Who does my filipina wife take marriage advice from?

[johhny1971 0]

My wife and I have been married 3 years.  It seems to me that someone throughout the marriage has been advising her how to act and what to do - who are these people and what are there goals?  Is her intention to stay married or secure a life where she can make a good living?  Shes a nurse and has her own job, makes good money, but seems to have other ambitions.  My wife and I have 10 years age difference - between us - and despite being so close her immaturity is ridicules at times.   When she doesn't get her way I feel like ive married a teenager on hormones.  A couple of times she even called 911 to tell the police she was depressed and not happy with our marriage.  The police even came to our house and took her away on a 5150 health evaluation because of her calling them and they thought she was a harm to herself.  Who is telling her to be this way? Why? She was nothing like this when we dated and got to know each other... does anyone have any insight on this?  I have no Filipino friends I can talk too - she does...

[Lemonslice 4,611]

Maybe you should ask her, she's your wife...

[TBoneTX 43,489]

Thread is moved from Off Topic to the Philippines regional forum for possible country-specific insights.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Who?  List is long and varied "who is giving advice", many times its a Filipina she meet in the states (even on FB) .   My wife has been very careful, there are many that seem to have strange intentions and she turns her back on them quickly.

 

Why not talk to your wife on this...

[Greenbaum 12,258]

I ditto what hank has said about his experience as mine is the same. She is very careful who she befriends.  If ever there is a slight moment when she feels that our marriage or her intelligence is being disrespected she is outta there.

 

Best to try and sit and ask her, but do the listening.  Open your ears for telltale signs.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

 

21 hours ago, johhny1971 said:

My wife and I have been married 3 years.  It seems to me that someone throughout the marriage has been advising her how to act and what to do - who are these people and what are there goals?  Is her intention to stay married or secure a life where she can make a good living?  Shes a nurse and has her own job, makes good money, but seems to have other ambitions.  My wife and I have 10 years age difference - between us - and despite being so close her immaturity is ridicules at times.   When she doesn't get her way I feel like ive married a teenager on hormones.  A couple of times she even called 911 to tell the police she was depressed and not happy with our marriage.  The police even came to our house and took her away on a 5150 health evaluation because of her calling them and they thought she was a harm to herself.  Who is telling her to be this way? Why? She was nothing like this when we dated and got to know each other... does anyone have any insight on this?  I have no Filipino friends I can talk too - she does...

As stated my asawa is the same way as well. We have a solid marriage and any pinay that she meets and thinks is trouble she keeps them at arms reach at best. But I would take a guess and say that your wife is taking advice from some other Pinays at her work. I don't know where you live at but Pinays as nurses are a big thing and more than likely taking advice from there. It happens alot because some other pinays are either jealous of her or your relationship and just trying to give her information to bring her down. Tell her this or that and alot of times they believe other Pinoys before they believe you, trust me I have seen it. 

 

This is in regard to what you think is immaturity when she gets mad. This is very common actually and I hate to admit it, actually my asawa was like that in the beginning until I put a stop to it. I told her I am not having those temper tantrums because that's what a child does. 

[Hank_ 9,173]

... is the crab mentality.

 

TAMPO.... that dog don't hunt in my house either.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

8 minutes ago, Hank_ said:

... is the crab mentality.

 

TAMPO.... that dog don't hunt in my house either.

Seriously I was like ####### over. Don't act like a child and I won't treat you like one.

[Horus 6]

Tampo ain't that bad, you guys. It can be cute because maybe she misses you and wants your attention and filipinas don't have the monopoly on that. Other ladies from different ethnicities practice the same thing under different names.

 

Having said that, an immature woman can use tampo as weapon to get what she wants regardless of whether it would hurt the marriage or not.

