Jump to content

How do you deal with loneliness?


31 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

I was just wondering how can some of you deal with the loneliness?

Yesterday was my fiancee's birthday. She went out with her friends and brother to celebrate. I wish I was there. I felt sad and angry. The reason I was angry is because it may take 16-24 months for her to get her visa. She is from the Dominican Republic and USA embassy over there is slow.

I called her and we sometimes speak 3 times per day. Maybe 5-15 minutes in the morning and in the afternoon at nights we would talk for 1-3 hours. But it is not the same. Yesterday we spoke only for 5 minutes. She didnt have cell phone service where she was, over there you need to have three different phone companies just to make sure you have services every where. Her batteries ran out, so ill have to wait until the electricity to come back for her to recharge her cell.

I'll have to wait until July 27th to visit her.


I-129F sent 3/28/2006

Noa1 received 4/5/2006

Noa2 received 4/15/2006

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 30
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Filed: Country: India

Knight... .. simply put.. for myself being female... I cry.. and dang it I have cried alot most lately ..

Last time I was able to be with Jan was July 7th.. ,, we normally have our Daily morning phone call.. 10-30 min .. then textmessages.. then online .. then he sleeps.. when I continue with my day.. My evening is calls to him and texting and of course a good hour or more on chat as well.. However.. he has recently taken a business trip to Belgium... still awaiting a sim card for the phone.. .. .. I am here in Oregon.. our time changed today.. now instead of 10 hours difference.. it is 9 hours. .. making it rather hard to catch each other when we are both awake or not working.. .. .. .. I miss him terribly... I know he is safe.. but.. just not having the opportunity to simply hear his voice on the other end of the phone.. even for a simple minute. is tearing me up..

Totally sympathize about the "no power" situation... many times in India they too get blackouts.. . and have had many times when I tried to call and it rings and rings.. but it never goes tru to him... I have even been online with him .. when i called.. .. no connection.... bad phone card .. or static.. .. then.. time when he sends me 4-5 messages via mobile.. and i never get.. .. times when Yahoo.. clicks off or msn.. isn't compatible.. .. .. sooo frekin frustrating... ..

Even worse when it is a important time.. ie birthday.. or holiday.. or .. special celebration.. or even worse.. family emergency... . My daughter has been in the hospital.. very scary.. and . damit he should be here. but. he cant... grrrrrrrrr.... .. All I can say.. is.. I close my eyes.. feel him close.. know.. that .. he is in my heart.. and myself right there with him.... distance is only relative to space.. .. and that cannot take away the love that is in my heart..

When you finally know what you feel.. the love.. the completeness.. .. distance .. and .. time.. is just a small very important part of us... .. trust your love.. .. .. time is just that. time.. always more of it tomorrow.. but.. true love.. is .. precious.. a gift.. ..

Its hard.. its painful.. but.. trust what you have... don't let it go... hold on tight... HUGS..

Love isn't love unless it is expressed;

caring isn't caring unless the other person knows;

sharing isn't sharing unless the other person is included

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was just wondering how can some of you deal with the loneliness?

The Consulate has been delaying our visa for close to three years now. We have received so many blue slips I have lost count. I get to see my fiancee an average of once a year.

I won't sugar coat it, it's a very painful situation to be in. I have experienced bouts of fear, depression, anger and rage (internal) for what seems a very long time.

When people are in opressive situations with little control they develop methods for thinking that strenghten their mental resolve. I found that emphasizing growth in our relationship through regular communication really helped. When we talk. I try not to spend too much time lementing about the situation and focus on communicating my love and devotion to her. When she expresses fear, I am understanding but use that opportunity to remind her that we are in this for the long haul.

A method I use to keep fear from encroaching on my thoughts is to divide the idea of us together as dependant upon a visa, from our own relationship. Our relationship is something between only us, and as long as we tend it with love, hope and patience it will survive this process. There is no room for the Consulate in our relationship. Although it effects our relationship by preventing physical presence, it does not stop us from loving each other. The visa is another thing separate from our relationship.

