WeAreTooCool

*** Thread moved from Off Topic forum to the Effects of Major Changes forum. ***
[Moderator hat off]
Pal, you're being used in a way beyond belief. No, she doesn't love you. Lose her immediately and permanently.

Your anger is misdirected. There isn't a problem with having an alien spouse live with you in the US. There are laws and procedures.
It's likely noted in her USCIS file that she was refused so the opportunity to adjust status while in the US is probably gone. Now you will need to file a petition for her. Having a child doesn't prove much more than that you have met in person. Raising a child proves much more. You shouldn't have much trouble passing muster having been a couple for 10+ years. Read through the guides here on VJ and you will have a great base of knowledge.
One thing to begin sorting out is the I-864 affidavit of support. You'll need to demonstrate an ongoing income that meets the requirements. And/or you can use US held assets to satisfy the income requirement. If you haven't been filing US tax returns then you will need to explore what's needed as well. Returns for the most recent 3 years are needed. See the form I-864 instructions for more information.

Uh Oh started it again huh.
Well I could say some of those same things about plenty of other countries around the world. You are generalizing, stereotyping, and lumping every Amercian into the same category. You are very wrong. I know plenty of hardworking, dedicated, never been on government assistance, caring individuals that fight everyday for what they believe in. Government assistance was put in place to help those in need, there may be abusers to the system, but the benefits outway the bad.
As far as #6, yes we are patriotic and anyone who chooses to put their safety and life in jeopardy to fight for others is a hero all day in my book.
So here are your options:
1. Leave and go back to your country if you don't like it here.
2. Do something about it. Instead of making these whining posts go out and do something actively to improve the situation
Peace

If you hate and have no respect for the people here, then why do you want to be a US citizen?
You can leave here without a US passport. You don't need a US passport to leave here and live in Europe.
Euro trash who wants the advantage of US citizenship and talks poorly of the people he wants to join.

You're moving yourself and all your stuff back home to Canada to work on your marriage??? Get real.

hey! I know it's hard to find a job here, especially when you were raised in different country.... my thoughts to you would be open your eyes and see other fields and other options!!!! your bachelors degree means absolutely nothing without experience in USA... that is brutal THRUTH! Go out! meet friends, see whats out there!
I've been married for almost two years now... when I got here I knew my bachelors degree was going to be no good... I knew I had to start from scratch... at the same time I didnt have money to go school... so I just started applying for restaurant jobs. I worked as a hostess, busser and finally I got a servering position. I started educating myself about fine wines and foods. And now I'm one of the yougest servers in a fine dining restaurant in CA (I'm 24)! And I make more money then my hubby does...
In USA it's all about how good you can "sell yourself".... If youre confident, know what you're talking about, enthusiastic, you'll get the job! There are so many companies and so many employers! if you screw up on one interview who cares!!!! move on! go again again! dont give up!!!
You said something that you're a new driver.... I understand you on that!!! Believe me I was shaking like a leave first time driving on a freeway by myself!!! my thoughts to you, get a cheap car (automatic), get a good insurance, take back ways to places (meaning dont take freeways first times), before you drive find out the correct address, google map it, memorise the streets you are going to take lleft and right turns and you'll be good! believe me i went through this.... If you have any questions please let me know... hope this was usefull...

