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will i petition her

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so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

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Sounds like PI?

Send the money you are sending to her to your siblings?


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

You have been abused, manipulated, disrespected and scammed by your mother. When are you going to tell her Enough is Enough?? As I see it you owe her nothing. You bring her to the states and she will batter you every waking moment she is here. Your fiancée deserves better and you do to. Stop the merry-go-round and get off NOW!!

The bible says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” It's the same for a woman.

Boiler makes a good point. Find a way that the money you send, and I think it should be reasonable (nothing that causes you to have to work 3 jobs) to the siblings you want to support. Pay for a good school and they will surely grow up to be good citizens to which you will be proud.

I wish you luck and I will prayer that you find the right decision. God is good.


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Adjustment of Status

AOS March 5, 2014 Submitted AOS with EAD/AP package to Chicago USICS

Delivered March 8, 2014 AOS packaged delivered to USCIS drop box

Accepted March 19, 2014 Text message with receipt numbers

Biometrics April 16, 2014 Biometrics completed

EAD May 23, 2014 Employment Authorization Document approved and went to card production

TD May 23, 2014 Travel Document approved and went for card production

Receipt EAD/AP May 30, 2014 Received combo card EAD/AP

Green Card Approved July 11, 2014 Approved, no interview. Went to card production.

Green Card received July 17, 2014 GC received without interview

Removal of Conditions

Mailed I-751 Dec 16, 2015 Submitted ROC (removal of conditions)

Received Dec 18, 2015 USPS notification of successful delivery

Check Cashed Dec 21, 2015 Check was cashed

NOA-1 Issued Dec 21, 2015 NOA-1 for ROC issued

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Sounds like PI?

Send the money you are sending to her to your siblings?

I concur.....and if you have that much resentment do not bring her into your world

however always treat her kind from afar, she did go through birthing you...love

yourself hon. she sounds selfish & may have been mistreated herself

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Family will take you for granted and it is your responsibility to define your boundaries and draw the line that says up to here and no further

with the money tree in your back yard. No one else will do it for you.

If you want it to stop then stop it. Send what you "comfortably" can to the siblings for their school fees.

If you think you can keep 3 jobs up with eventually becoming pregnant and then having a baby then you are very wrong.

You are not Superwoman ! I advice not to sponsor her here as it will greatly increase the friction between you and your husband.

Who knows she may not even petition your siblings once she is here.

Your first responsibility is towards your own family, hubby and future baby.

Don't be intimidated to say a clear no to her. She sounds like she is sucking the life out of you like a tick on a dog.


Spoiler

 

I-129F Sent : 3-31-2014, NOA2: 4-6-2014

NVC Received : some dinkelsberry yehoo in the house of clingons send our petition to the wrong consulate.

Consulate Received : July 30,2014 Transfer to right embassy complete.

Interview Date : Oct 22, 2014

Interview Result : AP , requesting another PC (not expired) and certified divorce decree (was submitted)Stokes interview via phone for petitioner 4 hrs after interview.

Oct 23 email notification visa approved.
Visa Received : Nov. 3 , 2014 VISA IN HAND.

US Entry : Nov. 21, 2014

Marriage : Dec 27, 2014

AOS send : May 12, 2015, received May 14, 2015 USPS priority

Email &text : May 18, 2015, check cashed May 19,2015, return receipt May 21, 2015 stamped USCIS Lockbox, NOA1 (3x) May 22,2015

Biometrics : June 1, 2015 letter received for appointment June 8, 2015, successful walk-in June 1, 2015

RFE : June 12, 2015 for income not meeting guideline. Income does ( ! ) exceed guideline.

RFE response : June 26, 2015 returned with a boat load full of financial evidence.

UPDATE: July 5, 2015 updated on all 3 cases, RFE received June 30, 2015.

Service request : Aug 12, 2015, letter received that it will be processed within 90 days from receipt of RFE.

UPDATE: Aug 24, 2015, EAD card being produced/ordered. ( 102 days from AOS receipt day and 55 days from RFE response received.) Thank you Jesus !

Emails : Aug 24, 2015, EAD approved, EAD card ordered.

