Laying it all out in the open

[Mr. Florida 11]

Because I did not realize so many people would comment on my last thread, "Hell after NOA2", I would have replied on there this morning but it was closed. I was away from my computer all weekend praying at the temple and seeking advice. I do appreciate everyone's viewpoints and opinions on there. But most people on there made the assumption that I'm the bad person, the jerk, the male chauvinist, or whatever who demanded too much from her fiancee when it was not her fault. Most people on here assumed a lot of things about me without knowing everything that went on between me and her. I am willing to let it all out in the open since she ended everything.

If you read my original post, I already conceded that it was not her fault and the florist's fault. However, I would like to come out and say why I said what I said. The whole Valentine's Day incident between me and her was partly about the Valentine's Day. I honestly would not have cared if I did not receive anything for this year's Valentine's Day. Why? It was because the same thing happened last year between her and me. I sent her many gifts last year, and she did not bother to do anything. And I accepted it without every complaining. Although Valentine's Day is more celebrated here, I always knew her friends over there celebrated the occasion. Moreover, believe it or not, my birthday went by last year. And she didn't do anything for that either. I should have picked up on those red flags. I was very hurt after that. I can take her love for me on faith only so far. Yes, she does not have to prove her love to me. But when I have proven my love time and time again by sending her gifts, doing her visa, visiting her and her parents only a week after her birthday, etc., after all this, I don't think it is too much to ask for a simple email on Valentine's Day.

This year's Valentine's Day was different for many reasons. After we got our NOA2, if other people have noticed on here, she posted a thread on her own asking others how people make the adjustment of moving from their home country to the States. Well, what no one on here knows is that she hounded me with those same questions day in and day out non-stop for the 30 days prior to us breaking up. And most of the time, I always answered the same questions. What were those questions? Here are a sample and my answers to those . . . .

Fiancee: "Baby, what do I do when I reach the U.S.?"

Me: "Baby, we will have the time of our lives. We will go out on the weekends shopping, visit my friends and your friends in the U.S., go to the beach, go to social events like concerts and gatherings, visit my parents, etc. But you have plenty to learn in a society vastly as different as the U.S. is to India. The culture here is different but enjoyable. The food is different but delicious. The music is different but entertaining."

Fiancee: "Baby, will I be able to work?"

Me: "Yes baby, after we both think you are ready to drive and know the rules of society here, then you can go to work."

Fiancee: "Baby, will you take me to India to visit my family?"

Me: "Yes baby, I have promised you I will take you to India once every year. And your parents can come and stay with us when they visit."

Fiancee: "Will your parents come and look after me if I ever need help?"

Me: "Yes baby, why won't they? My parents will see you as their own daughter after we are married."

Fiancee: "Baby, will you really take care of me? I'm leaving everything behind for you. I hope you realize that."

Me: "Yes baby, you are making the biggest sacrifice here. I know that. I will spend the rest of my life giving you happiness and peace the best I can."

I answered these same questions at least once every single day. I did the best of my ability to console her doubts and her suspicions from this far away. I even told her as a joke I should buy a tape recorder, record my answers, and play it back to her. And a few weeks prior to this when she started having suspicions, I asked her to tell her dad to come and visit me on a tourist visa to see how things are over here. But she told me if her parents came to visit you now, they would not be able to afford taking their daughter with them after she got her visa.

I do not want to make excuses for what I have done. But people on here also do not know I have been under enormous stress for the past 4 months. I was laid off from my last position almost 4 months ago. I faced the stress of finding a job quickly because I would not be able to write any source of income for the Affidavit of Support when the time came when I needed to send her documents for her visa as we were already in the waiting phase for our NOA2. I finally got an interview at another city after a month of searching desperately. And then I faced a very big decision of moving away from family, my parents who I supported and lived close to for all my life. My parents are all I have in this country. I do not have any brothers and sisters. I do not have any other extended family anywhere in the U.S., no grandparents, no uncles, no aunts, no cousins. Why did I do this? I realized if my fiancee can leave her parents and her country behind for me, then the least I can do is leave my parents behind and give her a good life at another city with more social events, a bigger indian association, a better night-life, etc. I sacrificed my life with my family in the hope of a future of spending with her. And yes, answering another commentator from before, I would have left the U.S. to be in India with her. I even told this to her dad on the phone right after we broke up. If he is apprehensive about sending his daughter this far away, I told him I am willing to go to India, marry her, return to the U.S., finish up my life here, and return to India after a year or two. But her dad completely rejected this idea.

