COPING UP WITH SPOUSAL DIFFERENCES?

[almaty 19]

so true, sister gwen

[*JG* 2]

He likes to sleep a lot. I'm more restless. We set up my scrapbooking desk in the bedroom so I could get some work done while he rests and still be in the same room.

I don't cook as well as him so he's the cook in our family. I do the dishes after.

I work 2 jobs. He gets 2 days off a week. So, he keeps the house, kids, and dog more then me.

I like the house tidy. He's a bit of a slob. After a few days of leaving his clothes & shoes laying around, I open his closet, chuck everything in, and close the door.

He's calm. I tend to get over emotional. I may fuss and yell. He'll usually tell me to come back when I've calmed.

[Mags 112]

DEAR EVERYONE,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHARE HOW DO YOU DEAL/ADJUST WITH ONE'S DIFFERENCES???

THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....

Chocolate syrup, handcuffs, and jumper cables.

mags, we don't need to know where platy hooks up the jumper cables

Not to me, I can tell ya!

[Ban Hammer 12,857]

DEAR EVERYONE,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHARE HOW DO YOU DEAL/ADJUST WITH ONE'S DIFFERENCES???

THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....

Chocolate syrup, handcuffs, and jumper cables.

mags, we don't need to know where platy hooks up the jumper cables

Not to me, I can tell ya!

that would mean............zomg!

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing yours.. Hmmm, i think u've misinterpreted what i've written... my husband and me gets along well,although we have many differences but we live with it and talk abt it in a "kiddie way" like i've said. i dont know how to rephrase it.. when i said about what food he likes or what food i like, doesn't mean anything abt that just saying abt differences that we have and find it so funny but its true for us...maybe it sounds like a critique the way i wrote but its only saying what some of those many differences that we 've, as part of the cultures (of course) ,but we are dealing with it just like a "kiddie".. again i dont know how to re-phrase it..

and abt the shower stuff, (i never nor my husband think if the "water bill", goodness!!! how come u thought of that?, hmmmm....

And well yeah, its normal to shower at least 2 times a day with the country i've grown up with typical weather.. i didnt say those stuff to criticize my husband.. dont take my word literally...i love my husband so much and we just find it funny how our culture/customs differs with each other...

again, i didnt say things like this to criticize, (if it sounded i was) im just telling only differences that my husband and me has...

i hope i've cleared this...

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Depends on the 'difference.'

She likes pork, but you only eat chicken? She thinks flirting and kissing other men is normal and you get angry when other guys look at her funny? You feel women should cook and clean, but she earns more money than you and expects you to stay in the kitchen? She likes rooms painted green with orange trim, but beige is all you can stand? She thinks you should wash bath towels after every use, but you like to wait at least a week? She believes in saving money for a down payment on a house, but you like new cars every 2 years?

In my own case I am still trying to warn my fiancee about possible differences and seeing how she lives and thinks as well as giving her a big heads up on how different it is over here.

While I try to keep things light and funny and make her laugh I do get serious and bring up all sorts of heavier topics and ask her to look into different areas of her life in preparation.

I expect to handle minor differences by having us both give our views and either accept one view as 'right,' or doing a give and take.

I hope all major differences I've uncovered already or will uncover before we are married.

I agree. Thanks for asking for more specifics Jaseball. Some things I say..." is this the hill I want to die on?"

I don't know that any of us can uncover all before we marry. There are so many little bitty habits we both have that we aren't going to resolve until we live with each other day in and day out for quite some time. Talking about them is great! Compromising is the key though.

My husband and I are a little older, maybe more set in our ways...maybe just having lived on our own for a long time. My husband was a bachelor until we married. He wasn't used to sharing nor compromising! I had two children...I think you get used to compromising when you have kids.

We do laugh at many things, we talk about them as well. There are differences, but we've managed so well with compromising. Surprisingly, there were few differences. Understanding the others point of view was essential. Some things I did, or he did, the other person had no idea where that came from! When we talked about it, and understood it a little better, we could easily see how it came about. At that point, we compromised. Either one person did things differently, or we agreed to differ! There was nothing major, so I'm not complaining at all.

Shape of my Heart...sit down, don't insult, don't ask him, or hopefully let him tell you you must change. Talk about your differences, and see the other's point of view. If you like pork, and he doesn't find out if he maybe likes it, but not every night. Could you make pork one night, and cook him a hamburger? I'm sure he's not saying you can't have pork. And if he is, hmmmm, I'd worry about that. If he likes potatoes and you like rice....can you compromise? Can you have rice one night, potatoes another, pasta another? I don't know what you mean by talking to "girls" that are not his friend and this is not normal? You'd need to explain that one more. But maybe it's not normal where your from, but it is where he is from? You won't know if you don't talk about it. If your husband says he loves you with or without makeup, how lovely! I'm sure you do want to look presentable and attractive to your husband. What he's saying is that whether you wear makeup or not, he loves the way you look anyway. Don't see everything as a critique! Two showers a day? This might be more about the water bill. Wow, it must be high. Unless you're doing some real physical labour and sweat profusely, no one needs two showers a day.

