Possible divorce - child custody issues?

[britchick7 0]

Hey guys not sure if this is the right board but I really need some advice.

 

I got my green card June 2016. We had a baby June 2017 (he is a USC)

 

However things have not been working out and we are considering a divorce which is looking likely.

He is very controlling, we clash on parenting issues and we fight constantly so I’m just mentally preparing myself for the worst.

 

If it comes down to it- can he force me to stay in Texas/united states with our 15 month old son?

 

Is the law clear on this? I don’t have any family or friends here and I only moved here for him because he has a 12 year old (of who he is the primary custodian) he couldn’t uproot due to custody arrangements with his ex wife. Ideally I want to go back home to the UK

 

I really don’t want to have to stay here and now I’m terrified. He has said he is meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow and has also threatened me during an argument saying our son will never ever see the UK until he is 18.

Edited October 19, 2017 by britchick7

[BuiQuang 95]

sorry.  he can not make u stay.  he can get family court not to allow u to take ur son out of state or US.  sorry.  u need divorce lawyer immediately.

[databit 328]

You can leave, but your husband can get the court to forbid you to move the child out of the country, even out of the state! Read what happened in this famous bi-national case. Mother lost all custody in the end because she wanted her kids living in her country full time (although it was the US, in this case). http://people.com/celebrity/kelly-rutherford-custody-battle-ex-daniel-giersch-wins-full-custody/

[Nitas_man 3,100]

37 minutes ago, britchick7 said:

Hey guys not sure if this is the right board but I really need some advice.

 

I got my green card June 2016. We had a baby June 2017 (he is a USC)

 

However things have not been working out and we are considering a divorce which is looking likely.

He is very controlling, we clash on parenting issues and we fight constantly so I’m just mentally preparing myself for the worst.

 

If it comes down to it- can he force me to stay in Texas/united states with our 15 month old son?

 

Is the law clear on this? I don’t have any family or friends here and I only moved here for him because he has a 12 year old (of who he is the primary custodian) he couldn’t uproot due to custody arrangements with his ex wife. Ideally I want to go back home to the UK

 

I really don’t want to have to stay here and now I’m terrified. He has said he is meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow and has also threatened me during an argument saying our son will never ever see the UK until he is 18.

You can go where you like but it is very likely that the family court will prevent you from moving the child out of state for the same reasons your husband couldn't uproot and move his own daughter out of state.

 

You also cannot get a US passport for your son unless both of you apply for it together.  My understanding is that you cannot register him as a British citizen and get him a British passport either without both of your consent. 

 

So the best thing to do here is work it out or figure out how to move on and stay.  Since you will likely have to stay, and your son is so young, and your husband filed an affidavit to support you, Texas is pretty generous about awarding support and Texas generally favors the mother when the child is young.

 

So this is what I think: File for divorce, spousal, and child support and offer to settle for nothing if he just lets you leave with your son.  He's looking at 17 years of payments and a zero chance of custody, so he may let you go ahead and leave.  If not at least you will be able to get your life started and take care of your son there in Texas while you move on. 

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  Most places believe in joint parenting.  Which confines the movement of the child home(s) to a reasonable radius  ( 30 - 60 miles )   If either party wants to move further than this they must bear the entire cost of transportation to not disturb the custody arrangement,  So if you want to move to the UK you might be able to but you would bear the costs of flying the child back and forth every week/month and that would get even uglier once the child starts school.

[britchick7 0]

59 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

So this is what I think: File for divorce, spousal, and child support and offer to settle for nothing if he just lets you leave with your son.  He's looking at 17 years of payments and a zero chance of custody, so he may let you go ahead and leave.  If not at least you will be able to get your life started and take care of your son there in Texas while you move on. 

Pretty good advice. I just need to pray it doesn't get ugly and he will take that offer. *sigh*

[Nitas_man 3,100]

 

Pretty good advice. I just need to pray it doesn't get ugly and he will take that offer. *sigh*

No winners here.  It comes down to what's best for all of you.  Good luck

[Ontarkie 14,280]

Get a lawyer asap. The one that files first will have the upper hand.

