Married on 1st trip to Nigeria yes or no?

[olumides_wife 17]

Okay so in a former post I made note that I was going to Nigeria for the 1st time and that I was going to meet my fiance for the 1st time and get married then file a CR1 but some people have told me that I should not do this because my fiance filed for a B1 visa 11/28/11 and was denied and this could raise flags with the embassy (yes we had planned to get married on the B1 but he WAS GOING TO RETURN HOME; not stay and file for an AOS) and then I was going to start the CR1 process after he returned to Nigeria....so since he got denied the plan was as follows:

1. Go to Nigeria for 15 days after a week together get married and a registry (my mom and daughter going with me)

2. Come back to America start the CR1 process

so is this not what I should do? I don't want to raise any "red flags" with the embassy but we want to be married we don't mind the time it will take after we are married to be together but we don't want to wait forever to be married...does that make sense?...we really love each other that I know....

so should we follow the plan above or,

B.

Go meet him not get married and return to the US and file a K1? (much longer to be married )

C.

Go meet him and still get married as we plan to,

but file for the CR1 a few months later like in Aug or September 2012?

or..........

This is very exhausting and my journey has just started

Sorry if I sound like a broken record already...I really just need help! We had no idea what was involved for us to be together

[ndu26 114]

well you sound like the marriage is more epressing for you now. is there a way you can do it to have more people instead of a quick registry( nothing flashy but nothing that simple too since you want to avoid red flag). Then come back , give it some months(hopefully go onre more time to visit if you can) and start the process.

i think what may raise more red flag to them is how long you both have known each other before his B2 attempt.

Hopefully others will chime in as well.

Stay strong

[favored 31]

Okay so in a former post I made note that I was going to Nigeria for the 1st time and that I was going to meet my fiance for the 1st time and get married then file a CR1 but some people have told me that I should not do this because my fiance filed for a B1 visa 11/28/11 and was denied and this could raise flags with the embassy (yes we had planned to get married on the B1 but he WAS GOING TO RETURN HOME; not stay and file for an AOS) and then I was going to start the CR1 process after he returned to Nigeria....so since he got denied the plan was as follows:

1. Go to Nigeria for 15 days after a week together get married and a registry (my mom and daughter going with me)

2. Come back to America start the CR1 process

so is this not what I should do? I don't want to raise any "red flags" with the embassy but we want to be married we don't mind the time it will take after we are married to be together but we don't want to wait forever to be married...does that make sense?...we really love each other that I know....

so should we follow the plan above or,

B.

Go meet him not get married and return to the US and file a K1? (much longer to be married )

C.

Go meet him and still get married as we plan to,

but file for the CR1 a few months later like in Aug or September 2012?

or..........

This is very exhausting and my journey has just started

Sorry if I sound like a broken record already...I really just need help! We had no idea what was involved for us to be together

im not the expert and im still at the NOA2 waiting stage. But when do you think you want to be together whether K-1 or CR1? They both will be a tiring 7-9months. The difference is fee at a later stage. I think I was one of those who suggested you be careful when you file cuz of red flags. If you are just meeting for the first time and then get married? I think thats still red flag. I suggest you visit him now, but don't get rushed to go registry or married. I'll suggest K-1 way, cuz married requires more than just seeing once. so does k-1 too, but i'll think matters for marriage. To be honest, I think you should vist him twice before even filing either form.. so you get more pictures, backups and more thinking on which way you should go. It's all up to you, but creating red flags right from start is tough and you would just end up wasting months later trying to deal with the red flags with the embassy and by that stage you wld have been tired and stressed from waiting. So its either you wait NOW to avoid red flags in future, or take a chance (if you're a lucky person), and deal with tireless months later to explain red flags. Again, just saying love at first sight won't quite pass at embassy especially after his B1 denial. All the best. Pray and think. These things are hard to predict.

