A Bit Worried, Should I Be? What Would You Do...?

[coraliesolms 47]

Do you know her parent's phone number? I would absolutely give them a phone call and introduce myself. At this point it looks like she is not being honest with you, and clearly your marriage will not survive this much longer. So there seems to be no point in delaying further.

My husband has never physically met my parents, but we all skype and talk on the phone on conference calls all the time (sometimes I think they like him more than me... ). I would either install a nanny cam in the computer room, and find someone to translate the video, or call her parents up and have a chat with them.

Sorry that you are having to deal with this

[Casprd 167]

OP - Albanian's are still in the custom of arranged marriages.

Its possible that her parents have arranged a marriage for her and shes avoiding it, but also lying to her parents by saying shes studying in the states. or maybe a bit worse and she had already gone through the arranged marriage and shes avoiding him, and hasn't told you to try to 'protect' your feelings...

this is going to be one of those things you're just going to have to take her for a long walk one night when you can stay up all night and just sit down and tell her how much you care for her, and that if there is some problem you want to help her, tell her that whats going on now is taring your relationship apart, and it needs to change, but you're willing to work through any of it, even if its something big.

maybe in her head shes got something like this;

1) I'm suppose to be married back home because my parents are forcing me too.

2) i went away to the states to avoid it, met someone i loved and married

3) can't tell my parents because of the arranged marriage

4) can't tell my husband because if i return home i have to marry someone else.

5) i'm stuck and stressed and have to hide from everyone.

or maybe your suspicions are right and shes not faithful... but... try to find out.

If this is the case, she should be able to confide in her husband. If you can't share these kinds of problems and concerns with your spouse then your marraige is headed for some rough times anyway.

[Harsh_77 716]

From what I read - just a personal opinion and I could be wrong like 1000 times in past - she is just waiting for her CR to be complete and then move on.

Were her parents even their for your wedding ceremony - do they even know you guys are married?

Does not matter how stuff is going on I would expect that they woudl talk to their son-in-law sometime.

I can tell you about my life my parents are not very fluent in English and my wife is not good with my language and yet everytime I call back home (which is every weekend) I will have my phone on speaker and I would translate for my parents to her and from her to my parents.

She avoiding you, looking to make other male friends out at work and deleteing messages all are RED flags to me.

[marjus's girl 6]

Dear Bang2XG,

Usually I am a silent reader, but I feel compelled to answer your question...My finace is Albanian and I can confidently say that her actions are probably deeply rooted in the culture. To most Albanians (and I try hard not to make a sweeping generalization), family, and especially family honor, come before all. My fiance has told me on numerous occasions of culture discussion that for some families, marrying a foreigner is unacceptable. In fact, he calls his family "liberal" for accepting me. Some members of his family still don't accept me-- I just take it in stride. I imagine it is very hard for her to try to reconcile her love for you and her love for her family. Albanians go to great lengths not to hurt their families. It is a quality to be admired in most cases... As far as a solution, I can't help you there since you say you have tried to talk to her about it... Perhaps try to open up a discussion about Albanian traditions and culture concerning family.

I hope that helps you in some way.

-PW

I also want to note that arranged marriages are almost non existent in Albania anymore.....unless she is from a very, very rural village...

DITTO!!

[C Med 14]

I completely understand your concern, and yes, I would be concerned too. If I were in this situation, I would sit her down and explain to her that for whatever reason, she is hiding something, and it is important that I understand why. The fact that she is hiding something is not in dispute, but the reason certainly is. Either she is hiding you from her parents or vice versa. Or, she is not speaking to her parents at all and is hiding something much worse. The bottom line is that you won't know until she is upfront with you. I know you say that all you can do is believe her because you don't have proof, but you know something is up. That's why you're posting here. You are being kept in the dark about something. There is rarely a good reason for being left in the dark.

As far as the frequency of her contact, I wouldn't find that to be suspicious. I also contact my mother every single day. The difference is that my fiance and she have met on several occasions, and even email and text one another at times. I don't know what's going on, but I really hope that you find out soon, and I hope it's not anything that will cause an end to your relationship.

I really wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.

