Abroad living with kids

[Lostinlove2900 12]

Afternoon everyone 

planning for the worse...has anyone ever moved abroad with their child? Country specific : South Africa. 
how was the visa process?

do you regret leaving America and going abroad? 
Any tips much appreciated

[Adventine 3,187]

I don't have experience with South Africa, but I can share some things that may be helpful because my USC boyfriend moved to the Philippines specifically to be with me and to decide if we liked living together enough to get married. We're engaged now.

 

- Expenses: This is the most important part. If you can't agree on this before you arrive in your partner's country, it's a bad sign and you shouldn't relocate. We looked at our finances and decided how we would pay for rent, food, utilities, travel, etc. This meant being completely honest with income, debt, assets and how much we could afford.

 

- Child: this is the second most important part. I strongly advise you to research schools that meet your expectations and budget, and how to integrate your child into this new culture. Otherwise it will just be a miserable experience and they may end up resenting you and your partner.

 

- Visa: other posters with experience in South Africa may provide more specific guidance, but your visas must be the type that allow you to work and your child to study. Tourist visas are not the right type.

 

- Work: if you decide to telework for your US employer, take into account the time zone difference. Night shift is brutal and not everyone can do it long-term.

 

In conclusion, my USC fiancé did not regret moving abroad to be with me, and we were very happy living in my home country, but he did struggle with working nights. Our situation was much less complex because we don't have kids.

 

Good luck to you and hopefully things work out with your international move!

 

 

 

[Lostinlove2900 12]

10 minutes ago, Adventine said:

I don't have experience with South Africa, but I can share some things that may be helpful because my USC boyfriend moved to the Philippines specifically to be with me and to decide if we liked living together enough to get married. We're engaged now.

 

- Expenses: This is the most important part. If you can't agree on this before you arrive in your partner's country, it's a bad sign and you shouldn't relocate. We looked at our finances and decided how we would pay for rent, food, utilities, travel, etc. This meant being completely honest with income, debt, assets and how much we could afford.

 

- Child: this is the second most important part. I strongly advise you to research schools that meet your expectations and budget, and how to integrate your child into this new culture. Otherwise it will just be a miserable experience and they may end up resenting you and your partner.

 

- Visa: other posters with experience in South Africa may provide more specific guidance, but your visas must be the type that allow you to work and your child to study. Tourist visas are not the right type.

 

- Work: if you decide to telework for your US employer, take into account the time zone difference. Night shift is brutal and not everyone can do it long-term.

 

In conclusion, my USC fiancé did not regret moving abroad to be with me, and we were very happy living in my home country, but he did struggle with working nights. Our situation was much less complex because we don't have kids.

 

Good luck to you and hopefully things work out with your international move!

 

 

 

Thank you for the honesty. 
thankfully we do agree on money and the ideal school for the child.

the issue I am having is the silly visa trying to select which one is best. As I could do a spousal but then I am unsure if that would cover my child. 😣 
The other issue is obviously the work part as well as that’s my fiancé concern rightfully so.  

however, I think every USC should spend time in their SO home country makes them learn more things culturally. 

[Adventine 3,187]

It's great that you have already agreed with your fiancé about finances and your child's schooling. I also fully agree with your opinion that USCs should spend significant time in their partners' home countries. It has so many benefits and helps the relationship long-term.

 

The work and visa concerns could be solved by finding a South African employer willing to arrange a work visa for you. They would easily be able to arrange the appropriate visa for your child, too. But that depends on your personal career decisions.

[Ontarkie 13,904]

~~Moved to Emigrating Outside the US, from Off Topic~~

[SalishSea 16,748]

6 hours ago, Lostinlove2900 said:

Afternoon everyone 

planning for the worse...has anyone ever moved abroad with their child? Country specific : South Africa. 
how was the visa process?

do you regret leaving America and going abroad? 
Any tips much appreciated

Someone in 90 Day Fiance did this (or tried to).  