I-797 EAD/AP approval notice received : Aug 27, 2015

EAD/AP combo card mailed : Aug 27, 2015, EAD/AP combo card received: Aug 31, 2015

Renewal application send for EAD/AP : May 31,2016 (AOS pending over 1 year). Received June 2, 2016,Notice date June7, 2016, emails,texts, NOA1 hard copy

Service request for pending AOS April 21, 2016, case not assigned yet.
Service request for pending AOS June 14, 2016, tier 2 said performing background checks.
Expedite request for EAD/AP Aug 3, 2016, Aug10 notification >request was received, assigned, completed. RFE letter requesting evidence for expedite, docs faxed Aug18

*Service request for I-485 Aug 3, 2016, Aug11 notification> request was assigned. Service request Dec 2, 2016.
AOS Interview letter received Aug 12, 2016

AOS Interview September 21, 2016.

Second Biometrics appointment letters received for EAD and AOS on Aug 15, 2016 for Aug 17 ( 2 day notice).

Second Biometrics completed Aug 17, 2016

Third Biometrics appointment letter received Aug 19, 2016 for Sept. 1, 2016. WTH ?!

EAD/AP (renewal) approval Aug 22, 2016, NOA2 received Aug 25, 2016

Renewal EAD in production notification text and online, expedite successful 4 days after RFE request response was faxed, Aug25mailed,Aug29received.

Sept. 21 Interview, 2 hour interview, we were separated and asked about 50 questions each for an hour each. IO was firm but professional, some smiles.
Several service requests made, contacted Senator and Ombudsman. Background checks still pending.
July 21, 2017 HOME VISIT.  Went well. Topic thread in AOS forum.
Waiting to skip ROC and get 10 yr GC due to over 2 year while pending AOS
AOS APPROVED Oct. 4, 2017 * Green card in hand Oct 13, 2017 !!!!!

First K1 denied after 16 month of AP. Refiled. We are a couple since 2009. Not a sprint but a matter of endurance.

 

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How about petitioning her on a condition that you will stop giving her anything anymore, that she would support her kids, and that you she will leave you alone. Get her if she has a place to live, miles away from you. But if this is not doable, then they are right, send the money to your siblings period! ;-)


N-400 process

03/03/16 Submitted N-400 application and docs
03/09/16 USCIS ackn rcpt (txt, email, and NOA1) and chk cashed
03/29/16 Biometrics (walked in - orig date 04/05/16)
04/04/16 In Line for an Interview (txt, email, and checked case status)

05/16/16 Scheduled for an Interview (Case Status Online)

05/20/16 Received I/L
06/24/16 Interview date (PASSED)
07/20/16 Oath-taking at LACC ( I AM NOW A US CITIZEN!!!)

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How about petitioning her on a condition that you will stop giving her anything anymore, that she would support her kids, and that you she will leave you alone. Get her if she has a place to live, miles away from you. But if this is not doable, then they are right, send the money to your siblings period! ;-)

Ohh no, all that would happen is that the costs will go up, why or how would she change?


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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If you petition her she will continue to abuse you and then your children.

If you want to pay for your sibling tuition and that doesn't cause you to work 3 jobs then pay the school directly so your mother can't get her hands on it.

If that is still too much on you and you have to put off having kids then you don't do it. It is time for your mother to get a job and also your siblings.

This is time for you to take care of yourself. If you get sick or hurt because you are taking on too much who will care for you? Not your mother that is for sure.

I'm sorry you can't do it all the stress will kill you!


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When i told her that i would like to petition her, she was excited about it. She even said she will find a job here so she could support her kids. But my dilemma is how could someone who never work there entire life be able to find and keep one? My fiancee said he could forsee us fighting over her. He has been supportive of me but he noticed how often i send her money and was upset about it. We only have one day off together since i work alot of hours. Maybe that is why im having fertility problems because of stress. I have told myself many times enough is enough but when she brings up the drama oh your siblings will live in the streets, oh they are sick, they dont have school supplies.. it breaks my heart. I once lived a rough life with my mother and i dont want them to go through it. Thanks to my dad who never gave up on us, sent us to school and brought us here, i wouldnt be in my position right now.

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If you petition her she will continue to abuse you and then your children.

