UmmSqueakster

Ramadan Kareem all

A few Ramadan linkies for you all:

Ramadan Chronicles by Tariq Ramadan
Ramadan Reminders by Sh. Faraz
Ramadan Joy crafts
A Crafty Arab
Live Streaming from the Haram

People! I know! I guess it is about time for that once yearly check in. Nothing much has changed since last year. Or even 3 years ago. Married going on too many years. Husband has been a US citizen for 3 years. Squeaky is still the most adorable fat cat in the world. I still work too much.
The only real exciting thing is that I went on umrah a month ago. T didn't have the necessary time off, so I jumped through a loophole that allows under 45 female converts to make umrah without a mahram. It was an amazing experience, despite the troubles. About halfway through, on our last day in Makkah, I missed a step in the Haram and fell at 3 am. Being a stubborn midwesterner, I continued on my way and sat until fajr time. When I stood up, I realized I had made a big mistake. Hobbled back to the hotel (thank God we had one literally right outside the haram) and found one of the bazillion doctors in my tour group. Rather than waste the last day in Makkah in the hospital, we decided just to watch it and re-evaluate the next day. Next day, after having half a dozen doctors poke at it, the verdict was that it couldn't be broken, since I was walking around without screaming in pain.
Fast foward to home, I go to the doctor just to be on the safe side. Um yeah, I walked all over Medina on a broken foot :/ I got a walking cast last week and alhamdulilah it was literally the best day of my life. You don't realize how wonderful it is to be able to get around until you can't.
The other downer part of my adventure was that the Saudis almost didn't let me go home since I didn't have a mahram with me. Um yeah no, you give me a visa, you let me in, now you tell the airline to issue me my freakin tickets and let me go home! I was rather undignified and reduced myself to a tearful mess at the airport. In my defense, it was 4 am, I hadn't slept in 24 hours and they pulled me out of line without letting me grab anyone from my tour group for help. Next time, I'll make sure to bring a mahram.
But despite it all, I really really miss Makkah and Medina. I wouldn't ever want to live there, but there was just so much sakina in the air in the 2 mosques that I could sit there forever.
I haven't been blogging much - no time or energy after work - but I do have a tumblr. Been doing short little things on umrah, in case anyone is interested - http://umms.tumblr.com/tagged/umrah
One of the highlights of the trip was being invited to dinner at Sh. Abdullah bin Bayyah's house. Alas, it was late at night by the time he started to talk, and my foot was killing me (having broken it earlier that day). But alhamdulilah, the talk is on youtube - at 42 seconds in, there's a head in a hot pink hijab that may or may not be UmmS.

Let's see, what else? I took a sewing class, and once my foot is better, I plan on attempting to make some costumes. Star Wars and Doctor Who. Still a geek at heart. And I've been doing cross stitch

And finally, it wouldn't be a complete post unless I put up a picture of my cat. Here she is trying to steal my dates, despite the fact she knows she doesn't like them.

And, from yesterday, sitting on clean laundry and my star wars novel. She has good taste

People! I know! I guess it is about time for that once yearly check in. Nothing much has changed since last year. Or even 3 years ago. Married going on too many years. Husband has been a US citizen for 3 years. Squeaky is still the most adorable fat cat in the world. I still work too much.
The only real exciting thing is that I went on umrah a month ago. T didn't have the necessary time off, so I jumped through a loophole that allows under 45 female converts to make umrah without a mahram. It was an amazing experience, despite the troubles. About halfway through, on our last day in Makkah, I missed a step in the Haram and fell at 3 am. Being a stubborn midwesterner, I continued on my way and sat until fajr time. When I stood up, I realized I had made a big mistake. Hobbled back to the hotel (thank God we had one literally right outside the haram) and found one of the bazillion doctors in my tour group. Rather than waste the last day in Makkah in the hospital, we decided just to watch it and re-evaluate the next day. Next day, after having half a dozen doctors poke at it, the verdict was that it couldn't be broken, since I was walking around without screaming in pain.
Fast foward to home, I go to the doctor just to be on the safe side. Um yeah, I walked all over Medina on a broken foot :/ I got a walking cast last week and alhamdulilah it was literally the best day of my life. You don't realize how wonderful it is to be able to get around until you can't.
The other downer part of my adventure was that the Saudis almost didn't let me go home since I didn't have a mahram with me. Um yeah no, you give me a visa, you let me in, now you tell the airline to issue me my freakin tickets and let me go home! I was rather undignified and reduced myself to a tearful mess at the airport. In my defense, it was 4 am, I hadn't slept in 24 hours and they pulled me out of line without letting me grab anyone from my tour group for help. Next time, I'll make sure to bring a mahram.
But despite it all, I really really miss Makkah and Medina. I wouldn't ever want to live there, but there was just so much sakina in the air in the 2 mosques that I could sit there forever.
I haven't been blogging much - no time or energy after work - but I do have a tumblr. Been doing short little things on umrah, in case anyone is interested - http://umms.tumblr.com/tagged/umrah
One of the highlights of the trip was being invited to dinner at Sh. Abdullah bin Bayyah's house. Alas, it was late at night by the time he started to talk, and my foot was killing me (having broken it earlier that day). But alhamdulilah, the talk is on youtube - at 42 seconds in, there's a head in a hot pink hijab that may or may not be UmmS.

