Expedite due to anxiety and depression

[Lynxyonok 316]

16 hours ago, Riyasha parajuli said:

My fiance is seeing a psychiatrist regarding her depression and anxiety. She is going through terrible symptoms so we tried to expedite our case with all the medical documents, but it was denied. 
 

now will it create some problem during her medicals later when we get approved? 
what should be done next?

I will echo the suggestion offered by @Marieke H: Move to her. Quickly.

 

If your fiancée is already experiencing symptoms, just how much worse is it going to get before she can come over here? The road is long.

 

Based on my personal experience, I will dare suggest that it may have been close to six months since the two of you have seen each other (an unfair assumption, I get it, as everyone's mileage will vary) - or a comparable amount of time. I'm also going to assume that you're not anywhere near an estimated NOA2 approval, or if you are, there are no plans to see your fiancée prior to her coming to the United States.

 

Don't focus on my assumptions as they are likely wrong: focus on the fact that she needs something that she does not currently have.

 

So, she's breaking down, and you're not anywhere near in sight.

 

First of all, some damage can be irreversible.

Second, she is going to remember hurting while you didn't help.

 

Please don't think of me as a wise man on a hill preaching to the masses below: I have literally dodged the same bullet 2 months ago. I've had to make choices suboptimal for me but optimal for us.

 

Disclaimer: I do not hold a medical or psychiatrical license, so please seek experienced second opinion prior to heeding my words. 

[slavaskii 885]

I just want to say that your fiancee did the right thing seeking medical help, and regardless of what happens during the exam, it sounds like she is able to get the treatment she needs. Her having to explain to the examiner what she's done for her anxiety pales in comparison to her having to suffer through it for months / years.

 

In the meantime, what you should do? Definitely talk to her about the whole K-1 process, including what it means to be waiting for AOS. I think she would appreciate honesty and openness, as this process is long from beginning to end and it sounds like there's going to be lots of adjustment for her. 

 

This particular expedite will not work, so reapplying shouldn't be a consideration and she should also understand that.

[Lynxyonok 316]

1 minute ago, slavaskii said:

I just want to say that your fiancee did the right thing seeking medical help, and regardless of what happens during the exam, it sounds like she is able to get the treatment she needs. Her having to explain to the examiner what she's done for her anxiety pales in comparison to her having to suffer through it for months / years.

 

In the meantime, what you should do? Definitely talk to her about the whole K-1 process, including what it means to be waiting for AOS. I think she would appreciate honesty and openness, as this process is long from beginning to end and it sounds like there's going to be lots of adjustment for her. 

 

This particular expedite will not work, so reapplying shouldn't be a consideration and she should also understand that.

 

Wow. This - 100%. Thank you.

[Marieke H 2,314]

I have shared here on this forum how difficult the AOS process was for me after arriving on a K-1 visa, but this is something I never shared:

 

I developed anxiety and depression during those months of sitting at home and not being able to do anything. It got so bad that my husband suggested that maybe we should forget about my green card and I should just move back to the Netherlands for a bit to get better, and then we would see what we would do. It was undiagnosed and untreated for a long time, and after I had finally started working and we had good insurance, I was diagnosed, received treatment, and I am doing okay now. Moving to a new country is hard. Not being able to work, travel, drive, etc, makes it even harder.

 

Please don't make her go through that if she is already struggling with her mental health. Go visit her, spend time with her, talk to her about what would be the best thing to do for both of you. Maybe she will want to stay where she is and focus on her mental health first. Maybe you two will want to get married and file for a CR-1 instead so she will arrive as an LPR instead of being in limbo for months.

Edited November 30, 2022 by Marieke H

[Lynxyonok 316]

6 hours ago, Marieke H said:

I have shared here on this forum how difficult the AOS process was for me after arriving on a K-1 visa, but this is something I never shared:

 

I developed anxiety and depression during those months of sitting at home and not being able to do anything. It got so bad that my husband suggested that maybe we should forget about my green card and I should just move back to the Netherlands for a bit to get better, and then we would see what we would do. It was undiagnosed and untreated for a long time, and after I had finally started working and we had good insurance, I was diagnosed, received treatment, and I am doing okay now. Moving to a new country is hard. Not being able to work, travel, drive, etc, makes it even harder.

 

Please don't make her go through that if she is already struggling with her mental health. Go visit her, spend time with her, talk to her about what would be the best thing to do for both of you. Maybe she will want to stay where she is and focus on her mental health first. Maybe you two will want to get married and file for a CR-1 instead so she will arrive as an LPR instead of being in limbo for months.

 

Ability to do: This is probably one of the most understated variables in the whole process.

 

Americans are accustomed to living over large distances. We drive half an hour to a store, an hour to work, etc. Taking a day trip to a city 200 miles away is not that difficult.

 

Well, our non-American partners aren't exactly as mobile. They live in cities, you see. Or in close-knit villages. Friends are a block away, the nearest club or place of interest - a bus ride or a manageable walk away. Everything's rather close by.

 

Now, let's take this individual and place them in the good ole USA.