[olumides_wife 17]

well you sound like the marriage is more epressing for you now. is there a way you can do it to have more people instead of a quick registry( nothing flashy but nothing that simple too since you want to avoid red flag). Then come back , give it some months(hopefully go onre more time to visit if you can) and start the process.

i think what may raise more red flag to them is how long you both have known each other before his B2 attempt.

Hopefully others will chime in as well.

Stay strong

Well we didn't want a more formal wedding simply because we heard from several people a court wedding is a more bonafide marriage to show the embasssy in Nigeria and his mom and a few siblings (if not all) will attend along with my mom and daughter...I don't mind going back and forth to visit him after we are married but neither of us want to fornicate before marriage with one another in this whole process... we want to wait until we are married and sex is NOT the reason we are getting married....if that were the case I sure wouldn't be here in America waiting for a man in Nigeria (lol) but we are also human and well aware that the more we visit without being married the more likely it could be to happen and well we just don't want to do that...so we wanted to go ahead and get married... by May we would have been together for a year...the only thing I don't know about this man is seeing him....face to face...we have a very strong solid relationship...I am 30 he is 32 and we both know we want to marry one another....I just don't want any unnecessary hold ups for us....thank you very much for your advice!

[ndu26 114]

I am not an expert on marriage or even immigration. these are hunas handling these cases and they could conclude any way. Since you are yet to meet him may I suggest going to meet him for the first time witout any marriage plans( I am sure both of you can handle that ) get memories of your visit and then make another trip later after which you can then decide to marry, give it few months, during which you can still do more visits as you can afford (again on the premise that legalizing the union is what is more important to you not the wait time) and file your papers after that. A year of knowing sounds reasonable to me( note , to me)

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Nigeria is a high fraud consulate so they look at anymone that meets and marries within 3 weeks as suspect. Some people get away with it if they visit again before the interview but Lagos wants you to have time to know each other and then decide to marry.

[olumides_wife 17]

Thanks for all the comments and advice...I will discuss this with him tomorrow and see what he is finding out on his end...I know what the embassy wants to see "proof"...but I know myself...and that is the dilemma I am having...it won't take me personally long to determine if I want to marry this guy once we meet face to face as that is the only thing we haven't done... but then again...this is about what the embassy thinks right?...(frustrating)....so I believe either I will visit him then for a shorter amount of time 10 days....go back in a few months...and get married then file the CR1 a few months from that and as that process is under way go back and visit him again before it is concluded...wow! starting to wonder if I can handle this....funny...I can be with a sorry no good man right here in America in no time (not saying they all are)...but I can't be with the man I love b/c he is in Nigeria....stinks

[Moomin 292]

Since you are yet to meet him may I suggest going to meet him for the first time witout any marriage plans( I am sure both of you can handle that ) get memories of your visit and then make another trip later after which you can then decide to marry

Even though it might be tough it still seems to be an investment to put immigration stuff in the back of your head for a little while and just concentrate on enjoying your visit. I'm only saying this to make it clear that meeting online and staying in touch online aren't issues for the embassy - it's the fact that they consider meeting in person more important to establish a relationship. Even if you speak daily on Skype for months it won't make up for visiting. When you celebrate 1 year of being together odds are that USCIS will look at the times meeting in person rather than online. As for ongoing relationship, chat logs and such are wonderful ways of showing that you're part of each other's lives but squeezing yet another trip in there makes it more "realistic", dedicated.

Remember which embassy your fiance will have to deal with later. Immigration isn't only about you. So many other factors are involved that if following the heart with getting married fast was only about you I'd say go for it. But you do have to think about it and therefore rushing into it may have consequences. BUT no one said you have to petition for your fiance after your first visit.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I agree with everyone else that getting married on this first visit, especially seeing you've only been together for 7 months and Nigeria is a high fraud consulate, is risky. You said in another post that you're visiting in May 2012 and want to marry then so you would have been together for 12 months.

What works well in your favour is that you are of similar ages and that he is older.

