My husband wants to divorce me but he is the one who is having an affair. What is my chances if I have a CR1 visa?

[maybelle 0]

hi everyone, first & formost i wanted to thank you in advance for reading my concern.

I arrived here in hawaii june 28, 2009. My husband is 24 and I am 25 only, we we're so inloved and getting along really sweet until I came here. When I arrived here he is really cold and doesn't even want to have a child anymore. So that caught my attention why? because before when I'm still in the philippines during his vacation we even seek advices from doctors for my future pregnancy and i can see he is really excited. I begin to suspect and look for some proofs that he might be cheating, i browse his files, phone registers & messages. But on a limited time only because he never left his phone sometimes, its like he's hiding something even his wallet is always at his car. For my 3 months of staying here i have been receiving calls from girls looking for him but when i asked him always his answer is he doesn't know them. And I saw in his old celphone some call registers with several girls even late at night or as early as 2-3 am before I came to hawaii. That starts our argument every night because he was never honest to tell me and he always gets mad and shout at me whenever I asked something. August 17 he told me I'm going for a vacation to the philippines on the 23rd he just bought his ticket, i was shocked why? He said I need a break for this marriage, we always have an argument I cannot stand it anymore. So i let him go coz I was thinking maybe partly its my fault because all i do is asked him so many questions. But I never neglected my duty as his wife, he knows it I have always been sweet, supportive and in love to him. And until now, even though my heart is really in pain I still love him so much! For that 1 week that he is gone I have been really depressed and even lost my part time job because I cannot concentrate anymore he did not even call me or texted me until the 5th day of his vacation. His excuse is he lost his phone at the plane going to the philippines. I believe him until he is back on Aug. 1 I saw his ticket stub in the trash it was purchased June 24 which was purchased 4 days before I arrived here in the US. My suspicion became worse until I saw a dialled number on our homephone a philippine number. i tried to call and maybe the girl knew it was my husband who is calling that's why she answered " Hello BAbe?". I let my husand say hello then i confirmed that was his girlfriend. we had a huge fight that even caught my in law's attention. But despite everything I still want to work it out and forgive him but he never said sorry instead he said it was my fault for being a nagger wife. I said sorry and can we start all over again but he have to forget the 21 year old cebuana girl but he said its too late. There's no more to fix and asked me if I want to stay here in america I will just go with the flow, i wont bother him and in two years time he will divource me. That was really painful but I have to bear with it. But now he keeps on changing his mind, it was like he is torturing me emotionally so i wont stay anymore in his house & finally decide to go to hwere I came from. He is not hurting me physically but emotionally & mentally. And it's really hard to handle it. My concern now is, what is my stronghold that he is going to support me in two years time & file for a divorce as soon as i can get my permanent residence. because obviously he keeps on changing his mind depending on maybe on his girl friends mood. I know that will be considered as fraud in some cases but that's what he wants to get away from me. As much as possible I dont want this to happen I really love him with all my heart and I still want to work our marriage life together but he doesn't love me anymore. He even said I should not hope anymore so I wont get hurt that much in the future. Although he has no grounds for divorce against me, he is the one who is being dishonest & the one who break our vows in having an affair with another woman what is the possibility that I can win the case if he is filing a divorce? I really need your help especially that his family is like taking his side. I am really alone and i dont know what to do.

[meowmeowmeow 0]

if you feel you cannot save this marriage and he is not willing to work on it, why not just go home to think about it all and if nothing works out at least you'll be home with your family and friends and away from him?

[christeen 966]

I am so sorry to hear about all the issues... I know your heart is breaking... However, as my personal opinion, if you are in the crucial beginning stages of your marriage and the trust and love is so easily thrown away on his part, it is very difficult to retrieve. And you should be thankful that you did not have a child in this situation as it would be terrible to have to go through this with a new baby....

As far as divorce, Hawaii is a no-fault divorce state, which means you cannot legally prevent him from filing for divorce. If you contest it, it is over division of assets, spousal support etc... This could get messy and expensive with lawyers...

