Should I give up or fight for him?

[gad33 47]

Oh Saylin I am so sad for you.

When I read the title, my first thought was fight. But there is no point if the other person doesn't want to be married. As much as your heart is breaking, your head must rule for now. Don't make any rush decisions about your living arrangements, finances, schooling etc. You are dissolving a partnership so don't give him the easy way out and take all the burden on yourself.

[Jen and Jon 14]

The thing about WoW, he didn't initially meet her there. They were friends from school or something awhile back. Not sure how they actually met, but it wasn't WoW. But anyways. I was in the guild since I was level 1 in 2008. He only joined in 2010 after we met. And then this girl recently came to our guild after a server transfer. As for her, her dps sucks. Now, he heals and is one of the three main healers. I DPS and I'm usually top 3 on raids. Don't think he's going to want to leave and there's no way I'm leaving. Guess we'll just have to work through it somehow...

My significant other and I met on WOW, in 2010. Kinda crazy when you think about it really, haha, would never of thought about meeting someone like that. I'm a healer and he's a DPS, both horde. If you need to boot him outa the raid just cross realm via real id i'd help you out (That is of course if you are horde too )

[babygirl1 0]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this,

From what you've said already he seems to think things are already done for. He's already admitted to have gone and visited this individual

'once or twice' (more than likely more), and has done the unthinkable already with her. Doesn't seem he's looking for a way to patch things up, but is looking for the excitement again. That will fizzle away too.

Stay Strong, and good luck

My heart goes out to you Saylin!

I would have to agree with Jen and Jon that it sounds like the unthinkable has already been done.

Be strong and don't let him just "kick you out" of your home together. Without a signed divorce decree, and despite what he may say, he cannot just make you leave with no place to go. Only a judge can do that.

Be strong!....and remember...you have friends on vj that have your best interest at heart.

[decocker 7,198]

saylin -

perception is everything. better now than a year or two or ten down the road. better now when there are only two broken hearts than once there are babies with broken hearts and broken homes. i put almost fifteen years of my life into a relationship i felt i was fighting for.

i wasn't fighting though, i was suffering. and being young and dumb, i brought a child into my suffering. i finally found my strength four years ago and divorced. now i've got a sh*t ton of regret and more wasted miserable years than i care to recall. my son is ten now and wonders why his dad doesn't care, doesn't call, doesn't make any effort. it's heartbreaking to know that what i willingly kept myself victim to for many years, is now a burden for my son to bare alone.

it will help you too, allow yourself to mourn. part of letting go is losing. you have to make room for what's in store.

Edited May 9, 2012 by valerie78

[Sirdaniel42 86]

He's already disconnected from you. If he's not willing to own up to the problem(s) and work to fix them, then there is nothing you can do to change his mind. It's a huge fallacy that one person can change another.

It hurts, it stinks, but it's survivable.

Best of luck.

:thumbs:

[Kiv 32]

I don't know you but you seem very smart and I am sure you will overcome this trouble.

and yes you will love again, but you do not have to worry about it now.

[Fight for Love 98]

hey saylin, check this out i say this on yahoo and i was thinking maybe it might help you...(i'm just assuming it will lol)

..

Don't Even Think About Divorcing Until

.

.

.

.By Redbook | Odyssey of Marriage – Wed, May 2, 2012 10:16 AM EDT.. .

.

Email

... .

.

By Elizabeth Weil, REDBOOK

Here, tips for how to save a marriage and avoid divorce from 13 extraordinary people who believe in doing whatever it takes to sustain the biggest love of your life.

Whatever it takes

There you are, trucking along in your life, your marriage. Maybe you're six months out from the altar, or two years, or 12, or 20. Your husband is unaccountably late coming home from work again. Or he's distant or cranky again. Or, as in my case, he leaves his rancid gym clothes on the clean bedspread again. Or he butchers an entire pig in your kitchen again (yes! He's taken the whole know-where-your-meat-comes-from thing to the extreme). And you think, no matter how happy or in love you felt just yesterday, Good grief, wouldn't all this be easier without YOU? Marriage is long and hard. It's no picnic, yet at times it feels like a joke: Millions of us are trying to move - and grow, and breathe - while shackled to another person, as if in a three-legged race. Wouldn't it be easier to div____?