Let's see, what else? I took a sewing class, and once my foot is better, I plan on attempting to make some costumes. Star Wars and Doctor Who. Still a geek at heart. And I've been doing cross stitch

And finally, it wouldn't be a complete post unless I put up a picture of my cat. Here she is trying to steal my dates, despite the fact she knows she doesn't like them.

And, from yesterday, sitting on clean laundry and my star wars novel. She has good taste

For the new muslims in the house, check out the last few pages of the Muslims thread for some free Ramadan courses. Fasting isn't just abstaining from food and drink during daylight - there's the fiqh (rules) of it, and the inner dimensions to consider as well. In particular, check out the Qibla/Sunnipath FREE Living Ramadan course. You can also look at posts tagged Ramadan on my blog for lectures and good reads on my blog.
As LP suggested, it's absolutely essential to prepare pre-ramadan. Especially in the summer months, fasting can run you over if you don't train first. Doing mini fasts, first through lunch, then to 1 pm, then 2 pm, until you work yourself up to sunset is a great way to train your body. If you dive in head first, your body and your attitude will suffer. And being crabby, mean and nasty because you're hungry and your head hurts kind of negates the purpose of fasting:


Narrated Abu Huraira (ra), the Prophet (saws) said, “Whoever does not give up forged speech and evil actions, Allah is not in need of his leaving his food and drink (i.e. Allah will not accept his fasting.)”
Some people expect very elaborate iftars (meals to break the fast), and will expect huge suhoors (meals before the fast). Some must absolutely have a certain dish or Ramadan just isn't right. But as Mithra said, no need to go crazy. If you spend 5 hours each day preparing fancy iftars, then it cuts into time for ibadah (worship). These last few years, I've emphasized fresh, raw veggies and hearty stews. That's the first and biggest course, so we make sure that we fill up on healthy food and not stuffing our stomach with 2000 calories of #######. Do make sure there is meat on the table. The first ifar I made (the 2nd day after AbuS had arrived in the US back in 2005), I made a typical iftar for me, a light soup and a tuna melt. AbuS looked at it with the saddest look on his face and was like, but where's the meal? I find, in general, that meat is a huge part of the Ramadan culture. As I joke every year, I'm a vegetarian 11 months out of the year, but in Ramadan, I'd starve if I couldn't eat meat (since every iftar we go to only has a wimpy salad for a vegetarian option).
One thing to do is to look for email lists for the local muslim community, to see if there are community iftars. Several of our local masjids have iftars throughout the month. Some are sponsored by community members (feeding fasting people is charity, so a lot of people look to do that this month), and some are fundraisers. It's a great way to get to know the local community and meet people. If one isn't arab/pakistani/indian/malaysian/african/insert majority ethnicity here, it can be a little intimidating and you may feel a bit like an outsider - but just put a huge smile on your face, offer to help set up and clean up, and try to strike up conversations and inshaAllah you'll make some friends too

I went digging around in old threads yesterday looking for something and OMgoodness, the memories. All those people, all the waits, all the pining, all the drama. Good times were had by all amidst the cat fights

