I might have to give up hope :(

[sara..... 371]

I have said this before to others and i hope u dont take this the wrong way......ur 13 year old is to young to decide YOUR future.......when ur old who is the one that will be giving u comfort? your child or will ur child have moved on to her own life? im not saying this in a hard way.......trust me i been there not as the parent but when i was 14 came home from school saw our bags packed and off to Pakistan we went that night...... i was not asked if i wanted to go.......i thru a fit all it got me was when ur old enough to get a job and take care of urself then ur opinion counts until then we do as i see is best for us........was the best experience of my life at the time i thought my mom was awful in the beginning and thought she didnt love me at all but u know it all passes........friends come and go but moms are forever

sara

[Krikit 1,163]

I agree with Krikit.. this is a bump and no reason to give up on your relationship if you truly know this is what you want in your heart.

I know it's discouraging but if this is something you really want it's time to pull up your boot straps and find a way to get it!! Perhaps your ex took a bit more fight from you as well... don't let him do that... where there's a will...there is most certainly a way. Find it.

Well said Kim.

Yay team! Go Chelle!

[Chelle62 0]

I have said this before to others and i hope u dont take this the wrong way......ur 13 year old is to young to decide YOUR future.......when ur old who is the one that will be giving u comfort? your child or will ur child have moved on to her own life? im not saying this in a hard way.......trust me i been there not as the parent but when i was 14 came home from school saw our bags packed and off to Pakistan we went that night...... i was not asked if i wanted to go.......i thru a fit all it got me was when ur old enough to get a job and take care of urself then ur opinion counts until then we do as i see is best for us........was the best experience of my life at the time i thought my mom was awful in the beginning and thought she didnt love me at all but u know it all passes........friends come and go but moms are forever

sara

I do hear you and I do agree but the situation isnt all just her not wanting to come with me. My youngest has taurette syndrome and has had a rough time of it with making friends etc. The biggest problem is my exhusband who refuses to let her come here , She is over the age of 12 so has the right through the courts to say she wants to stay with him. He was very abusive to me for many years and to our middle daughter who is here with me in england now. My worry is that if I stay here and he turns on her then who will take care of her. I know some wont understand my feelings and that is ok. I have been told that I am a mom and that I chose to be one so my job is to give up my life until they are of age to take care of themselfs. She lives with her dad now and they do get on well because she is a hard worker like him and does not mouth off to him or be disrespectful but she is still just a little girl.

I dont want to give up hope , We have been through alot along our journey and we are determined to make it but we also need to face reality and without a cosponsor it isnt possible.

So unless someone steps up to help before the interview which yes is still aways down the road I will have to make some serious decisions. I dont want to lose him

[sara..... 371]

I have said this before to others and i hope u dont take this the wrong way......ur 13 year old is to young to decide YOUR future.......when ur old who is the one that will be giving u comfort? your child or will ur child have moved on to her own life? im not saying this in a hard way.......trust me i been there not as the parent but when i was 14 came home from school saw our bags packed and off to Pakistan we went that night...... i was not asked if i wanted to go.......i thru a fit all it got me was when ur old enough to get a job and take care of urself then ur opinion counts until then we do as i see is best for us........was the best experience of my life at the time i thought my mom was awful in the beginning and thought she didnt love me at all but u know it all passes........friends come and go but moms are forever

sara

I do hear you and I do agree but the situation isnt all just her not wanting to come with me. My youngest has taurette syndrome and has had a rough time of it with making friends etc. The biggest problem is my exhusband who refuses to let her come here , She is over the age of 12 so has the right through the courts to say she wants to stay with him. He was very abusive to me for many years and to our middle daughter who is here with me in england now. My worry is that if I stay here and he turns on her then who will take care of her. I know some wont understand my feelings and that is ok. I have been told that I am a mom and that I chose to be one so my job is to give up my life until they are of age to take care of themselfs. She lives with her dad now and they do get on well because she is a hard worker like him and does not mouth off to him or be disrespectful but she is still just a little girl.

I dont want to give up hope , We have been through alot along our journey and we are determined to make it but we also need to face reality and without a cosponsor it isnt possible.