[JeanneAdil 6,190]

13 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

Someone in 90 Day Fiance did this (or tried to).  

was a complete disaster for her as they had to live in fenced in area and the boy was not free to play like we can because the South African told her it wasn't safe for kids.

but they had many other personal issues between the 2 of them and not related to the country

have you considered a long visit to see area you would live in and test if you feel its right for you and your children?   no way would i go without knowing what i was getting into

best to you

[Lostinlove2900 12]

40 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

was a complete disaster for her as they had to live in fenced in area and the boy was not free to play like we can because the South African told her it wasn't safe for kids.

but they had many other personal issues between the 2 of them and not related to the country

have you considered a long visit to see area you would live in and test if you feel its right for you and your children?   no way would i go without knowing what i was getting into

best to you

Really? I assume that’s depending on the area. My children and I have been for 3 months the max allowed without a visa. I plan on going again next month for two. And you’re absolutely right no one should move anywhere blindly that even includes moving to another town in America. but thank you  

[JeanneAdil 6,190]

3 hours ago, Lostinlove2900 said:

Really? I assume that’s depending on the area. My children and I have been for 3 months the max allowed without a visa. I plan on going again next month for two. And you’re absolutely right no one should move anywhere blindly that even includes moving to another town in America. but thank you  

then you have already decided to make the move

best to you and family

[Adventine 3,187]

@Lostinlove2900 Also great that you're going into this with previous experience living in South Africa. Hopefully someone more knowledgeable can advise you on the SA visa options soon.

 

If not, well, you're going there anyway, so you can inquire directly with their Ministry of Foreign Affairs or with potential SA employers who may be interested in hiring expats. Good luck!

[SusieQQQ 11,584]

On 12/20/2020 at 10:41 AM, JeanneAdil said:

was a complete disaster for her as they had to live in fenced in area and the boy was not free to play like we can because the South African told her it wasn't safe for kids

This is very often the reason that South Africans who can, emigrate. Objectively, SA sadly has one of the highest incidences of both murder and rape worldwide. If you live in a gated community you can kind of be more like a US or UK type lifestyle, if you stay in the community. Some suburbs are swarming with private security guards which has the same “safer” effect. Basically, the richer you are and the more security you can buy, the safer you are. So that’s something to consider as well. The flip side that people like is cheap labor (not uncommon for middle class and up to have full time housekeepers and childcare). And it is an awesomely beautiful country.

 

On the visa side, the bureaucracy can be a PITA. I had a British colleague who moved to be with his partner and his visa took months to sort out, eventually the company took it over to get him a work visa rather than a partner visa. I don’t remember exact details but there was a lot of time and stress involved.  (He’s still there, now with a new partner, about 9 years later, but no kids).

 

Edit to add: highly recommend you school your children at an international school, especially if you plan to stay any length of time. There are many different options in the major cities (US system, UK, french, German, IB etc). There has been a systematic scaling back over time of acceptance of SA high school diplomas in colleges overseas. Those whose kids go overseas for college go to high schools where they can do A levels, IB etc. 

Edited January 1, 2021 by SusieQQQ

[flicks1998 1,044]

On 12/20/2020 at 6:45 AM, Lostinlove2900 said:

Afternoon everyone 

planning for the worse...has anyone ever moved abroad with their child? Country specific : South Africa. 
how was the visa process?

do you regret leaving America and going abroad? 
Any tips much appreciated

Ive lived outside of the US for 20+ years and just recently made the decision to move back to the US, mainly for schooling for my son.  I also work in Global Mobility for a career which is moving expats in and out of countries, which involves immigration, tax, destination services, cross cultural training, etc etc.  I dont have any country specific experience to South Africa with most of my experience in APAC, Europe and Middle East, and a little in central America.  However PM me if you have specific questions.  The biggest concern (and what 99% of the expats with children focus on) is schooling for their kids. 

 

I never regretted leaving the US.  In fact, since I was a child I have spent a good part of my life outside of the country and even today just relate to the country for the fact I was born there.  I am more of a global nomad having lived, worked, traveled, or studied in 120+ countries.