Was I wrong?

[Welshcookie 17]

I am sure once she has got over her disappointment she will see things in a clearer light....you didn't let anyone down IMO....

Good Luck

[almaty 19]

dave..i tink you did the right thing...always have a maxium bid level ..whether there or on ebay...they would have probably gone a step higer...

[Fandango 1,439]

I think you were already cruising towards a foreclosure. If you were going to get approved for a mtg usually your debt to income ratio shouldn't be more than (I think) 50%. So 1300 going out....you should be bringing in at least 2600. So I don't think that's such a bad thing as far as not getting the house. Food, Leccy, gas, etc surely creeps up to 500 a mo? You'd essentially have nowt to live on. These guidelines are set by the banks for a reason...it's not just about circumventing the requirements by having someone else buy the house, it's about sound financial planning & having enough to live on.

My opinion is to pay off the cars asap providing you don't have a prepayment penalty. Get your debt as low as poss. Try to live on 500 a month and throw the rest into bills. See how it feels & ask your wife to envision living like that for X years.

As far as the other bidder...how would anyone but him know where he would have stopped? It could have gone well over 120. There's no guarantee that at 114k you would have even gotten it anyways. Don't look at it tho as a 'cloud over your marriage'....it was a disagreement, plain and simple. Your marriage will recover I think your wife is just v disappointed, but imo she's being unfair to you with the emotional blackmail stuff.

Oh, ps and by the way...if your MIL lives within a certain radius of the second home, she will prolly have been given 'investor rates' because the house is too close to her primary house to be a secondary house, therefore the house is deemed income property. Not saying this is the case in your scenario, but it's possible that may be the reason.

For instance, I had a customer who was in a similar situation. Rates were at 6 and something, and when his family member got involved, the best they could do was 10 because he lived too close to the house. Again, this is my personal experience only, but it may behoove you to shop around when you are ready to buy.

Edited June 17, 2006 by LisaD

[dmartmar 1]

There's no reason for your wife to have gotten angry and/or slept on the sofa.

Is this how she will react every time things don't go her way in your marriage?

[Ban Hammer 12,867]

There's no reason for your wife to have gotten angry and/or slept on the sofa.

Is this how she will react every time things don't go her way in your marriage?

given that, i'd suggest his first investment be a very comfortable sofa.

[ChristinaM 0]

FWIW, I don't believe that you let anybody down. It's far better to know what your limits are and be strong about them than to find yourself in a property you can't afford. Not being able to pay the rent on time sucks, but not being able to pay the mortgage can screw your life up forever.

Just to give you an indication, what I earn covers our fixed outgoings (most months). It does not cover food or gas. But the bank was still willing to give us a mortgage for over $200K. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that it's wise to do so.

Your wife will come round - I sulk every time my husband tells me that I can't change my 16 year-old car, but I know in my heart that we simply can't afford to.

[*Robert* 2]

Given all the helpful replies, I would say you have a referendum here! It doesn't look like anyone feels you did something wrong, and I too agree. Sorry to hear about your living and financial situation though. Hope things get better for you and your wife soon.

Good luck.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I think you made the right decision. Sort of seemed like an impuse buy!! Ok to do an impulse buy on a case of beer, but on a house!! I dont think so!! Its the biggest purchase couples normally make, so it takes a lot of discussion. Were in the process now of buying in the DC area so I know how one spouse wants 1 thing and the other wants something else, lol. so far so good for us. Best of luck!

[Kajikit 65]

That's the problem with auctions for big-ticket items... it's so easy to get in over your head because you think 'just a little higher and we'll have it'. Before you know it you're committed to something you can't possibly afford to pay off, and then where would you be? You definitely did the right thing and your wife needs to wake up and smell the roses! It's a little hard to take a house back to the store when you realise that you can't possibly keep the payments up without bankrupting yourself.

Edited June 18, 2006 by Kajikit

[TenderCat 0]

Oh, ps and by the way...if your MIL lives within a certain radius of the second home, she will prolly have been given 'investor rates' because the house is too close to her primary house to be a secondary house, therefore the house is deemed income property. Not saying this is the case in your scenario, but it's possible that may be the reason.