And yet, the D-word. It's so dire. No person stays committed forever without at least contemplating life solo, but do you really want to amputate your sometimes better half? Here, a panel of wise authors, therapists, artists, lawyers, and scientists makes the case for sticking it out. Even if your union is rosy right now, consider this required reading. Use it to appreciate, nurture, and take a mental snapshot of what you have. Some day you may find yourself (or a dear friend) on the brink, and you'll want the best tools possible to help you remember what's at stake and salvage what you've got. With that in mind, try these tips to save your marriage before you sign the divorce papers.

Related: 17 5-Minute Marriage Makeovers

Don't divorce until you...

...try writing down your thoughts and sharing them with your spouse. There are things you can't say but that you can write, if you carve out a space of solitude and give yourself time to reflect. Your spouse might be able to hear you for the first time too, because writing takes you out of the realm of combat. You can elicit what's behind the anger. Often, it's sadness. - JANE MCCAFFERTY, AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL FIRST YOU TRY EVERYTHING, ABOUT A DIVORCING COUPLE, AND RECIPIENT OF TWO PUSHCART PRIZES

Don't divorce until you...

...compare the cost of good marital therapy, and meaningful (even extravagant) investments in your marriage, to the price tag of divorce. Just one meeting with an attorney could buy you and your spouse a weekend at a nice spa. One month's legal bills could buy you a full course of couples therapy and countless date nights. If you're juggling work and parenthood, you might be able to save your marriage just by devoting the resources you'd put toward divorce toward staying together instead. - ELISABETH J. LAMOTTE, COUPLES THERAPIST IN WASHINGTON, DC

Don't divorce until you've...

...done enough honest self-examination to find out why you want to divorce in the first place. Because you would never want to take on something as monumental as a divorce unless you're going to change and grow from it. So ask yourself: "How did I get myself into this situation? Why did I pick this person to marry? What did I do to create terrible communication or anger or deadness?" Until you're willing to look at that, you'll just end one situation and pick up right where you left off in the next. Even if there is no next marriage, you'll re-create the dynamic in relationships at work, or in friendships, or with your children. Most marriages aren't black-and-white. Almost always, when things deteriorate, both people have contributed mightily to the demise. - ELIZABETH LESSER, COFOUNDER OF THE OMEGA INSTITUTE FOR HOLISTIC STUDIES IN RHINEBECK, NY, AND AUTHOR OF BROKEN OPEN: HOW DIFFICULT TIMES CAN HELP US GROW

Related: 30 Best Things You Can Do for Your Kids

Don't divorce until you...

...let go of the fantasy that you're going to find someone who's perfect in all the ways your husband is not. People think they're going to find whatever is missing in their marriage. But with divorce, you trade off one set of problems for another. Imagine seeing your ex at a soccer game flirting with another woman. Imagine how that would feel. Because if you get divorced, people are going to be setting your husband up with women - appealing women who will find him fascinating. I'm not saying you should stay with someone if there are real problems. But if you're just sort of feeling like, "Well, I don't know. He doesn't inspire me. He's not interested in my book club selection...," think again. - LORI GOTTLIEB, AUTHOR OF MARRY HIM: THE CASE FOR SETTLING FOR MR. GOOD ENOUGH

Don't divorce until you...

...try touching. I've found that a lot of couples stop touching long before they split up. When I suggest it, they go, "But I can't even talk to this person!" And I tell them there's no talking required. Just touch in silence. Be quiet. This can mean sitting next to each other so your bodies are touching while you're watching TV. The first time's going to be awkward, so give it a few tries. Then move on to hand-holding. Then a massage - just the hands or feet. Then spooning in bed. Touch increases the hormone oxytocin and makes couples feel closer. It takes away that urge to attack. It helps you remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Because you can't tell an angry or disconnected couple to go have sex. Uh-uh. But touching in silence can help you find that little flicker, and then you can try to increase that little flicker, and if you can do that, chances are you'll be able to reconnect emotionally, too. - HILDA HUTCHERSON, M.D., OB/GYN AND PROFESSOR AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY AND REDBOOK'S "INTIMATE ANSWERS" COLUMNIST

Related: 4 Foods to Eat for a Healthy Smile

Don't divorce until you've...

...considered that children often bear the scars and burdens of divorce long after parents have moved on and started over. Short-term damage to children is obvious. But it's when children become adults that you really see the cost: difficulty facing mature relationships of their own, difficulty raising children of their own. In our culture right now, pulling the trigger to divorce, sadly, can be as easy as shopping at the mall. It shouldn't be. - ANDY BACHMAN, RABBI, CONGREGATION BETH ELOHIM, BROOKLYN, NY

Don't divorce until you...