For the past 2 months, I've been under incredible pressure at work trying to impress everyone here at my new job and living life on my own away from family. A person on his own can only take so much stress and so many of the same questions every day before he starts questioning the relationship. And that is why I said what I said. I wanted to hold off on the visa because I wanted to step back and reevaluate our relationship. Since she is leaving everything behind, I wanted to reevaluate if she would be happy here in the States with only me while my parents are in another city. I only got these ideas in my head after answering her same questions every day. It was NEVER a threat. I NEVER intended to ditch her at any point of our relationship. Has anyone ever stopped to think why would I go through such a lengthy process and ditch everything at the very last moment right after we get our NOA2? I wouldn't. I only used the Valentine's Day incident as an excuse for us to step back some and reevaluate things. I even told her over the phone before our break-up I wanted to come back to the visa in 2-4 months time when the time was right, which is something she neglected to mention in her post on here. I did not want her to sacrifice everything for me if she is questioning everything and turns out unhappy here with only me and away from her family. During the past month, I only got the impression she would miss her family more than she missed me two weeks back. Throughout all this stress of finding a job quickly, moving away from family, settling down on my own, learning a new city and a new job, waiting for our NOA2, and soothing my fiancee's concerns and doubts every day after our NOA2, I just could not bear the tension any longer. I should not have said what I said. I was not thinking clearly. But I never would have imagined she would leave me for it. I thought she would be the first person in this world who would sympathize with me and understand what I'm going through.

Yet since everything is over now between me and her, I wanted to get it all out in the open since it doesn't matter anymore. Yes, we are both young. Yes, we are both not as mature as we need to be for marriage. Yes, I have made my share of mistakes. But at least I am willing to confess if she willing to do the same. I can only do so much from so far away. I have called her repeatedly during the week she was hospitalized to do exactly this. Her phone was turned off. I called her dad on the same day. He said he would call me back, which he never did. And I called again 4 days later, and her parents destroyed me over the phone. I have been to hell and back for the past 2 weeks.

If people on here can be just kind enough not to blast me any more to this thread, I would greatly appreciate it. I hope I was able to convey my points. I will use this as a learning experience and move on with my life. Yes, I will man up. We have both made our share of mistakes. I am willing to accept mine, but if she wants to remain rigid, then I need to move on from this. Thank you to everyone on here, but I implore everyone not to bash me anymore. I still have not fully recovered from this.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

I am unsure as to why you would air out more of your relationship drama after the previous thread had already been closed. If you have issues to work out with your ex-fiancee, I suggest doing it in a much less public way. This is nobody's business but yours and hers.

[YuAndDan 153]

Moving to Off-Topic, This is not a K-1 petition filing topic. This forum is for asking questions about the I-129F petition filing procedure.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

When I read the thread title I thought that you had another clothing malfunction and I was going to have arrange for your bail.

[TwoCats 55]

The one thing I can say is that this is a stressful process all around. It's hard not knowing, and it's hard being away from someone you care about. I told my fiance' early on one thing - I'm going to be the doubting one, the one needing reassurance. I need you to be the strong, confident one - the one who can always be there to tell me that things will be okay, even for the hundredth time. He agreed to this wholeheartedly, and has done all of that and more for me.

We all have fears, and we all need the support of those we care about. Gifts don't equate to love, affection, or any other emotion. They are nice things, but they aren't a requirement for a relationship. My 'gift' to my beloved was to sing him happy birthday on valentines. His gift to me was a few minutes of his time while he was visiting his family. Sometimes just an 'I love you', is enough.

Anyways, I feel sorry for you both.