It also helps to minimize the importance of the Consulate and the immigration process (in your mind). You have to look at your life together as a long timeline. Assuming that you plan to spend the rest of your lives together, how long would that line be? Now how much of that timeline will be consumed with this awful, drawn-out process. Two years, four years, out of how long a life from this point?,fifty+? If you think of the Consulate or the process as a slow, dark thunderstorm moving over your head, you know that eventually it will pass, and the storm will go along and rain on someone else.

I hope this helps. It's never easy, but all you can do is learn to cope. Get up every day and just go about your life as best as you can in this situation. What more could you do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Algeria

Hehe.. July 27th is my birthday..

How I deal with lonliness :

Keep myself busy with school and friends from student organisations

Play Mah jong tiles and bejeweled... Sleep.. bbbbffffff lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Croatia

you don`t, you just....survive- I try to keep busy until we can talk but it`s still like I am only half alive.....I break down every few days, and it takes a long time for me to go back to thinking that it will be just a bit longer and then we will be able to be together....and then I function for two- three days and break down again.....goodbyes are hardest, it takes us a looooooooooooooong time to finally hang up when we talk on the phone....

but, there is a light at the end of the tunel- this will not be forever (F)

Naturalized! Yeah!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: United Kingdom

I write letters. in the days of email, it seems silly. but its kindof like a journal entry, but I'm writing it to Ollie instead. I trust him with my heart and soul, so why not my journal too? the process of writing the letter, addressing the envelope, buying the stamp, etc, i find very theraputic. he doesn't have reliable internet and his cell signal is bad, so it can be days before i hear from him. sometimes i just need to talk, and that's what the letters help with. maybe it'll be something we can show our kids down the line, or maybe it will just be a silent reminder of what we went thru because we love eachother. at any rate, i know he saves every letter i send :blush:

Hannah and Ollie -- Timeline

Nov 04 2004 - talked for the first time online, swore off online relationionships

Dec 15 2004 - Ollie buys a ticket to meet Hannah in USVI's in March. best laid plans...

Dec 29 2004 - Ollie's ticket to CA is purchased -- we're getting impatient!

Jan 27 2005 - first meeting - 9 days in california go brilliantly

Mar 18 2005 - second meeting in USVI, parents' spys love Ollie, so does Hannah

Jun 23 2005 - Hannah leaves for 5 months in UK w/Ollie


Dec 9 2005 - Mailed i-129F - CA processing office

Dec 22 2005 - NOA1 received

Dec 27 2005 - Ollie sells all in UK and flies to CA for 3 months

Mar 07 2006 - NOA2 Received - never touched!

Mar 16 2006 - Packet left NVC

Mar 25 2006 - Ollie returns to UK :( after 88 days in USA

Mar 28 - Packet 3 received

Apr 10 - Packet 3 returned

Apr 18 - Hannah goes to UK

Apr 25 - Medical

May 01 - Hannah returns to CA :(

Jun 14 - UK interview!

Jul 01 - Wedding scheduled!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Brazil

Talking to him 8 hours a day still doesn't bring him back to me. I feel lonely even when there are hundreds of people around because I know I'll come home and lay on this empty bed one more time..... who knows for how long!!

Trying to focus on what we can still do together even being so far apart (like watching a movie using the web camera, watching tv, listening to music, playing some game) is the best to keep me from going insane. (L)

And of course..... spending about 10 hours a day on VJ plays a big part on it too!! :lol:


Latest steps:

10/26/2006- Consulate receives case (seriously, one month to receive the case?? BS!), and packet 3 that I sent even before they had received the case.

01/02/2007- Interview!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got a 221(g)

01/23/2007- Second Interview. VISA granted!!!

01/29/2007- VISA arrived.... no envelope though. I'm gonna contact them and see what happened this time!

01/31/2007- I'll have to send them one last financial support evidence.