...can vividly imagine your partner kissing somebody else, and you don't care. We've evolved three distinct brain systems for mating and reproduction. One is the sex drive. The second is romantic love. The third is deep feelings of attachment. Before you divorce, you need to be at the point where you feel no sexual interest in your partner, no feelings of romantic love at any time, and no deep attachment. You really don't? Then you're free. - HELEN FISHER, PH.D., BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGIST AT RUTGERS UNIVERSITY

Don't divorce until you...

...have dealt with the fact that your marriage has concealed a whole host of your personal defects from public view, and everyone prowling around the single kingdom today has X-ray glasses. - LIZ PHAIR, MUSICIAN AND WRITER OF "DIVORCE SONG"

Related: Major Room Makeovers on a Teeny, Tiny Budget

Don't divorce until you...

...spend the next year treating your spouse as curiously, respectfully, and gratefully as you would a mysterious stranger. Henry Miller once said that a man's friends were his worst enemies because they believed they knew who he was - and they limited him to it. How much truer this is for spouses! We think we know our partner's deepest identity. But if we spent half the effort courting him as we might an exotic-accented stranger, he'd likely prove twice as grateful and at least as interesting. - CRISTINA NEHRING, AUTHOR OF A VINDICATION OF LOVE: RECLAIMING ROMANCE FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

Don't divorce until you're...

...clear that you are making an examined, not rash, decision. Some people divorce in a state of intense reactivity - for example, on the heels of being betrayed, lied to, or cheated on. When you're hurt and angry and upset, and in shock, you're in your reptilian brain. You're in fight-flight mode. Better to wait until the shock has passed, until you can breathe and contemplate your life. - ESTHER PEREL, AUTHOR OF MATING IN CAPTIVITY: UNLOCKING EROTIC INTELLIGENCE

Don't divorce until you've...

...left no stone unturned. Before you end something, you need to make sure you can walk away saying, "We did everything we could do." I'm divorced, but my ex-husband and I, we're family. We're soul mates. "We're best friends. I think it takes as much work to have a happy divorce as it takes to have a happy marriage. You have to be respectful of the other person and what they're going through. You have to be insightful about your own issues, what you may be projecting onto that person. You have to stop making everything about how you feel. Before you think about getting divorced, you need to step outside yourself. Gain some distance. Establish a level of respect. Then work like hell at figuring out who you two were meant to be to each other. Maybe it's not a married couple. But obviously, your paths crossed; you developed feeling. Now find the shelf where it best fits." - FRAN DRESCHER, CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE TV LAND SITCOM HAPPILY DIVORCED

Related: 56 Things That Matter Most in Love

Don't divorce until you...

...consider that, with the possible exception of permanent disability and long-term imprisonment, there are few financial calamities more devastating than divorce. Both spouses will need retirement savings sufficient to cover a household. People may need therapy. And there's a good chance careers will be damaged because you'll be distracted and may decline promotions or transfers. All these things can limit your financial prospects. - RON LIEBER, "YOUR MONEY" COLUMNIST FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Don't divorce until you...

...stop and realize that your spouse might marry somebody you could have issues with. Are you going to be responsible and grown-up enough to embrace that person? To see them as your family? Because if you have children, you'd better be. Are you sure you're going to be tolerant of someone you've never met, or maybe don't like, being directly involved in your kids' lives? Listen, I have a wonderful second marriage and a great relationship with my ex and his wife, but it's a very serious thing to get divorced. You need to be flexible, open-minded, and full of goodwill if you're going to do things right relative to your kids. And you need to be all of those things immediately, when you're hurting. Because being angry or mad or bitchy about your ex-husband or his new wife, your kids' stepmother, is doing them no favors. Now, when my ex-husband comes to see the children, he stays in our house and my husband and I leave - because that's what's best for the kids. That's called tolerance. A lot of people say, "Oh, my God, I could never do that." But how could you be in my situation and not do that? The minute you break up your family, you need to start repairing it, and you have to bend over backward to do it. In divorce, you have to be even better at compromise and change than in marriage. And it's better for the kids if you do it with a smile - a real one. - ISABEL GILLIES, ACTRESS AND AUTHOR OF THE DIVORCE MEMOIRS A YEAR AND SIX SECONDS AND HAPPENS EVERY DAY

[HannahP 119]

Dude, I swear, I'm not going to tell you to put on a wig and dance sexy. But yeah. You guys met and married in a crazy short period of time. I *can* see where your husband is coming from in regards to that. Sucks that he had to put his feelings in such blunt terms and only after you had relocated and moved your life for him. But, hey, you were young and dumb. And I was young and dumb when I met and married my husband.