 

My suggestion, from a filipina, is to just talk to her. No one likes feeling dismissed and to say it's just hormones or "tampo" is very dismissive. Maybe she's homesick? Maybe she misses her country? Maybe there's something deeper. I'm not saying she's right and you're wrong... but a marriage is built on good communication. Make her feel that you really truly care about what she thinks, and she would know better than to look for advice from those shitty filipinas that want to drag her down to their level.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Yup talking works;   pull that krap and don't expect the results you were planning for..

Edited May 30, 2017 by Hank_

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

10 hours ago, Horus said:

Tampo ain't that bad, you guys. It can be cute because maybe she misses you and wants your attention and filipinas don't have the monopoly on that. Other ladies from different ethnicities practice the same thing under different names.

 

Having said that, an immature woman can use tampo as weapon to get what she wants regardless of whether it would hurt the marriage or not.

 

My suggestion, from a filipina, is to just talk to her. No one likes feeling dismissed and to say it's just hormones or "tampo" is very dismissive. Maybe she's homesick? Maybe she misses her country? Maybe there's something deeper. I'm not saying she's right and you're wrong... but a marriage is built on good communication. Make her feel that you really truly care about what she thinks, and she would know better than to look for advice from those shitty filipinas that want to drag her down to their level.

Tampo is VERY bad for the couple in general. You want to be treated like an adult then act like one. I thought it was really cute at first to until my asawa took it overboard one time and I flipped my lid. This tampo we are referring to is not about missing us or wanting our attention because we are married and live with them. So it is just plain childish behavior. 

[Hank_ 9,173]

 

[RO_AH 1,625]

About the tampo thing and just advice in general. People in your life will only do what you allow them to do. This goes for any relationship. Think hard about that one. There is definitely a difference between cultures and there are things that you will have to either accept, or make them deal breakers. You need to set boundaries early on and stand firm on them. There is so much more I could say about this but it could probably be taken the wrong way and I would be labeled a sexist pig in this politically correct era we live in

 

What I will say is try to learn and understand male/female relationships in the Philippines and the dynamics of their roles.That may be difficult because you said you have no Filipino friends. But knowing that would give you great insight.

19 hours ago, Hank_ said:

TAMPO.... that dog don't hunt in my house either.

Best line of the day.

[Horus 6]

12 hours ago, cyberfx1024 said:

Tampo is VERY bad for the couple in general. You want to be treated like an adult then act like one. I thought it was really cute at first to until my asawa took it overboard one time and I flipped my lid. This tampo we are referring to is not about missing us or wanting our attention because we are married and live with them. So it is just plain childish behavior. 

I dunno man, it depends on the situation. I've seen my mom participate in tampo and it's fine. I've participated in it every now and then, mostly when I'm hungry and completely irrational and want some food. I'm not saying participate in tampo ALL THE TIME, because that would be tiring. But to call it VERY BAD all the time is wrong, because there are some tampo that's acceptable and some where it's completely wrong.

 

It's like play fighting in my book.

 

I guess it just depends on the couple.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

36 minutes ago, Horus said:

I dunno man, it depends on the situation. I've seen my mom participate in tampo and it's fine. I've participated in it every now and then, mostly when I'm hungry and completely irrational and want some food. I'm not saying participate in tampo ALL THE TIME, because that would be tiring. But to call it VERY BAD all the time is wrong, because there are some tampo that's acceptable and some where it's completely wrong.

 

It's like play fighting in my book.

 

I guess it just depends on the couple.

According to a regular American man like myself Tampo is a no go. We do not mean a simple hehe kind of tampo like I think you are referring to, but a serious temper tantrum like my 3 year old would do over something really stupid. Some playful tampo is fine, but alot of pinays tend to completely overdue it and act like children. 

 

Seriously throwing tampo because your hungry???? Not going to fly in my book, I would tell you if I wasn't hungry or just ate "either get something to eat or don't bother me with that bs". Yes, I have done it before with my asawa: she complains about a headache but then does nothing to alleviate that said headache, then don't get telling me it hurts.