Obviously everyone should be extremely cautious when choosing their partner, regardless of country or age, etc, but here are a few of my observations after having been around dozens of Fil-Am relationships and “couples groups” across several years. There are always exceptions, but logic dictates that you WILL be part of the rule, and not the exception. ZERO offense is meant to anybody. I only hope to inform and setup reasonable expectations for new couples and soon to be newly weds.
I met my wife while I was living in the Philippines. I was in Asia for business for a few years. I had an extreme luxury compared to many other guys that I’ve met because I had the chance to really get to know her before marrying her and bringing her to the USA. She had a very good family with a conservative upbringing and influence from her parents and other elder relatives. She’d never had a drink or been in a club until my corruption of her began. She was 21 and I was 31 when we met.
When we moved to the USA we quickly got caught up in the Fil-Am couples culture. And let me tell you, it is quite a culture. There are many great benefits and serious flaws with these groups. Here is some insight into these groups.
There are large, elaborate parties planned every week. If your “home group” doesn’t have one, then another group nearby will have one. At these parties the guys are usually sitting around, drinking beer, and watching some rather boring TV. The guy’s average age is probably around 55 years. The girls, average age of 24, will be in another room speaking whichever Filipino dialect that they speak. They’ll be doing shots, playing bizzare sexually themed party games, and screaming louder every 30 second than you’ve ever heard before. The food will be Filipino every time. The guys and girls equally have nothing and everything in common at the same time.
That’s where your ability to observe their social life ends. After these parties, everything goes into the underground world of Facebook, Instagram, FB messenger, Wechat, etc. Your wife will LIVE on her smartphone. She will live for private messages, selfies, group chats, and Facebook statuses.
You’ll want to give privacy to her, and if you do that, you’ll have no clue whatsoever what she’s up to. If you try to translate it you’ll fail because of their shorthand, it incomprehensible to any automated translation system. And that’s if it’s Tagalog. If it’s Visaya or Ilocana, etc, you’re just screwed. You will be able to, however, see that a lot of the people she is speaking to are 20 year old Filipino guys.
Is it starting to sound like I’m bitter? I’m not, because my wife does not do any of this. What I do have though is a front row, insiders seat to what all her “friends” are up to. And what they are up to is no good. No good at all.
They are very sophisticated phone users. If she doesn’t want you to find her secrets, you won’t. They have ridiculous “sleep overs” very frequently where they head to the local club or bar and stumble home at 5am. They sleep with all kinds of guys, here in the USA, or ex boyfriends when they go home for a visit. They’ll give their night shift manager at their minimum wage job sexual favors just to spice things up.
Often times because of pride and the desire to“one-up” each other, they’ll sleep with / mess around with the other guys in the group. (their “friend’s” hubands) They’ll start flirting, messaging, coming onto the younger guys in these groups. They’re more of a “prize” and the younger guys tend to use these tech tools with more familiarity than their older counterparts.
Last night at 2am I was invited by two of the four girls having an impromptu pool party. They didn’t invite my wife because she’s fallen out of favor with them this month. I think they were already drunk enough to imagine that I’d go there without her. They would have likely wanted a threesome, hoping to get a pic or two for future bragging rights or leverage, whatever is needed at the time.
Countless times I’ve been the direct target of many, many, many of these different girls revenge plots, thrill seeking, or boredom solving schemes. I think I have unsolicited topless/naked selfies of around half of the girls that we associate with.
Because I actually go to the clubs and bars with my wife and often times her “friends”, I get to hear their drunken rants about how much they miss home. How controlling their husbands are. How they’ll just stay until they have citizenship. After that they’ll get a decent job, save up, and then move “home”.
They really do love and care about their husbands. Sometimes enough to cry about their horrible behavior, but not enough to actually quit all of this fun.
I also get to hear all the stories about the affairs that they had while engaged but not able to come to the USA until the K1’s are approved.
Most of these girls actually hate each other. It’s a lot of what we all saw in Jr High School. It is full on Mean Girls. They are extremely cliquish and will banish, shame, ignore, and embarrass a girl if she doesn’t uphold their needs for popularity and beauty.
These groups work hard to have the largest most popular group possible. The smaller the group, the less powerful and cool they feel. When the invitations stop coming your way, you’ve been fazed out. We’ve been through so many groups, iterations of the same groups with the key players revolving around, alliances shifting, and grudges spring up.
Husbands, who usually desire a peaceful relationship that is free from drama will try their best to be supportive of these new immigrants. They know their wives don’t have family or friends, so you want to help them enjoy a social life and give them the privacy and respect that anybody seeks.
At some point a lot of these women will realize you don’t have half as much money as they had fanaticized about when they met you. They realize that you really are 10,20,30,40 years older than them. They realize that they get a sh*t ton of attention when they all go to the club together, and these are young foreigners, just like their friends in PH are seeing in the movies. Their friend’s opinion is everything.
A lot of these ideas/issues don’t even exist when you first meet. People change A LOT in their 20’s. They figure out who they are, what they want, what their strengths and weakness are. Before coming to the USA their options are so limited, that you are likely their very best option. Once they naturally mature and experience more of life they see how many options they really have. They further recognize the power of their beauty and sexuality. If they can get some spousal or child support from you, then they’re really getting setup. Especially if paring that with a blue USA passport.
This statistic with be complete BS, but I’ll throw my guess out there anyway. I’d expect that these bad relationship account for around 60% of the whole. Probably 20% are quite good, and the other 20% are somewhere in between. One common link in these statistics? The larger the age gap, the worse the loyalty is. The really big trouble seems to start when the girls are in their 20’s and the guys are 60+. Oh, and the plainer looking girls seem to just really want a stable husband and family… The one wearing the $500+ Versace dress that you bought her isn’t too worried about impressing you anymore.
If you fall into one of the above trouble groups, please just use caution. You might be lucky, but you are probably not.

Hey guys, so our I-130 was approved on July 15th. How much longer will we have to wait before we can start calling NVC to see if they received our case? To all who have not yet been approved, I pray that you will have a speedy approval

Once your NOA2 has been processed at the USCIS level, the NVC and DOS are the only way to really find out when/where your case was accepted until you (maybe) get a letter from the NVC or Packet 3 arrives. As one of my favorite vjer's likes to say "HumansTM" are hard to reach at the NVC and DOS helplines. ESPECIALLY at the DOS. I clocked half an hour of waiting through recorded messages and being disconnected for pressing the wrong option or trying to surf my way through it before I finally wrote down all of the RIGHT options and made myself a road map.