02/01/2007- Evidence sent

02/02/2007- Evidence received by Consulate

02/06/2007- Consulate sends envelope!

02/07/2007- Envelope received!!!

02/10/2007- Flew to the USA!!!!!!

04/17/2007- Wedding day!!!

--- Wish us luck!!! ---

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Germany

Chocolate and Visajourney!


10/13/2006 - sent AOS and EAD documents

10/18/2006 - NOA1

11/02/2006 - biometrics appointment in Santa Ana

01/05/2007 - interview appointment in Santa Ana - APPROVED!!!

01/16/2007 - greencard in mail

01/22/2007 - EAD card in mail (well, thank you very much)



Jonnie & Sandra

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Philippines
Hehe.. July 27th is my birthday..

How I deal with lonliness :

Keep myself busy with school and friends from student organisations

Play Mah jong tiles and bejeweled... Sleep.. bbbbffffff lol

well your not the only one birthday is July 27.. that is mine also.. we are twins :lol::lol::dance::dance:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Thailand

Webcam, work, Webcam, Work so on and so on

09/05/2005 Met Tik thru my brothers Thai Wife

12/01/2005 First meeting in Thailand

12/12/2005 Returned to the USA

12/13/2005 I-129F mailed express mail to TSC

12/15/2005 TSC Recived paperwork

12/21/2005 Noa-1

12/27/2005 Noa-1 recieved snail mail dated Dec 21 transfered to CSC

03/14/2006 NOA 2

03/16/2006 Medical, Police report and postal fee paid.

03/21/2006 NVC Sent to Bangkok

03/24/2006 Bangkok gets package tracked online with DHL

03/27/2006 Mailed in packet 3

04/04/2006 Interview assigned May 22 2006

05/22/2006 Interview day... delayed Approval because of FBI NAME CHECK

05/26/2006 VISA RECIEVED!!!!!!!!!!

05/27/2006 POE LAX ..MY BABY IN AMERICA!!!!

06/17/2006 Wedding DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! MARRIED!!!

06/19/2006 Applied for ssn

06/26/2006 Recieved SSN


08/03/2006 Sent AOS paperwork to Chicago lockbox

08/07/2006 Recived at Chicago

08/15/2006 NOA for 485 and 131

08/30/2006 Biometrics

08/30/2006 Notice Transfered to CSC.. Hello My old CSC Friends

9/26/06 Received Welcome Notice email

09/30/06 Green Card IN HAND

01/08/07 Pregnant !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

09/26/07 Baby Here!!!!!


( ='.'= )


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Lebanon

As far as the loneliness, I am OVERLOADED. Work full time, school full time (last year of university), VJ all the time, and of course talking to my Ali as often as possible (usually 1 or 2 hours a day). Someone said they could be in a room with 100 people and still feel lonely ... took the words right out of my mouth. I know exactly how you feel. I hate it when I'm all dressed up and look good and Ali is not there to see it. So what's my solution ? Stop going out so much ! Stay busy at home. Hopefully the wait will not be much longer ....

Edited by LebaneseBride

Reunited and it feels so good ....

NOA #1 - March 23rd, 2004

Interview- May 18th, 2006 (Success !)

Arrived in the US - May 27, 2006 (our IR-1 visa journey was 2 years and 2 months long)

Wedding - June 17th, 2006

It's a Girl ! Baby Hana's expected due date - March 30th, 2007


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well going thru this process takes loads/tons of patience. But when you get it,it's worth the wait.Keep yourself busy, workout, get a hobby and if you believe in prayers it can really lift ones spirit.There wil always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the faith burning.

Good luck....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This post is so depressing. I try to be positive, but it is hard. I think that this time apart is just a sacrifice (an inconvienence) for us being together for the rest of our lives.

