immature, look at their photos, his post has about 50 words, a picture is worth a thousand.

[goodgurl 3]

Pray about it and god will put u in the right direction

[CaMhae 7]

just dnt judge to quick.we dnt know the whole story and im sure if the wifey post here too we will see a diffrent story....as a filipino we r family orriented and we love kids ..if we love the man we sure do accept the kids too...sometimes we say something hurtful esp when get hurt too.there is more to this story so i dnt think we need to judge the wife too quick and to the person who posted here about his family trouble man, it never work to post here cuz u will see a diffrent thoughts and opinion esp when the whole story that posted is just 10% of the real story....talk to her and im sure you will work things out.

and to other people who's giving him a SENDING advise I hope this thing wont happen to you guys :devil: ...u know KARMA is a B*TCH

[BethandBilly 86]

Just wondering would you say this if it was the man making his filipino wife choose between him or the kids?

just dnt judge to quick.we dnt know the whole story and im sure if the wifey post here too we will see a diffrent story....as a filipino we r family orriented and we love kids ..if we love the man we sure do accept the kids too...sometimes we say something hurtful esp when get hurt too.there is more to this story so i dnt think we need to judge the wife too quick and to the person who posted here about his family trouble man, it never work to post here cuz u will see a diffrent thoughts and opinion esp when the whole story that posted is just 10% of the real story....talk to her and im sure you will work things out.

and to other people who's giving him a SENDING advise I hope this thing wont happen to you guys :devil: ...u know KARMA is a B*TCH

[james&olya 1,121]

Of course stay with your kids and do not abandon them. But realistically lets look at the way your wife was raised. The Phillipine government has no provisions for child support. So if you do father kids there and just deciede one day to get up and walk away then so be it. It is the culture that is to blame, not the person. Yes, keep your kids definately but also talk with your wife, explain to her the customs here and most importantly the culture here. Ask her to understand your feelings as well and you understanding hers. It was not mentioned but if there is a lot of contact with your ex then that may be where the problem lies. Unfortunately you have to communicate with your ex to see your kids so this is another concept that she is probably not used to.

Acceptance of another persons beliefs and feelings does not necessarily mean you have to agree with them. Communication is the key.

I am not sure I understand your post! Are you saying that it would be OK to walk away from your kids if you could do it without owing child support?!!! To me that seems hugely less important than the bonds of father to child and the responsibilities of parent-hood. This would be such an over-the-top kind of deal breaker for me! A woman who could ever make such a demand would be out the door so fast! I wouldn't care where as long as I had her toxic, narcissistic self far away from my children! And FWIW, I feel the same way about my wife's children! They are just as important to me and it would be unthinkable for me to consider accepting it if she were ever to suggest they should be sent away to live with their birth father! One thing was very certain before we ever began this process and that was that we see eye-to-eye on issues of parent-hood!

[james&olya 1,121]

as a filipino we r family orriented and we love kids

Sweeping generalizations such as you make are invariably wrong. I have known filipinas and they are not any more child-loving on the whole as any other group I have met. There are good and bad in any group! If we are to believe the OP he has apparently found one that doesn't fit your mold. Maybe he is lying about his own situation. Certainly he gives a paucity of detail! But the overall point is that no culture is superior to others on issues of parenthood when it comes to the range of individuals involved in actually being those parents!

[Laser1 63]

One thing to consider is that she may feel that she is taking on too much of a "mother" role for your sons; taking on more responsibility than she was prepared for. Perhaps you can reduce that load by doing more yourself, getting help from your family, or by hiring babysitters .

[BethandBilly 86]

If she is finding it too much to be in a mother role to his two children, how will she find being a mother to their children?! Children are children, they all have naughty moments, but they need to be loved irrespect. How do you know he isn't doing more than she is, may be he is a little wary of giving over too much control regarding the kids until she shows she is able and willing to take it.

I think the poster needs to come here and give more information about the situation, right now what he has written is vague and I honestly don't think he should give up his kids. As I've said before he brought them in to this world, he has a responsibility to them, he is their protector and as such they should always be his number 1 priority.

One thing to consider is that she may feel that she is taking on too much of a "mother" role for your sons; taking on more responsibility than she was prepared for. Perhaps you can reduce that load by doing more yourself, getting help from your family, or by hiring babysitters .

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I wonder why OP has been offline since starting this thread. Maybe he's embarassed about handing his wife over to a VJ mob? I find it strange the MODs have allowed many posters to refer to OP's wife with derogatory accusations and vulgar insults. I wonder if it's because she's a Filipina? I wonder why the MODs torelate the misogynistic posts.

Poor woman. She is being slaughtered by people who don't have any clue what is really going on inside the OP's house. Judging someone without hearing their side of the story, IMHO is ridiculous.

Edited June 27, 2012 by ~happyndinlove~