If you want to pay for your sibling tuition and that doesn't cause you to work 3 jobs then pay the school directly so your mother can't get her hands on it.

If that is still too much on you and you have to put off having kids then you don't do it. It is time for your mother to get a job and also your siblings.

This is time for you to take care of yourself. If you get sick or hurt because you are taking on too much who will care for you? Not your mother that is for sure.

I'm sorry you can't do it all the stress will kill you!

*****fiancee asked me, until when is she going to do these to me? he bet even if my siblings finish there school, she will still ask for more

Edited by proudate

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When i told her that i would like to petition her, she was excited about it. She even said she will find a job here so she could support her kids. But my dilemma is how could someone who never work there entire life be able to find and keep one? My fiancee said he could forsee us fighting over her. He has been supportive of me but he noticed how often i send her money and was upset about it. We only have one day off together since i work alot of hours. Maybe that is why im having fertility problems because of stress. I have told myself many times enough is enough but when she brings up the drama oh your siblings will live in the streets, oh they are sick, they dont have school supplies.. it breaks my heart. I once lived a rough life with my mother and i dont want them to go through it. Thanks to my dad who never gave up on us, sent us to school and brought us here, i wouldnt be in my position right now.

Your husband is right, you are doing too much.

Stress can definitely result in fertility problems.

You have to differentiate between what is truth and what is drama and lies.

As was suggested, perhaps you can send the school fee directly to the school or siblings if they are old enough,

or an extended family member who may want to help you sift through the drama and be truthful about a real need for something.

As much as we all want to help our family, it comes down to spouse and children first and then you help out a little where you can.

That is why it is so important to agree with your spouse on a monthly amount to send home and stick to it from the very beginning

and tell her you believe she will find a way to manage the situations that seem to arise on a monthly basis.

You are enabling her laziness.

You are being manipulated and your health and marriage is suffering for it.

I would not be a happy camper if my husband would send that much a months because it's coming out of our budget.

3 jobs to pay $800 a months is way too much. I would cut that in half immediately and think of your future children's well being.

A good education is not cheap here.

You need to find a way to not fall into the guilt traps she sets for you.

40 is no age at all, she can clean someone's house or do something.

Answer the phone less while you make some adjustments or let your husband take the phone and tell your mother that you can no

longer work as hard as you do to support them and that a monthly sum of _____ is all he is agreeing to from now on.

I would have put my foot down a long time ago if I were him, it's not fair to him.

I hope you follow through with some suggestions here.

Quit the other job(s) and do some yoga and massages to get your peace and rest back and good luck for beautiful babies.


Spoiler

 

I-129F Sent : 3-31-2014, NOA2: 4-6-2014

NVC Received : some dinkelsberry yehoo in the house of clingons send our petition to the wrong consulate.

Consulate Received : July 30,2014 Transfer to right embassy complete.

Interview Date : Oct 22, 2014

Interview Result : AP , requesting another PC (not expired) and certified divorce decree (was submitted)Stokes interview via phone for petitioner 4 hrs after interview.

Oct 23 email notification visa approved.
Visa Received : Nov. 3 , 2014 VISA IN HAND.

US Entry : Nov. 21, 2014

Marriage : Dec 27, 2014

AOS send : May 12, 2015, received May 14, 2015 USPS priority

Email &text : May 18, 2015, check cashed May 19,2015, return receipt May 21, 2015 stamped USCIS Lockbox, NOA1 (3x) May 22,2015

Biometrics : June 1, 2015 letter received for appointment June 8, 2015, successful walk-in June 1, 2015

RFE : June 12, 2015 for income not meeting guideline. Income does ( ! ) exceed guideline.

RFE response : June 26, 2015 returned with a boat load full of financial evidence.

UPDATE: July 5, 2015 updated on all 3 cases, RFE received June 30, 2015.

Service request : Aug 12, 2015, letter received that it will be processed within 90 days from receipt of RFE.

UPDATE: Aug 24, 2015, EAD card being produced/ordered. ( 102 days from AOS receipt day and 55 days from RFE response received.) Thank you Jesus !

Emails : Aug 24, 2015, EAD approved, EAD card ordered.

