AOS March 2016 filers/Part 2

[msmontader 10]

5 hours ago, Linyahui said:

I did hear about that, Sparkles, and I immediately thought of you. That being said, though, I don't think he can do anything about those already in the country going through the immigration process. My impression is this applies to future immigrant applicants (still outrageous, but hopefully will not affect you or anyone else already on the AOS journey). 

I was gonna apply for a visitor visa or my mom in iraq,, not anymore i guess 

[sparkles_ 456]

Just now, msmontader said:

I was gonna apply for a visitor visa or my mom in iraq,, not anymore i guess 

Try not to let it upset you. I would almost guarantee this 'ban' mess blows over in less than a year and then you will be able to have her visit <3

[msmontader 10]

4 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

Try not to let it upset you. I would almost guarantee this 'ban' mess blows over in less than a year and then you will be able to have her visit <3

Yea i know. I am not upset over this honestly i am just frustrated with the long process of our papers. 

[sparkles_ 456]

1 minute ago, msmontader said:

Yea i know. I am not upset over this honestly i am just frustrated with the long process of our papers. 

I think due to where our spouses are from, we should probably buckle in for a long ride, past the one year mark. Which irks me to no end.

[msmontader 10]

30 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

I think due to where our spouses are from, we should probably buckle in for a long ride, past the one year mark. Which irks me to no end.

That's what scares me. I have a scholarship at UC Berkeley for 24k$ but it own't be disbursed until i get my GC. If i don't get it by may 1st then i am in 20k$ debt... which is not fun for me at all :(.

let's just hope for the best 

[sparkles_ 456]

33 minutes ago, msmontader said:

That's what scares me. I have a scholarship at UC Berkeley for 24k$ but it own't be disbursed until i get my GC. If i don't get it by may 1st then i am in 20k$ debt... which is not fun for me at all :(.

let's just hope for the best 

Ohhhhh man. I am going to say some major prayers for you that you get the GC before then. 

[Linyahui 103]

10 hours ago, msmontader said:

I was gonna apply for a visitor visa or my mom in iraq,, not anymore i guess 

 

10 hours ago, msmontader said:

That's what scares me. I have a scholarship at UC Berkeley for 24k$ but it own't be disbursed until i get my GC. If i don't get it by may 1st then i am in 20k$ debt... which is not fun for me at all :(.

let's just hope for the best 

 

Hang in there, msmontader! Your VJ family is here for you!! 

[Ninahi 53]

12 hours ago, msmontader said:

That's what scares me. I have a scholarship at UC Berkeley for 24k$ but it own't be disbursed until i get my GC. If i don't get it by may 1st then i am in 20k$ debt... which is not fun for me at all :(.

let's just hope for the best 

Get congress representative/senator/ombudsman involved as soon as appropriate, or consult a lawyer when you start pushing the 1 year mark. USCIS sadly has a magical "oh no it takes us 90 days to do anything" policy. :/

Re: mom's visitor visa. Oh I'm so sad to hear it! I think this 120 day suspension of visas is so stupid and so ineffective in keeping actual dangerous people out. It only hurts those who are playing by the (ever changing) rules.

 

Visa Waiver program also under fire, which kind of sucks because my dad's already bought his flights for April and although Scandinavia is hardly a red flag country, I'm going to be upset if he gets hassled (I always got hassled even on VWP because apparently Finland = Russia and Russia = Suspicious) and even more upset if he's denied entry because Trump administration sees boogeymen everywhere. 

I'm done giving the president a chance. Clearly he wasn't worth the benefit of the doubt.

[msmontader 10]

12 hours ago, sparkles_ said:

Ohhhhh man. I am going to say some major prayers for you that you get the GC before then. 

 

3 hours ago, Linyahui said:

 

 

Hang in there, msmontader! Your VJ family is here for you!! 

Thank you guys !! really appreciate the thoughts. I hope we all just pass this nightmare in peace and get our cases done.

[msmontader 10]

18 minutes ago, Ninahi said:

Get congress representative/senator/ombudsman involved as soon as appropriate, or consult a lawyer when you start pushing the 1 year mark. USCIS sadly has a magical "oh no it takes us 90 days to do anything" policy. :/

Re: mom's visitor visa. Oh I'm so sad to hear it! I think this 120 day suspension of visas is so stupid and so ineffective in keeping actual dangerous people out. It only hurts those who are playing by the (ever changing) rules.

