Interview Nerves - AOS Interview coming up fast

[ZeeZeeZee 11]

Oh, they absolutely asked about the living situation thing, because that's a big one. We told the unvarnished truth: my partner moved to the Bay Area for work, I'll be moving there when I get a job, but that hasn't happened yet because my EAD took forever. We didn't mention that we'll be living separately and the interviewer didn't follow up on it, even though I was expecting them to: after all, if we'd been planning on moving in together, it would have made a lot more sense for me to move at the same time as my partner, and it would certainly work out cheaper for both of us that way.

 

We have good reasons for not living together (I want a cat and they don't, and I have what my partner delicately terms as "very particular personal space needs": I need a lot of alone time and I know from past experience that living with a partner is a relationship-killer for me) and we were ready to explain that if asked; we just didn't volunteer the information unasked, and I guess our initial answer rang true enough that it didn't trigger any followup.

 

That's pretty much the point I'm trying to make: most people are bad at inventing explanations on the spot, so the interviewing officer will ask about stuff that stands out to them and watch to see if you're struggling to answer, or if what you're saying sounds rehearsed and generic. When you're explaining stuff that actually happened, it's always going to sound more legit because you'll naturally add all sorts of little details that wouldn't appear in an invented story; conversely, if you don't pass the smell test then no amount of paperwork is going to save you, especially not stuff that anyone could pull together two weeks before the interview!

[SalishSea 16,791]

Are you married to your partner?

[Pole2USHopeful 3]

On 11/27/2019 at 1:50 AM, ZeeZeeZee said:

I suspect it depends a lot on the interviewing officer, but my partner and I sailed through our interview last week with way less evidence than you have. (Also admittedly no overstay issues though, and being white, fluent English speaking, highly educated also helped) It's not just the paperwork, they're watching how you interact with each other. People are comfortable with their life partner in a way that they aren't with people they barely know, and it shows.

 

My partner and I had a very small wedding, and we don't live together and don't plan to in future, which means we haven't combined most of our finances; we also filed our taxes separately last year, because it did actually work out cheaper for us that time. We pretty much just had a few photos, joint health insurance, and a joint credit card and a log of google pay transactions showing that we split the cost of paying it off each month. We had planned to have more evidence, but various things (super slow EAD, and suprisingly early interview) got in the way.

 

Don't hide or lie about the stuff you're worried about in the interview, but don't bring it up either. You've got a lot of good stuff there: joint lease, joint car, joint insurances, etc, so talk about _those_, not what you don't have. They're not looking for you to have 100% merged your lives! Eg my partner and I own our cars separately, and they're insured separately; it literally never came up in the interview. If they do ask about one of the things you listed, just tell the story behind it, no apologies. Especially if you're both contributing parts of the story, correcting details, etc.

 

We got asked how we chose our rings, so if you're planning on getting rings just for the interview, make sure you've agreed on a narrative that doesn't sound like "yeah, um, we thought we should have rings for the interview". The truth works well: "we didn't get rings immediately because we were super in debt at the time; now thankfully we're on top of that, and we actually only found time to go ring shopping a few weeks ago... we looked at X, Y, Z, and..." etc.

 

 

 

thank you for the encouraging words. I'm going off several weeks without a full night's sleep.... really praying here. Interview in ~30 hours.

[Moe428 129]

On 11/27/2019 at 10:16 PM, ZeeZeeZee said:

Oh, they absolutely asked about the living situation thing, because that's a big one. We told the unvarnished truth: my partner moved to the Bay Area for work, I'll be moving there when I get a job, but that hasn't happened yet because my EAD took forever. We didn't mention that we'll be living separately and the interviewer didn't follow up on it, even though I was expecting them to: after all, if we'd been planning on moving in together, it would have made a lot more sense for me to move at the same time as my partner, and it would certainly work out cheaper for both of us that way.

 

We have good reasons for not living together (I want a cat and they don't, and I have what my partner delicately terms as "very particular personal space needs": I need a lot of alone time and I know from past experience that living with a partner is a relationship-killer for me) and we were ready to explain that if asked; we just didn't volunteer the information unasked, and I guess our initial answer rang true enough that it didn't trigger any followup.

 

That's pretty much the point I'm trying to make: most people are bad at inventing explanations on the spot, so the interviewing officer will ask about stuff that stands out to them and watch to see if you're struggling to answer, or if what you're saying sounds rehearsed and generic. When you're explaining stuff that actually happened, it's always going to sound more legit because you'll naturally add all sorts of little details that wouldn't appear in an invented story; conversely, if you don't pass the smell test then no amount of paperwork is going to save you, especially not stuff that anyone could pull together two weeks before the interview!

This is a very interesting situation, as it relates closely to my situation.  My wife had to move to another state to do her residency (before she can become a practicing physician) for 3 years and I wasn't sure how that'd come across.  I am on a work permit that's tied to my job so I stayed where I was, and we'd like to stay here in the long term anyway.  She'd of course move back as soon as she's done her residency.  We still spend a significant amount of time together (10-15 days each month, I work from home in her apartment) and I have a plethora of plane tickets showing travel and receipts of some of the things we did together when I travel.  What you mention is encouraging, i.e. if you have a good reason to live separately, it hopefully should not to result in a problem.  Admittedly neither of us are white, so who knows if that will be a problem.  I of course haven't mentioned the other standard bonafide marriage evidence, since I believe I am quite strong there, but this was the only part that I am/was a bit iffy about.

