Jump to content
TenderCat

Was I wrong?

 Share

32 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

I am sure once she has got over her disappointment she will see things in a clearer light....you didn't let anyone down IMO....

Good Luck :thumbs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 31
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

dave..i tink you did the right thing...always have a maxium bid level ..whether there or on ebay...they would have probably gone a step higer...

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Timeline

I think you were already cruising towards a foreclosure. If you were going to get approved for a mtg usually your debt to income ratio shouldn't be more than (I think) 50%. So 1300 going out....you should be bringing in at least 2600. So I don't think that's such a bad thing as far as not getting the house. Food, Leccy, gas, etc surely creeps up to 500 a mo? You'd essentially have nowt to live on. These guidelines are set by the banks for a reason...it's not just about circumventing the requirements by having someone else buy the house, it's about sound financial planning & having enough to live on.

My opinion is to pay off the cars asap providing you don't have a prepayment penalty. Get your debt as low as poss. Try to live on 500 a month and throw the rest into bills. See how it feels & ask your wife to envision living like that for X years.

As far as the other bidder...how would anyone but him know where he would have stopped? It could have gone well over 120. There's no guarantee that at 114k you would have even gotten it anyways. Don't look at it tho as a 'cloud over your marriage'....it was a disagreement, plain and simple. Your marriage will recover :) I think your wife is just v disappointed, but imo she's being unfair to you with the emotional blackmail stuff.

Oh, ps and by the way...if your MIL lives within a certain radius of the second home, she will prolly have been given 'investor rates' because the house is too close to her primary house to be a secondary house, therefore the house is deemed income property. Not saying this is the case in your scenario, but it's possible that may be the reason.

For instance, I had a customer who was in a similar situation. Rates were at 6 and something, and when his family member got involved, the best they could do was 10 because he lived too close to the house. Again, this is my personal experience only, but it may behoove you to shop around when you are ready to buy.

Edited by LisaD
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
Timeline
There's no reason for your wife to have gotten angry and/or slept on the sofa.

Is this how she will react every time things don't go her way in your marriage?

given that, i'd suggest his first investment be a very comfortable sofa. :whistle:

* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: England
Timeline

FWIW, I don't believe that you let anybody down. It's far better to know what your limits are and be strong about them than to find yourself in a property you can't afford. Not being able to pay the rent on time sucks, but not being able to pay the mortgage can screw your life up forever.

Just to give you an indication, what I earn covers our fixed outgoings (most months). It does not cover food or gas. But the bank was still willing to give us a mortgage for over $200K. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean that it's wise to do so.

Your wife will come round - I sulk every time my husband tells me that I can't change my 16 year-old car, but I know in my heart that we simply can't afford to.

;)

Make sure you're wearing clean knickers. You never know when you'll be run over by a bus.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Thailand
Timeline

Given all the helpful replies, I would say you have a referendum here! It doesn't look like anyone feels you did something wrong, and I too agree. Sorry to hear about your living and financial situation though. Hope things get better for you and your wife soon.

Good luck.

K-1 Timeline

11-29-05: Mailed I-129F Petition to CSC

12-06-05: NOA1

03-02-06: NOA2

03-23-06: Interview Date May 16

05-17-06: K-1 Visa Issued

05-20-06: Arrived at POE, Honolulu

07-17-06: Married

AOS Timeline

08-14-06: Mailed I-485 to Chicago

08-24-06: NOA for I-485

09-08-06: Biometrics Appointment

09-25-06: I-485 transferred to CSC

09-28-06: I-485 received at CSC

10-18-06: AOS Approved

10-21-06: Approval notice mailed

10-23-06: Received "Welcome Letter"

10-27-06: Received 2 yr Green Card

I-751 Timeline

07-21-08: Mailed I-751 to VSC

07-25-08: NOA for I-751

08-27-08: Biometrics Appointment

02-25-09: I-751 transferred to CSC

04-17-09: I-751 Approved

06-22-09: Received 10 yr Green Card

N-400 Timeline

07-20-09: Mailed N-400 to Lewisville, TX

07-23-09: NOA for N-400

08-14-09: Biometrics Appointment

09-08-09: Interview Date Oct 07

10-30-09: Oath Ceremony

11-20-09: Received Passport!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

I think you made the right decision. Sort of seemed like an impuse buy!! Ok to do an impulse buy on a case of beer, but on a house!! I dont think so!! Its the biggest purchase couples normally make, so it takes a lot of discussion. Were in the process now of buying in the DC area so I know how one spouse wants 1 thing and the other wants something else, lol. so far so good for us. Best of luck!

Canadians Visiting the USA while undergoing the visa process, my free advice:

1) Always tell the TRUTH. never lie to the POE officer

2) Be confident in ur replies

3) keep ur response short and to the point, don't tell ur life story!!

4) look the POE officer in the eye when speaking to them. They are looking for people lieing and have been trained to find them!

