Possible Breakup

[Fandango 1,439]

Mairzy, good luck to you and I think you made a wise decision.

men are not from mars, women are not from venus. It's nowhere near that complicated. You said in your first post how 'we women don't like to be ignored' but you need to see your situation for what it was. It's nowhere near 'being ignored'....that was pure emotional guerilla warfare. It's also not part of his 'charm as an Englishman' to treat you poorly because of a disdain for the internet. Someone mentioned summat about the English and the internet, and I happen to think that was a bit of a stretch.

The reason why I'm bringing all this up is because if there's ever a book you should read it's He's Just Not that Into You or Women Who Love Too Much. <---A friend of mine is reading that now and she said it's changing her life. I'm sorry if I'm blunt but I see women all the time excusing really awful behavior as being 'quirky' or somehow ok because of x,y,z... and I think that's a very scary place to be. From all that you wrote, I'm amazed you lasted asl long as you did...as I have to wonder what one gets out of an LDR when the emotional support is not there.

You called him a 'sociopath' in one of your posts and then in your last one, you mentioned having a 'breakthrough' with him. I read everything you said about your talk and how you 'can't do this' with him, but forgive me for saying that I don't hear the determination that you're going to need to get thru this without waivering. It makes me wonder if you're going to allow him to still go to the interview. Because if he came to you right now all 'baby I'm a fool, yadda yadda yadda' I wonder if you'd take him back.

This is your life and these are your choices...please choose wisely as this is the moment you'll look back on with either happiness or grief. Make no mistake about it...if your fiance treated you like you say he does...it's deplorable, because most wouldn't treat a dog with such disregard.

Good luck.

Edited April 14, 2007 by LisaD

[tmma 467]

To the O/P only YOU know what's best and the full story. However he cannot swear in at the interview that he is "obtaining the visa to marry you" when neither of you have the intention of doing so when he gets here...

Best of luck to you..

This is your life and these are your choices...please choose wisely

Good luck.

-Lisa I agree with you, but your comment made me think of this

[j-manu 0]

Your assertion about Jesus and full immersion is interesting. I did read about Phillip baptizing the eunuch in the Bible and it seems to me that only profession of faith and belief are required, for the eunuch then says, There is water, what is to prevent me from being baptized? And Phillip baptized him on the spot in the water. So your point is well taken on that -- why do Catholics need to enter a program of study for 9 months prior to being allowed to be baptized into the church? A non Catholic brought up the word "indoctrination" to me. I even wrote my Pastor about it but he passed the buck and said that it came from the higher ups and nothing could be done about it. I wrote to a baptist church for contrast and they said they usually baptize quite soon after a profession of faith. So there is a difference there.

May be I can shed a little light on this. The reason why Catholic asks those who are going to become Catholics as an adult to take classes is because we take the Christian faith very seriously. The writing of the early Church Fathers shows that they used classes to teach the faith and when the local Bishop visited, then the ones desiring to enter into the Christian faith were baptized, confirmed and received the Eucharist.

As for the method of baptism please see this link: http://www.catholic.com/library/Baptism_Immersion_Only.asp

[KarenCee 3]

Blah Blah...so us men are pr*cks...heard it all before.

In case of this particular clown, I think you are right!

This is what you do and end this thread:

1st - Cancel the interview

2nd - Screw this guy over like he screwed you by notifying the USCIS that this clown seems to just want the visa.

That way he is red-flagged in case he tries to do it again to some other woman....and hopefully gets caught early in the process rather than almost to the Interview.

3rd - Get over it. It sucks all that work you did to get this far and have it end like this. Get drunk, don't sleep with a bar patron, and move on. All that you can do....end of story.

Good Luck!

Geez....you are *such* a beacon in the night.

What? I just saved her $$$$ by paraphrasing what a shrink would say....after this 8 page thread I summarized what everyone is saying just right...only I did it in a non-sentimental, direct fashion....i know...quite a concept.

Um.....yeah.....sure.

