My husband has been having 2 online affairs -

[Old Dominion 26]

He doesn't "do" counselling. Remember - to seek help you have to admit you have a problem and he doesn't think he has any problems - the problems are all mine!!

His boundaries are very skewed. He thinks he should be able to say or do anything as long as he doesn't actually have sex, which in my book is NOT ok.

he has voiced that in his mind we have not been having any kind of serious problems in our marriage - it's all in my perception of events which he says I took completely out of context.... I believe from my research that he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder - he fits every single criteria...

I take it you don't "do" counseling on your own? That would be a good start for you, in my humble opinion. Perhaps he has an exaggerated need for approval from women, or he is terribly narcissistic. No amount of counseling will change that. Maybe that's how he grew up. When he does become sexually involved (it will happen, believe me) he will rationalize it as meeting the needs of the woman, or something on that order. Perhaps during his lunch hour?

[perfect 39]

I have found a very good counsellor who specializes in NPD so understands what I'm dealing with! It's enlightening but scary because I know he will never change as he will never accept responsibility for anything he does wrong.

He will rationalize it as I made him feel suffocated and pushed him to it - he has already made that statement!

Time will tell exactly how this plays out but I wanted the OP to know that I understand and trust cannot just be made to happe. it will take time and he should be willing to jump through hoops to make it happen.

[Old Dominion 26]

I have found a very good counsellor who specializes in NPD so understands what I'm dealing with! It's enlightening but scary because I know he will never change as he will never accept responsibility for anything he does wrong.

He will rationalize it as I made him feel suffocated and pushed him to it - he has already made that statement!

Time will tell exactly how this plays out but I wanted the OP to know that I understand and trust cannot just be made to happe. it will take time and he should be willing to jump through hoops to make it happen.

Your counselor is right. Good luck to you, Ms. Perfect!

[Ban Hammer 12,866]

Dear God,

Please let this thread die.

kthxbai.

[bhajishah 4]

Who dissing the morroccon sister. You ahe to eqarn the right on her permission to chide her!!! Ill bonk yah

Yeah turn the other cheek thing its a christian ideal. often gets them slapped on the other side of face and no one learns anything, I think it might get them to heaven or something.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

He doesn't "do" counselling. Remember - to seek help you have to admit you have a problem and he doesn't think he has any problems - the problems are all mine!!

His boundaries are very skewed. He thinks he should be able to say or do anything as long as he doesn't actually have sex, which in my book is NOT ok.

he has voiced that in his mind we have not been having any kind of serious problems in our marriage - it's all in my perception of events which he says I took completely out of context.... I believe from my research that he suffers from narcissistic personality disorder - he fits every single criteria...

He had emotional affairs, if not more. You are wayyyyy tooo good for that jerk. Kick his a$$ to the street cuz he is laying the guilt trip on you. Just keep telling yourself, nobody else is gonna put up with his ####### once they have been with him for a short time, so he's gonna have a hard time finding a good woman again. AND if he finds somebody that will stay with him for any amount of time, pity her cuz her problems are just starting. Short and sweet advice......good luck, kiddo!!!

[bhajishah 4]

What , He doesnt see the corruptness and error of his ways?? Not to mention that it UPSETS his number one (after momma). He is Narcissistic im sure. doesnt care what you , others or ALLAH thinks about his actions and hurting others.. SHame on him. He deserve to be alone with his computer and his wankers.

[TracyLuis 0]

0nly you can decide what is acceptable . Can you forgive him? Do you want the relationship to continue? He has betrayed you and your trust. Can you ever trust him again? 0nly you know the answers to these questions.

The stupid part of this for me is that I do love him soo much... I currently want the relationship to continue, but I need to know that it's real, and I don't know how I can be sure of that ever again. I'm starting to wonder if we're going to need counseling in order to make this work for me.

I don't know that I can get past it on my own. I've barely been able to eat, I look at him and all I see is a man who has been telling me lies for MONTHS... and god truly knows for real how long...

I would strongly recommend counseling. I went through something very similar in my first marriage. I can relate very closely to what you're experiencing. Counseling may or may not save your marriage, but it's definitely worth a try.

[burningcandle 0]

I am going thru the exact same thing u are. Always remember, once they lie to you, it will NOT stop. I found that out too.

My husband lied to me when I was there in Nigeria and I found out the truth (when I was there), then I found out he was on 3 dating websites 3 months after our marriage (he was still in Naija), but I forgave him.

When he got here, the lies continued. Now that he is so close to his 2nd interview, things really hit the fan. However, he has A&B charges against him, neglect towards my kids, he's off my lease, he cheated on me (I followed him to the bitches house), etc.

Well I have all my docs, and WHAM, USCIS said he is a fraud, they gave me the immigration and custom numbers to call and he will be deported.

One someone lies, cheats, steals, etc... that perosn doesn't change unless they are in therapy.

I wish you so much luck!

[betrayed 0]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the posts... Perfect, best of luck to you... I hope that you figure out what you want to do.

To all the others that have sent me messages and all, thank you as well.

Things are ok right now and my husband so far seems to be fulfilling all of his promises. We shall see, no?

Abrazos to all! For all you other women/men who are going through the same experience, my heart goes out to you.

I will open a new thread with updates later on... I'm ready to tuck this away for a while.

[William33 110]

Closed at the request of the OP.