The home in question is around 200 yards from where we currentlty live, so maybe thats the reasoning behind it.

Thnx 4 the info on that one

[djcess 0]

It almost sounds as if your wife was turning this into something where you weren't letting the family down.... you were disrespecting the mother-in-law. Why exactly was your MIL bidding on something like this for you instead of your wife or yourself doing it? That's a pretty major thing. If your MIL is "helping" you guys spend over $100,000, just think how much "help" she's going to be in deciding what's right and wrong for your children.

And your wife sleeping on the sofa.... that's just juvenile. She needs to check her mother-daughter issues at YOUR door, and especially at your bedroom door.

When people go to auctions (which I love going to too!) they get caught up in "winning" the item they're bidding on, regardless of cost. You were 100% correct to stop the bidding. You would've been in over your head, and talk about having the wife sleep on the sofa.... wait till you had trouble making the mortgage payment and the "well this never would've happened if YOUR MOTHER would've kept her nose out of it" started flying around. That empty spot on the bed beside you would've started to get pretty cold.

Try to convince her that you guys will get a nice house and there are plenty out there, you've just got to be patient and find one that's going to be good for you guys and something that you can really afford. (And save the "NOT ONE THAT YOUR MOTHER PICKS OUT FOR US" comments for when you're out with your mates.)

ditto!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

All im asking is if i was wrong, if we could have survived on the $500 left without missing payments.

I haven't read this whole thread, so forgive me if this has already been said.

When it comes to money, red lines must be drawn and they must never be crossed. Period. One spouse may have a problem with that, but you can't allow emotions to get you into a real and tangible financial commitment that is above and beyond what was decided as the budget. I have been through similar issues with my wife (with respect to much smaller purchases) and do not regret it. Someone has to draw the line in the sand and fact is, wherever you draw it, it will be somewhat arbitrary in the sense that you can afford 1 cent more so where is the line really? The line is the line and you stick to it. You did good. JMHO.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Smart decision on your part. I can't IMAGINE trying to live on 500/month for electricity, gas, groceries, household expenses, phone, cable..etc...I don't see how 500/month can even pay THOSE bills let alone be able to have any entertainment even ocassionally..be it a movie, dinner out,etc. I know in THIS house 500/month doesn't begin to cover it...our utilities ALONE in the winter...astronomical..and we keep the heat about 65 then..70 max if we get REALLY cold!!! Good choice. Hope your wife sees your logic soon. M.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Yesterday at 4pm, my wife received a call from her mother. She told her that she was at a house auction, and was going to bid on it, so we could have our own home (we would though need to pay the mortgage). The house was nice, in a good area, in a good school district.

So we went to the auction immediately, and spoke to a mortgage consultant. We had agreed our top bid would be $110,000 and with $25,000 down, it would work out at $700 approx a month. I felt this was pushing it to the maximum, as our combined income is only in the region of $1800 a month, and we have a lot of other expenses such as car payment, car insurance payment for 2 vehicles, student loan pay offs etc. Our combined outgoings were already around $600 a month, and with a mortgage it would be $1300 a month. This again doesnt include everything associated with the house...elec, gas, water, garbage..food, clothes and so forth. All in all it would have left $500 a month to cover all the rest.

So the auction begins, and the bidding is between her mother and another older man (buying for his son). It reaches 110, but my wife wants to keep going. So up we go to $113,000 and it gets to going twice before the other bidder make its 113 n a half. Should we have bid $114,000. Would the other bidder have gone higher?

This though has literally put a big cloud around our marriage. My wife is mad, and won't talk to me, won't even be around me. She slept on the sofa last night.

All im asking is if i was wrong, if we could have survived on the $500 left without missing payments.

Any advice?

Davie (male half of tendercat)

You made a plan and stuck to it. You were not wrong.

[Cristy 4]

No you were not wrong, you were right. To me it is like going out to gamble and saying I am only spending $100....then deciding to spend an extra $20 then an extra $20....if you say a price is your limit and stick to it that is very commendable.