TBoneTX

Laid-Off IRS Agents Now Forced To Go Door To Door Robbing People Directly U.S. — The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is the most recent government agency affected by the rule of DOGE, with layoff numbers reported in excess of 6,000 persons. Now, bands of former IRS agents are roaming the country, forced to go door to door to rob people directly. "It's just so sad," MSNBC's Rachel Maddow said. "Elon Musk is quashing the dreams of real people who devoted their lives to stealing for the federal government. But [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/laid-off-irs-agents-now-forced-to-go-door-to-door-robbing-people-directly

How many times has THIS happened to all of us? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dumb Dying Guy In Ambulance Makes You Miss Green Light JACKSONVILLE, FL — In a tragic turn of events earlier today, some dumb dying guy in an ambulance made you miss your green light. According to witnesses at the scene, you were completely ready to take a left turn on a sweet, sweet green arrow when this ambulance with some total jerk in the process of giving up the ghost in an ambulance zoomed through the intersection and made you wait until you missed the light. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/dumb-dying-guy-in-ambulance-makes-you-miss-green-light

1. Astros 2. Texans 3. Rockets No one

HEB is good, probably second-cheapest after Aldi and far more stocked. HEB typically has a store-label equivalent for most products, indistinguishable in quality and taste from the name-brand labels. They have a LOT of good coupons hanging off the store shelves: "Buy this & this, get this free," or very good discounts. https://www.heb.com The only thing that I hate about HEB is all the personal shoppers gathering curbside orders. The miserable carts are as tall as the Empire State Building and block the aisles.

Wednesday! Time for our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== IMPORTANT THOUGHTS It says, "Press Any Key to Continue." Where's the "Any" key? I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that "Take Out" can mean food, dating, or murder. Norway is a great place. However, although they have many Fjords, there are far fewer Chjevrolets. I skipped the gym today and put a fitted sheet on my bed instead. I saw this guy today at Starbucks. No iPhone, no tablet, no laptop. He just sat there drinking coffee. Like a psychopath. Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the Internet, arguing with strangers about politics. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up to begin with.

Thrilling Tuesday-on-Wednesday report, see man: Mini-B. complained of sore throat but went to skool anyway, order we man wee man man. Took Mama T-B. to doctor, chauffeur we man senior she man man. Stopped first to get 2 crucial grocery items, seemingly thoughtful we man. We were 1 minute late in picking up Mama T-B., yell yell YELL senior she man. After doc, Mama T-B. did fund lunch for us via downstairs bistro, eat free we man. We actually left after only Many hours, Mama T-B. exhausted man. Lunch (taken to casa) was roasted chicken breast, rice pilaf, parrots/keys, chicken-something soup, & pumpkin pie, ingest all but the pie* we man. *saved for Mini-B. along with 2 other desserts from Mama T-B., si man Corresponded with several JCs, correspond we man. Siesta'd for an hour, zzz we man. Mini-B. felt OK upon skool pick-up, OK wee man man. Din-din was shepherd's pie from Aldi, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. desserted on a pie from Mama T-B., ingest additionally wee man man. Up-signed Uncle T-B. for an excellent CD, financially savvy we-on-behalf-of-senior-he-man man. Took Many (2+1) calls from Mama T-B. grousing about minutiae and prescriptions, man. Pestered Mini-B. to finish his infernal Science hoamwurk, delay interminably wee man man. Mini-B. again got to bed at midnight, no wonder he has a sore throat man. We're ready to confiscate his phone, stays up for hours on it after lights-out man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. Must grocery multiple places for Mama T-B. on Wednesday, picky senior she man man. And that was/is our thrilling Tuesday, report we man.

Thread is moved from General Immigration Discussion to the US Citizenship main forum.

Don't panic if it's merely an online-status change. Wait for official communication.

Finally! Woo-hoo! [Note to T-B.'s self: Jokes worked again... jokes worked again...] Relax. Study the questions. To help with both, see this thread: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/382775-mrs-t-b-the-citizenship-test/

The Babylon Bee Obtained A List Of Some Of The Things Government Employees Said They Accomplished Last Week With all of the debate raging over the Department of Government Efficiency requiring all federal employees to respond to an email with a list of things they did during the week, everyone has been left to wonder… what exactly did all of them do last week? Thanks to high-ranking connections, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of some of the things that responding government employees said they accomplished last week: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-obtained-a-list-of-some-of-the-things-government-employees-said-they-accomplished-this-week

Trump Fired After Forgetting To Reply To Elon's Email WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's new golden age came screeching to an unexpected halt today, as news broke that President Donald Trump had been fired for forgetting to reply to Elon Musk's email. Trump reportedly missed the deadline to respond to the email from the Department of Government Efficiency requiring all federal employees to list five things they worked on last week. Despite Trump accomplishing an impressive list of tasks, he failed to reply to the email. "A rule is a rule," Musk said when asked by reporters to comment on Trump's abrupt departure. "He was the one who signed off on the idea. Any government employee who did not respond to the email with what they accomplished within the allotted time was to be terminated. Presidents are not immune. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-fired-after-forgetting-to-reply-to-elons-email

