TBoneTX

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Retired Angel Hernandez Gets New Job Inspecting Planes For Boeing CRYSTAL CITY, VA — Former MLB umpire Angel Hernandez quickly found new work as Boeing hired Hernandez to be the lead safety inspector for its entire fleet. "Hernandez has exactly the sort of eye we're looking for in a safety inspector," said Boeing spokesman Scottie Edwards. "His level of acute observation and attention to detail will assure the continued quality in Boeing planes that everyone has come to know." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/retired-angel-hernandez-gets-new-job-running-quality-control-for-boeing

To Save Time, Biden To Drop Next $320 Million Cash Directly Into Ocean WASHINGTON, DC — In a recent press conference, President Biden has confirmed that, rather than going to the trouble of building another temporary pier to provide humanitarian aid to Hamas, he will simply instruct the US military to dump $320 million of taxpayers' dollars into the ocean just off the coast of Gaza. https://babylonbee.com/news/to-save-time-biden-to-drop-next-320-million-cash-directly-into-ocean

Hamas Announces Pride Month Kick-Off Party On Roof Of Very Tall Hotel GAZA — Hamas leadership proudly announced Wednesday that their Pride Month festivities would soon start with a wild party where anything goes. The location? The roof of a very tall hotel where they can do the best kicking-off. "We are honored to start Pride month with a kick-off of many, many homosexuals," said elusive Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar. "We will have the biggest kick-off from this roof as is humanly possible. We invite all Queers for Palestine to come join in being kicked off." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hamas-announces-pride-month-kick-off-party-on-roof-of-very-tall-hotel

IDF: 'Small' Munitions Used in Deadly Rafah Strike Could Not Have Caused Such Devastation by Themselves Amid world outcry against an Israeli airstrike that took out two Hamas terrorist leaders but also reportedly killed dozens of Palestinian civilians, Israel Defense Forces said Tuesday that the "small munitions" used in the attack simply could not have caused the fire that caused such devastation. They think a Hamas ammunition storage facility may be to blame: [...] https://redstate.com/bobhoge/2024/05/29/idf-munitions-used-in-deadly-rafah-strike-could-not-have-caused-such-devastation-by-themselves-n2174789

Robocop Reality: Denver to Employ Drones to Fight Crime After Police Budgets Cut for Migrant Aid The 1980s action movie 'Robocop' took place in a dystopian Detroit, but Denver looks to emulate the film by employing drones to fight crime after cutting millions from the police budget to aid illegal immigrants. What could possibly go wrong here? [...] https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2024/05/29/detroit-drones-for-leos-due-to-budget-cuts-n2396722

Bidementia's brilliance strikes again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $320 Million Gaza Pier in Shambles After 'Heavy Seas' Nearly Destroy It [...] The pier opened on May 17. It was shut down for several days because no one thought to provide security for the trucks rolling off the causeway. More than 70% of the aid was stolen before it even got to the warehouse. Don't worry, America. The pier will be towed to the Israeli port of Ashdod where it will be reassembled and towed back to its location so that the trickle of aid to Gazan civilians will continue. That is, at least until it experiences "heavy seas" again or, God forbid, a storm just blows it away. This is the perfect metaphor for the Biden presidency: poorly planned, poorly executed, and incompetently managed. [...] https://pjmedia.com/rick-moran/2024/05/29/320-million-gaza-pier-in-shambles-after-heavy-seas-nearly-destroys-it-n4929414

They're stuck with Bidementia now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Convention? What Convention? Dems Kill Biden Escape Hatch [...] the net result of this new strategy all but eliminates any convention switcheroo for a failing Biden. Before this plan, the possibility existed (unlikely as it was) that the DNC could change the rules to release all delegates on the first ballot and have a real open convention for the nomination. This "virtual vote" of delegates necessitated by Ohio's ballot-access deadline makes the convention entirely irrelevant, even more so than usual. It's now just a huge anti-climax signifying nothing at all, not even the pro-forma elevation of the nominee. They will have done that in a smoke-filled back room, or maybe more accurately, a vape-filled back Zoom. [...] https://hotair.com/ed-morrissey/2024/05/29/convention-what-convention-dems-plan-ohio-workaround-to-put-biden-on-ballot-n3789233

Jeez!

