looking for MENA success stories

[msheesha 548]

Adding-

I'm a couple years older than my husband and we just spent our 5th anniversary together at Cannon Beach, checking out tidepools. He's been in the US for 5 years now, and we very much enjoy our lives together.

Congrats/mabrook on your anniversary - wishing you many many more happy, healthy years together.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Thanks msheesha! I wish you and your husband the same.

And congrats Mithra, on your husband's approaching arrival anniversary. It's where the fun and adventure really begins.

It's a process to get used to life in a very different country, but it can and does all work out in the end for many couples here.

[Mithra 1,185]

Thanks! And congratulations on your recent anniversary. What a nice way to spend an anniversary.

Thanks msheesha! I wish you and your husband the same.

And congrats Mithra, on your husband's approaching arrival anniversary. It's where the fun and adventure really begins.

It's a process to get used to life in a very different country, but it can and does all work out in the end for many couples here.

[Cathi 5,610]

I am 20 years older than him. I in no way question whether or not his love for me is true and genuine. I have spent half of the last 6 months in Jordan with him. I wanted to see the happy endings here. So many people seem to be bitter about their relationships with men from MENA, at least a lot of the stories I read here. Warning women not to marry them because their relationships broke down. I think that is very unfair as half of marriages in the US end in divorce. In any culture there are dirt bags, but I am convinced most men from MENA are truly good people.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I don't want to be negative for the sake of being smug or any of that. But. The fact remains, there's more to "it" and MENA marriages dissolving, etc. than "in any culture there are dirtbags". It's true, bad guys can come from anywhere, but there are also a lot of factors to take into account re culture, religion and so on in regards to compatibility and good fits, marriage wise, for Americans who marry someone from MENA. I don't care for generalizations at all. But I honestly believe it's really, really important to not only really know and understand the man you're marrying and his family, but understand the hows and whys of the place he has grown up and been formed in. I have just seen, in my experience, a more in depth understanding of these circumstances by the people I know who have long standing and successful marriages than just a "good and bad people can come from anywhere" approach. It has to go a lot deeper than that. And no, extended vacations with a guy and his family in his country aren't the end all be all

either. They are extended vacations. They are not 100% insurance against life being really hard or even impossible together once the grind and realities of life together in the US starts anyways. There's just been a lot of people here in the past who rested on their laurels of spending long vacations together only to find some real shocking stuff once everyone was in the US.

[Cathi 5,610]

I don't want to be negative for the sake of being smug or any of that. But. The fact remains, there's more to "it" and MENA marriages dissolving, etc. than "in any culture there are dirtbags". It's true, bad guys can come from anywhere, but there are also a lot of factors to take into account re culture, religion and so on in regards to compatibility and good fits, marriage wise, for Americans who marry someone from MENA. I don't care for generalizations at all. But I honestly believe it's really, really important to not only really know and understand the man you're marrying and his family, but understand the hows and whys of the place he has grown up and been formed in. I have just seen, in my experience, a more in depth understanding of these circumstances by the people I know who have long standing and successful marriages than just a "good and bad people can come from anywhere" approach. It has to go a lot deeper than that. And no, extended vacations with a guy and his family in his country aren't the end all be all

either. They are extended vacations. They are not 100% insurance against life being really hard or even impossible together once the grind and realities of life together in the US starts anyways. There's just been a lot of people here in the past who rested on their laurels of spending long vacations together only to find some real shocking stuff once everyone was in the US.

I totally agree with everything you are have said here. I was married for 20 years to someone who made life unbearable, I know what the struggles of marriage can be. I am very aware of the cultural differences in my new marriage, and I know it won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have spent as much time as I can with my husband and his family, and I have talked to many people in similar marriages and discussed how they handle their day to day issues in the marriage, I have done my homework. In every marriage or relationship there will be ups and downs, but I think that if both people are willing to work hard and overcome the obstacles they can make it work. I don;t have any visions of it being easy, I know it will be difficult, but I we will do our best.

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Why the inshalla? Have you coverted? That seems to be a trend as well, some women just have no backone.

Arabic speaking Christians also say inshaAllah, just sayin'

[tany1157 161]

I totally agree with everything you are have said here. I was married for 20 years to someone who made life unbearable, I know what the struggles of marriage can be. I am very aware of the cultural differences in my new marriage, and I know it won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have spent as much time as I can with my husband and his family, and I have talked to many people in similar marriages and discussed how they handle their day to day issues in the marriage, I have done my homework. In every marriage or relationship there will be ups and downs, but I think that if both people are willing to work hard and overcome the obstacles they can make it work. I don;t have any visions of it being easy, I know it will be difficult, but I we will do our best.

