MENA Men Being "Men"

[FormerlyKnownAs 17]

So I was reading something in another regional forum today talking about how women from Ukraine want their men to be MEN and I thought... How interesting, I want my men to be MEN too. That is one of the things that drew me so strongly to my MENA fiance. He always treats me like a queen and he takes care of me, unlike my prior US boyfriends (and ex-husband!). It's one of the qualities I always think of when I am asked what made me fall for someone who is so far away from me... He is the man and I am the woman. He opens and holds the door for me, always. He orders my dinner. He always makes sure he's walking on the oncoming traffic side of me when we're crossing the street, etc.

So it made me wonder... How many of you ladies feel the same way? While I certainly have my own mind and am very independent (my fiance wouldn't have me any other way), he is still the most "manly" man I've ever been involved with and I absolutely adore him for it. How many of you feel that this is a cultural/regional thing? And how many of you find it to be one of the more appealing qualities of your MENA man? Just wondering!

Edited March 2, 2011 by LongRoadHome

[Anna and Ali 13]

you put it into words very nicely. I feel the same way. I'm all about female independence and gender equality, but i've never wanted to be in charge of a relationship. I like having someone to rely on and to support me emotionally. He is very manly but sensitive at the same time. I was attracted to his sense of morals, his idea of what a man should be (very old fashioned) and his sense of what the husband's role is. He's certainly not a sit at home bum. He may groan at the idea of doing the dishes because no man in his family has ever done that in his presence, but he would never ever let me do something like carry heavy things to the fourth floor apartment. that's a man's work and i shouldn't be troubled. I don't mind! he's the sweetest most affectionate person I've met.

kudos Mena men, the mom's over there make real men

[nurse1967 287]

I will agree with you to some extent. My husband too is good about opening doors, looking out for me and things like that. In some ways though, I tell him he is a diva. He is so concerned about his appearance, has to get his hair cut every three weeks, has certain beauty products he CAN'T live without etc. And, I might mention too, is a total baby when it comes to medical procedures, going to the dentist,things like that. So I do like the fact that they take their role more seriously as far as being the "man". On the other hand, they seem to be more high maintenance then American guys.

[FormerlyKnownAs 17]

I should mention that he also does dishes, laundry, cooks, etc. He really doesn't let me do much of anything, which can be both amusing and irritating on certain days! But I wouldn't change a thing about him. I remember the first time I visited, he came up to me and took all of my bags except for my purse and I was like "I'm fine, I can carry that!" And he just gave me this look like "Hey, this is my job!" It was really quite refreshing, to tell the truth.

To Betsy El Sum: Mine is the *same* way about his hair and appearance! It is so funny to me. I don't really mind, I'm kind of a diva bout my looks as well, so we're kind of comical when checking ourselves in the mirror before going out!

[Lisamarie 79]

My husband is exactly the same way, and I LOVE it!! My husband treats me like a queen. I feel so cared for and protected with him. And although we both have our own minds and speak it, he makes me feel like a "woman"........I definitely think it's a cultural/regional thing, as I've never come across a man here with those kinds of attributes (not saying there aren't any though). Yeah I would also say my husband is the most "manly" man I have ever been involved with also, and I also adore him for it.

So I was reading something in another regional forum today talking about how women from Ukraine want their men to be MEN and I thought... How interesting, I want my men to be MEN too. That is one of the things that drew me so strongly to my MENA fiance. He always treats me like a queen and he takes care of me, unlike my prior US boyfriends (and ex-husband!). It's one of the qualities I always think of when I am asked what made me fall for someone who is so far away from me... He is the man and I am the woman. He opens and holds the door for me, always. He orders my dinner. He always makes sure he's walking on the oncoming traffic side of me when we're crossing the street, etc.

So it made me wonder... How many of you ladies feel the same way? While I certainly have my own mind and am very independent (my fiance wouldn't have me any other way), he is still the most "manly" man I've ever been involved with and I absolutely adore him for it. How many of you feel that this is a cultural/regional thing? And how many of you find it to be one of the more appealing qualities of your MENA man? Just wondering!

Mine is completely different about appearances. Although he always looks nice, he is very simple and doesn't pay much attention to brands, and things such as that. Just give him a computer, a bed, and food, and he's happy:)

I should mention that he also does dishes, laundry, cooks, etc. He really doesn't let me do much of anything, which can be both amusing and irritating on certain days! But I wouldn't change a thing about him. I remember the first time I visited, he came up to me and took all of my bags except for my purse and I was like "I'm fine, I can carry that!" And he just gave me this look like "Hey, this is my job!" It was really quite refreshing, to tell the truth.