[Rings 10]

haha I think drinking sounds good myself *cracks open a beer*

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm Catholic, and when we met he said he was Christian and open to becoming Catholic (I never demanded him to be Catholic.) I told him that I was not allowed to marry an unbaptized person, and he said he was not baptized and so looked into the classes at a local church to become baptized. Classes run September to Easter. About halfway through these classes, he stopped going. He missed 3 or 4 until they told him he could not move on. He didn't even sit down with the priest and discuss his situation. He just took what they said and left, disgruntled. Then he came and demanded to know whether I'd be marrying him WITHOUT the baptism. I thought that was answered at the start, did I miss something? This shows that he didn't really WANT to be baptized. And I'd told him how important it was. He said, "The visa is my number one priority, the baptism can wait." He decided this all by himself and informed me of it, and that was that.

I'm sorry about the trouble you're going through. My honest assessment is that you should seek counseling here on your own if you want to work at this relationship, or perhaps be prepared to truly end it.

On a side note - your spouse does not have to be baptized Catholic for you two to be married in the Church. My grandfather was not Catholic and my grandparents lived a long and happy marriage (he was Protestant, my grandmother was Catholic). Perhaps in this case he felt pressured into doing something that a person should really be freely doing for themselves and not for another?

[Amby 490]

I would definately break up with him. I know the visa process is hard on everyone but it's not an excuse to treat someone badly. I hope that if this doesn't work out that you find someone to love you and care for you as you should be. Good luck.

[Ban Hammer 12,899]

enough info in the op to say - flush that #######

[JoeMama 0]

enough info in the op to say - flush that #######

Remember to wipe from front to back!

[Fandango 1,439]

This is your life and these are your choices...please choose wisely

Good luck.

-Lisa I agree with you, but your comment made me think of this

Oi ya cheeky cow...it's bad enuff that ya gotta burn me, but did you have to host the pic on my photobucket acct?

Now THAT takes the biscuit! lol

Edited April 14, 2007 by LisaD

[EsOrEnNa 0]

You didn't see the parts where he threatened to break up with me if the visa got denied?

- sounds like he is coming to u right..? maybe he wants u just till he gets the VISA..

and then he will leave u.. ´he needs some help..

i would BLOCK him on yahoo and msn..

good luck

Edited April 14, 2007 by Joel'sWife

[sparkofcreation 0]

I'm late coming to this, but I just want to back up everyone else who told you that you did the right thing.

Honestly it doesn't matter what his side is or whether you are being reasonable or not (I think you are, fwiw). I see here a relationship that's fundamentally broken. You need to *get*the*heck*out*.

Good luck!

[MHandMB 0]

I, too, am just reading this thread. PLEASE call to withdraw the petition. I can't think of any reason why someone you're supposed to be MARRYING would want to avoid speaking with you on a regular basis. That is a HUGE red flag to me. Sure, I know there are 2 sides to every story, but I really can't see any reason that would excuse him avoiding you, blocking you from IM, and telling you he can wait until he gets the visa to talk to you. I'm not even going to mention all of the other heinous things he's told you. This goes beyond the stress of the visa process, and is something entirely different. It sounds like he has a complete lack of respect for you, to be honest.

If he can manipulate you now from 5000 miles away, it'll be even easier once he is in the U.S. Find someone who actually looks forward to talking to you. Amed and I didn't have the money to rack up large phone bills, but during the visa process, from the time I moved back to the U.S. to the time he got his visa and arrived here, not a day went by in 7 months where we didn't at least talk for a minute to say "I love you." It was a natural urge. Some people aren't phone people, but I can't imagine actually avoiding my S.O. so as not to talk to him, unless we were in a fight.

Find someone whose goals are compatible with yours, and who, at the end of the day, will be EXCITED to talk to you and see how you're doing and to tell you he loves you.

Good luck!

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

Run and don't look back.

[GnG 0]

HE IS A COMPLETE ###### #######, AND IDIOT [...] AND THOSE ####### ARE AS*HOLE BY THE WAY

Wow - if those are the words you leave in, the mind boggles at what the removed words might be...