So unless someone steps up to help before the interview which yes is still aways down the road I will have to make some serious decisions. I dont want to lose him

hmmm to bad x husbands have to always control everything even after the divorce if they are the ones at fault......its too bad he does not want a better life for his children........ur in my prayers and dont give up hope it takes a while to get the k1 visa and u never know what God has in store for u..........

[msu17 0]

I agree, just a speed bump. If I were in this super-sucky situation, I think I would either a) move to the UK (though I'm saying this without having any kids) OR get home and start earning some more $$ to build up for sponsorship. How much is the earning potential for your current job? Can you make enough to sponsor this coming year? If not, start applying for either another PT job or look for every full time job available. Yes, probably you're might have to be apart for another year, but you CAN do this! What is his field in the UK? Will he be able to find a similar job here? Keep in mind if your earning potential is low, he can't work for a while when he first gets here, so its another mouth to feed without any added income. Other UKers may disagree, but from what I've observed of my husbands friends and family, its easier to get less skilled jobs over there than here. It might be easier to build a life for your new family over there right now. You can always move back here if your daughter hates it over there. Regardless of what happens, dont give up, its just another challenge to overcome and you can definitely do it! Good luck!

[reeses16 8]

Don't give up. Take a few days and think creatively. Couldn't you make up the difference with assets (3 times the amount you lack to meet the poverty guidelines)? Your fiance could give you money to deposit to your account to count as assets. Your family may not be willing to co-sponsor, but will they loan you money for you to show assets? They would have no legal responsibility for him.

Also, I know you planned the K1 route, but consider reading up on the on the spousal visas. If I remember correctly you can count a spouses income on the I864 (but not the I134). I'm not sure which form they use for spousal visas in England. Its worth looking into a bit more.

Consider using a temp agency. They will take the work out of looking for employment and the pay is reasonable in this economy and super flexible.

[KimandRuss 0]

The guidelines for the I134 are not the same as the I864. Most Consulates just follow the requirements for the I864 because they know you'll be going through it at adjustment in the States. But every Consulate is not created equally...

The NZ Consulate is a good example, they care little about a co-sponsor or even the I134 for that matter. They care a lot about what the NZ citizen brings to table and how they plan on supporting themselves. They ask for a CV/Resume at the interview.

London isn't as strict as say, PI, and others where you can't even use a co-sponsor and must meet the requirements on your own. What I'm trying to say is that you need to do your homework, find out exactly what is required of you ...just the facts.

If you see a life and a future with this man. If he makes everything else ok for you...then do what you need to do to make it happen. This is really the time to be a great example for your kids as well, to teach that some things in this life are worth that extra fight.

Take some time to read this thread, then contact the Consulate ...then make a plan.

As far as the kids. Well..i'm self-employed and could easily work from New Zealand. I did just that for some time in 2006...my kids (16 & 13 now) and I moved to Australia (where he was working) to stay with Russell for a while. He left his job, we then all went over and stayed with his family in New Zealand for some time and then all came 'home' to the States together. It was a wonderful experience for all of us. We saw things few people get to see and we made such wonderful memories together. It's a gift I could never buy them.

I was going through a divorce at the time and i'll just say that my ex really procrastinated in signing the papers. Anyway, we just wanted to be together and were ignorant to the laws at the time. He basically lived in the US (using the VWP) for the next 13 months. We came in and out of the Country many times over that period (yes we spent a fortune).... until last September, when our luck ran out and he had to return to NZ. Anyway, my divorce was finally over with in April of this year and I filed the moment I could get my hands on that decree. We have been apart now for a year with one three week visit in between. NZ is not the kind of place you can pop over to for a few days. I could surely see my kids and I living in New Zealand with Russell....at least while we wait out this long process. But, we have a life here. They have schools and friends... a father that they need who is here and we are surrounded by some of the very best people you could ever know. I understand why you wouldn't want to move. If it were just me, sure, i'd be with him there for now. But we make sacrafices for our children....I get that

So, this man with a masters degree has been out of his field for two years now. He's just simply waiting in limbo on the other side of the world... because he loves me that much. I have been living here taking care of my house and rental properties, raising my kids and working my @ss off all this time, fighting through it every moment it seems.... because I love him that much.

My point is, we know this is what we want for out lives. We've waited a long, long time to get it...and we've gone through he!! to get it. There was never any question that either of us wouldn't do whatever it would take.