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

Assalamu alaikum,
While it sucks for ya'll who are new to this, this isn't new to the COs. They have more than a decade of experience in the internet sprung marriage based visa game and have seen literally thousands of these applications come across their desks. And unfortunately, they've seen a lot of fraud. We don't have any statistics available to us, but I'm sure they have some idea of the number of marriages that have failed, and whether or not couples with a large age gap fail at a higher rate than those that are closer in age. And they use that hindsight and the interviews they have every day to develop their fraud-o-meter.
That isn't to say that these kinds of relationships aren't genuine, or that they won't work out. It will just take more to prove that it is genuine. And honestly, at this date and after so many years of so many MENA men conning american women, I don't know what to do for that beyond visit several times. But even that isn't a fool proof method.
Rather depression, honestly, but that's the reality :/

I concur. Saudis and expats in Saudia frequently visit Bahrain and the UAE over the weekend or holidays. I would guess he will have some time off in Ramadan and could meet you in another gulf country.
While these experiences are new to each new member, they are unfortunately not new to the consulate in Cairo. They've seen many many many marriage based visas come through, and have seen lots of fraud. Marrying on the first meeting is one of the big ol red flags for fraud. Meeting more than once is definitely a big plus, not only for the consulate, but also for your relationship. Meeting more than once, and in different settings will help you to know him better.
But even then, those vacations don't really allow you to know your potential spouse fully. I was just saying to AbuS the other day how, although we knew each other online for 4 years before he came, I only really got to know him once we were actually living together. We spent a bazillion hours talking to each other online, met in person 3 times, and even had my parents and siblings over to Egypt to meet his family. But not until I lived with him 24/7 did I actually really know him.
Not to rain on your parade, just to be a bit of a wet blanket right off the bat, since I'm sure you'll get lots of it here. We're a battle hardened group of people who've seen it all.
Best of luck to you I do hope yours is a fairy tale. We don't see too many of those here. As I frequently say, there is no happily ever after in a visa journey. There is only omGosh this is so freakin hard during the wait for the visa, and omGosh, this is even harder once they arrive. There are happy endings, but they take lots of work for the most part.

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

I dunno, I can't comprehend half of what has been written thus far in this thread, so here are my own 2 cents.
I've known women who's first exposures to islam have been through SOs and who have gone on to be beautiful sisters in the deen. Many even begin to practice more than their spouses, and helped their husbands become better muslims.
And there are those who didn't convert for the sake of Allah (swt).
However, so long as a person appears sincere, I'm not going to comment. If they ask for my advice, I give to the best of my ability as one sister to another.
In the end, if you are sincere in your belief of la ilaha il Allah, Muhammadur rasul Allah, then your first duty is to Allah (swt), to declare your faith in Him and in His message as brought by our master Muhammad (saws). What the consulate thinks about it is far down on the list of worries. Get yourself right with Allah (swt), and then worry about this world.
re: holidays. We don't celebrate. We don't visit my family at that time. As I've explained to them, for Easter especially, we don't believe Jesus (as) was crucified and raised from the dead, so it would by hypocritical of me to partake in a celebration of that important religious ritual for them. I'm more than happy to spend time with them regularly throughout the year, and make other events important family get togethers (like thanksgiving for example).
And as I'm sure anyone who knows me is aware of, I'm about as far from being a salafi as one can be.

I dunno, I can't comprehend half of what has been written thus far in this thread, so here are my own 2 cents.
I've known women who's first exposures to islam have been through SOs and who have gone on to be beautiful sisters in the deen. Many even begin to practice more than their spouses, and helped their husbands become better muslims.
And there are those who didn't convert for the sake of Allah (swt).
However, so long as a person appears sincere, I'm not going to comment. If they ask for my advice, I give to the best of my ability as one sister to another.
In the end, if you are sincere in your belief of la ilaha il Allah, Muhammadur rasul Allah, then your first duty is to Allah (swt), to declare your faith in Him and in His message as brought by our master Muhammad (saws). What the consulate thinks about it is far down on the list of worries. Get yourself right with Allah (swt), and then worry about this world.
re: holidays. We don't celebrate. We don't visit my family at that time. As I've explained to them, for Easter especially, we don't believe Jesus (as) was crucified and raised from the dead, so it would by hypocritical of me to partake in a celebration of that important religious ritual for them. I'm more than happy to spend time with them regularly throughout the year, and make other events important family get togethers (like thanksgiving for example).
And as I'm sure anyone who knows me is aware of, I'm about as far from being a salafi as one can be.

