New here, advice please

[Mikey500 0]

Hello everyone. I've been reading a lot of stuff on here and it seems like a very jundgement free zone so I feel comfortable asking this question here. My fiancee is from Ukraine and we met on an international dating site, not a marriage broker. We talked for a few months and I decided I'd take a trip to go see her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had a geat time. I stayed in a hotel the whole time and towards the end of that trip I booked another flight to go out there a few months later. The second time I stayed with her at her apartment for a week then we flew to Lviv for my last week. It was her birthday the 4th day or so I was there and we went out with her aunt and uncle and we had a great time. She seems to be closer to her aunt than either of her parents, talks to her a few times a day and she calls her sister. So we decided to get married and I've never met her parents. She doesn't seem to care if I meet them or not. And it's not like she's not close to them because she goes to visit them most Saturdays and stays the night then goes back home on Sunday. When I ask about meeting them and what they think about her moving to another country she says that they trust her judgement and that's about it. I've seen pictures of her parents and her brother but that's all. And she tells me that I did meet her aunt and she's more her mom than her actual mom.

We've been together about a year now. We talk on Skye every day except when she goe's to her parents because they live in a small village outside of town and their internet is only good enough to message on skype. I'm leaving to see her again tomorrow and we plan on staying in Kiev for a few days, going to Poltava for a few days, which is where she lives, then going back to Lviv for the remainder. We are gonna meet with her aunt and uncle again while I'm there for a picnic. Her Aunt seems like an amazing person, though we can't really communicate much, but she started learning English from my Fiancee who is an English teacher right after we met so we can talk together the next time. There is nothing else that raises even a yelow flag in my book but I'm not sure why she's not wanting to intruduce me to her parents. Yes, I did meet her aunt but that's still not meeting her parents. My fiancee is a great girl, she talks to my mom on skype every other Sunday and is really great in all areas but this whole parent thing really bothers me. I'm not too familiar with Ukrainian culture so I don't understand the differences in most things, though she tries to tell me but it's so different from American culture that sometimes I just dont undestand how it can be that way. Like their version of facebook, no one puts pictures of family like chidren or spouses on them because thats considered private. That's the complete opposite of how it is here.

I'm sorry for the long version but I'd really appreciate some insight into this. I plan on sitting her down when I get there and telling her how her not introducing me to her parents makes me feel and try to get to the bottom of this but again, I'd really like some insight from others that have more experience than me.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

**** moving from Off Topic to Ukraine Regional forum as question is specific to that culture ******

[saharaaa 0]

• I am agree with it sounds fishy not to introduce her parents to you especially that she moving out from the country but then maybe she is ashamed or embarrassed from where she come from or her parents or maybe she is hiding a secret like being married or something I would definitely confront her and ask to see her parents you never know best luck

[Mikey500 0]

Well if she was married then she wouldn't be able to get the visa to the USA. But We'll see what else it is.

[saharaaa 0]

yes true best thing is talk about when you are there so you don t give her time to fabricate a story lol

[Team MicVic! 46]

Hello everyone. I've been reading a lot of stuff on here and it seems like a very jundgement free zone so I feel comfortable asking this question here. My fiancee is from Ukraine and we met on an international dating site, not a marriage broker. We talked for a few months and I decided I'd take a trip to go see her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had a geat time. I stayed in a hotel the whole time and towards the end of that trip I booked another flight to go out there a few months later. The second time I stayed with her at her apartment for a week then we flew to Lviv for my last week. It was her birthday the 4th day or so I was there and we went out with her aunt and uncle and we had a great time. She seems to be closer to her aunt than either of her parents, talks to her a few times a day and she calls her sister. So we decided to get married and I've never met her parents. She doesn't seem to care if I meet them or not. And it's not like she's not close to them because she goes to visit them most Saturdays and stays the night then goes back home on Sunday. When I ask about meeting them and what they think about her moving to another country she says that they trust her judgement and that's about it. I've seen pictures of her parents and her brother but that's all. And she tells me that I did meet her aunt and she's more her mom than her actual mom.