K-1 Journey

3/09/06 K-1 petition sent to Vermont

3/22/06 NOA1 received

4/17/06 NOA2 Approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4/21/06 NVC received/ Sent to Paris

5/06 returned to NVC, je ne sais pas pour quoi

7/6/06 IMBRA RFE

7/11/06 RFE received at VSC

8/18/06 NOA 2 Reapproved!!!!!!

9/12/06 Packet 3 arrived

9/22/06 Packet 3 sent

10/28/06 Packet 4

11/29/06 Interview/ APPROVED!!!!!

12/05/06 US arrival JFK POE

AOS/EAD Journey

12/19/06 SSN applied for

1/20/07 SSN card received in mail

1/23/07 Civil Ceremony

4/3/07 I-485 and I-765 sent

4/11/07 NOA1 received

6/15/2007 EAD production of card

6/24/2007 EAD received

6/27/2007 AOS approved!!!!

7/2/2007 Green Card Received!!!!!!!!!!!!

8/14/07 Baby Arrives 7:44pm

11/03/07 "It's a Family Affair" wedding


4/28/09 mailed to Vermont

5/11/09 receipt letter, I-751 received by VSC

6/12/09 biometrics Baltimore

8/4/09 approval letter

8/11/09 email, card will be sent within 30 days

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada

I've had too many days when I think that no one understands how I'm feeling. And then I'll read a topic like this one and realize that I'm not alone, and to stop my self pity train. It's true that none of my friends or family know the extent of my lonliness, but, people here on VJ do, and on days like today, it's been my lifeline. Last year, my fiance was very ill, and I had the opportunity to be able to spend 8 months with him (coming home every 5-6 weeks for a week or so, so not to tick the border off). Although we were fortunate that we were able to do this, I now see that others going through this process don't have the opportunities to be with each other when they're going through difficult times....and my heart goes out to you. On the downside of the time I spent with him.......we had a taste of being together for that long, and then when his medical condition improved (he had an organ transplant) and I had to return to my job, home, etc......I MISSED HIM EVEN MORE. It's ironic reading this post today...my fiance and I just had a conversation this morning where he asked if I was losing my "spark" for us. I explained that NO, I'm not.....it's just that lately I've been flat and my self defense mechinism has kicked in it doesn't seem that I'm letting myself feel ANYTHING these days. Ok, I'm rambling, time to stop now. I'm usually shy about posting, but, feeling sorry for myself here today instead of realizing that we're one of the lucky ones.

our timeline

01/03/06 - mailed I-129F application to NSC

01/16/06 - received NOA1 via snail mail

03/07/06 - received NOA2 via e-mail

03/22/06 - received at NVC

03/23/06 - case forwarded to embassy (Montreal)

04/03/06 - packet 3 arrives from embassy

04/11/06 - sent checklist and DS-230 part 1 to embassy

07/07/06 - Interview in Montreal

07/07/06 - Visa denied, handed in completed I-601

08/19/06 - I-601 received in Vermont

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Loneliness...hard to cope with in general...not a minute goes by when I am not thinking of Chris. Sad to say...a little sappy, but honestly I can be talking about something at work and I will use him in the conversation or imagine him doing this with me or what ever. I always wonder if people are as sappy as me or if I am driving others crazy?!?

I'd say that I am one of the lucky ones out there. I get to see Chris every 6-8 weeks. So complaining is something I shouldn't do very often compared to some of the stories you all have.

I love to cook...so lately I have been planning meals and day dreaming about things I might cook when Chris is here the next time. Or like today I am planning a short hiking trip for while here is here next.

We text throughout the day...then catch up on Skype later in the evening.

What gets me the most..when I feel the most loneliness, is at night right before I drift to sleep. When he isn't their beside me. Reading our books together..maybe touching feet...waiting for that moment when we turn the lights off and he kisses me good night. That is when I am lonely. AND now I am sad! *giggle*

5 more weeks to go!! Then I can cook a meal for him... :)

All You Need Is Love...

*The Beatles*

I am a wife!! Whoa this is weird!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -

Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
  • Create New...