 

Visa Waiver program also under fire, which kind of sucks because my dad's already bought his flights for April and although Scandinavia is hardly a red flag country, I'm going to be upset if he gets hassled (I always got hassled even on VWP because apparently Finland = Russia and Russia = Suspicious) and even more upset if he's denied entry because Trump administration sees boogeymen everywhere. 

I'm done giving the president a chance. Clearly he wasn't worth the benefit of the doubt.

I did get the Congress representative involved but i don't think they are much help.  They only thing i got from them is where the case actually is and they told me that there is nothing they can do to speed it up. They jus forwarded the emails that they get back from the USCIS to my email so i know what is going on. I don't know how should i get the senator or the ombudsman involved because i fear of complicating the case. / As for lawyer i did file my case with the jewish Family lawyer but she is not representing me and i am kind of low on budget in terms of affording lawyer so i am doing everything solo. 

It is so sad to see the block visas on families that had nothing to do with all this mess and the ban that happened to people just because they are from certain places.

I just need to get this resolved before the semester ends so i don't get myself into Lots of debt. 

[Linyahui 103]

Friends, I need some advice and/or a sounding board. Over the past six months, my husband has become increasingly homesick, although he tries to hide it. I can see he's not happy here in MN, especially now that we're in the worst/coldest/least amount of sun part of the winter. Jan/Feb in this region are brutal, and many people experience a drop in energy/motivation/general happiness. It sucks. Plus, hubby hasn't been able to find a full-time job and is working part-time at a job he really doesn't like. He feels like he's not contributing enough because I'm the primary breadwinner right now--it's not a machismo thing, it's more that he wants us to be equal and not like he has to depend on me, which I understand.

 

Additionally, he's the eldest child and the only son (two younger sisters), and in Chinese culture, it's his job to take care of his parents. His father passed away a few years ago, so his move to the U.S. means his mom is alone much of the time. One of his sisters has been in NYC for 10+ years and the other is still in Taiwan but works a lot. People are always in each other's business in Taiwanese culture, and his mom's relatives have not been shy about letting her know that her son is not fulfilling his filial responsibility. Naturally, he feels extremely guilty, and I don't know how to handle that.

 

When we were in Taiwan over the holidays, his spirits were soaring and he was loving every minute of it (naturally). But since we've gotten back, I just feel like his happiness has taken a huge nose dive and I don't know how to help him. He's so down about his job, the weather, and our finances (which are actually fine, btw), that pretty much every conversation has a negative sheen to it. It's starting to affect me, too. I'm trying to be there for him, suggesting that we go to a Chinese restaurant for brunch, or go to a coffee shop he likes, etc. etc. to try to raise his spirits, but he just seems not interested.

 

Is there anything I can do besides listen to him when he's down and reassure him that it will get better/easier? MN is a notoriously difficult place to move as an outsider (I'm from Wisconsin and even I can count on one hand the number of friends I've made since moving here five years ago). We're working on that, hoping to relocate as soon as one of us gets a job in a warmer climate. But, in the meantime, what can I do to better support my hubby while he's going through this difficult transition? 

[sparkles_ 456]

19 minutes ago, Linyahui said:

Friends, I need some advice and/or a sounding board. Over the past six months, my husband has become increasingly homesick, although he tries to hide it. I can see he's not happy here in MN, especially now that we're in the worst/coldest/least amount of sun part of the winter. Jan/Feb in this region are brutal, and many people experience a drop in energy/motivation/general happiness. It sucks. Plus, hubby hasn't been able to find a full-time job and is working part-time at a job he really doesn't like. He feels like he's not contributing enough because I'm the primary breadwinner right now--it's not a machismo thing, it's more that he wants us to be equal and not like he has to depend on me, which I understand.

 

Additionally, he's the eldest child and the only son (two younger sisters), and in Chinese culture, it's his job to take care of his parents. His father passed away a few years ago, so his move to the U.S. means his mom is alone much of the time. One of his sisters has been in NYC for 10+ years and the other is still in Taiwan but works a lot. People are always in each other's business in Taiwanese culture, and his mom's relatives have not been shy about letting her know that her son is not fulfilling his filial responsibility. Naturally, he feels extremely guilty, and I don't know how to handle that.