I cannot advocate committing fraud but personally, I would think that it would be terrible for you to be held captive by a new girlfriends whims and moods....

My heart goes out to you and I hope for the best for you!!!

[Old Dominion 26]

This is a sad story, but not so unusual, apparently. Unless you already have friends in Hawaii, is there any reason to stay here? If you do have friends, can you go stay with them until something changes? After all, you are legally entitled to stay here for nearly two years.

[Dakine 26]

Sounds like you married him "with good faith" so if you guys divorce you can remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final and get your 10 year GC if you want to stay in the US.

[maybelle 0]

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before. Obviosly I chosed him over my family. If only I can stay here in 2 years and get my permanent residence maybe that's the time I can go to my family in canada. Becuse if I go home now it will be very hard & will take years again for me to wait for my approval plus my history in the US is not good by that time. And I really wanted to fight for my right. I didn't do anything against our marriage.

if you feel you cannot save this marriage and he is not willing to work on it, why not just go home to think about it all and if nothing works out at least you'll be home with your family and friends and away from him?

[maybelle 0]

Yeah I am hurting constantly because I still love him despite all these. And it breaks my heart to see him having a communication with that girl. And he is planning again to visit her january next year. he is really torturing me emotionally because he knows that I love him. Thank you anyway for reading my concern. Somehow it eases the pain when you voiced out your problem. Because he wanted to keep this as a secret especially to our parents, he threatened to leave me on my own if i will tell them. he is so childish.

I am so sorry to hear about all the issues... I know your heart is breaking... However, as my personal opinion, if you are in the crucial beginning stages of your marriage and the trust and love is so easily thrown away on his part, it is very difficult to retrieve. And you should be thankful that you did not have a child in this situation as it would be terrible to have to go through this with a new baby....

As far as divorce, Hawaii is a no-fault divorce state, which means you cannot legally prevent him from filing for divorce. If you contest it, it is over division of assets, spousal support etc... This could get messy and expensive with lawyers...

I cannot advocate committing fraud but personally, I would think that it would be terrible for you to be held captive by a new girlfriends whims and moods....

My heart goes out to you and I hope for the best for you!!!

[maybelle 0]

Right now I have few friends who are willing to take me for a while, I'm working already, thank God. But I'm afraid I might get in trouble with the USCIS if they find out I am not living with him anymore. I thought of going back to the philippines already but i don't want to mess my status here and cannot come back anymore at the same time i want to fight for my right and start all over again. but for me to be able to do that is start where the problem is, even if it will take time or cost me anything I would for myself and will be able to find all the pieces that had been missing eversince he broke my heart. I dont want you to take this as a revenge but he should get what he deserved and will be a lesson too for all those who cheats their spouse but still have the guts to threaten them.

This is a sad story, but not so unusual, apparently. Unless you already have friends in Hawaii, is there any reason to stay here? If you do have friends, can you go stay with them until something changes? After all, you are legally entitled to stay here for nearly two years.

[maybelle 0]

we are married in good faith. I have proofs that we are. but I dont know what should I do first.

Sounds like you married him "with good faith" so if you guys divorce you can remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final and get your 10 year GC if you want to stay in the US.

[Anh map 2,098]

To learn about your options regarding divorce you should consult a divorce/family law attorney.

To learn about your immigration options you should consult an experienced immigration attorney.

[Rings 10]

File a divorce. go to the county clerk and pick up a divorce packet. The papers are like $35-$50, once you file divorce do not wait for 2 years to file your removal. File your removal of conditions once you have your divorce paperwork. Save everything you can that shows you married in good faith and submit it with your removal.

[Old Dominion 26]

Once you get your evidence together, find a friend who can store it for you. Don't be concerned about his threats -- he has an abusive personality. If you haven't already found a place to live, it's time to make the move and get him out of your life. Catholic Charities is a very good resource if you need advice on becoming a permanent resident. There are also legal aid societies everywhere, with different names, that have domestic relations lawyers available to help on the divorce.