We've been together about a year now. We talk on Skye every day except when she goe's to her parents because they live in a small village outside of town and their internet is only good enough to message on skype. I'm leaving to see her again tomorrow and we plan on staying in Kiev for a few days, going to Poltava for a few days, which is where she lives, then going back to Lviv for the remainder. We are gonna meet with her aunt and uncle again while I'm there for a picnic. Her Aunt seems like an amazing person, though we can't really communicate much, but she started learning English from my Fiancee who is an English teacher right after we met so we can talk together the next time. There is nothing else that raises even a yelow flag in my book but I'm not sure why she's not wanting to intruduce me to her parents. Yes, I did meet her aunt but that's still not meeting her parents. My fiancee is a great girl, she talks to my mom on skype every other Sunday and is really great in all areas but this whole parent thing really bothers me. I'm not too familiar with Ukrainian culture so I don't understand the differences in most things, though she tries to tell me but it's so different from American culture that sometimes I just dont undestand how it can be that way. Like their version of facebook, no one puts pictures of family like chidren or spouses on them because thats considered private. That's the complete opposite of how it is here.

I'm sorry for the long version but I'd really appreciate some insight into this. I plan on sitting her down when I get there and telling her how her not introducing me to her parents makes me feel and try to get to the bottom of this but again, I'd really like some insight from others that have more experience than me.

Is there a big age difference? Are there some things in your past or present she might be concerned about them knowing? Just thoughts.

Edited June 14, 2015 by Team MicVic!

[marriedguy 34]

What race are you ? I have lived in that part of the world for a long time.

I can tell you from the answer you give me. also what is the age difference ?

Hello everyone. I've been reading a lot of stuff on here and it seems like a very jundgement free zone so I feel comfortable asking this question here. My fiancee is from Ukraine and we met on an international dating site, not a marriage broker. We talked for a few months and I decided I'd take a trip to go see her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had a geat time. I stayed in a hotel the whole time and towards the end of that trip I booked another flight to go out there a few months later. The second time I stayed with her at her apartment for a week then we flew to Lviv for my last week. It was her birthday the 4th day or so I was there and we went out with her aunt and uncle and we had a great time. She seems to be closer to her aunt than either of her parents, talks to her a few times a day and she calls her sister. So we decided to get married and I've never met her parents. She doesn't seem to care if I meet them or not. And it's not like she's not close to them because she goes to visit them most Saturdays and stays the night then goes back home on Sunday. When I ask about meeting them and what they think about her moving to another country she says that they trust her judgement and that's about it. I've seen pictures of her parents and her brother but that's all. And she tells me that I did meet her aunt and she's more her mom than her actual mom.

We've been together about a year now. We talk on Skye every day except when she goe's to her parents because they live in a small village outside of town and their internet is only good enough to message on skype. I'm leaving to see her again tomorrow and we plan on staying in Kiev for a few days, going to Poltava for a few days, which is where she lives, then going back to Lviv for the remainder. We are gonna meet with her aunt and uncle again while I'm there for a picnic. Her Aunt seems like an amazing person, though we can't really communicate much, but she started learning English from my Fiancee who is an English teacher right after we met so we can talk together the next time. There is nothing else that raises even a yelow flag in my book but I'm not sure why she's not wanting to intruduce me to her parents. Yes, I did meet her aunt but that's still not meeting her parents. My fiancee is a great girl, she talks to my mom on skype every other Sunday and is really great in all areas but this whole parent thing really bothers me. I'm not too familiar with Ukrainian culture so I don't understand the differences in most things, though she tries to tell me but it's so different from American culture that sometimes I just dont undestand how it can be that way. Like their version of facebook, no one puts pictures of family like chidren or spouses on them because thats considered private. That's the complete opposite of how it is here.

I'm sorry for the long version but I'd really appreciate some insight into this. I plan on sitting her down when I get there and telling her how her not introducing me to her parents makes me feel and try to get to the bottom of this but again, I'd really like some insight from others that have more experience than me.

regarding not putting pictures of familes and children, even here people do it.

