Do I have it Made or not?

[Allison and James 9]

Just going to chime in here.
​just my opinion....but........ain't it all about love?
​Isn't it all about being with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
We all have suffered, but....WE KNOW OUR PARTNER INSIDE AND OUT.

Why wasn't financials discussed beforehand?
Why wasn't the future discussed beforehand?

​Kinda getting sick of seeing this #######. 90% of us are busting our ### to be with the one we love. Dedicating our love, Hating the distance. .
So I ask, did you discuss the future, and financials?

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Still a better love story than Twilight.

I find it puzzling how many of the people here are determined that the OP's wife will never change, and can only possibly be stringing him along for a green card. Obviously, according to the OP she has changed a lot since December... in the other thread he said she was the laziest person in the world, in this one he says she's a hard worker, and her boss's star employee. (And hotel housekeeping is hard work). And she could remove conditions on her own in any case if they divorce.

Also, I find it puzzling that it's seen as so selfish and entitled to want to save money to a car for herself. If she is doing all the cleaning cooking and work around the house, and paying $400 a month for food, it doesn't seem so unreasonable to want to keep the rest of the income. After all, hiring someone to do all that housework would cost a considerable amount. Also, if she has a car (and a driver's license) it would save the OP almost an hour and half a day compared to having to drive her. (Unless he doesn't want her to have the freedom of her own transportation?) It seems like it would be a benefit for the household as a whole.

I am sometimes overly optimistic about human capacity, but it seems to me entirely possible that both the OP and his wife have entered into the relationship more or less in good faith, and are two strong-willed individuals with relatively transactional approaches to relationships, and (possibly unconscious) strong expectations of gender roles, relationship norms, et cetera. While it could be read as abusive or exploitative by either side, only the individuals involved really know their own intentions, and how worthwhile living with the other is. It's seems like there as an opportunity for continued learning and adjustment on both sides if each sees it as worthwhile. Ultimately, that's a question that only they can answer for themselves.

People have touched on cultural differences regarding expectation of division of labor, men being providers, et cetera. I think it might be useful to also acknowledge that different cultures and different individuals have very different levels of tolerance for drama in interpersonal relationships.

I do agree that's it better to put off buying/moving to a larger house and having a baby until there is more shared understanding about financial goals, if that ever happens.

There's only so much you can advice person. My grandmother used to say" you can force a jackass to the river, but you can't force it to drink" #realtalk!

Im just gonna at all of this am i being punked....

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Just going to chime in here.

​just my opinion....but........ain't it all about love?

​Isn't it all about being with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

We all have suffered, but....WE KNOW OUR PARTNER INSIDE AND OUT.

Why wasn't financials discussed beforehand?

Why wasn't the future discussed beforehand?

​Kinda getting sick of seeing this #######. 90% of us are busting our ### to be with the one we love. Dedicating our love, Hating the distance. .

So I ask, did you discuss the future, and financials?

Im just gonna this is mtv punked im on

[Gabi e Celo 2]

I went to go search for past post just so I could catch up to this new series....!

God, I thought I was the only one! ?

[rodriguezhiraldo 7]

Hi,

I know everyone here is predisposed to assume that all Dominican women are in it for the greencard and that’s pretty much all the feedback you are getting (which is somehow justified considering the hundreds of cases we on a daily).Anyhow, As far as what you are telling in this thread, I don’t see it that way. Don’t get me wrong though it can totally be that. But she came, she’s here with you, she actually got up and worked. She is getting paid, probably not too much, she’s not used to sharing expenses. If its not something you guys talked about before getting into a marriage, that’s on you. Its not too late. Please talk, if you genuinely feel that your marriage is real and worth fighting for- come into an agreement regarding expenses. Also, I read that you’d like a bigger house. Is it completely necessary? I understand you’ve given her a lot already. Its been a little over a year. And only 3 months that she started making green paper. I’m probably gonna get grilled here for saying all this.