Someone just pm'ed me about calling for a case update at the NVC, so I thought I'd share my "road map" with the rest of you, in case you're tired of getting lost as well.

For the NVC:

K1's are not tracked through the AVR, EVER. They are processed like an immigrant visa, but they are NOT immigrant visas, so they fall into a completely different class of their own. Therefore you need an operator. To get there:

1-603-334-0700

Press 2 for Non-Haiti-Related issue (Please note that this will probably change after some time)
Press 1 for English
Press 5 for an operator

For DOS:

This is where you will be able to find out if your case was received at the Embassy/Consulate. They will not see your case in their system until the NVC has logged it in and applied a case number to it.

202-485-7600
Press 1 then 0 for a live operator.


I hope this helps everyone else who has to wade through the red tape to get to someone (hopefully) with answers. Please be aware that not all of them have the correct information, and you can call back and ask for someone else or request a supervisor if you feel you're being given misinformation (SOMETIMES this helps, sometimes not).

so yesterday I decided that I would not check the uscis site at all, I went the whole day without checking and today I woke up to find the email that we have been approved!! and to make it even better, my husband was right beside me when we got the notice

@WeAreTooCool
I know yours is coming by tomorrow or next week. Look out for it
All the others, God's favor will locate you this month

These are the @#$%^ that make it hard for good people. You did nothing wrong and the hurt will pass. Be glad that this happened now rather than after you got married to him. The best thing you can do is move on and live a happy life. He will not prosper, karma will get him. I assume you are Jamaican born and it might be hard to explain to the people around you what happened but don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You took a chance on love and that's commendable. That chick probably knows nothing about you and he's just trying to make you feel bad. You have missed out on nothing but pain. Call embassy, cry, delete him and move on with your life.

Someone with a PD of feb 3 got approved, so we are getting closer

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy

Thank you and Good luck to you too. Hope the wait for approval is not long and praying for no RFE

Guys, we were approved after 283 days...
thanks for all your support, prayers and good vibes!!
UnaMexicana

We use skype everyday after work. It might sound silly, but we let the call go through the night and fall asleep together. We send pictures and always communicate by text messages. We've been together for 3 years now and still a strong couple.
What I also did is I borrowed one of his hoodie. (I am the woman and he was nice enough to leave one to me ^.^)
There is some little details that can help, but I think Skype, viber and all the applications that let you have a video conversations are a great thing.
One of you can also visit, but it can be a costly solution.
And just tell yourself yes the wait is long, but in the end it's worth it .

I believe he is a scammer,he wanted just to have a GC. I am not being cruel, but actions speak louder than words.I don't think this man love you at all.It's time for you to move on.Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. Take it from me though and forget about him. I'm not stereotyping or anything but most of these men do that down here. A leopard doesn't changes its spots. Thank God that you found out about it before you paid for the paperwork. Noone cheats "by accident" he knew what he was doing. It may hurt now but imagine if he had gotten to America and ran off with that other lady. Again I'm sorry to hear the pain you are going through but don't waste anymore time with him

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. Take it from me though and forget about him. I'm not stereotyping or anything but most of these men do that down here. A leopard doesn't changes its spots. Thank God that you found out about it before you paid for the paperwork. Noone cheats "by accident" he knew what he was doing. It may hurt now but imagine if he had gotten to America and ran off with that other lady. Again I'm sorry to hear the pain you are going through but don't waste anymore time with him

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. Take it from me though and forget about him. I'm not stereotyping or anything but most of these men do that down here. A leopard doesn't changes its spots. Thank God that you found out about it before you paid for the paperwork. Noone cheats "by accident" he knew what he was doing. It may hurt now but imagine if he had gotten to America and ran off with that other lady. Again I'm sorry to hear the pain you are going through but don't waste anymore time with him

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. Take it from me though and forget about him. I'm not stereotyping or anything but most of these men do that down here. A leopard doesn't changes its spots. Thank God that you found out about it before you paid for the paperwork. Noone cheats "by accident" he knew what he was doing. It may hurt now but imagine if he had gotten to America and ran off with that other lady. Again I'm sorry to hear the pain you are going through but don't waste anymore time with him

He is a jerk and a con! Honestly I have yet to meet a man down here that at some point or another have never been with 2 women at the same time. that's also one of the main reason I personally did not wanna date another Jamaican man, it's gonna be alot of emotions to go through but just think of it "what is 3 years wasted compared to 10?" At this point I think you can file for an annulment. Don't get me wrong though, there might be some really good and honest men down here but it would be best to find one down here that is so financiallyrics stable that you know getting a green card is not is main goal. I will keep you in my prayers dear

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. Take it from me though and forget about him. I'm not stereotyping or anything but most of these men do that down here. A leopard doesn't changes its spots. Thank God that you found out about it before you paid for the paperwork. Noone cheats "by accident" he knew what he was doing. It may hurt now but imagine if he had gotten to America and ran off with that other lady. Again I'm sorry to hear the pain you are going through but don't waste anymore time with him