I'm a loser who has no life offline, and have met many people in person that I've originally met online. I sometimes joke that I have no real world friends. But these are people that I maintain friendships with, not people I live with 24/7. I'm certain they're my friends, but if we lived together all the time, I'd learn a whole droyk* of a lot more about these people than I know through our hanging out together.
Stang**, I lived with my best friend after college. We'd been best friends for 11 years. And knew a whole lot more about her when I moved out than when I moved in and she drove me barvy*** along the way
From my own, humble experience living with AbuS after knowing him online for 4 years, I "knew" him well in theory, but put into practice, I didn't really know him at all.
I've decided to use expletives only from the SW EU. Just because I can.
*droyk- Corriliean expletive
**stang - an expletive originating on Alderaan.
***an insult, used in conjunction with someone do something crazy

I'm a loser who has no life offline, and have met many people in person that I've originally met online. I sometimes joke that I have no real world friends. But these are people that I maintain friendships with, not people I live with 24/7. I'm certain they're my friends, but if we lived together all the time, I'd learn a whole droyk* of a lot more about these people than I know through our hanging out together.
Stang**, I lived with my best friend after college. We'd been best friends for 11 years. And knew a whole lot more about her when I moved out than when I moved in and she drove me barvy*** along the way
From my own, humble experience living with AbuS after knowing him online for 4 years, I "knew" him well in theory, but put into practice, I didn't really know him at all.
I've decided to use expletives only from the SW EU. Just because I can.
*droyk- Corriliean expletive
**stang - an expletive originating on Alderaan.
***an insult, used in conjunction with someone do something crazy

The only thing catty in this thread is my signature.
And this smiley
And this Squeaky lol

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

On tawbah (repentance) and istigfar (seeking forgiveness)
The Prophet reported that Allah says:

‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshiping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.





[Tirmidhi]

Because I've decided every thread is better with cats, AbuS is getting this for his birthday this year:

That's my definition of a "man" - a person with XY chromosomes who isn't afraid to get all squishy and sentimental over a fur baby. And who doesn't mind signing these checks:

So yup, AbuS is a "man."

We don't fit into any kind of gender roles. From the beginning, we agreed he wasn't getting an Egyptian wife, and I wasn't getting an American husband. Instead, we're something else entirely.

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

I post pictures of my cat, because I don't care if the entire world sees my cat.

I'd rather not have pictures of AbuS and I floating around the world wide web, being used as an example of MENA men using fat american women for GCs (although I'm halfway to my weight loss goal, so maybe when I'm a smokin hot babe, I'll put a few out there ).

Everyone here is at different points in their visajourney. If you're new and perky and optimistic and happy, good for you. But those of us who are bitter, warn torn veterans have a right to be here and speak about our experiences, the good and the bad.
Should we just not speak about the negatives? Pretend that the scammers don't exist? Or just look the other way and be smiley happy?
Successful marriages do exist. I believe I live one. We've known each other for 9 and a half years, and have been married here in the US together for 5 and a half. On paper, we're a great match - we share the same values, are both bookworms, enjoy the same pastimes, like the same movies, are both cat crazy, are of the same faith, are both political junkies/revolutionaries, are very close in age, come from similar socio-economic backgrounds, have the same level of education, and have the same goals in life. If we were someone from each other's respective countries, we'd still have married each other.
But, every day is hard work. There was no "he got the visa and they lived happily ever after." AbuS came and has struggled mightily. It took him years to find meaningful work in his field. Then, the economy collapsed and he was laid off. And the struggle began again. The struggles in jobs and in adjustment have negatively effected our marriage. I do think that now, 5 years on, we're hitting our stride and actually talking about the whole ark of our future - having kids, buying a house, possibly moving overseas, pursuing advanced degrees. I feel like the last 5 years, we've been frantically treading water, trying not to drown, and only recently been able to actually start swimming in any meaningful direction.
So if I'm bitter and jaded, I think I've earned the right to say so. By all means, those who are at the beginning, continue. Just be forewarned that the process sucks, there are scammers out there, and you may end up bitter and jaded in 5 years time.

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you

Because of course MENA men are all secretly terrorists Can't just be straight up scum bag users, nope, cuz they're muslim, they're out to get us.
OP, so sorry to hear this. On the plus side, it looks like he screwed himself by leaving too soon. I'll keep you in my duas that what is best will happen for you