 

When we were in Taiwan over the holidays, his spirits were soaring and he was loving every minute of it (naturally). But since we've gotten back, I just feel like his happiness has taken a huge nose dive and I don't know how to help him. He's so down about his job, the weather, and our finances (which are actually fine, btw), that pretty much every conversation has a negative sheen to it. It's starting to affect me, too. I'm trying to be there for him, suggesting that we go to a Chinese restaurant for brunch, or go to a coffee shop he likes, etc. etc. to try to raise his spirits, but he just seems not interested.

 

Is there anything I can do besides listen to him when he's down and reassure him that it will get better/easier? MN is a notoriously difficult place to move as an outsider (I'm from Wisconsin and even I can count on one hand the number of friends I've made since moving here five years ago). We're working on that, hoping to relocate as soon as one of us gets a job in a warmer climate. But, in the meantime, what can I do to better support my hubby while he's going through this difficult transition? 

Been there, done that. Actually doing it now. It is zero fun, isn't it

 

I'm glad you see the benefit in moving to a better/warmer/friendlier area. We are just waiting for the GC and then we are out. We have found that planning the move, discussing places and paths to getting there and opportunities we could find in said location really help us when things get negative. How about Taiwanese community in your area? I'm clueless about MN, but if it is like us in our state, my husband is the only Moroccan around. Plan for any ongoing education he will get. If he is interested in an advanced degree here, work on having his education evaluated for equivalency....basically anything that makes him feel he is doing something towards laying the foundation to the future. I remind my husband all the time of that one, this is our foundation stage, and that it is especially HIS foundation stage in America. That is a hard thing to grasp when they are in situations like our spouses, though.

 

If you are OK with him trying now, you can always encourage him to look for jobs outside MN. Girl, I'm at the point where I don't think it is worth staying in my state til the interview if my husband finds a job that makes him feel a sense of self worth and happiness, we will just move to the new state and change our address. 

 

I would also, and only if you are OK with it, discuss with him about sponsoring his mother to come live with you guys once he has the GC. That is, if mom wants to, of course. For parents it goes pretty quick. That would in theory be better than sending money home to mom (who may also be lonely) which may never be seen as enough by the family, unless this is how you guys all agreed to do things beforehand and that is totally fine, too. 

 

Lots of hugs. This is the side of this journey that people often overlook. It is a million times harder on them and their families than it is on us. 

Edited January 27, 2017 by sparkles_

[PaddyGirl13 75]

As a fellow import to Minnesota I get it. I haven't been home in 14 months and felt really down after my Mother visited for 3 weeks. It's a slump, especially in this weather. It's a time thing, it gets better. The homesickness and pressure feels worse when everything else isn't lined up, every other little issue seems magnified when you're not at your mental best. All you can do, like my Hubby did, is to listen and encourage.

[newyorkaos 15]

Linyahui- I feel for your husband, did you guys ever contemplate on moving to California and there might be more job opportunities there. You said your sister in law is NY, maybe that would make him feel more comfortable. The diversity here keeps us going. So many things to divert your thoughts into and a lot of Taiwanese, Chinese, and other Asian communities and food is unbelievably amazing. Im boasting already but we love it here. He might be missing dimsum and bubble tea and there's onein every corner and you could eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner and never repeat a store.  I saw that you are Polish, there is a lot of Polish people here too, in fact my boss is Polish and all the people who come to our clinic are from Poland. There are areas in Brooklyn where the entire strip is just everything Polish. You might wanna drag him here just for a visit.  Let him know that the GC will come and it will lift a slight worry off your shoulders, but it will come. I try to tell that myself everyday. On the job side, he might be able to make more connections and networking here and find something that suits his qualifications.

[SanneW 30]

On 1/21/2017 at 2:35 PM, Linyahui said:

I would just like to say that I am SO GRATEFUL for this forum. It has gotten me through the past 11 months since submitting the AOS docs. There is only so much family and friends can say when they don't have personal experience dealing with USCIS, the frustration, the impatience, the stress...

 

You guys have been amazing. I hope we continue to check in with each other until after RoC and beyond. Would be fun one day to all meet up IRL! 

I wish I would join you all but I am about to skip ahead and get citizen around march/april/may... I am leaving to bootcamp march 6!!!! Excited and nervous...already studying for naturalization...

just got back from a much needed cruise to recover from all the immigration stress!  You all, once you have your greencard, take a nice vacation you ALL deserve it 100%!!!