A few questions to judge your other red flags and whether this is going to be a huge issue:

1. How long have you KNOWN each other? - If you've been friends for a while before getting engaged that's good, works well in your favour

2. How did you meet? - Online? Friends? Family? Some websites are red-flags for fraud

3. Are you of the same religion? -

4. Are you the same race? Culture? - This shouldn't matter but it often does.

5. Has he ever been involved with another USC? - This of course matters for obvious reasons

6. Does he have children already? - This matters because while you're not "old" they may judge him for marrying someone with a child. I don't mean to be offensive but apparently child bearing women are the cultural norm.

The thing is, while talking to someone online I found to be really good for my relationship, lots of talking, it's still not the same as in person. It is easy to pretend to be a particular type of person for a short visit to convince you to marry him. That's what the consulate would be worried about.

Things I've read to watch out for is him being seen out in public with you. You meeting his friends (family is sometimes in on the scam so family being accepting isn't really a good indicator).

I really really hope for you sake that this is real from his end but it more often than not isn't. You need to protect yourself and you need to get to know him and his friends and family in person. I would not get married on this visit and I wouldn't take your daughter or mother on this visit. It is completely up to you though of course.

[ndu26 114]

No one is trying to scare or discourage you..people are telling you as it is so your ability to be rational will save you at the end of the day. Could your relationship be genuine? 200% yes!!!! but precuations should be taken and you need to validate the relationship before taking concrete steps as that will help you build the confidence to confront even the toughest CO.

A very good friend of mine met a guy through FB early this year while she was in UK for studies and he in Nigeria. After much phone call etc they fixed a date for their wedding ( this past october). Three weeks before the wedding, they met each other for the first time in dubai as he coould not get a visa into London.

its 6 days short of two months anniversary of their wedding. I spoke with her yesterday( she went to be in Nigeria with him until they decide next step) and she sounded so happy. This is shared to let you know that the posts are not to invalidate long distance relationships.

Just be prepared for the challenges along your journey

[LAGOSLOVE 10]

Okay so in a former post I made note that I was going to Nigeria for the 1st time and that I was going to meet my fiance for the 1st time and get married then file a CR1 but some people have told me that I should not do this because my fiance filed for a B1 visa 11/28/11 and was denied and this could raise flags with the embassy (yes we had planned to get married on the B1 but he WAS GOING TO RETURN HOME; not stay and file for an AOS) and then I was going to start the CR1 process after he returned to Nigeria....so since he got denied the plan was as follows:

1. Go to Nigeria for 15 days after a week together get married and a registry (my mom and daughter going with me)

2. Come back to America start the CR1 process

so is this not what I should do? I don't want to raise any "red flags" with the embassy but we want to be married we don't mind the time it will take after we are married to be together but we don't want to wait forever to be married...does that make sense?...we really love each other that I know....

so should we follow the plan above or,

B.

Go meet him not get married and return to the US and file a K1? (much longer to be married )

C.

Go meet him and still get married as we plan to,

but file for the CR1 a few months later like in Aug or September 2012?

or..........

This is very exhausting and my journey has just started

Sorry if I sound like a broken record already...I really just need help! We had no idea what was involved for us to be together

As I think I've said before...This love is your love. If you want to marry this man because you love him then mary him. You know more about him than we ever will. If you trust him, want him and desire for him to be your husband then marry him. I got married the first time I went to Lagos. I went again later but I trusted my man and now he is here with me now. The burden of proof is yours and if you can proove this relationship is real..pics, skype, phone records.. then it's all good. Stop worrying about what these people might think. If he applied before you that was before you. Who cares God can hide anything that doesn't need to be seen.