Long story short, I'm just sayin': I caught my husband in a WoW affair about two years ago. He had no contact with the woman in question and kind of sucked at having an online affair 'cause I caught him about a week in.

My husband does not play WoW anymore. He does, however, play Rift.

[Iyawo Ijebu 157]

hey saylin, check this out i say this on yahoo and i was thinking maybe it might help you...(i'm just assuming it will lol)

..

Don't Even Think About Divorcing Until

.

.

.

.By Redbook | Odyssey of Marriage – Wed, May 2, 2012 10:16 AM EDT.. .

.

Email

... .

.

By Elizabeth Weil, REDBOOK

Here, tips for how to save a marriage and avoid divorce from 13 extraordinary people who believe in doing whatever it takes to sustain the biggest love of your life.

Whatever it takes

There you are, trucking along in your life, your marriage. Maybe you're six months out from the altar, or two years, or 12, or 20. Your husband is unaccountably late coming home from work again. Or he's distant or cranky again. Or, as in my case, he leaves his rancid gym clothes on the clean bedspread again. Or he butchers an entire pig in your kitchen again (yes! He's taken the whole know-where-your-meat-comes-from thing to the extreme). And you think, no matter how happy or in love you felt just yesterday, Good grief, wouldn't all this be easier without YOU? Marriage is long and hard. It's no picnic, yet at times it feels like a joke: Millions of us are trying to move - and grow, and breathe - while shackled to another person, as if in a three-legged race. Wouldn't it be easier to div____?

And yet, the D-word. It's so dire. No person stays committed forever without at least contemplating life solo, but do you really want to amputate your sometimes better half? Here, a panel of wise authors, therapists, artists, lawyers, and scientists makes the case for sticking it out. Even if your union is rosy right now, consider this required reading. Use it to appreciate, nurture, and take a mental snapshot of what you have. Some day you may find yourself (or a dear friend) on the brink, and you'll want the best tools possible to help you remember what's at stake and salvage what you've got. With that in mind, try these tips to save your marriage before you sign the divorce papers.

Related: 17 5-Minute Marriage Makeovers

Don't divorce until you...

...try writing down your thoughts and sharing them with your spouse. There are things you can't say but that you can write, if you carve out a space of solitude and give yourself time to reflect. Your spouse might be able to hear you for the first time too, because writing takes you out of the realm of combat. You can elicit what's behind the anger. Often, it's sadness. - JANE MCCAFFERTY, AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL FIRST YOU TRY EVERYTHING, ABOUT A DIVORCING COUPLE, AND RECIPIENT OF TWO PUSHCART PRIZES

Don't divorce until you...

...compare the cost of good marital therapy, and meaningful (even extravagant) investments in your marriage, to the price tag of divorce. Just one meeting with an attorney could buy you and your spouse a weekend at a nice spa. One month's legal bills could buy you a full course of couples therapy and countless date nights. If you're juggling work and parenthood, you might be able to save your marriage just by devoting the resources you'd put toward divorce toward staying together instead. - ELISABETH J. LAMOTTE, COUPLES THERAPIST IN WASHINGTON, DC

Don't divorce until you've...

...done enough honest self-examination to find out why you want to divorce in the first place. Because you would never want to take on something as monumental as a divorce unless you're going to change and grow from it. So ask yourself: "How did I get myself into this situation? Why did I pick this person to marry? What did I do to create terrible communication or anger or deadness?" Until you're willing to look at that, you'll just end one situation and pick up right where you left off in the next. Even if there is no next marriage, you'll re-create the dynamic in relationships at work, or in friendships, or with your children. Most marriages aren't black-and-white. Almost always, when things deteriorate, both people have contributed mightily to the demise. - ELIZABETH LESSER, COFOUNDER OF THE OMEGA INSTITUTE FOR HOLISTIC STUDIES IN RHINEBECK, NY, AND AUTHOR OF BROKEN OPEN: HOW DIFFICULT TIMES CAN HELP US GROW

Related: 30 Best Things You Can Do for Your Kids

Don't divorce until you...

...let go of the fantasy that you're going to find someone who's perfect in all the ways your husband is not. People think they're going to find whatever is missing in their marriage. But with divorce, you trade off one set of problems for another. Imagine seeing your ex at a soccer game flirting with another woman. Imagine how that would feel. Because if you get divorced, people are going to be setting your husband up with women - appealing women who will find him fascinating. I'm not saying you should stay with someone if there are real problems. But if you're just sort of feeling like, "Well, I don't know. He doesn't inspire me. He's not interested in my book club selection...," think again. - LORI GOTTLIEB, AUTHOR OF MARRY HIM: THE CASE FOR SETTLING FOR MR. GOOD ENOUGH

Don't divorce until you...

