Visa in hand, but petitioner is unemployed. Please help!

[Boiler 47,456]

Women often seem to look at men as raw material to be shàped.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Women often seem to look at men as raw material to be shàped.

Saddly this is very true. I went into my first marriage with this mindset, that I could make him what I wanted him to be versus realizing that he wasn't really anything I wanted from even a friend. But I thought he could be changed and that he could become something else, a "better version" of himself that people would always tote around and say. Either way, no he stayed the same, we got married, had a child and the marriage was toxic. Divorcing was the single best choice we ever made in our relationship.

My fiance is though, everything I ever did want. I wouldn't want him to change for anything because he's perfect to me how he is, his flaws are minor and not a make or break. He feels the same about me as well. Every relationship will have bumps but generally if you're with the right person, those bumps will never hit even close to the "maybe we shouldn't be together" territory.

[cdneh 3,112]

Women often seem to look at men as raw material to be shàped.

They do, and I've never understood this. They show you exactly who they are, and yet... still they believe they can make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

[K1Hopeful22 3]

Dearest Ava,

You seem so lovely and I understand how love can be blinding. But please do not go to the US, even to assess the situation. I would advise you to stay away from this guy even if he were in your own country. He does not treat you well in any manner! Someone who really loved you would never portray the behaviors this man does. Please don't invest any more of your time, money, and especially not your heart in this selfish man. It will only end badly.

I wish you the best & please keep us updated on your decision. <3

[Mike-eeh and Odie 193]

Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Your steps to follow are now my survival guide when considering visiting to see first hand.

The relationship you have with your wife sounds amazing, and I will remember that you cared for her so much that you waited. If he doesn't wait, I will leave.

Everything you've said resonates with me...the obvious abuse, the lack of communication, and the manipulation.

Today there is a news that makes it even more daunting to choose what to do, because it corrects the employment issue: he emailed me earlier to tell me he's just gotten a job offer that he accepted on the spot. This derives from the only interview he has had, which was 3 weeks ago (I strongly encouraged him to apply then and I suppose he got lucky and must have done well to have an offer from only one interview). Assuming this is correct, how should I approach a possible visit with my K1 now?

Many blessings your way. You're a star.

What I would do is ask him to provide proof of gainful employment. Have him scan and email you his W-2 Form he filled out for HR as well as a work verification letter from his employer. If he cannot provide those, do not believe he has a job. My guess is he is saying he has a job to get you to go to the USA on your K-1. Do not let him guilt you into "taking his word for it." He'll most likely twist words and say, "relationships are based on trust, don't you trust me?" The answer is, "No, you cannot trust him." He has already gone back on his word and has flirted with other women, betraying your trust.

Secondly, I would not go to the USA. Have him refile the K-1. If he does love you, he would do anything to have you there with him, refiling the K-1 not withstanding. By the time the second K-1 is filed, he will have at least 1 year gainful employment, which he needs anyway to prove he can support you. (He needs a tax return). If he gives up, you know he was not interested in you as a wife. It may hurt, but your heart will heal and you will be a better, wiser, and stronger woman for it.

If you truly want what I have, that is a loving marriage based on communication, love, and trust, you need to first begin with a man who will make you his world. Love just doesn't die. To keep the one you love you have to keep doing the things you did to win their heart. I never stop telling my wife I love her, even when I am mad. I never stop sending my wife little poems in the email, because she likes my poetry. I never stop texting or calling her, even if I am working, because my wife is more important than my job. It is obvious you want to make yoru fiance your world, but it's painfully apparent that he is not making you his world. Cut him loose and find a man who will appreciate you.

If he for some miracle can provide you what you ask, I would still delay the K-1 Visa and have him refile. He needs time to mature, and you need more time to think things over.

[Limey 551]

Seems the mere fact that OP is asking the question here gives the correct answer.