[Little_My 463]

I planned not to participate in this conversation, but at this point would suggest for you to stop airing your dirty laundry online, on a NON secure website, in front of thousands of strangers. What goes online, stays online - that's always good to keep in mind. This is an issue between you two, and I doubt anyone here can become a personal Dr.Phil for you two and fix this situation - you two need to decide what it is that you want.

Sorry for your situation, for the both of you. I hope it all works out for the best - what ever that means in this particular case.

[Bang2xg 0]

Oh my, where are my manners:

Allow me to introduce my lovely wife. We'll call her O.

Hello O.

[Bang2xg 0]

Will the server administrator please close the thread.

Thank you.

Bang2xg

[greencard/hawk 0]

Hello dear,

How are you? How are the parents? Good, I hope, I'm sure you've already spoken to them today and told them how horrible it is here with me or whoever it is your talking to... Arbri? John? Tom? no? Maybe whoever he is he can make you happy cuz I'm done with this. Tired of everything.

We've been through this already, but I'll tell you again cuz somehow hearing it doesnt help you, maybe reading will get through to you. YES I did lie to you when we were dating Berlin because you went through my phone even then and found something you didnt like and were ready to breakup over it. YES I do yell at you after I loose my patient when in the car with you and you keep asking right or left to get somewhere we've been to one thousand times. YES I did call your and your new "best friend" cunts and bitches after you both started calling my physcho for asking questions and for the many times you and her having talked so much ####### about people you routinely go out with.

shall i continue? You really want to do this online? You wont even do this at home but via SMS and on a message board you'll talk to me?

Unbelievable.

Oh good lord...you put this ###### up online for everyone to see and someohow again I come off as the bad guy for responding on a message board. The message board is fine of course for you to rant, but now that I responded it suddenly is unacceptable and unbelieavable. And yes, we've been through this already but let's do it again, all the people you mentioned are friends and people I work with, no matter how hard you try to make it look guilty, I'm affraid it's not. People have friends, deal with it. And yes, you have not officially met two people you dont even speak the same language with,you have howver spoken to my siblings who speak english. yes , i;ve tried to explain that you will meet them soon, and it must ###### be done right because that is how it works with my dad, and i dont want any half assed skype hellos, it has to be the real thing, when we are both adults enought to do it and dont still live in ur parents basement. And yes, im 22, i need a life, im sorry, not ready yet to be an obedient housewife, with no personality of her own.

Your friend started calling you psycho after you started acting like one, and other people have agreed after having seen what they have seen.

And it's ok for you to lie, because you simply excuse it "yes, I lead to you in Berlin, but it was ur fault cause bla bla". Everything is my fault right? The fact that u lied, the fact that u get mad and call me names that no man with a speck of self respect would say to a woman, everything is my fault and it is also alright as long as u can put ur drama on and make me look like i'm evil.

[Bang2xg 0]

Keep it coming...this is all new to me....i might actually learn something from you now. I started acting like a physcho after I found my name in ur phone changed to a girls name and I ask you and you go nuts about how im crazy and tell your friend that im stalking you at work when I have to drop you off and pick you up all the time... Like I said, we're done. Go back to Albania. Good-Bye.

[Bang2xg 0]

How about all the other Albania women out there? Any of you around to shed some light on this or is my wife the only one with the old school pyscho dad who will chat to his daughter everyday but couldn't be bothered to know who she married?

[Rob and Jill 82]

If you want the thread closed, you have to report it yourself to the admin and request closure.

From my standpoint I look at it all this way...

NEITHER of you should have anything in the past, on a PC, or on a phone that the other person should not be able to see 24 hours a day 7 days a week. If EITHER one of you is talking, chatting, emailing, or anything else that you think might upset your spouse, it is probably inappropriate.

Secondly, the way this argument is going down is very immature. NO SPOUSE and I mean NO spouse has the right in ANY WAY to verbally degrade the other. You two need to sit down like the grown adults YOU SHOULD BE (and yes, 22 is an ADULT HUN), and TALK about it. It's not OK to yell at her while she is driving. It's not OK to call him psycho. It's not OK or healthy to a relationship to air your S*&^ on a forum in front of everyone.

You two both need a time out if this is how you treat each other.

[Bang2xg 0]

Agreed.

Thanks all.

What a joke this was....

refreshing in a way, different from usual problems....haha. WOW.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

thread closed at the OP's request