...try touching. I've found that a lot of couples stop touching long before they split up. When I suggest it, they go, "But I can't even talk to this person!" And I tell them there's no talking required. Just touch in silence. Be quiet. This can mean sitting next to each other so your bodies are touching while you're watching TV. The first time's going to be awkward, so give it a few tries. Then move on to hand-holding. Then a massage - just the hands or feet. Then spooning in bed. Touch increases the hormone oxytocin and makes couples feel closer. It takes away that urge to attack. It helps you remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Because you can't tell an angry or disconnected couple to go have sex. Uh-uh. But touching in silence can help you find that little flicker, and then you can try to increase that little flicker, and if you can do that, chances are you'll be able to reconnect emotionally, too. - HILDA HUTCHERSON, M.D., OB/GYN AND PROFESSOR AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY AND REDBOOK'S "INTIMATE ANSWERS" COLUMNIST

Related: 4 Foods to Eat for a Healthy Smile

Don't divorce until you've...

...considered that children often bear the scars and burdens of divorce long after parents have moved on and started over. Short-term damage to children is obvious. But it's when children become adults that you really see the cost: difficulty facing mature relationships of their own, difficulty raising children of their own. In our culture right now, pulling the trigger to divorce, sadly, can be as easy as shopping at the mall. It shouldn't be. - ANDY BACHMAN, RABBI, CONGREGATION BETH ELOHIM, BROOKLYN, NY

Don't divorce until you...

...can vividly imagine your partner kissing somebody else, and you don't care. We've evolved three distinct brain systems for mating and reproduction. One is the sex drive. The second is romantic love. The third is deep feelings of attachment. Before you divorce, you need to be at the point where you feel no sexual interest in your partner, no feelings of romantic love at any time, and no deep attachment. You really don't? Then you're free. - HELEN FISHER, PH.D., BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGIST AT RUTGERS UNIVERSITY

Don't divorce until you...

...have dealt with the fact that your marriage has concealed a whole host of your personal defects from public view, and everyone prowling around the single kingdom today has X-ray glasses. - LIZ PHAIR, MUSICIAN AND WRITER OF "DIVORCE SONG"

Related: Major Room Makeovers on a Teeny, Tiny Budget

Don't divorce until you...

...spend the next year treating your spouse as curiously, respectfully, and gratefully as you would a mysterious stranger. Henry Miller once said that a man's friends were his worst enemies because they believed they knew who he was - and they limited him to it. How much truer this is for spouses! We think we know our partner's deepest identity. But if we spent half the effort courting him as we might an exotic-accented stranger, he'd likely prove twice as grateful and at least as interesting. - CRISTINA NEHRING, AUTHOR OF A VINDICATION OF LOVE: RECLAIMING ROMANCE FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

Don't divorce until you're...

...clear that you are making an examined, not rash, decision. Some people divorce in a state of intense reactivity - for example, on the heels of being betrayed, lied to, or cheated on. When you're hurt and angry and upset, and in shock, you're in your reptilian brain. You're in fight-flight mode. Better to wait until the shock has passed, until you can breathe and contemplate your life. - ESTHER PEREL, AUTHOR OF MATING IN CAPTIVITY: UNLOCKING EROTIC INTELLIGENCE

Don't divorce until you've...

...left no stone unturned. Before you end something, you need to make sure you can walk away saying, "We did everything we could do." I'm divorced, but my ex-husband and I, we're family. We're soul mates. "We're best friends. I think it takes as much work to have a happy divorce as it takes to have a happy marriage. You have to be respectful of the other person and what they're going through. You have to be insightful about your own issues, what you may be projecting onto that person. You have to stop making everything about how you feel. Before you think about getting divorced, you need to step outside yourself. Gain some distance. Establish a level of respect. Then work like hell at figuring out who you two were meant to be to each other. Maybe it's not a married couple. But obviously, your paths crossed; you developed feeling. Now find the shelf where it best fits." - FRAN DRESCHER, CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE TV LAND SITCOM HAPPILY DIVORCED

Related: 56 Things That Matter Most in Love

Don't divorce until you...