5) Pack light! No job resumes with you

6) Bring ties to Canada (letter from employer when ur expected back at work, lease, etc etc)

7) Always be polite, being rude isn't going to get ya anywhere, and could make things worse!!

8) Have a plan in case u do get denied (be polite) It wont harm ur visa application if ur denied,that is if ur polite and didn't lie! Refer to #1

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Australia
Timeline

That's the problem with auctions for big-ticket items... it's so easy to get in over your head because you think 'just a little higher and we'll have it'. Before you know it you're committed to something you can't possibly afford to pay off, and then where would you be? You definitely did the right thing and your wife needs to wake up and smell the roses! It's a little hard to take a house back to the store when you realise that you can't possibly keep the payments up without bankrupting yourself.

Edited by Kajikit

Karen - Melbourne, Australia/John - Florida, USA

- Proposal (20 August 2000) to marriage (19 December 2004) - 4 years, 3 months, 25 days (1,578 days)

STAGE 1 - Applying for K1 (15 September 2003) to K1 Approval (13 July 2004) - 9 months, 29 days (303 days)

STAGE 2A - Arriving in US (4 Nov 2004) to AOS Application (16 April 2005) - 5 months, 13 days (164 days)

STAGE 2B - Applying for AOS to GC Approval - 9 months, 4 days (279 days)

STAGE 3 - Lifting Conditions. Filing (19 Dec 2007) to Approval (December 11 2008)

STAGE 4 - CITIZENSHIP (filing under 5-year rule - residency start date on green card Jan 11th, 2006)

*N400 filed December 15, 2011

*Interview March 12, 2012

*Oath Ceremony March 23, 2012.

ALL DONE!!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Scotland
Timeline
Oh, ps and by the way...if your MIL lives within a certain radius of the second home, she will prolly have been given 'investor rates' because the house is too close to her primary house to be a secondary house, therefore the house is deemed income property. Not saying this is the case in your scenario, but it's possible that may be the reason.

The home in question is around 200 yards from where we currentlty live, so maybe thats the reasoning behind it.

Thnx 4 the info on that one

09/04/2004 - I-129F Filed

18th March 2005 INTERVIEW DATE!!! APPROVED!!!!!

4th May 2005 - MARRIED - Two Hearts become One

19/08/2005 - Biometircs appt in Cleveland - 12pm

12/12/2005 - Received AOS Interview Date

23/01/2006 - AOS Interview in Cleveland at 9.30am

Feb 2006 - Got Green Card. Now a perm resident

April 2006 - Found employment with K-mart...better than being jobless

I will Love You Forever,

I love you so deeply,

I love you so much,

I love the sound of your voice

And the way that we touch.

I love your warm smile

And your kind, thoughtful way,

The joy that you bring

To my life every day.

I love you today

As I have from the start,

And I'll love you forever

With all of my heart

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline
It almost sounds as if your wife was turning this into something where you weren't letting the family down.... you were disrespecting the mother-in-law. Why exactly was your MIL bidding on something like this for you instead of your wife or yourself doing it? That's a pretty major thing. If your MIL is "helping" you guys spend over $100,000, just think how much "help" she's going to be in deciding what's right and wrong for your children.

And your wife sleeping on the sofa.... that's just juvenile. She needs to check her mother-daughter issues at YOUR door, and especially at your bedroom door.

When people go to auctions (which I love going to too!) they get caught up in "winning" the item they're bidding on, regardless of cost. You were 100% correct to stop the bidding. You would've been in over your head, and talk about having the wife sleep on the sofa.... wait till you had trouble making the mortgage payment and the "well this never would've happened if YOUR MOTHER would've kept her nose out of it" started flying around. That empty spot on the bed beside you would've started to get pretty cold.

Try to convince her that you guys will get a nice house and there are plenty out there, you've just got to be patient and find one that's going to be good for you guys and something that you can really afford. (And save the "NOT ONE THAT YOUR MOTHER PICKS OUT FOR US" comments for when you're out with your mates.)

ditto! :yes:

(CHECK MY PROFILE INFORMATION FOR COMPLETE SIGNATURE)

August 19, 2006 VISA ON HAND!!!

September 5, 2006- POE @ SFO

September 8, 2006- Applied for SSN

SSN arrived more than a month after.. GRRR!!

November 8, 2006- MARRIED @ San Francisco City Hall

November 21, 2006- Received official marriage certificate

Dec. 19, 2006- sent out AOS

Jan. 3, 2007- Cashed cheques for AOS and EAD

March 15, 2007- AOS interview; APPROVED!!

March 23, 2007- Welcome letter/notice received from mail

March 27, 2007- GREENCARD

Sept 5, 2007 - my first anniversary in the U.S

Jan 30, 2009 - Mailed I-751 removal of conditional residence status

Feb 2, 2009 - Package mailed 10:22 AM at Laguna Niguel, CA (CSC)

Feb 5, 2009 - Check cashed

Feb 26, 2009 Biometrics

The Newlyweds: DJ and PRINCESS

watch clearer version[/color]

mylove.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Timeline
All im asking is if i was wrong, if we could have survived on the $500 left without missing payments.