 

My mother's address - when she had moved over here with me from a city of 10 million people - was "the third house on the right after the bridge".

 

What.

 

A total feeling of helplessness. No neighbors in sight (a bad situation to be in when we had a kitchen fire just a month into our residency).  o way at all to get to the closest store or a public place. A husband who comes home from work tired only to run into the wife full of energy and intent to go out and do something.

 

Adjustment of status aside, ability to work aside: we're talking about basics here. Anything but the four walls.

 

I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine - that's a beautiful song ("Midnight train to Georgia"), but it's a fairy tale. A caged bird doesn't sing...

 

...I adore living in the country. I want nothing but trees as far as the eye can see. Silence, platitude. But... my fiancée is from a humongous city...

 

Uh-oh.

 

I paid extra to buy a townhouse on top of a light rail line and just minutes away from a major city with an enclave of people of her culture.

 

They are giving up everything to be with you.

Make sure the world you take them to is like their old one as much as possible.

 

Or they may eventually find one that is.

[Daphne . 1,679]

1 hour ago, Lynxyonok said:

 

Ability to do: This is probably one of the most understated variables in the whole process.

 

Americans are accustomed to living over large distances. We drive half an hour to a store, an hour to work, etc. Taking a day trip to a city 200 miles away is not that difficult.

 

Well, our non-American partners aren't exactly as mobile. They live in cities, you see. Or in close-knit villages. Friends are a block away, the nearest club or place of interest - a bus ride or a manageable walk away. Everything's rather close by.

 

Now, let's take this individual and place them in the good ole USA.

 

My mother's address - when she had moved over here with me from a city of 10 million people - was "the third house on the right after the bridge".

 

What.

 

A total feeling of helplessness. No neighbors in sight (a bad situation to be in when we had a kitchen fire just a month into our residency).  o way at all to get to the closest store or a public place. A husband who comes home from work tired only to run into the wife full of energy and intent to go out and do something.

 

Adjustment of status aside, ability to work aside: we're talking about basics here. Anything but the four walls.

 

I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine - that's a beautiful song ("Midnight train to Georgia"), but it's a fairy tale. A caged bird doesn't sing...

 

...I adore living in the country. I want nothing but trees as far as the eye can see. Silence, platitude. But... my fiancée is from a humongous city...

 

Uh-oh.

 

I paid extra to buy a townhouse on top of a light rail line and just minutes away from a major city with an enclave of people of her culture.

 

They are giving up everything to be with you.

Make sure the world you take them to is like their old one as much as possible.

 

Or they may eventually find one that is.

This is all so true! Thank goodness I did the CR1, but even with the ability to work (stay busy) and travel (go ‘back home’ sometimes) the struggle of living in a country that is so different from home, is real. 
 

Thank you for posting this, this gets overlooked by so many people! 

[Mello3 33]

On 11/30/2022 at 4:47 PM, Lynxyonok said:

 

Ability to do: This is probably one of the most understated variables in the whole process.

 

Americans are accustomed to living over large distances. We drive half an hour to a store, an hour to work, etc. Taking a day trip to a city 200 miles away is not that difficult.

 

Well, our non-American partners aren't exactly as mobile. They live in cities, you see. Or in close-knit villages. Friends are a block away, the nearest club or place of interest - a bus ride or a manageable walk away. Everything's rather close by.

 

Now, let's take this individual and place them in the good ole USA.

 

My mother's address - when she had moved over here with me from a city of 10 million people - was "the third house on the right after the bridge".

 

What.

 

A total feeling of helplessness. No neighbors in sight (a bad situation to be in when we had a kitchen fire just a month into our residency).  o way at all to get to the closest store or a public place. A husband who comes home from work tired only to run into the wife full of energy and intent to go out and do something.

 

Adjustment of status aside, ability to work aside: we're talking about basics here. Anything but the four walls.

 

I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine - that's a beautiful song ("Midnight train to Georgia"), but it's a fairy tale. A caged bird doesn't sing...

 

...I adore living in the country. I want nothing but trees as far as the eye can see. Silence, platitude. But... my fiancée is from a humongous city...

 

Uh-oh.

 

I paid extra to buy a townhouse on top of a light rail line and just minutes away from a major city with an enclave of people of her culture.

 

They are giving up everything to be with you.

Make sure the world you take them to is like their old one as much as possible.

 

Or they may eventually find one that is.

This was very, very helpful. I speak with my fiance about the percieved challenges I anticipated but the day to day differences I imagine can be overwhelming. For intstance. I have only been unemployed once in my life for 3 months and it practically drove my bananas sitting at home searching for work. For a new person arriving here the sitting at home has to be worse because they cant accept a position even if there are 10 available. My fiance always comments that it takes so long for me to run errands or go places because where she lives it is a short trike ride away. I'll need to make sure that we go into a little more detail about these things. I work at home so she will not feel so alone but you are right, I do not always feel like going out after work and I imagine that she will be dying to explore if no other reason than to see some of the places she has seen me at on video calls. 

 

Great post, thanks again.