DNC to Nominate Biden/Harris Virtually and Early Perhaps a better title for this article might have been, "The DNC's Convention is Now Utterly Meaningless." We previously discussed the convoluted mess in Ohio, where Joe Biden was in danger of not making it onto the ballot because of state election laws declaring that the names of all presidential candidates appearing on the ballot must be submitted prior to August 7. With the convention scheduled for August 19, they would have missed the deadline. The legislature in Ohio put forward two separate bills that would have allowed the Democrats to submit Biden's name later, but the proposal stalled because of disagreements over the details. Now the DNC has apparently thrown in the towel. They will "virtually nominate" Joe Biden and Kamala Harris prior to August 7 and submit their names to Ohio to ensure they appear on the ballot. So why bother having a convention in Chicago? [...] https://hotair.com/jazz-shaw/2024/05/29/dnc-to-nominate-bidenharris-virtually-and-early-n3789228

Correction can't come a moment too soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justices on Both Sides Reject Modern Civil Asset Forfeiture The Supreme Court recently decided Culley v. Marshall, a case challenging the constitutionality of laws that deny owners prompt hearings when their possessions are seized through civil asset forfeiture. Civil asset forfeiture allows the government, usually law enforcement, to seize personal property that they suspect has been used in the commission of a crime. The onus is then on the property owner, even if innocent, to navigate the legal system to retrieve it. This is the Supreme Court's first ideological split of the term, with the six Republican-appointed justices in the majority and three Democratic-appointed justices in dissent, but explaining Culley this way misses an underlying consensus: Justices on both sides see constitutional flaws in modern civil asset forfeiture. [...] https://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2024/05/29/justices_on_both_sides_reject_modern_civil_asset_forfeiture__151013.html

P.S. Willow bit several Secret Service agents.

Hear, hear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rafah reminds us of the evils of Hamas The anti-Israel set is right about something for once: it is unconscionable that Rafah has been turned into a warzone. It is an affront to humanity itself that a city once teeming with civilians fleeing the ravages of war elsewhere in Gaza should now be reduced to a hellish battleground. But who did this? Who was it that decided to use this former city of civilians as a launchpad for war? Who was it that posted their military commanders there, hid their ammunition there, fired their missiles from there, dragged hostages there? Who was it who hid the machinery of war among the women and children of Rafah, knowing full well bloodshed would ensue? It wasn't Israel. Israel helped to facilitate the evacuation of over 900,000 civilians. No, it was Hamas. To see the evils of Hamas, look at Rafah. [...] https://www.spiked-online.com/2024/05/28/rafah-reminds-us-of-the-evils-of-hamas/

This judge is a disgrace. Jonathan Turley's piece. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Manhattan canned hunt: The Trump jury is out but is the case in the bag? Today the jury began its deliberations in the trial of former president Donald Trump. Before jurors left, however, Judge Juan Merchan framed their deliberations in a way that seemed less like a jury deliberation than a canned hunt. For many of us, the Trump trial has seemed otherworldly, a vaguely familiar proceeding where common elements of a trial seem to have been flipped. [...] https://thehill.com/opinion/criminal-justice/4691715-a-manhattan-canned-hunt-the-trump-jury-is-out-but-is-the-case-in-the-bag/

Man, with all this heavy information in recent posts, we're in need of our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: ============================================== THE BLONDE'S FIRST PARACHUTE JUMP A blonde had always wanted to skydive. She waited for years before she had the nerve. Finally, she enrolled in a skydiving class. The students were taught how to jump and when to pull the cord. The instructor told them, "First, you pull the cord after 10 seconds. If that doesn't work for any reason, pull the second cord for the auxiliary parachute. When you land, there will be a bus waiting to pick you up." The blonde took her parachute and sat nervously with everyone as they prepared to jump. The signal light came on, and they jumped out of the plane, one by one. When it was her turn, the blonde screamed and jumped. For 10 beautiful seconds, she got to fly and hover. Then she remembered to pull the cord. Nothing happened. Panicked, she pulled the other cord. Again, nothing happened. "Oh, boy," said the blonde to herself, "that bus had better be down there or I'm screwed!"

Now that's funny! --- Good comments from all, so far. However, coming to mind is the unpleasant prospect of USCIS visiting one's house before approving AOS.

Thread is moved from Off Topic to General Immigration Discussion.

