Dear Red States:

[PlatyPius 5]

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States

with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii,

Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the

Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and

especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We

get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty.

You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get

Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay

their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian

Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single

moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and

we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need

people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently

willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you

don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you

success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to

spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the

country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of

the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all

cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks

Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech,

UCLA, Berkeley and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of

all obese Americans (and their projectedhealth care costs), 92% of all U.S.

mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all

Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob

Jones University, Clemson and theUniversity of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually

swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing

the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a

theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards

believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they

grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

--Blue States

[mud 0]

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election, too, we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States

with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii,

Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the

Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and

especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We

get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty.

You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get

Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay

their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian

Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single

moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and

we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need

people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently

willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you

don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you

success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to

spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the

country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of

the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all

cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks

Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech,

UCLA, Berkeley and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of

all obese Americans (and their projectedhealth care costs), 92% of all U.S.

mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all

Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob

Jones University, Clemson and theUniversity of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually

swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing

the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a

theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards

believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they

grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

--Blue States

ahhahahaha

[AlHayatZween 2]

well... since we're divvying up,

Can we have also have universal healthcare coverage that is not free,

but affordable?

[mox 298]

Wait until Obama is sworn in please. Otherwise the red-staters get all the tanks and missiles and stuff.

And I know the OP was in jest, but I can't think of a worse nightmare than living in a country where everyone shares the same political beliefs. *shiver*

[one...two...tree 2,762]

In fairness, there are a lot of 'red' voters in California....but the 'blue' voters outnumber them. It was California who brought this country Reagan, Nixon, and the loose cannon, 'B-1' Bob Dornan on the right. Based on the polls I've seen leading up to this election, it looks even among the most red states, they aren't really solid red. And even among the bible thumping evangelicals, not all of them are dye-in-the-wool 'red.'

If anything, this election will demonstrate that less Americans are ideologues and most just want this country to move forward; they're open to trying different ideas.

Edited November 3, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[Ban Hammer 14,291]

[mox 298]

In fairness, there are a lot of 'red' voters in California....but the 'blue' voters outnumber them. It was California who brought this country Reagan, Nixon, and the loose cannon, 'B-1' Bob Dornan on the right. Based on the polls I've seen leading up to this election, it looks even among the most red states, they aren't really solid red. And even among the bible thumping evangelicals, not all of them are dye-in-the-wool 'red.'

If anything, this election will demonstrate that less Americans are ideologues and most just want this country to move forward; they're open to trying different ideas.

Well put!

[Mags 112]

As long as the Blue States get the good cheese I don't mind!

[SpiritAlight 1]

Add: 60% of USians believe in Noah's Arc....that a man lived to 900 years old, and got two of every species including trillions of bugs on a boat and had them all reproduce. And what with no woman, how did we get here?

Bahaha!

And if there were two human beings that produced all of us, then we are all truly connected and brothers and sisters.

Take that you racist and homophobic bunch!

Troublesome, yes.

I love that letter Platypius!

Funny, too.

[EstebanTrabajos 7]

As long as we keep the good CA wine, let's get togetha'

[*Robert* 2]

In fairness, there are a lot of 'red' voters in California....but the 'blue' voters outnumber them. It was California who brought this country Reagan, Nixon, and the loose cannon, 'B-1' Bob Dornan on the right. Based on the polls I've seen leading up to this election, it looks even among the most red states, they aren't really solid red. And even among the bible thumping evangelicals, not all of them are dye-in-the-wool 'red.'

If anything, this election will demonstrate that less Americans are ideologues and most just want this country to move forward; they're open to trying different ideas.

I have to agree with you on this Steven. I have been a registered Republican for 30 years, and have always voted for the Republican candidate in every Presidential Election… until now.

It’s time to stop all the petty bickering, mud slinging, and partisan politics, if we are going to fix this country. I am ashamed of the Bush administration, and feel John McCain would do nothing more then continue along the same wrong path. His campaign was pathetic and his judgment truly questionable. If the best he can do his only criticize his opponent rather then present his plans and way ahead, then it is a true sign of a desperate campaign. This election will be a true mandate… but only against John McCain.

The ultra-conservative right wingers have definitely been a deciding factor in driving me to the moderate side, and make me dislike the Republican Party even more. VJ is a perfect example of all the extremist views, which scares me. Extremism is bad, no matter which side it’s on, but I see the right wingers being nastier than the left wing.

[rocks 494]

Extremism is bad, no matter which side it’s on, but I see the right wingers being nastier than the left wing.

i totally agree, it's so tiresome. i can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

[anya-D 8]

Ohh Noss!! our state is Red

But our city is BLUE (including Duke University ) can we join?

[HAL 9000 96]

In fairness, there are a lot of 'red' voters in California....but the 'blue' voters outnumber them. It was California who brought this country Reagan, Nixon, and the loose cannon, 'B-1' Bob Dornan on the right. Based on the polls I've seen leading up to this election, it looks even among the most red states, they aren't really solid red. And even among the bible thumping evangelicals, not all of them are dye-in-the-wool 'red.'

If anything, this election will demonstrate that less Americans are ideologues and most just want this country to move forward; they're open to trying different ideas.

I have to agree with you on this Steven. I have been a registered Republican for 30 years, and have always voted for the Republican candidate in every Presidential Election… until now.

It's time to stop all the petty bickering, mud slinging, and partisan politics, if we are going to fix this country. I am ashamed of the Bush administration, and feel John McCain would do nothing more then continue along the same wrong path. His campaign was pathetic and his judgment truly questionable. If the best he can do his only criticize his opponent rather then present his plans and way ahead, then it is a true sign of a desperate campaign. This election will be a true mandate… but only against John McCain.

The ultra-conservative right wingers have definitely been a deciding factor in driving me to the moderate side, and make me dislike the Republican Party even more. VJ is a perfect example of all the extremist views, which scares me. Extremism is bad, no matter which side it's on, but I see the right wingers being nastier than the left wing.

I don't think its a vote against McCain more so than a vote against the political pandering, political sleaziness, and poiltical status-quo that he represents. Its one thing many die-hard McCain supporters are not willing to realize fuels some of Obama's support structure.

[dalegg 143]

In fairness, there are a lot of 'red' voters in California....but the 'blue' voters outnumber them. It was California who brought this country Reagan, Nixon, and the loose cannon, 'B-1' Bob Dornan on the right. Based on the polls I've seen leading up to this election, it looks even among the most red states, they aren't really solid red. And even among the bible thumping evangelicals, not all of them are dye-in-the-wool 'red.'

If anything, this election will demonstrate that less Americans are ideologues and most just want this country to move forward; they're open to trying different ideas.

yeah, I was going to say. We'll give you Northern California, but you have to give us Southern California. Steven can just move up a couple hundred miles.