Get a blood test to be sure you haven't been exposed to HIV.

With your green card, you are free to visit your family in Canada to take a short break and to let them help ease your transition to freedom from this lout.

Good luck!!!

[rmncm 0]

Maybelle, first and formost you gave up your life for this man and he is screwing you over. NOW is your time to screw him. Get with your friends or family and beg,barrow what money you can and hire a attny for a divorce. He filed the AOS paperwork that basicly promissed to support you for up to 10 years. I say hire a attny and teach him a lesson, enforce the AOS and go for spousal support. This way he would have a hard time bringing his new gf from the Phills. He caused you grief, now its your turn!!! Take him for everything he has, after all your married and it's half yours!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before. Obviosly I chosed him over my family. If only I can stay here in 2 years and get my permanent residence maybe that's the time I can go to my family in canada. Becuse if I go home now it will be very hard & will take years again for me to wait for my approval plus my history in the US is not good by that time. And I really wanted to fight for my right. I didn't do anything against our marriage.

if you feel you cannot save this marriage and he is not willing to work on it, why not just go home to think about it all and if nothing works out at least you'll be home with your family and friends and away from him?

There is no reason to try to salvage this marriage. Your husband is a "player". Ditch him.

You haven't done anything at this point that would result in you being banned from the US. As long as you're still married to your husband, then your conditional green card is still valid. If you are divorced by the time your conditional green card expires, then you can file to remove conditions and get an unconditional green card on your own - you won't need your ex-husbands cooperation. However, once you get the divorce you should file to remove conditions immediately - don't wait for the conditional green card to expire. Understand that the divorce has to be final - you need the divorce decree in order to file on your own.

You do NOT have to remain with your husband. Your legal status is not dependent on your living with him. As long as you're still married, your green card remains valid. USCIS will not take any steps to revoke your status while you are still married, even if you are separated or have a divorce pending. Once the divorce is final then USCIS may take steps to revoke your status, which is why you should file immediately after the divorce.

If you move, be sure to notify USCIS of your new address. I recommend you don't leave the US until your divorce is final and your conditions are lifted, though. If your husband files any report or claim with USCIS while you're gone, it could put your legal status in temporary limbo, and you could have problems getting back into the country.

Minor point, but "fight for your right" is a bad choice of words. Immigration is not a "right" you can fight for. It is a privilege you request from the US government. From what you describe, it doesn't sound like you've done anything that would result in you not deserving this privilege. Collect your evidence of good faith marriage, file for a divorce, and move on with your life.

Maybelle, first and formost you gave up your life for this man and he is screwing you over. NOW is your time to screw him. Get with your friends or family and beg,barrow what money you can and hire a attny for a divorce. He filed the AOS paperwork that basicly promissed to support you for up to 10 years. I say hire a attny and teach him a lesson, enforce the AOS and go for spousal support. This way he would have a hard time bringing his new gf from the Phills. He caused you grief, now its your turn!!! Take him for everything he has, after all your married and it's half yours!

Revenge is ALWAYS bad advice in a divorce. Nobody is immune to retaliation. Seeking revenge only escalates the fight, and often comes back to bite you. My ex-wife's attorney tried this tactic with me, but she didn't know the "dirt" I had on my ex-wife. I told my ex-wife she'd win the fight if she continued, but she'd leave the court in hand cuffs. She fired her attorney, and we had an amicable settlement.

Apparently, you don't fully understand community property laws. The only thing that is "half hers" are assets that were acquired AFTER they became married. Anything he owned separately before the marriage is still his separate property. You don't automatically assume half of someone's assets when you marry them.

[*JG* 2]

Oh, goodness. I'm so sorry.

All good advice here. I agree with almost all of it.

My advice would be to collect, collect, and collect as much evidence as possible on his cheating ways. YOU married him in good faith.

Good luck to you.