I can't imagine anyone of us who has gone through K1 and come here to get married asking the questions you've been asking. I know that when i travelled I had no doubts in my mind whatsoever - I'd spent the past 18 months going back and forth across the Atlantic for trips of a few weeks and couldn't think of anything else but being able to live permanently with the love of my life. My questions were all about what happens once i get here - sorting a marriage certificate, getting a drivers license, bank account, mobile phone etc.

If you even have to think about it, then the answer should be no. If you're having to ask questions on a forum like this, then even more so. Finish it and move on.

Its a really big step to leave your home, your family, your friends, your job - every part of your life - and move to a new country. If you have any doubts then the answer is no, don't do it.

[Chris_and_Abi 2]

Hi Ava,

I got up to page 11 and couldn't bear to read any more so I apologise if this has already been said:

If you do insist on going, even for a few weeks, please do all of us a few favours:

Keep your passport hidden, it may be unlikely but this guy seems like he could flip and maybe hide it from you so you cannot return. Save yourself the hassle.

Familiarise yourself with the local planned parenthood or if you can get an OTC morning after pill from France, get it and keep it hidden. Just in case of any mishaps. This is if you are not already on the pill.

And for what it's worth, I had a few LDRs before I met my fiance. Not one of them wanted to come and visit me, only me there. When you meet the right person, it's like waking up from a dream. When you're dreaming, you think you're awake, when you're awake, you KNOW you're awake.

[Boiler 47,456]

More a nightmare than a dream.

More a nightmare than a dream.

More a nightmare than a dream.

[Ning 619]

What I would do is ask him to provide proof of gainful employment. Have him scan and email you his W-2 Form he filled out for HR as well as a work verification letter from his employer. If he cannot provide those, do not believe he has a job. My guess is he is saying he has a job to get you to go to the USA on your K-1. Do not let him guilt you into "taking his word for it." He'll most likely twist words and say, "relationships are based on trust, don't you trust me?" The answer is, "No, you cannot trust him." He has already gone back on his word and has flirted with other women, betraying your trust.

Secondly, I would not go to the USA. Have him refile the K-1. If he does love you, he would do anything to have you there with him, refiling the K-1 not withstanding. By the time the second K-1 is filed, he will have at least 1 year gainful employment, which he needs anyway to prove he can support you. (He needs a tax return). If he gives up, you know he was not interested in you as a wife. It may hurt, but your heart will heal and you will be a better, wiser, and stronger woman for it.

If you truly want what I have, that is a loving marriage based on communication, love, and trust, you need to first begin with a man who will make you his world. Love just doesn't die. To keep the one you love you have to keep doing the things you did to win their heart. I never stop telling my wife I love her, even when I am mad. I never stop sending my wife little poems in the email, because she likes my poetry. I never stop texting or calling her, even if I am working, because my wife is more important than my job. It is obvious you want to make yoru fiance your world, but it's painfully apparent that he is not making you his world. Cut him loose and find a man who will appreciate you.

If he for some miracle can provide you what you ask, I would still delay the K-1 Visa and have him refile. He needs time to mature, and you need more time to think things over.

This is well said sort of condensing many other similar posts so very long back. Does anyone else wonder if another 8 pages will do anything to alter the course of events.

The above should be read out loud at bed time for these young people.

Could this sad tale be a troll? Or the terrible nightmare described by Boiler in triplicate . Ones seen a lot ; the other not so much.

Edited July 23, 2015 by Ning

[AvaAdore 4]

Does anyone else wonder if another 8 pages will do anything to alter the course of events.

The above should be read out loud at bed time for these young people.

Could this sad tale be a troll? Or the terrible nightmare described by Boiler in triplicate . Ones seen a lot ; the other not so much.

Being a bully won't bring you much.

[AvaAdore 4]

What I would do is ask him to provide proof of gainful employment. Have him scan and email you his W-2 Form he filled out for HR as well as a work verification letter from his employer. If he cannot provide those, do not believe he has a job. My guess is he is saying he has a job to get you to go to the USA on your K-1. Do not let him guilt you into "taking his word for it." He'll most likely twist words and say, "relationships are based on trust, don't you trust me?" The answer is, "No, you cannot trust him." He has already gone back on his word and has flirted with other women, betraying your trust.

