My fiancee is moody

[Mizzou_82 0]

I dont know how to say, but i need advice, what is my fiancee very moody and sometimes he is shouting at me even when im talking in a nice way, my fiancee when he is pissed, he is throwing something, he didnt hurt me physicall but sometimes i feel scared. i dont know if im going to marry this kind of guy or be patient. our wedding is set already but i didnt feel he is happy with it. my new friends trying to help me for my wedding and but my fiancee didnt care, he always complaining if im asking i need to help a friend for our wedding because its our wedding anyways, my news friend here just helping us. one time, my friend call me if i like to saw my wedding invitation and asking my fiancee to drive me to that place he is shouting at me and he is going to broke the remote control and when he didnt broke it he throw it in the table. everytime he is mad he is arguing me with a loud voice and i feel crying everytime he is shouting at me, its normal to american guys to shout a fiancee, and didnt care about bridal shower? need advice pls..

[patient2010 93]

hmmmmmmm sounds like you need to think about this before you take that giant step good luck.....

[happywife 4]

if i were you i would just leave withour getting married.

[jameugiekaxavilon 25]

Gosh, its kinda scary!!

[james&olya 1,121]

No! It is not 'normal' for an american man to act the way you describe! He is a bully and you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg now. Once you are married it will undoubtedly get worse. Marriage never fixes this kind of problem. How could a man treat you this way if he loves you? I am sorry but this does not sound like a good situation for you at all! You must ask yourself if there is any way that what you get from this relationship can make it worth it to be treated this way. Most american men treat their wives/girl-friends much better than this! You can do better!

[NickD 202]

More than likely, in the wrong section for this kind of question. Wow, do I have a wonderful wife now, but neither her or me were smart enough to realize that in our younger years. Just literally all kinds of chemical imbalances in the brain with some kind of people. And you quickly learn that in the sacrament of holy matrimony, that the Holy spirit does not fly down from heaven and make things all right.

If you think its bad now, wait until you get hitched, then it really gets miserable, in the case of my wife, her ex started to beat her. Would sure like to meet that guy, but already had enough legal problems with him, but he more than met his match. I can't believe anyone would treat her like this, she is and still is, the sweetest person I have ever met, anywhere.

If you want my advice, don't walk away from this guy, RUN! No this behavior is not normal, he should be treating you like a queen, bring you flowers, and do just about everything for you.

I had to put a retaining order on my ex, not that I couldn't have flattened her with one punch, but was very cognizant of the legal implications, even got full physical custody of my kids. Now that is rare for a guy.

Oh, my children positively love their new stepmom.

[N400-2011 24]

Do not tie yourself to someone who is already acting the part of an abuser. If he is acting this way now, it will only get worse.

Edited March 23, 2011 by N400-2011

[Y&E 12]

That's definitely not normal behaviour. If he'd been like that during the time you waited for the visa but then settled down when you'd arrived I'd put it down to the frustration of waiting for the visa. If I were you I would think very hard about whether or not you want to commit your life to someone who acts like this; it sounds as if he's not very happy (and he should be thrilled, you're here!) and it's not making you happy either. I know that it's a big decision as you have uprooted your life to come to the US and you'd then have to uproot and go home but I think that your happiness (and possibly safety) is more important than saving face in this kind of matter.

[Mizzou_82 0]

yeah i feel scared, because im soft spoken person. i failed to find true love, im expecting despite of age matters i thought he is very understanding person and very patience, he is older than me in many years but im the one who give patience to him:(

[Nero 17]