That's all you can do. Be aware of things, and do your best along the way. You made a very good point, both have to be willing to work at it. My ex wasn't a partner in our marriage, which is why we are no longer married. Feeling like you have a partner working just as hard as you are is important.

[saudiwife 7]

Sister,

One thing I know about MENA marriages is you have to work at them. My first husband is from Mauritania (south of Morocco) and let's just say that whole marriage was total anti-heaven. He left me with one child to raise alone. That is a story that went bad. We were 11 years apart age difference, him being the older.

My second husband is from Saudi Arabia and he's totally different. Also, another MENA style relationship, and I am older than him. It's almost five years. Nevertheless, when I see him, I see him not his age or country or whatever. And vice versa. I enjoy the time together. Of course he can get on my nerves, and I am sure I get on his. However, there is this love, this bond that is so strong. It's odd, I find myself saying, Hmm...how did i end up with the bestest husband in the world. *hehe!* bestest being my word. Nevertheless, I know for this moment in my life he is meant for me, and I for him.

No person knows your relationship but you and your husband. It is your husband that makes you smile, that you are wanting and dying to spend your life with. Should it matter that he's younger than you. Of course doubt about one's loves comes in to play, in Islam, we blame those doubts on the Shaytain(satan) and when that happens we seek refugee in God by saying: Audhu Billahi Mina Shaytan ir-Rajeem.(I seek refuge with Allah fom Satan the Accursed.)

I am not sure if you are aware of the story of Prophet Mohammed(SWS) and Khadijah (RA) but that is a beautiful love story within it's self. Prophet Mohammed(SWS) was just 25 years old, and never married, his parents are both death, he's being raised by his uncle. And the love of his life for 25 years was a woman by the name of Khadijah(RA). When they married, he was working for her, but he did not have a business or money. She was the one with wealth, and had the business, he was her employer. Can you believe that?! WOW! They were married for 25 years and she bore him children, and believed in him when no one else did. I recommend you read that story.

They themselves had difficulties that one could never imagine. However, he was so happy and so content with her that when she died, he mourned her for a long time. That became the period known as the years of sorrow for him.

So having doubt it normal, but it also comes from the negative vibes or as we like to say Satan. When you have those doubts come to you, just remember God, your love for your husband, and the love he has for you. Think of the great times you have spent with him and hopefully this will erase all doubt that you have.

Obviously this man has been put in your life for a reason, and instead of analyzing the possibilities of what could go wrong or what have you, just enjoy this sweet moments that you have been given.

And God-willing (insha'Allah) God will handle the rest. :-)

I hope this helps you.

~Saudiwife

[saudiwife 7]

I meant to add that she herself was older than him by 20 plus years.

[Cathi 5,610]

Sister,

One thing I know about MENA marriages is you have to work at them. My first husband is from Mauritania (south of Morocco) and let's just say that whole marriage was total anti-heaven. He left me with one child to raise alone. That is a story that went bad. We were 11 years apart age difference, him being the older.

My second husband is from Saudi Arabia and he's totally different. Also, another MENA style relationship, and I am older than him. It's almost five years. Nevertheless, when I see him, I see him not his age or country or whatever. And vice versa. I enjoy the time together. Of course he can get on my nerves, and I am sure I get on his. However, there is this love, this bond that is so strong. It's odd, I find myself saying, Hmm...how did i end up with the bestest husband in the world. *hehe!* bestest being my word. Nevertheless, I know for this moment in my life he is meant for me, and I for him.

No person knows your relationship but you and your husband. It is your husband that makes you smile, that you are wanting and dying to spend your life with. Should it matter that he's younger than you. Of course doubt about one's loves comes in to play, in Islam, we blame those doubts on the Shaytain(satan) and when that happens we seek refugee in God by saying: Audhu Billahi Mina Shaytan ir-Rajeem.(I seek refuge with Allah fom Satan the Accursed.)

I am not sure if you are aware of the story of Prophet Mohammed(SWS) and Khadijah (RA) but that is a beautiful love story within it's self. Prophet Mohammed(SWS) was just 25 years old, and never married, his parents are both death, he's being raised by his uncle. And the love of his life for 25 years was a woman by the name of Khadijah(RA). When they married, he was working for her, but he did not have a business or money. She was the one with wealth, and had the business, he was her employer. Can you believe that?! WOW! They were married for 25 years and she bore him children, and believed in him when no one else did. I recommend you read that story.

They themselves had difficulties that one could never imagine. However, he was so happy and so content with her that when she died, he mourned her for a long time. That became the period known as the years of sorrow for him.

So having doubt it normal, but it also comes from the negative vibes or as we like to say Satan. When you have those doubts come to you, just remember God, your love for your husband, and the love he has for you. Think of the great times you have spent with him and hopefully this will erase all doubt that you have.