Anyway, again, I want to say, that you need to talk to each other about these little things. And in a way that is not pouty, or demeaning to either of you. You or he might have done things differently when you were on your own, but things have changed! These are normal things that happen when two people start to live together. Whether it be roommates, siblings or married partners!

Grow with this, learn new things, this is how marriages work...compromise with love and dignity.

Hi, don't take my word literally though...

Thanks for sharing yours.. Hmmm, i think u've misinterpreted what i've written... my husband and me gets along well,although we have many differences but we live with it and talk abt it in a "kiddie way" like i've said. i dont know how to rephrase it.. when i said about what food he likes or what food i like, doesn't mean anything abt that just saying abt differences that we have and find it so funny but its true for us...maybe it sounds like a critique the way i wrote but its only saying what some of those many differences that we 've, as part of the cultures (of course) ,but we are dealing with it just like a "kiddie".. again i dont know how to re-phrase it..

and abt the shower stuff, (i never nor my husband think if the "water bill", goodness!!! how come u thought of that?, hmmmm....

And well yeah, its normal to shower at least 2 times a day with the country i've grown up with typical weather.. i didnt say those stuff to criticize my husband.. dont take my word literally...i love my husband so much and we just find it funny how our culture/customs differs with each other...

again, i didnt say things like this to criticize, (if it sounded i was) im just telling only differences that my husband and me has...

i hope i've cleared this...

[Sinergy 3]

DEAR EVERYONE,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHARE HOW DO YOU DEAL/ADJUST WITH ONE'S DIFFERENCES???

THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....

Chocolate syrup, handcuffs, and jumper cables.

mags, we don't need to know where platy hooks up the jumper cables

Not to me, I can tell ya!

that would mean............zomg!

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

The fine art of listening! Is the key.

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

DEAR EVERYONE,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHARE HOW DO YOU DEAL/ADJUST WITH ONE'S DIFFERENCES???

THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....

Chocolate syrup, handcuffs, and jumper cables.

mags, we don't need to know where platy hooks up the jumper cables

Not to me, I can tell ya!

that would mean............zomg!

woooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh B)

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

The fine art of listening! Is the key.

I believe with that too..

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

The fine art of listening! Is the key.

I believe with that too..

Its way to easy to be thinking of what your gonna say next rather than listen to the other side of the matter.

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

He likes to sleep a lot. I'm more restless. We set up my scrapbooking desk in the bedroom so I could get some work done while he rests and still be in the same room.

I don't cook as well as him so he's the cook in our family. I do the dishes after.

I work 2 jobs. He gets 2 days off a week. So, he keeps the house, kids, and dog more then me.

I like the house tidy. He's a bit of a slob. After a few days of leaving his clothes & shoes laying around, I open his closet, chuck everything in, and close the door.

He's calm. I tend to get over emotional. I may fuss and yell. He'll usually tell me to come back when I've calmed.

thats so sweet to both of u...

[jom 4]

Filipinas are known to suppress their feelings and just keep quiet so encourage her to talk about her feelings. Im just thankful that I married one who always tell me how she feels so I dont end up wondering what the problem is. We both love food, ANY FOOD, so no issue about that. Its all about talking it out and meeting halfway so both are happy. Sharing the household works is very important. If I cook, she do the dishes and the other way around. If she does laundry and fold the clothes I put them away ( I try to help folding but she always refolds them , lol) She is very tidy and so am I so no problem with that, we help each other in everything.

During the weekends when Im not working she tends to spoil me and do most of everything so I can just relax and enjoy the rest time ( now, I have not experienced this with my ex so I just feel so special and loved ) So far married life is just perfect. Despite the cultural differences we manage to blend things together so we are both happy. I guess, the most important thing is always put your partner's needs at the top, and when both of you do that, life is a bliss.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Being passive aggressive works wonders.

[LuzyC 0]

DEAR EVERYONE,

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHARE HOW DO YOU DEAL/ADJUST WITH ONE'S DIFFERENCES???

THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....

:luv:

I guess its case to case basis but for me and hubby I know 3 C's and 1 A.

1.) Compromise

2.) Cooperation

3.) Communication

4.) Acceptance - for me this is a must!( I ) accept him for what and who he is , warts, hair and all!

To others I may not sound it make sense but it works for us.

I wish you both a happy life together. Goodluck kababayan!

Edited January 31, 2008 by LuzyC