So, this is what you want? You know it's worth it for not only you, but your children as well. You do what it takes. You don't give up. It shouldn't even be an option.

[Gemmie 142]

We were in a similar situation as my fiancee (USC) only made $11,000 even though he was working full-time. He just wasn't being paid enough and wasn't getting hours during the winter. Now he's left that job, he's only managed to find a part-time/freelance job that makes the same amount of money as even though he's being paid twice as much as before, it's just not enough hours. That means that there's just no way he can sponsor me to move there on a K1.

Fortunately for us, his mother is likely to agree to help as a co-sponsor as she knows what is required and hasn't outright refused yet. She makes enough money and knows that she won't be supporting me each month... my fiancee will manage to support me on his limited income (since he lives with his parents) until something comes along. In the meantime, he's applying to everything that he can and yesterday he went in person to a temp agency to speak with someone about signing up, rather than using countless online sources.

From what I understand, there's no way that your family will agree to co-sponsor, right? How about if you sat down and discussed it with them again and explained how happy he really makes you regardless of being non-American... make them understand that you're not asking them to feed him everyday... you just want the chance for a life together. If there is still absolutely no way they agree, I suggest looking for either more hours at your current job, or a full-time position elsewhere.

I know how difficult it is to get a job in the US right now, but I also sense that your confidence has been knocked by your ex-husband... tell yourself that you CAN get another job and start applying to as many places as you can, even signing up to temp agencies. And if all else fails, look into moving to the UK (which is much easier) with your children. I know it must be hard for them to start over but children are hardy and adaptable. You might be able to get them into a school with learning disabilities (your 13 year old) which would be much easier for making friends without judgement.

GOod luck!

[phil and nanz 0]

hello chelle, i'm sorry to hear that but please don't lose hope be strong, i'll keep you in my prayers! god bless you always.

nanz

[Hannah+Vito 0]

question, is there anyway that the ops' fiances assets (like house, savings ect) could be taken into concideration? do they concider those when neccersary? i thought i saw it mentioned on here before? not saying this is fact, I'm asking?

[KimandRuss 0]

Must be liquid asset... something that is cash or can be converted into cash easily.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

London certainly does allow self-sponsorship for the I-134, and certain VJ members have reported doing this successfully with quite low asset levels. English Muffin and Boiler spring to mind, and there have been others. The number is apparently a lot lower than you might think (although I don't know what the exact number is). If your fiance has some money in the bank, it may be worthwhile contacting the consulate about the possibility of self-sponsorship. You might also try posting in the UK forum about self-sponsorship to get further info.

[KimandRuss 0]

thank you elmcity, I thought as much. Hopefully you've given the OP more reason to fight.

[Sherri and Matt 1]

Chelle,

Your ex controlled your life for 16 years, don't let him control the rest of it, you took back your life and he has no power over you anymore. Don't let the fear he put in you, and the powelessness he made you feel affect your life anymore.

If Matt could not come here, I would go there. My 15 year old daughter hates the idea of moving and leaving her friends, so I understand that. I try to be very logical and I see 2 possible options for myself in that situation. 1. She would come with me to England whether she liked it or not, get over it, and have a wonderful life experience. And she would, get over it. 2. She stays here. Where she would most likely realize that dad is not so nice and it really sucks not having mom around to take care of her and listen to her and just plain be there for her. Then she would come to England, and have a wonderful life experience. The possiblilty is also there that she would be just fine here without me. Either way me NOT being with Matt is NOT an option and not something I will even consider for a moment.

My ex is a tool too, and it breaks my heart everytime my daughters come to a new level realization of how horrible he is, but I can do nothing to change that, only he can change that. One potential problem for you is that he refuse to allow you to take her, I don't know what your custody agreement is. In mine, I have physical custody but I can't move my kids out of the state without his permission. That could be a big issue.

Keep working on the co-sponsor thing. A lot people here say just ask your family, but those are the people that have supportive, loving families and some people just don't have that. It's too bad they can't see how much better off you are with someone that respects you and treats you and your children as you should be treated.

Hang in there, I am always here to listen.

[brown_eyes 0]

Your story breaks my heart... but it seems like there are many members here that have some great ideas for your situation. Definitely do not give up hope!