I haven't read this whole thread, so forgive me if this has already been said.

When it comes to money, red lines must be drawn and they must never be crossed. Period. One spouse may have a problem with that, but you can't allow emotions to get you into a real and tangible financial commitment that is above and beyond what was decided as the budget. I have been through similar issues with my wife (with respect to much smaller purchases) and do not regret it. Someone has to draw the line in the sand and fact is, wherever you draw it, it will be somewhat arbitrary in the sense that you can afford 1 cent more so where is the line really? The line is the line and you stick to it. You did good. JMHO.

Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Other Country: England
Timeline

Smart decision on your part. I can't IMAGINE trying to live on 500/month for electricity, gas, groceries, household expenses, phone, cable..etc...I don't see how 500/month can even pay THOSE bills let alone be able to have any entertainment even ocassionally..be it a movie, dinner out,etc. I know in THIS house 500/month doesn't begin to cover it...our utilities ALONE in the winter...astronomical..and we keep the heat about 65 then..70 max if we get REALLY cold!!! Good choice. Hope your wife sees your logic soon. M. (F)

ManU2.jpg

10 year green card received

mid March, 2008. Done 'til Naturalization! WOOT! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yesterday at 4pm, my wife received a call from her mother. She told her that she was at a house auction, and was going to bid on it, so we could have our own home (we would though need to pay the mortgage). The house was nice, in a good area, in a good school district.

So we went to the auction immediately, and spoke to a mortgage consultant. We had agreed our top bid would be $110,000 and with $25,000 down, it would work out at $700 approx a month. I felt this was pushing it to the maximum, as our combined income is only in the region of $1800 a month, and we have a lot of other expenses such as car payment, car insurance payment for 2 vehicles, student loan pay offs etc. Our combined outgoings were already around $600 a month, and with a mortgage it would be $1300 a month. This again doesnt include everything associated with the house...elec, gas, water, garbage..food, clothes and so forth. All in all it would have left $500 a month to cover all the rest.

So the auction begins, and the bidding is between her mother and another older man (buying for his son). It reaches 110, but my wife wants to keep going. So up we go to $113,000 and it gets to going twice before the other bidder make its 113 n a half. Should we have bid $114,000. Would the other bidder have gone higher?

This though has literally put a big cloud around our marriage. My wife is mad, and won't talk to me, won't even be around me. She slept on the sofa last night.

All im asking is if i was wrong, if we could have survived on the $500 left without missing payments.

Any advice?

Davie (male half of tendercat)

You made a plan and stuck to it. You were not wrong.

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the U.S. Government can’t pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies."

Senator Barack Obama
Senate Floor Speech on Public Debt
March 16, 2006



barack-cowboy-hat.jpg
90f.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

No you were not wrong, you were right. To me it is like going out to gamble and saying I am only spending $100....then deciding to spend an extra $20 then an extra $20....if you say a price is your limit and stick to it that is very commendable.

*January 24 2006 - mailed in I129-F petition

*January 25 2006 - I129-F received at CSC

*January 30 2006 - packet returned.....arggggggggg we forgot one signature!!

*January 31 2006 - sent I129-F back to the CSC, hope we did not forget anything else

*February 1 2006 - I129-F received at CSC again

*February 3 2006 - NOA1

*April 20 2006 - NOA2!!!!!

*April 24 2006 - Touched!

*May 15 2006 - NVC received petition today!

*May 17 2006 - Case left NVC today!!

*May 30 2006 - Received Packet 3 from Vancouver!

*May 30 2006 - Faxed back Packet 3!!

*June 6 2006 - Received packet 4!

*June 20 2006 - Medical in Saskatoon

*June 28 2006 - Interview in Vancouver!!

*June 28 2006 - GOT THE VISA!!!*June 30 2006 - Moving day!

*July 3 2006 - Home at last!!

*July 28 2006 - married!

*September 13 2006 - Mailed AOS/EAD package

*September 25 2006 - Received NOA for AOS/EAD

*October 6 2006 - Biometrics appointments

*October 10 2006 - Touched!

*October 19 2006 - Transferred to CSC!

*October 26 2006 - Received by CSC

*October 27 2006 - Touched

*October 28 2006 - Touched again

*October 31 2006 - Touched again

*November 2 2006 - Touched again

*November 3 2006- and another touch

*November 7 2006- touched

*November 7 2006 - My case approved, still waiting for kids!

*November 8 2006 - Touched my case again

*November 13 2006 - Greencard arrived...yeah I can work!

*November 14 2006 - Touched my case again

*January 2007 - RFE for kids Greencard.

*February 2007 - kids medical and sent in RFE

*February 2007 - Received kids greencards

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -

Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...