[Ramisgreat 20]

I don't know what Mr Florida is trying to do.

Well i did mention in the second post that u wanted to withhold the visa process for few months.I made some mistakes in the first post so i posted another one right after that,if u read it carefully.

Secondly,u wrote in your post that i never wished u valentines day,well apart from sending u the gift i also wished u on valentines eve and dedicated a song which was especially composed for u.I am not saying u are wrong but u need a girl of your mentality who is happy with materialistic things than something thoughtful like this.U threatened me to tell my dad u r stopping the VISA process for next few months just for the florist fault and last year i did not send u anything?.If u had a sister whose fiancee said something like this i would have seen how u would have reacted.Anyway i am thankful to u and i am declaring this in this forum for SPENDING DOLLARS ON ME.If u remember i had quit my good old 2 jobs JUST FOR U.First job i had quit because u wanted me to do the paper work for K1 with full concentration and second one i left cos i promised u i would quit the day i get my NOA2.How did u suspect my intentions to move i don't know.i did ask u 100 questions before moving,thats because i was keen to know.

Thanks for letting the world know about us,and making it so public.I may not be right,but i can bet i could never satisfy your needs.Good luck on your new search.

Hopefully there wont be anymore posts by u trying to humiliate me.People on VJ have better things to do and lets not scare them with our weird and bad experience.

Take care

[Nagishkaw 510]

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Can someone please close this thread?

I feel horrible for the ex-fiancee who has to come on here and read yet ANOTHER post about her after she had the last one closed.

[thongd4me 69]

Can someone please close this thread?

I feel horrible for the ex-fiancee who has to come on here and read yet ANOTHER post about her after she had the last one closed.

Good idea

My then fiancée (now wife) was also a little apprehensive about moving to the US from Thailand,

as she had a very good job as well as family and a large support network of friends.

She was also somewhat of a national treasure, getting the "Best Teacher in Thailand" award for her province

just a year before she came here.

She reminded me yesterday why she was so happy to have me as her husband, that being that when

we used to chat, I was always there for her (often twice a day) and never made her wait or wonder

where I was. I was there for her and she knew it. Since she has been here we live and work together

very well and I am also very pleased.

Things don't always work out. It's time for these two to move on. Very sorry for their mutual loss.

[nane1104 146]

Ouch!

I think if the OP and the ex-fiancee would read each other's posts in maybe another year, they would be able to understand the other's side point of view....but for now- maybe resort to personal messages to discuss these personal matters!?

Wishing both of you the very best for your future!

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

I don't know what Mr Florida is trying to do.

Well i did mention in the second post that u wanted to withhold the visa process for few months.I made some mistakes in the first post so i posted another one right after that,if u read it carefully.

Secondly,u wrote in your post that i never wished u valentines day,well apart from sending u the gift i also wished u on valentines eve and dedicated a song which was especially composed for u.I am not saying u are wrong but u need a girl of your mentality who is happy with materialistic things than something thoughtful like this.U threatened me to tell my dad u r stopping the VISA process for next few months just for the florist fault and last year i did not send u anything?.If u had a sister whose fiancee said something like this i would have seen how u would have reacted.Anyway i am thankful to u and i am declaring this in this forum for SPENDING DOLLARS ON ME.If u remember i had quit my good old 2 jobs JUST FOR U.First job i had quit because u wanted me to do the paper work for K1 with full concentration and second one i left cos i promised u i would quit the day i get my NOA2.How did u suspect my intentions to move i don't know.i did ask u 100 questions before moving,thats because i was keen to know.

Thanks for letting the world know about us,and making it so public.I may not be right,but i can bet i could never satisfy your needs.Good luck on your new search.

Hopefully there wont be anymore posts by u trying to humiliate me.People on VJ have better things to do and lets not scare them with our weird and bad experience.

Take care

You go GURL! :thumbs: (F) (F)

[Kathryn41 3,205]

It is a violation of the Terms of Service for a thread that has been closed down for TOS violations to be re-started. This topic is closed. Any attempts to restart this topic in another thread will result in a suspension.