I-797 EAD/AP approval notice received : Aug 27, 2015

EAD/AP combo card mailed : Aug 27, 2015, EAD/AP combo card received: Aug 31, 2015

Renewal application send for EAD/AP : May 31,2016 (AOS pending over 1 year). Received June 2, 2016,Notice date June7, 2016, emails,texts, NOA1 hard copy

Service request for pending AOS April 21, 2016, case not assigned yet.
Service request for pending AOS June 14, 2016, tier 2 said performing background checks.
Expedite request for EAD/AP Aug 3, 2016, Aug10 notification >request was received, assigned, completed. RFE letter requesting evidence for expedite, docs faxed Aug18

*Service request for I-485 Aug 3, 2016, Aug11 notification> request was assigned. Service request Dec 2, 2016.
AOS Interview letter received Aug 12, 2016

AOS Interview September 21, 2016.

Second Biometrics appointment letters received for EAD and AOS on Aug 15, 2016 for Aug 17 ( 2 day notice).

Second Biometrics completed Aug 17, 2016

Third Biometrics appointment letter received Aug 19, 2016 for Sept. 1, 2016. WTH ?!

EAD/AP (renewal) approval Aug 22, 2016, NOA2 received Aug 25, 2016

Renewal EAD in production notification text and online, expedite successful 4 days after RFE request response was faxed, Aug25mailed,Aug29received.

Sept. 21 Interview, 2 hour interview, we were separated and asked about 50 questions each for an hour each. IO was firm but professional, some smiles.
Several service requests made, contacted Senator and Ombudsman. Background checks still pending.
July 21, 2017 HOME VISIT.  Went well. Topic thread in AOS forum.
Waiting to skip ROC and get 10 yr GC due to over 2 year while pending AOS
AOS APPROVED Oct. 4, 2017 * Green card in hand Oct 13, 2017 !!!!!

First K1 denied after 16 month of AP. Refiled. We are a couple since 2009. Not a sprint but a matter of endurance.

 

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so i was planning to petition my mom so that in return she can petition my half siblings. i was never closed to her. she physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. i used to think and feel she never loved us and the only reason she let us lived with her is for my dad's money. he sends us monthly allowance. she manipulated us to tell our father we need this and that and spends the money to her kids (my half siblings) and step father. she never worked. i gave her small businesses multiple times and couldn't keep up and so they were all unsuccessful. she asks money from me every week (every week there is new expenses - sibling got sick, she got sick, she needs meds, etc. she always have reason for me to send money) . i work 2-3 jobs to keep up with my bills, mortgage and her allowance. her husband expected her to contribute to there household's expenses. but how could she do that when she doesn't work? i told her to find a job but she said nobody accepted here because she said she is too old, btw she is only on her early 40's.. she got pregnant at a very early age. every week she asked at least 200$, i send at least 800$ a month. i told her that i also have bills to pay but she wouldn't understand. i helped her with my siblings tuition fee, school supplies, there utilities and monthly rent my fiancee suggested not to petition her since she will be a burden to me and can cause disagreements between the 2 of us (which sometimes happen). we were planning to have a baby since he is getting old. i cannot support her and my siblings and have a family. i cannot work 6 days a week to keep up with all the expenses and trying to have a family. i am starting to think not to petition her, if only i didn't love my siblings and want them to have a better future getting her wouldn't even cross my mind. but if i start sibling petition, i would wait 30 yrs..

I mean this in the best way possible, but you are nuts. Why would you want to stay in an abusive relationship, that is not your Mom. Mom's don't do that, pick a new Mom that treats you right. My wives family asks for exactly $0/month. We send Christmas presents and things like that but we don't want them getting addicted to support that might not be there someday. When she visits and distant relatives and friends ask what did you bring us? She responds with what money did you send so I could buy you something? By allowing people to act in ways that wouldn't be considered normal things will always just get worse. Please wake up and stop sending money that could be your own kids future to someone who you said you were never close to. Such a shame people like that exist, it's even worse when you reward them.

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Thank you for all your advices. I will have to think it over again.. i love my half siblings since i took care of them since they were babies and only wants the best for them.

query - why is your mother treating you like an overseas foreign worker?


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