But you came here to get any opinion. Here’s mine. I’m not saying to let her fool you and abuse you (NO PLEASE). All I’m saying is to weigh things out. Don’t come here to swipe your brain reading about horror stories about gold-diggers- not if you don’t believe this is your case.

lastly, for the love of god DISCUSS ALL THIS ON AN OPEN TABLE WITH HER. BE BLUNT, BE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. Stop making her comfortable.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Hi,

I know everyone here is predisposed to assume that all Dominican women are in it for the greencard and thats pretty much all the feedback you are getting (which is somehow justified considering the hundreds of cases we on a daily).Anyhow, As far as what you are telling in this thread, I dont see it that way. Dont get me wrong though it can totally be that. But she came, shes here with you, she actually got up and worked. She is getting paid, probably not too much, shes not used to sharing expenses. If its not something you guys talked about before getting into a marriage, thats on you. Its not too late. Please talk, if you genuinely feel that your marriage is real and worth fighting for- come into an agreement regarding expenses. Also, I read that youd like a bigger house. Is it completely necessary? I understand youve given her a lot already. Its been a little over a year. And only 3 months that she started making green paper. Im probably gonna get grilled here for saying all this.

But you came here to get any opinion. Heres mine. Im not saying to let her fool you and abuse you (NO PLEASE). All Im saying is to weigh things out. Dont come here to swipe your brain reading about horror stories about gold-diggers- not if you dont believe this is your case.

lastly, for the love of god DISCUSS ALL THIS ON AN OPEN TABLE WITH HER. BE BLUNT, BE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. Stop making her comfortable.

excuse ME paisana NO one said All dominicanas are gold diggers I for one am a Dominicana born here but all the customs of a true dominican and i am raised in it.

BUT it is clear that many many use men to get here get them for all he got and leave. When they are well off. Why now no baby why she going to NY a desacatarse?? girl please you already know.

He has been having issues and in her defence it seems like he only thinks of her as a sex baby making lazy woman with no manners. Read all his posts.

They both got some issues not for this board but a shrink ✊?

Edited June 6, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[rodriguezhiraldo 7]

excuse ME paisana NO one said All dominicanas are gold diggers I for one am a Dominicana born here but all the customs of a true dominican and i am raised in it.

BUT it is clear that many many use men to get here get them for all he got and leave. When they are well off. Why now no baby why she going to NY a desacatarse?? girl please you already know.

He has been having issues and in her defence it seems like he only thinks of her as a sex baby making lazy woman with no manners. Read all his posts.

They both got some issues not for this board but a shrink ✊?

HAHA. i know paisana. maybe I generalized and I apologize but we have to admit that lately we hear "dominicana" and next we hear chapiadora. And this is something we are all faulty of. sad that we are getting this reputation. I agree with you. i have not ready all the post. maybe i should catch up any way. I just feel like these issues should not be addressed by a bunch of people who are already predisposed. I mean this blog is great but I believe he needs to work it off with his wife and figure it out himself rather than hearing us telling him his wife is after a greencard right off the bat

Hhaha you gave me a laugh with the shrink.

Edited June 6, 2016 by rodriguezhiraldo

[Unlockable 7,306]

At the risk of having my following comment deleted or edited, this thread reeks of attention/sympathy seeking.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

HAHA. i know paisana. maybe I generalized and I apologize but we have to admit that lately we hear "dominicana" and next we hear chapiadora. And this is something we are all faulty of. sad that we are getting this reputation. I agree with you. i have not ready all the post. maybe i should catch up any way. I just feel like these issues should not be addressed by a bunch of people who are already predisposed. I mean this blog is great but I believe he needs to work it off with his wife and figure it out himself rather than hearing us telling him his wife is after a greencard right off the bat

Hhaha you gave me a laugh with the shrink.

Ya lo saves and the men dont fall behind either but its a third world country and unfortunately many of us pay for a few.

But you know the mentality over there and its very unfortunate. And with all im proud of our culture aside from the chapies lol

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

At the risk of having my following comment deleted or edited, this thread reeks of attention/sympathy seeking.

??????????

I think hes also looking to hear us tell hum what he already feels. Although this is a three part story his / hers / the truth. I have a feeling she would say a total different story.