UK Version Of Apple Watch Will Warn When Your Heart Rate Reacts Inappropriately To A Racist Meme LONDON — Tech consumers across the pond were recently startled to learn that the Apple Watch being sold in the UK would now warn when wearers' heart rates react inappropriately to a racist meme. According to Apple, the smartwatch will monitor your biometrics simultaneously with your meme consumption and issue warnings any time you view a meme determined to be racist without a proper response of anti-racist rage and white guilt. The watch will then report its findings to the local authorities. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/uk-version-of-apple-watch-will-warn-when-your-heart-rate-reacts-inappropriately-to-a-racist-meme

Matt Walsh Current Frontrunner For Next Pope VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated that conservative media personality Matt Walsh was now considered to be the frontrunner to become the next pope. While Pope Francis remained hospitalized with persistent health issues stemming from bronchitis and pneumonia, preparations were reportedly being made to officially elect Walsh and install him as the supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church. "A set of plaid flannel papal robes are being made as we speak," Vatican spokesman Bishop Giovanni Tortellini said. "As we saw with President Trump's landslide victory in the United States, the world is [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/matt-walsh-current-frontrunner-for-next-pope

Stores here are, at most, 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. I miss the days when they were open till midnight or even 1 a.m. Look at chewy.com and save yourself the hassle. Or, regarding online shopping in general, just yell out what you want and wait for an ad to pop up. In other words, "I hate going out in public and the public is there."

A post above has been given Award Points as a "Helpful Reply."

Thrilling Monday report, see man: Mini-B. got to bed at nearly 1 a.m., finish second of Many (2+1) Science hoamwurks man. Mini-B. shivering like the Arctic in what have been quite normal/usual casa temperatures, worrisome man. Mini-B. ill after awakening, weak wee man. Got dizzy in the shower and had to sit down twice, ouch man. Felt nauseous and in need of a pupu, neither blossomed man. Of course kept him home from skool and saw doc later, see doc wee man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. and we both attended, just like old times man. Diagnosis is continuing stomach-bug for GI symptoms, getting better since Thursday man. Diagnosis is insufficient hydration for dizziness, drink Many (2+2) bottles of water daily man. By eve, Mini-B. considerably better, relief we and ex-she and wee manman. Lunch was 2 turkey-&-cheese sandwiches on semi-stale Costco buns, ingest we man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. fortunately able to host and care for Mini-B. during all this, si man. This enabled us to caucus with the FFJC, afraid we'd have to cancel man. The FFJC is indeed very FF, understatement man. She is very nice and decent company, si man. She lives too far away to get together more than once weekly max, sigh man. She is also severely allergic to mius, sigh man. She is also probably not spousal material yet, no man. Nevertheless, we will probably see her again, see we man FFJC ma'am man. We are conversing with other JCs in hopes of landing an appropriate one, converse we man. Miu was aysheep almost all day, demanding hyperactive invasive miu man. Almost like having a wife, leave us alone for a little while please miu man. Din-din was bagged shredded lettuce + nuked hot dogs, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. and we enjoyed this greatly, first time in ages man. There are surprisingly a great many steps in producing this din-din, complex operation man. Dished/de-dished the warsher a day late, delinquently domestic we man. Mini-B. finished last Science hoamwurk, finally man. Science teechur told us that Mini-B. "is always pleasant and a huge help to his peers," proud we man. Mini-B. "will definitely be shown grace" re lateness, sigh-of-relief we man. Movie night was The Longest Yard, outstanding man. Many (2+2) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort exhausted we man. Must take Mama T-B. to doctor on Tuesday morn, routine man. (We will certainly be ordered to various stores afterward, man.) And that was/is our thrilling Monday, report we man.

Keep us apprised, please.

Same here. The first one caused immediate tachycardia (heart rate of 123 at rest), and both raised my blood pressure to levels that can cause a stroke. Am still on BP-lowering stuff to this day.

Just wait till the first time he misses a dose... Joe Bidementia's uncle was eaten by cannibals!

If they're smart, they'll involve the AfD.

Keep Madison Insane.

(Psst... please avoid hijacking other people's threads.) The more official, the better. In Texas, for example, the divorce decree has to be stamped and signed by the clerk of court to be considered official.

Heating pad first, please man.

Bummed About That Hockey Game? Here Are 21 Things America Is Better At Than Canada Are you a little sad that Canada won that hockey game the other night? Well, cheer up, friend: here are 21 things that America is way better at than our little brother up north: [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/bummed-about-that-hockey-game-here-are-72-things-america-is-better-at-than-canada

Hooters Bankruptcy Deals Heavy Blow To Nation’s Creepy, Middle-Aged Weirdos U.S. — The creepy, middle-aged weirdos of America were dealt a harsh blow today as the Hooters franchise announced it has declared bankruptcy. Long a stalwart of forty-something losers, Hooters' imminent closure has left thousands of gross weirdos unsure where to go. "It's not just anywhere you can pathetically leer at women twenty years your junior," sighed local creep Jon Barnes. "Like, seriously, [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hooters-bankruptcy-deals-blow-to-nations-middle-aged-creeps