Judge Instructs Jurors They Need Not Believe Trump Is Guilty To Convict Him [...] The reminder from Judge Juan Merchan was issued to the jury as closing arguments began, with the judge clarifying that Trump doesn't necessarily have to be guilty of a crime in order for the jury to find Trump guilty of a crime. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/judge-instructs-jurors-they-need-not-believe-trump-is-guilty-to-convict-him

Airline Pilot Convicted Of Hate Crime For Leaving Contrail Marks On Rainbow ST. PETERSBURG, FL - In another incident of shocking homophobia leading up to pride month, a hate-filled straight white airline pilot has been convicted of leaving contrails across a rainbow, one of the most sacred symbols of the LGBTJFKLMNOP+/- Movement. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/airline-pilot-convicted-of-hate-crime-for-leaving-contrail-marks-on-rainbow

Denver Offers Insane How-To Guide to Cities on Converting to Taxpayer-Funded Illegal Alien Sanctuaries [...] Democrat-misgoverned Denver, which has welcomed roughly 40,000 illegal aliens — the most of any U.S. city on a per capita basis — is now offering a how-to guide to help other cities convert to illegal immigration sanctuaries at the expense of taxpayers. [...] https://redstate.com/mike_miller/2024/05/28/denver-offers-newcomers-playbook-on-how-to-turn-cities-into-taxpayer-funded-illegal-alien-sanctuaries-n2174743

Top Biden Donor Revealed to Be Pakistani Government Official - What Did He Get in Return? Ever heard of Tahir Javed? Nor had I, but it turns out he was one of President Biden's biggest donors in the 2020 election - and he's also now a Pakistani government official. [...] https://redstate.com/wardclark/2024/05/28/top-biden-donor-revealed-to-be-pakistani-government-offical-what-did-he-get-in-return-n2174761

Here's the Latest Laughable Biden Failure As Officials Announce News About Gaza Pier Operations [...] The pier has faced mortar barrage. Three service members involved in operations were injured in a non-combat related accident, one critically injured. Then the Pentagon spokesperson informed us last week that no aid from the pier had actually reached the people it was supposed to in Gaza. Then, on top of all that, the weather was causing trouble, the pier was damaged, and ships were running aground, so they were having to put "boots on the ground" in the most humiliating way possible, as my colleague Streiff explained. Oh, and let's not forget about the aid being swiped by Hamas. [...] https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2024/05/28/gaza-pier-operations-suspended-n2174766

About 32 years too late. Back then, I think, he was a diversity hire. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There Was MUCH Rejoicing: Controversial MLB Ump Angel Hernandez Retires and NO ONE Will Miss Him Baseball fans across the country are very, very happy today. Angel Hernandez -- the umpire with a reputation for making terrible, terrible calls -- has retired from the MLB, effective immediately. [...] https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2024/05/28/angel-hernandez-retires-from-baseball-n2396682

This piece explains how ultra-hosed this prosecution is. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Judgment week: How prosecutors will use the 'other crime' against Trump On Tuesday, a jury in Manhattan will hear closing arguments in the trial of former President Donald Trump. Local prosecutors allege Trump committed bookkeeping offenses as part of a conspiracy to corrupt the 2016 presidential election. The former president’s specific crime, prosecutors say, was labeling a nondisclosure agreement negotiated by his lawyer as a "legal expense" in Trump Organization books. [...] https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/daily-memo/3018294/judgment-week-how-prosecutors-will-use-the-other-crime-against-trump/

Thrilling Tuesday report, see man: Tried to get up earlier, didn't work that well zzz we man. Had to mow front lawn, couldn't wait another day man. Two thick sweatbands used, one job one recovery man. Groceried for Uncle T-B., get half the list at Aldi man. Uncle T-B. desperate for company, casa-bound senior he man. While we were detained, Mini-B. lunched on Many (2+2) Oreos, ingest wee man. When we returned, lunch was onecan of Aldi chili, ingest we man. It is good that we returned when we did, si man. Within the hour, the skies turned as black as night with wind and monsoon, severe stuff man. We siesta'd through it for nearly Many hours, zzz we man. Din-din was air-fried breaded cod* + nuked corn, ingest* Two Guys man. *Mini-B. hates this, necessary dietary variety for wee man man Movie night was The Week Of, Adam Sandler and pretty good man. Many (2+2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This tallies to Many (2x2x2x2 -2) for the week so far, rather impressive man. Party with the rubias after Mini-B. embedded, cavort we man. Finish grocerying for Uncle T-B. on Wednesday, grocery we man for senior he man man.

Libertarian Party Nominates Giant Gay Bong WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Libertarian Party has concluded its convention and nominated its latest presidential candidate: a 20-foot-tall, rainbow-colored, glass bong. The gay, oversized marijuana smoking device edged out candidates RFK Jr., Donald Trump, and Sparklepaws the Transgender Furry to secure the coveted nomination to run for President this November. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/libertarian-party-nominates-giant-gay-bong