Unfortunately we are dealing with people from other countries customs and beliefs and if we arent ready to be open minded we shouldnt start any immigration processes for anyone

Edited June 6, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

HAHA. i know paisana. maybe I generalized and I apologize but we have to admit that lately we hear "dominicana" and next we hear chapiadora. And this is something we are all faulty of. sad that we are getting this reputation. I agree with you. i have not ready all the post. maybe i should catch up any way. I just feel like these issues should not be addressed by a bunch of people who are already predisposed. I mean this blog is great but I believe he needs to work it off with his wife and figure it out himself rather than hearing us telling him his wife is after a greencard right off the bat

Hhaha you gave me a laugh with the shrink.

Leer esto

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/577877-separated-4-months-after-marriage-well-that-was-fun/

[rodriguezhiraldo 7]

Leer esto

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/577877-separated-4-months-after-marriage-well-that-was-fun/

thanks. I read this a while back. funny i didn't even realize it was the same person. I probably replied back then saying nasty things. See what I mean. About personal issues remaining personal? that post from months ago is like a complete different story from what he is saying now. So makes me wonder how should one form an opinion on someone else relationship if things can change so drastically in a course of a few months. Back the she was lazy lazy now shes such a hard worker. its not about Vermont being crazy and inconsistent with his stories. Its called MARRIAGE. people change, relationships change. back then when read that , for sure I thought that i wouldn't last. now i read this and its different. well, either way there are some big issues here and I wish the best of luck. I know for sure coming here for marriage counseling aint gonna work- that I know.

[B&Z 201]

To the OP:

At this point, you have nothing to complain about anymore. You need to put your expectations in check, and you also need to communicate your expectations to your wife, instead of just assuming she's going to fulfill your expectations automatically. Marriage is a give and take and from the outside looking in, it looks like you're being unfair.

She's meeting your physical needs, she's working hard, she's buying $400 worth of groceries every month (and I'm willing to bet that's more than all of your utilities cost, combined), she's taking care of the household chores, and she's trying hard to save up her money to buy herself a car so you won't have to go out of your way to drive her so far to work and back every day...in essence, she's doing you a favor in the long run, and you're complaining that you have to pay the rent and live in a smaller house (how small, who knows).

Look at the drastic changes she's made in the past 6 months compared to how she was in your December post. And now you're whining about her not contributing more to the household finances so that you can get a bigger house and start a family. You have no business starting a family with her right now. You need to settle in, let go of your ridiculous expectations (which it sounds like you just aren't ever going to be totally pleased with her until she morphs into the woman of your dreams). Get real. You're dealing with a human being coming from a different country/culture and who has her own expectations for you and herself, and her own goals. It looks like she's at least trying her best right now to gain some independence as well as to contribute to the household. Just work on being a couple and making THAT work FIRST, before you bring an innocent life in-between the two of you.

If you want to have a baby with her, do you expect her to stay at home with the baby until it's old enough to go to kindergarten? Are you going to complain about her being a housewife and not contributing to the household finances then?

You just sound like a really poor communicator with unrealistic expectations. You're lucky she changed her behavior and attitude at all since December. How about you find things to be grateful for and try to understand why she's doing what she's doing, instead of you finding new things to be unsatisfied with?

Edited June 6, 2016 by B&Z

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

thanks. I read this a while back. funny i didn't even realize it was the same person. I probably replied back then saying nasty things. See what I mean. About personal issues remaining personal? that post from months ago is like a complete different story from what he is saying now. So makes me wonder how should one form an opinion on someone else relationship if things can change so drastically in a course of a few months. Back the she was lazy lazy now shes such a hard worker. its not about Vermont being crazy and inconsistent with his stories. Its called MARRIAGE. people change, relationships change. back then when read that , for sure I thought that i wouldn't last. now i read this and its different. well, either way there are some big issues here and I wish the best of luck. I know for sure coming here for marriage counseling aint gonna work- that I know.

You are ? right!!

[NikLR 13,220]

Why are people jumping on the OP about a larger house and a baby? He said his WIFE wants a bigger house and a baby but he told her they cant afford it, to which she replied shed just go find someone else then.

I agree they need to either figure this out or stop the drama. I think they both like the drama though and he likes to share it. People get off on all the drama I swear.