Hi, I'm an American man and I can tell you 100% that this is NOT normal behavior for an American man. This is normal behavior for a BAD man (of any nationality). I hate to be the one who says it, but as an American man I've noticed some other American man want to marry a foreign national for the wrong reasons. Some of them, it sounds like your fiance might be one, want to marry a foreign national woman because he believe she will be more submissive and put up with more of his sh*t. Many many more American men are like me. I'm marrying my fiancee because she's the love of my life, her nationality is just part of who she is (though she does have one heck of a cute accent). Most American men, when looking for a wife are looking for a partner for life's journey, but unfortunatly, some men are looking for a servent they can sleep with too. It's really unfortunate, and I'm sorry to say it looks like you're in a situation like this. It's not a typical trait of all American men, but it is a typical trait of all CONTROLING men who use abusive behavior to intimidate thier spouses into doing whatever they want without question. It's not fair to say that it's only men who act this way. Unfortunatly when you add the visa process to the equasion maybe he feels you "owe him" (and you DON'T) There are women who act this way too (and use moodiness to manipulate their significant other). I wouldn't tell you to leave your fiance. This is a personal decision, but I will say, I would have a talk to him and demand the respect you deserve. You don't need him to have a good life and you don't need him to get married. Marriage is about love and partnership and mutual respect. If he can't give you these things freely, then he can't be a good husband and you need to seriously consider going home before it's too late. There are other men. If you're attracted to Americans in general, I can tell you that there are MANY American men who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

I'll say this one last thought, and I hope you really think about it. If he can treat you poorly, he will probably treat your CHILDREN (if you have any or will have any) poorly too. So it's not just you getting hurt. It's your children too who need you to protect them. Even if he never lays a hand on you or your children, growing up in a house where you can't predict when your parent may have a violent mood swing is a scary and unstable enviornment that could cause major damage to their psyche.

Please remember, you deserve love and RESPECT. You don't need to stay in any situation where you are not receiving both freely. I hope your fiance realizes this and realizes what a huge sacrifice you have made for him (leaving behind your home and family).

Take care.

[Mizzou_82 0]

thanks NickD u know what, im expecting he can love me because im already here, he never become sweet to me, yeah he buy me some kind of stuff because i need it, but im expecting more respect not all clothes that he bought me. i want love and to be loved, im not happy for material things, i want im special to him, but i failed. all i got hurt feelings, he never gave me flowers or sweet kind of gesture. i always give him a chance to change his attitude, when im in country he promise me that he take care of me, and saying he love me more than i know, but what is this behavior he shown to me, i dont understand him.

[Penguin_ie 5,987]

***** Moving from US citizen to Effects of Major... forum *****

It's normal for guys to not care about bridal showers and invitations, but shouting and throwing things is NOT normal, and it might well get worse if you marry. I would not marry someone like this... maybe he is just nervous, has cold feet, but then you need to take a break. Go back to your country and if it is meant to be, you can work on your relationship and apply for another visa later, when you are sure of him.

[rodceasar 34]

Not normal or acceptable! Re-think your decision! Better to count your losses now than later on after you get tied in too deep...

[iampatricias 17]

I think how he handles stress and frustration and treats you when he's stressed out is an important factor in deciding whether you'd like to marry someone. Personally, I couldn't handle it if my fiance yelled and threatened to break things, and threw things when he was angry, even if his anger wasn't directed at me. I would have ended the relationship the first time I saw that kind of behavior because it would scare me too and I don't want to live with that kind of fear, or even the threat that if I do something to make him angry, I'll have to face that kind of outburst.

If you feel that you can't stand up to him now and you're already afraid of his temper, I think you should seriously consider going home without marrying him. Like others have said, there is no sort of, relationship pattern where these things 'get better' when you get married and usually, they get much worse.

He should be taking care of you and your feelings even when he is angry, and you must believe that you deserve that.

[Joyce and Chris 1]

***** Moving from US citizen to Effects of Major... forum *****

It's normal for guys to not care about bridal showers and invitations, but shouting and throwing things is NOT normal, and it might well get worse if you marry. I would not marry someone like this... maybe he is just nervous, has cold feet, but then you need to take a break. Go back to your country and if it is meant to be, you can work on your relationship and apply for another visa later, when you are sure of him.