To Betsy El Sum: Mine is the *same* way about his hair and appearance! It is so funny to me. I don't really mind, I'm kind of a diva bout my looks as well, so we're kind of comical when checking ourselves in the mirror before going out!

[msheesha 548]

And, at the risk of being screamed at or accused of being angry & bitter, how many of the above posters have your manly men actually living with you? (Betsy - I'm aware yours is. Not sure of the others.)

Edited March 2, 2011 by msheesha

[Jenn! 918]

Chivalry did not enter the equation for me. I'm too busy fulfilling inappropriate-to-my-gender roles to be concerned about such things.

[FormerlyKnownAs 17]

I guess I am also wondering how much of this could be a cultural issue for the men *and* women here in America. When I read the posts about Ukrainian women, it made me wonder if American men believe that all American women want to be the boss in a relationship. Just because we're beautiful, strong-willed, intelligent and independent doesn't mean we want to share the typically male role in a relationship. I, for one, am happy to leave that role to my SO!

I am quite sure there are American men who would be happy to fill that role, so please don't think I am knocking them all. I am just making cultural generalizations, which may be a very insensitive thing to do. So... I apologize if I've offended anyone at all. Not my intention.

PS Jenn! - No offense intended to you either! I had been in that role my entire dating/married life. Nothing wrong with it at all, I just wondered how many felt that same way about how MENA men seem to think about their "roles" in relationships.

Edited March 2, 2011 by LongRoadHome

[Jenn! 918]

It made me wonder if American men believe that all American women want to be the boss in a relationship.

That's not the half of it. We're also fat, ugly, prudish, lazy,...

[nurse1967 287]

One thing I have found about my "manly" MENA man is that he has NOT A HANDYMAN BONE IN HIS BODY. I think it relates to the fact that in Egypt they pay someone to do those type of things and can typically get it done so affordably that it doesn't make much sense to do it yourself. I am way more handy than he is. I don't forsee him ever being good at those types of things.

[msheesha 548]

And, not for nothing - what kind of slubs were you dating in America?????

Yes, my husband holds the door; yes he carries all the bags & doesn't want me to carry anything; yes, he wants to do laundry but I don't want him to; yes he cooks; etc etc etc.

So, no I'm not bitter or angry. (maybe a little sleep deprived b/c he snored so freaking loudly last night, but not bitter or angry).

I just don't understand #1 - why give ribbons for it,

#2 - what kind of jerks were you hanging out with in America? I've had Americans do all of that also.

#3 - how many women throw around superlatives and definitives (he's the best...the most...the perfect...I have ever known) and you've not lived with him! It drives me a little batty sometimes because to me it sounds bizarre!

I could be the most demure, selfless, accomodating, eyelash batting, princess, if I had to - for a week or two on vacation!

sorry to butt into the thread but c'mon!!!

[Jenn! 918]

PS Jenn! - No offense intended to you either! I had been in that role my entire dating/married life. Nothing wrong with it at all, I just wondered how many felt that same way about how MENA men seem to think about their "roles" in relationships.

Oh no, no offense taken. My comment was directed at the stereotypes of American women that are rampant in other areas of VJ.

[And_Sam 44]

LOL I agree with Betsy!

My husband is very much the "man" of the house, but it is also 2-fold. He could be in the kitchen doing something and come and sit down in the living room and then tell me to go get him some water. Huh? Weren't you just in there? "but you are my wife!" Oh yeah, hmm I must have forgot!! LOL

He definitely loves his hair products and if I don't keep them separate, he'll even use my perfume!!! I make sure to keep him "stocked" up on colognes!

Since being in the US, he has calmed down quite abit on being so "chilvarous". I do get to answer the door occasionally!

[nurse1967 287]

Jenn you are right, American guys think American girls are fat,prudish for sure. Of course that's just been my experience. I am certainly not huge, but it is nice to be appreciated for being the "volumptous woman" that I am. My husband wouldn't want me any other way. I can't tell you how many guys here in the good ole USA wouldn't give me the time of day for that very reason even though I am educated, own my own home, don't drink or smoke and generally am a responsible person. Definitely one of the things I love about my MENA guy.

[Jenn! 918]

It's just so ironic that there is an abundance of women in the MENA forum that go looking abroad for a spouse to find someone with more "traditional" values and an abundance of men in other forums that go looking abroad for the same reason. Where is the disconnect? I think people aren't entirely honest about what attracts them to a foreign spouse and IMO it goes back to the issue I mentioned in another thread regarding leveraging your strengths and weaknesses.