[favored 31]

As I think I've said before...This love is your love. If you want to marry this man because you love him then mary him. You know more about him than we ever will. If you trust him, want him and desire for him to be your husband then marry him. I got married the first time I went to Lagos. I went again later but I trusted my man and now he is here with me now. The burden of proof is yours and if you can proove this relationship is real..pics, skype, phone records.. then it's all good. Stop worrying about what these people might think. If he applied before you that was before you. Who cares God can hide anything that doesn't need to be seen.

get it straight ok? all i brought to light was red flags in situation like this from the embassy. the red flags, if any, in or with her man is btw her and God.. so dont add me to wat these pple are saying. why dont u tell her if u came across issues not just that ur man is here wit u.. like smeone else pointed out, there are bad stories than gd stories in similar experience.. and dont even play dumb about scam and such from NIgeria.. God is in control but He doesnt say to be blind on earth

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Cross culture marriages are rough. Even if you go into it on a wave of love you have to watch out once it crashes. Look at the list of top posting Nigerians , Half of them came back and admitted their marriages fell apart and a couple threw the fraud word out. These people also started VJ on the wings on love. For every case of fraud , for every underwear bomber Lagos raises the bar. Now the bar usually includes multiple visits. Doing it by a meeting trip then a trip to get married is a more "natural" course of events than running and getting married to someone you are just meeting. Believe they look at everything. My first visit to Nigeria Joseph and I stopped by the marriage resistry and he ran into a tribemate and we actually had a nice talk with him and the woman that was in charge of the books. We were shown the board that the pictures are posted on and the books. We were told that there was someone from the embassy that stopped by every few weeks and took notes. They even checked if the marriage bonds were posted the proper amount of time before the wedding. ( I guess scammers try to tip their way around that requirement frequently ) We had no plans to marry that trip but we wanted to know what the options were Back when we were approved AP didn't usually happen but the week he arrived was the week of the undie bomber so they then raised the bar for background checks. Lagos has set the bar very high and no matter how much you know your relationship is real you need to go the extra mile to convince the embassy especially if you don't want the famous blue slip at your interview.

[Zee Bee 61]

Your relationship can be the most genuine out there but the visa process is another basket of eggs. There are people who seem to have all their ducks in a row but then come up with problems. I think the advice being given here is on point considering how many couples have problems going through Lagos. Multiple visits is one of the strongest proofs you can provide at the embassy. I would also agree that marrying on the first trip is a huge red flag. If you can afford it, I would say go at least once before getting married and then filing the papers.

The process now is not what it was a year ago, and while some people with similar circumstances as you may have had a breeze, it may not be the same for you. Remember, everyone's case is different. There are so many factors that are out of your control that determine whether you get the visa or not. You need to go above and beyond on your end to make sure that anyone looking at your case knows that your relationship is real. Its not the most romantic thing to be documenting all of these things, and it may even seem stupid (it did to me) but at the end of the day if you want him here that's what you have to do.

[Tina&Israel 4]

Okay so in a former post I made note that I was going to Nigeria for the 1st time and that I was going to meet my fiance for the 1st time and get married then file a CR1 but some people have told me that I should not do this because my fiance filed for a B1 visa 11/28/11 and was denied and this could raise flags with the embassy (yes we had planned to get married on the B1 but he WAS GOING TO RETURN HOME; not stay and file for an AOS) and then I was going to start the CR1 process after he returned to Nigeria....so since he got denied the plan was as follows:

1. Go to Nigeria for 15 days after a week together get married and a registry (my mom and daughter going with me)

2. Come back to America start the CR1 process

so is this not what I should do? I don't want to raise any "red flags" with the embassy but we want to be married we don't mind the time it will take after we are married to be together but we don't want to wait forever to be married...does that make sense?...we really love each other that I know....

so should we follow the plan above or,

B.

Go meet him not get married and return to the US and file a K1? (much longer to be married )

C.

Go meet him and still get married as we plan to,

but file for the CR1 a few months later like in Aug or September 2012?

or..........

This is very exhausting and my journey has just started

Sorry if I sound like a broken record already...I really just need help! We had no idea what was involved for us to be together

Me and my wife got married THREE days into her first visit.