Secondly, I would not go to the USA. Have him refile the K-1. If he does love you, he would do anything to have you there with him, refiling the K-1 not withstanding. By the time the second K-1 is filed, he will have at least 1 year gainful employment, which he needs anyway to prove he can support you. (He needs a tax return). If he gives up, you know he was not interested in you as a wife. It may hurt, but your heart will heal and you will be a better, wiser, and stronger woman for it.

If you truly want what I have, that is a loving marriage based on communication, love, and trust, you need to first begin with a man who will make you his world. Love just doesn't die. To keep the one you love you have to keep doing the things you did to win their heart. I never stop telling my wife I love her, even when I am mad. I never stop sending my wife little poems in the email, because she likes my poetry. I never stop texting or calling her, even if I am working, because my wife is more important than my job. It is obvious you want to make yoru fiance your world, but it's painfully apparent that he is not making you his world. Cut him loose and find a man who will appreciate you.

If he for some miracle can provide you what you ask, I would still delay the K-1 Visa and have him refile. He needs time to mature, and you need more time to think things over.

Thanks every so much again. I asked to see proof of his employment which was met with a "I don't have to show you anything, if you don't trust me, fine". To which I reminded him of when he flirted with other girls, and lied to me. And all I heard back was "you could have left me then. You saying all this makes me want to smack you". I expressed my horror at that statement which was answered with this "saying this doesn't mean I'll do it". (of course...then why saying it?!)

This made me drive to work in tears. That's it. I'm heartbroken and angry at myself to have wasted a year and a half. Like you said Mike, he was someone I made my world, and that's what I got in return. I know I'll need a lot of time to heal properly, but if I don't, he wins.

Edited July 24, 2015 by AvaAdore

[AvaAdore 4]

I want to thank every one here who has helped me. Which is 99.9% of the people who have responded. You are all wonderful, and I wish you all the very best

Heartbroken, but at least I won't be a punching bag to someone who claimed I was his "twinflame". I'm so angry, so sad, so lost...never before have I hurt so much.

[GreenGem 58]

I want to thank every one here who has helped me. Which is 99.9% of the people who have responded. You are all wonderful, and I wish you all the very best

Heartbroken, but at least I won't be a punching bag to someone who claimed I was his "twinflame". I'm so angry, so sad, so lost...never before have I hurt so much.

You deserve better. It may hurt as hell right now but let yourself move on and if he really loves you (realizing how difficult your situation is right now) he'll be knocking on your door and will do everything to make everything ok. Do not settle for less. Remember you deserve better. Choose to be better. Best of luck Ava.

Edited July 24, 2015 by Emmerald

[AvaAdore 4]

You deserve better. It may hurt as hell right now but let yourself move on and if he really loves you (realizing how difficult your situation is right now) he'll be knocking on your door and will do everything to make everything ok. Do not settle for less. Remember you deserve better. Choose to be better. Best of luck Ava.

Thanks for caring, I wish several blessings your way. But to be honest, the fact he said "this makes me want to smack you" cannot be love. It's sickness. And I have myself to blame for staying with him so long and ignoring the red flags. But I loved. Now I don't know how to deal with this..it ails me so much and I am withering in pain as I just arrived at work.

Edited July 24, 2015 by AvaAdore

[AvaAdore 4]

Dearest Ava,

You seem so lovely and I understand how love can be blinding. But please do not go to the US, even to assess the situation. I would advise you to stay away from this guy even if he were in your own country. He does not treat you well in any manner! Someone who really loved you would never portray the behaviors this man does. Please don't invest any more of your time, money, and especially not your heart in this selfish man. It will only end badly.

I wish you the best & please keep us updated on your decision. <3

Thanks, now I tested him more, just so I could make a decision. If you read the above, you'll see that no woman would condone what he has said to me.

It had been embarrassing for me to reveal all this, and I would have been able to do so in person, due to my shy personality. I respect all the compassionate and empathetic people on here so much.

Edited July 24, 2015 by AvaAdore