Obviously this man has been put in your life for a reason, and instead of analyzing the possibilities of what could go wrong or what have you, just enjoy this sweet moments that you have been given.

And God-willing (insha'Allah) God will handle the rest. :-)

I hope this helps you.

~Saudiwife

Thank you for sharing the story of your marriage. In all marriages we are bound to irritate each other at some point. I do know the inspiring story of The Prophet Mohammed(SWS) and his first wife Khadijah (RA). Very lucky they both were indeed.

I am not analyzing the things that may or may not go wrong in our marriage, I agree he was brought into my life for a reason, I was just looking to connect with people who are in good, loving marriages with men from MENA. I read a lot of the bad ones here, and I am sure the good ones far outweigh the bad ones. People tend to share their stories of failed marriages and bad experiences in order to "warn" the rest of us. We are all adults here and we are perfectly capable to access our partners qualities, home life, familes ect. Being as this is a second marriage for me I am more than cautious when entering into any relationship, I have 2 teenage boys, their well being is first and foremost.

Thank you again sweet lady. Inshallah

[zahrasalem 114]

Welcome to VJ.....count us in for a successful marriage, I am a couple of years older. We have known each other 4 years and just had our 3rd anniversary in January. We met while I was working in Dubai.

But we are also both Muslim and I am of Arabic background, so we didn't have major things to compromise on or adjust to, and we do plan to have children together. So I may not be the exact success story you are looking for in that regard.

I would not be concerned if I were you about any of the horror stories on here....you are the best judge of your relationship, don't let anyone scare you.

My husband says it well when he says that the newer generation of MENA guys, like him, don't just want to marry very young girls anymore just to have babies with.

The newer generation wants to marry women who are intellectually at the same level with them and can have real, mature relationships with, to be best friends and not marry just a cute young girl that he has nothing in common with. This leads them to older women in their 30's and above. This is the case for us, my husband wanted a wife who was on the same intellectual level as him first. The fact that we had everything else in common and we fell in love, made us a perfect match (for us).

Take care,

Zahra

[Cathi 5,610]

Your husband said the same thing my husband says all the time, he has no interest in younger girls looking to just get married and make babies. He is intelligent, compassionate, loyal(his loyalty and closeness to his family and friends is the one of the huge things that attracted me to him, family is very important), funny..the list goes on and on. As soon as the NVC makes his appointment for his interview in Amman I will make plane reservations so I can be with him by his side.

It's refreshing to see so many success stories here.

Thank you for sharing

[Cathi 5,610]

Welcome to VJ.....count us in for a successful marriage, I am a couple of years older. We have known each other 4 years and just had our 3rd anniversary in January. We met while I was working in Dubai.

But we are also both Muslim and I am of Arabic background, so we didn't have major things to compromise on or adjust to, and we do plan to have children together. So I may not be the exact success story you are looking for in that regard.

I would not be concerned if I were you about any of the horror stories on here....you are the best judge of your relationship, don't let anyone scare you.

My husband says it well when he says that the newer generation of MENA guys, like him, don't just want to marry very young girls anymore just to have babies with.

The newer generation wants to marry women who are intellectually at the same level with them and can have real, mature relationships with, to be best friends and not marry just a cute young girl that he has nothing in common with. This leads them to older women in their 30's and above. This is the case for us, my husband wanted a wife who was on the same intellectual level as him first. The fact that we had everything else in common and we fell in love, made us a perfect match (for us).

Take care,

Zahra

I left a reply here for you I posted it in a separate entry, sorry about that and thank you

[Cathi 5,610]

Welcome to VJ.....count us in for a successful marriage, I am a couple of years older. We have known each other 4 years and just had our 3rd anniversary in January. We met while I was working in Dubai.

But we are also both Muslim and I am of Arabic background, so we didn't have major things to compromise on or adjust to, and we do plan to have children together. So I may not be the exact success story you are looking for in that regard.

I would not be concerned if I were you about any of the horror stories on here....you are the best judge of your relationship, don't let anyone scare you.

My husband says it well when he says that the newer generation of MENA guys, like him, don't just want to marry very young girls anymore just to have babies with.

The newer generation wants to marry women who are intellectually at the same level with them and can have real, mature relationships with, to be best friends and not marry just a cute young girl that he has nothing in common with. This leads them to older women in their 30's and above. This is the case for us, my husband wanted a wife who was on the same intellectual level as him first. The fact that we had everything else in common and we fell in love, made us a perfect match (for us).

Take care,

Zahra

I left a reply to you is the post below, sorry I forgot to hit reply. Thanks again for sharing!!