 

The right lawyer will make a very good argument to allow you to move the child to the UK. You want a lawyer who will fight not one who will be passive. So ask around for that fighter. I say this as not a way to prevent him from having access from the little one. I'm saying this because he is already playing hard ball and you can bet your last dollar he is going to get a barracuda lawyer and you need your own. 

 

I know someone who not only was allowed to take her child and go back to her own country she left to a non Hague country. She offered to have him fly there put him up in a hotel (short visits) and let them spend time together while she was too young to fly to the US on her own. She also paid to have dad fly there and pick her up and return to the US for the longer visits. She paid one way he paid the other. 

The courts saw just how much she was willing to work and keep a good relationship with her ex so they let her return to her home country. 

[britchick7 0]

7 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

Get a lawyer asap. The one that files first will have the upper hand.

 

The right lawyer will make a very good argument to allow you to move the child to the UK. You want a lawyer who will fight not one who will be passive. So ask around for that fighter. I say this as not a way to prevent him from having access from the little one. I'm saying this because he is already playing hard ball and you can bet your last dollar he is going to get a barracuda lawyer and you need your own. 

 

I know someone who not only was allowed to take her child and go back to her own country she left to a non Hague country. She offered to have him fly there put him up in a hotel (short visits) and let them spend time together while she was too young to fly to the US on her own. She also paid to have dad fly there and pick her up and return to the US for the longer visits. She paid one way he paid the other. 

The courts saw just how much she was willing to work and keep a good relationship with her ex so they let her return to her home country. 

Thank you this is really good advice. As it stands, we have agreed to go to counselling to try to make things work but I'm a little afraid he could be bluffing to stall and get ahead of me with petitioning first.

 

So I should just go ahead and file now?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  Leaving the country without a court order is very bad advise.  The is parental kidnapping.  If you ever want to come back to the US for any reason this is not the route to take.

[Ontarkie 14,280]

3 hours ago, NigeriaorBust said:

  Leaving the country without a court order is very bad advise.  The is parental kidnapping.  If you ever want to come back to the US for any reason this is not the route to take.

If this is about my post I should have made it more clear. When I said she was allowed to take her child out of the US I meant the courts granted her permission.

[Ontarkie 14,280]

3 hours ago, britchick7 said:

Thank you this is really good advice. As it stands, we have agreed to go to counselling to try to make things work but I'm a little afraid he could be bluffing to stall and get ahead of me with petitioning first.

 

So I should just go ahead and file now?

Counselling is good and I hope he is really wanting to work on things. 

 

Is it possible he said what he said earlier just to hurt you.

It wouldn't hurt to look into a lawyer in case he is pulling a fast one. Like you I would be suspicious too. 

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

Immigration and having a child are both big stressors in relationships, and having both happen in quick succession must have been difficult, especially for you leaving your home. I for one hope the counseling helps you move past the stressors and rediscover why you got together in the first place.  It’s realistic to keep a lawyer on hand too, but wishing you best of luck and hope it resolves well.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

If you keep things civil you might be able to work out something when the child is older, like school year in the UK, summers in America.  That is probably an unreasonable expectation at the moment.   Because you all live in Texas, Texas has the jurisdiction and will likely not be amenable to any moves.  

 

I hope you can work on things, it really is better unless there is abuse for parents to stay together, even if they aren't the best of friends.  Toddlers are massively stressful and so is immigration and the first few years of marriage as others have pointed out.  Try and find good points in your marriage and compromise - I know that seems obvious, but I am always surprised by the number of adults who seem to have yet to master this skill.

 

Find the best attorney in town and at least meet with them.  Know your options and the probable outcomes given your local courts.

[NikLR 13,227]

If marital counselling doesn't help, imho its better for parents to be apart than together if they are fighting. 

From personal experience it sucked that my parents werent together, but it was better than the verbally abusive relationship my mom ended up in or the controlling one the dad landed in.  

 

You've gotten the immigration advice already... no you cannot take your child out of the country without the father's consent or a court ordered permission.  

Edited October 20, 2017 by NikLR