...consider that, with the possible exception of permanent disability and long-term imprisonment, there are few financial calamities more devastating than divorce. Both spouses will need retirement savings sufficient to cover a household. People may need therapy. And there's a good chance careers will be damaged because you'll be distracted and may decline promotions or transfers. All these things can limit your financial prospects. - RON LIEBER, "YOUR MONEY" COLUMNIST FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Don't divorce until you...

...stop and realize that your spouse might marry somebody you could have issues with. Are you going to be responsible and grown-up enough to embrace that person? To see them as your family? Because if you have children, you'd better be. Are you sure you're going to be tolerant of someone you've never met, or maybe don't like, being directly involved in your kids' lives? Listen, I have a wonderful second marriage and a great relationship with my ex and his wife, but it's a very serious thing to get divorced. You need to be flexible, open-minded, and full of goodwill if you're going to do things right relative to your kids. And you need to be all of those things immediately, when you're hurting. Because being angry or mad or bitchy about your ex-husband or his new wife, your kids' stepmother, is doing them no favors. Now, when my ex-husband comes to see the children, he stays in our house and my husband and I leave - because that's what's best for the kids. That's called tolerance. A lot of people say, "Oh, my God, I could never do that." But how could you be in my situation and not do that? The minute you break up your family, you need to start repairing it, and you have to bend over backward to do it. In divorce, you have to be even better at compromise and change than in marriage. And it's better for the kids if you do it with a smile - a real one. - ISABEL GILLIES, ACTRESS AND AUTHOR OF THE DIVORCE MEMOIRS A YEAR AND SIX SECONDS AND HAPPENS EVERY DAY

IMHO, this is the best response yet on this thread, including mine.

Thanks for sharing it.

[duriantaste 44]

It just bothers me the first thing i hear is "Divorce....Divorce" What is going with people these days? is getting married like buy a new toy and once you get tired you put it on the side? or Are we forgetting that in the past when some one had a toy and it got broken we tried to fix it?

I have no idea where you guys think of marriage. Please can some one help me understand this PLEASE?

What is the big deal that they are having difficulties? Every problems have a solution.

Life goes on and believe it or not, there is love between the op and her hubbie. Maybe he is going through some change in his body..who knows. I would recommend divorce. I recommend to her to work a bit harder until her big boy comes back to her.

Best of luck. I know it takes two to tango but sometimes one needs to teach the other person how to tango.

[Visitor 90]

I can't believe so many people are telling the OP to go to marriage counseling. That only works when BOTH parties want the marriage to work. Clearly the guy in this partnership does not wish to stay married any more!

This isn't just a rough spot in a marriage or a few marital problems that can be ironed out.

The guy doesn't want to be married anymore. Sad but true! He's too young to be married and know what he wants. He just enjoys the chase and will continue to be an internet predator.

You asked in your thread title if you should give up or fight for him.

Who are you going to fight?? HIM??? You can't fight him for HIMSELF!!

You are NOT fighting another woman for him. You WOULD be trying to fight HIM. He's already said he doesn't want you anymore. Sad and hurtful words to be sure but it is what it is. You should move on while you are still young and have your whole life in front of you.

Try looking ahead a few years and see where you really want to be. You sound intelligent and have ambitions. Surely you don't want your future to include a spouse who is untrustworthy and unreliable. Surely you would want a real man who will stand by you through thick and thin. A man who doesn't have to have his laptop snooped though to check on him. Sounds nice doesn't it to have such a man?! Sorry to say this isn't him. Get rid of the kid you married, continue with your schooling and your ambitions and move on with your life. You are young and will get over it. There are plenty or men more worthy of you than this kid.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Outback Annie

[decocker 7,198]

Who are you going to fight?? HIM??? You can't fight him for HIMSELF!!

exactly. i think saylin is too smart to listen to all that jazz. no matter how much you love someone, you can't change them. you can't teach them. or 'keep them on lock'.

anybody who says otherwise better reevaluate their relationship or get ready to be sorely disappointed.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I am reminded of some good advice...'when people show you who they really are, believe them'. I think I heard Oprah mention this one day and it is certainly true. As much as we want things to be a certain way, we can only change ourselves.

[MTLNB 0]

That's what I'm having problems with... I just can't accept what's going on yet...

And I definitely don't feel like I'd ever love anyone else again...

Oh Saylin, I am so extremely sad to hear about your situation. It is an awful thing to have to go through and especially that you left everything behind. All I can say is you need to keep your chin held high and try to be strong. Use your network (family, friends, counselling) and you will get through this. Things will get better in time whichever road you both choose.

Keep the faith girl!

MTLNB

[unlockingsky 94]

just move on.. and have faith!