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Hi everyone,

I am so depressed and I am not sure where to turn and I am posting in here asking for help.  We have been married for 8 months but throughout those 8 months we are constantly fighting.  Now I finally realize that we are not compatible and I believe divorce is the only option for us.  We are currently at the adjustment of status stage.  To complicate the matter,  we are going to have a newborn in November.  

 

I would like to do what’s best for the baby that’s coming.  But, I don’t know where to begin.  Looking back, I now believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying my spouse.  I am so depressed and I don’t quite know what to do.

 

What should I do?


Thank you so much, everyone!

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1 minute ago, USS_Voyager said:

Begin with that. What do you want to do? Do you want to stay in the US or do you want to go back to your home country? Do you just have a pending I-485? Do you want to raise the baby here in the States? 

Thank you for your quick reply.  I feel like I am going out of my mind here.  I am a USC.  My spouse is from China.  She was divorced.  So this is her second marriage.  We have a pending I-485.  She does not want to go back to her home country.  And she does not want a divorce.  She is vindictive and she is using the newborn against me.  I am crying every day.  


Thank you so much, everyone!

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Just now, Hello729 said:

Thank you for your quick reply.  I feel like I am going out of my mind here.  I am a USC.  My spouse is from China.  She was divorced.  So this is her second marriage.  We have a pending I-485.  She does not want to go back to her home country.  And she does not want a divorce.  She is vindictive and she is using the newborn against me.  I am crying every day.  

Well, you need to put your "big boy " pants on and make a decision.   You don't need her cooperation to facilitate a divorce.   Have you thought about marriage counseling 


YMMV

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Pull the I 485

 

Appoint a Divorce Lawyer

 

Read up about VAWA, I have a strong feeling it will be coming your way.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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6 minutes ago, payxibka said:

Only you can decide 

Thank you for your quick reply.  I feel like I am going out of my mind here.  Yes, I believe that, too.  I just want to do what’s best for the baby.  I also own my own home prior to entering into this marriage.  I am just afraid that I might lose the house and the baby.  I digged my own grave I know.  I am an idiot for believing her and marrying her.  I am crying every day.


Thank you so much, everyone!

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2 minutes ago, payxibka said:

Well, you need to put your "big boy " pants on and make a decision.   You don't need her cooperation to facilitate a divorce.   Have you thought about marriage counseling 

She does not want marriage counseling.  She is vindictive and she is using the baby against me.  


Thank you so much, everyone!

DD5B56DF-4C70-4A4F-A074-C72EA2413B5E.jpeg

 

 

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Just now, Hello729 said:

She does not want marriage counseling.  She is vindictive and she is using the baby against me.  

Then your path may be chosen already.   Speak with an attorney to understand your rights and discuss all your concerns.   Immediate action is to stop the AOS by pulling the affidavit of support,  if that is the path you take.   There are ramifications if you stop AOS and you must understand how your decision affects the child 


YMMV

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3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Pull the I 485

 

Appoint a Divorce Lawyer

 

Read up about VAWA, I have a strong feeling it will be coming your way.

I-864* OP is the petitioner...they can't pull the I-485.

 

 

1 minute ago, Hello729 said:

How do I pull the I485?

You can pull the I-864 via a letter to USCIS requesting your withdrawal of it. No reason is even needed.

 

As noted above, she may or may not try to stay via VAWA (abuse-basis). Avoid being alone with her whenever possible.


Timelines:

Spoiler

AOS (I-485 + I-131 + I-765):

9/25/17: sent forms to Chicago

9/27/17: received by USCIS

10/4/17: NOA1 electronic notification received

10/10/17: NOA1 hard copy received. Social Security card being issued in married name (3rd attempt!)

10/14/17: Biometrics appointment notice received

10/25/17: Biometrics

1/2/18: EAD + AP approved (no website update)

1/5/18: EAD + AP mailed

1/8/18: EAD + AP approval notice hardcopies received

1/10/18: EAD + AP received

9/5/18: Interview scheduled notice

10/17/18: Interview

10/24/18: Green card produced notice

10/25/18: Formal approval

10/31/18: Green card received

 

K-1:

Spoiler

I-129F

12/1/17: sent

12/14/17: NOA1 hard copy received

3/10/17: RFE (IMB verification)

3/22/17: RFE response received

3/24/17: Approved!

3/30/17: NOA2 hard copy received

 

NVC

4/6/2017: Received

4/12/2017: Sent to Riyadh embassy

4/16/2017: Case received at Riyadh embassy

4/21/2017: Request case transfer to Manila, approved 4/24/2017

 

K-1

5/1/2017: Case received by Manila (1 week embassy transfer??? Lucky~)

7/13/2017: Interview: APPROVED!!!

7/19/2017: Visa in hand

8/15/2017: POE

 

 

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1 minute ago, payxibka said:

Then your path may be chosen already.   Speak with an attorney to understand your rights and discuss all your concerns.   Immediate action is to stop the AOS by pulling the affidavit of support,  if that is the path you take.   There are ramifications if you stop AOS and you must understand how your decision affects the child 

Thank you your quick reply because I am going out of my mind here.  I am new to the whole process:  How do I stop the AOS by pulling the affidavit of support?


Thank you so much, everyone!

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1 minute ago, Hello729 said:

Thank you your quick reply because I am going out of my mind here.  I am new to the whole process:  How do I stop the AOS by pulling the affidavit of support?

See geowrian's previous post 

Edited by payxibka

YMMV

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4 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I-864* OP is the petitioner...they can't pull the I-485.

 

 

You can pull the I-864 via a letter to USCIS requesting your withdrawal of it. No reason is even needed.

 

As noted above, she may or may not try to stay via VAWA (abuse-basis). Avoid being alone with her whenever possible.

Can I do that even though we are still married?  🙏

1 minute ago, payxibka said:

See geowrian's previous post 

Ok and thank you 🙏 


Thank you so much, everyone!

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From her point of view she should want to leave soon as once the child is born most unlikely a Court would let her take the child with her.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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