Edited December 3, 2019 by Moe428

[Pole2USHopeful 3]

11 hours ago, Moe428 said:

This is a very interesting situation, as it relates closely to my situation.  My wife had to move to another state to do her residency (before she can become a practicing physician) for 3 years and I wasn't sure how that'd come across.  I am on a work permit that's tied to my job so I stayed where I was, and we'd like to stay here in the long term anyway.  She'd of course move back as soon as she's done her residency.  We still spend a significant amount of time together (10-15 days each month, I work from home in her apartment) and I have a plethora of plane tickets showing travel and receipts of some of the things we did together when I travel.  What you mention is encouraging, i.e. if you have a good reason to live separately, it hopefully should not to result in a problem.  Admittedly neither of us are white, so who knows if that will be a problem.  I of course haven't mentioned the other standard bonafide marriage evidence, since I believe I am quite strong there, but this was the only part that I am/was a bit iffy about.

I'd argue that plane tickets every month to see each other during an easy-to-prove employment relocation are just as strong as full cohabitation evidence. 

[Pole2USHopeful 3]

Wanted to update everyone. 

 

Interview went well, they were very impressed by how much we brought and only took some utility bills, a few bank statements from the joint account, internet bills, and 5 photos. 

 

We were approved on the spot and I received a notification that the card is being produced minutes later. 

 

I wanted to thank those that replied and everyone in this community for helping on all the threads I've been reading lately. You're all truly amazing and I'm grateful a place like this exists. 

[ZeeZeeZee 11]

6 minutes ago, Pole2USHopeful said:

Wanted to update everyone. 

 

Interview went well, they were very impressed by how much we brought and only took some utility bills, a few bank statements from the joint account, internet bills, and 5 photos. 

 

We were approved on the spot and I received a notification that the card is being produced minutes later. 

 

I wanted to thank those that replied and everyone in this community for helping on all the threads I've been reading lately. You're all truly amazing and I'm grateful a place like this exists. 

 

Yessss! Congratulations! I wasn't sure how they'd handle the overstay thing, but apart from that I was certain you'd be fine. I'm so glad it went well for you!

 

If you're obsessively checking your case status online (I certainly was!), don't read too much into the changing statuses: we also got approved on the spot but my I-130 online status was stuck on "your case is being reviewed" for several days, while my I-485 went from "your card is being produced" to "your case is approved" to "your card has been posted". As far as I can tell, once they've sent the order to produce your card, you're home safe

 

On 12/3/2019 at 12:23 AM, Moe428 said:

This is a very interesting situation, as it relates closely to my situation.  My wife had to move to another state to do her residency (before she can become a practicing physician) for 3 years and I wasn't sure how that'd come across.  I am on a work permit that's tied to my job so I stayed where I was, and we'd like to stay here in the long term anyway.  She'd of course move back as soon as she's done her residency.  We still spend a significant amount of time together (10-15 days each month, I work from home in her apartment) and I have a plethora of plane tickets showing travel and receipts of some of the things we did together when I travel.  What you mention is encouraging, i.e. if you have a good reason to live separately, it hopefully should not to result in a problem.  Admittedly neither of us are white, so who knows if that will be a problem.  I of course haven't mentioned the other standard bonafide marriage evidence, since I believe I am quite strong there, but this was the only part that I am/was a bit iffy about.

 

It does feel like a lot of the advice I see online is still caught up in proving an idealised 1950s-style traditional heteronormative marriage: you must live together, you must have kids already or have a good reason why not, your finances must be 100% merged, etc. I don't think *anyone* could meet that standard today! Going through the interview last month, it really felt more like those were good things if you had them, but not disqualifying if not. "[Partner] had to move for work, and here's what we're doing in the meantime" was met with an understanding nod from our interviewer, so it's certainly not an uncommon thing.

 

 

[cardia 141]

On 12/3/2019 at 12:23 AM, Moe428 said:

This is a very interesting situation, as it relates closely to my situation.  My wife had to move to another state to do her residency (before she can become a practicing physician) for 3 years and I wasn't sure how that'd come across.  I am on a work permit that's tied to my job so I stayed where I was, and we'd like to stay here in the long term anyway.  She'd of course move back as soon as she's done her residency.  We still spend a significant amount of time together (10-15 days each month, I work from home in her apartment) and I have a plethora of plane tickets showing travel and receipts of some of the things we did together when I travel.  What you mention is encouraging, i.e. if you have a good reason to live separately, it hopefully should not to result in a problem.  Admittedly neither of us are white, so who knows if that will be a problem.  I of course haven't mentioned the other standard bonafide marriage evidence, since I believe I am quite strong there, but this was the only part that I am/was a bit iffy about.

You’ll be alright. My husband and I were long distance for the first year of our marriage, but the IO didn’t even bat an eye when we explained that we were both pursuing degrees at separate universities. We did bring an excessive amount of bonafide marriage evidence, but I’m willing to bet that realistically, so long as you’ve proven that you’ve made an effort to combine your lives together despite circumstances, most if not all cases with this kind of living situation don’t even raise an eyebrow.

Edited December 4, 2019 by cardia

[Pole2USHopeful 3]

23 hours ago, ZeeZeeZee said:

If you're obsessively checking your case status online (I certainly was!), don't read too much into the changing statuses: we also got approved on the spot but my I-130 online status was stuck on "your case is being reviewed" for several days, while my I-485 went from "your card is being produced" to "your case is approved" to "your card has been posted". As far as I can tell, once they've sent the order to produce your card, you're home safe

 

 

 

This is happening right now, statuses going all over the place. Hoping it's what you've described!