Hello everyone. I've been reading a lot of stuff on here and it seems like a very jundgement free zone so I feel comfortable asking this question here. My fiancee is from Ukraine and we met on an international dating site, not a marriage broker. We talked for a few months and I decided I'd take a trip to go see her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had a geat time. I stayed in a hotel the whole time and towards the end of that trip I booked another flight to go out there a few months later. The second time I stayed with her at her apartment for a week then we flew to Lviv for my last week. It was her birthday the 4th day or so I was there and we went out with her aunt and uncle and we had a great time. She seems to be closer to her aunt than either of her parents, talks to her a few times a day and she calls her sister. So we decided to get married and I've never met her parents. She doesn't seem to care if I meet them or not. And it's not like she's not close to them because she goes to visit them most Saturdays and stays the night then goes back home on Sunday. When I ask about meeting them and what they think about her moving to another country she says that they trust her judgement and that's about it. I've seen pictures of her parents and her brother but that's all. And she tells me that I did meet her aunt and she's more her mom than her actual mom.

We've been together about a year now. We talk on Skye every day except when she goe's to her parents because they live in a small village outside of town and their internet is only good enough to message on skype. I'm leaving to see her again tomorrow and we plan on staying in Kiev for a few days, going to Poltava for a few days, which is where she lives, then going back to Lviv for the remainder. We are gonna meet with her aunt and uncle again while I'm there for a picnic. Her Aunt seems like an amazing person, though we can't really communicate much, but she started learning English from my Fiancee who is an English teacher right after we met so we can talk together the next time. There is nothing else that raises even a yelow flag in my book but I'm not sure why she's not wanting to intruduce me to her parents. Yes, I did meet her aunt but that's still not meeting her parents. My fiancee is a great girl, she talks to my mom on skype every other Sunday and is really great in all areas but this whole parent thing really bothers me. I'm not too familiar with Ukrainian culture so I don't understand the differences in most things, though she tries to tell me but it's so different from American culture that sometimes I just dont undestand how it can be that way. Like their version of facebook, no one puts pictures of family like chidren or spouses on them because thats considered private. That's the complete opposite of how it is here.

I'm sorry for the long version but I'd really appreciate some insight into this. I plan on sitting her down when I get there and telling her how her not introducing me to her parents makes me feel and try to get to the bottom of this but again, I'd really like some insight from others that have more experience than me.

[Mikey500 0]

I am white, but dark/tan. I look a little spanish. Age difference is 5 years. I am 32 she is 27. Like I said though I have met her aunt and uncle but not her parents yet.

[Mikey500 0]

And I have been married before, so i don't know if that is an issue.

[Boiler 43,434]

Odd

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Well, this thig about her parents can be something weird and raise a yellow flag, but it might have very simple reasons behind it as well.

May be her parents don't support your relationship. For example, in the post-USSR countries some people, especially older ones, still consider americans as an ideological enemies. And many of them are extremely conservative in general, like in RUB there're plenty of cases when parents disown their grown up child when he/she opens up about being gay, for plenty of older people in RUB it's less shame to not have any children than to have a gay child. Her parents might dislike you just because you're US citizen or because you're going to take their daughter away to the US, across the ocean, and they barely will see her again. Or they hate the general idea of their daughter moving far away anywhere so she will not be able to visit them regulary to help when they'll get older.

They might even be against relationship started in the internet, some older people don't believe in such things. Like you know, me and my wife met online as well, but I had to talk to my parents few times before I could introduce Amy to them on the webcam because my parents didn't believe in internet relationships, they thought someone just trying to scam me for money. For them if you didn't meet each other on your job, dance floor, in the parc etc. in person like it was in their old times, it can not be real and there can be no feelings over internet before you spend time together in person. They got over it, but I had to put a lot of efforts to explain them how common in our days is to meet your girlfriend/boyfriend online.

Another variant, she may be ashamed of her parents by different reasons. They might have serious problems with alcohol (very common issue in small villages of RUB) or anything else she is ashamed of and don't want to bring into your relationship because she may be worried that it will make you feel disappointed or uncomfortable and will affect what you think about her.

In general, it is uncommon to not introduce your fiance(ee) to your parents when relationship getting to the level where you start to plan wedding, but it doesn't mean it's necessary a scam or anything bad. She might have serious reasons to avoid it thinking or knowing that you meeting them will cause some drama or will not be the most pleasant experience for everyone. Just some of my thoughts.

- Victor from Russia

[Loving_girl 38]

As ukrainian, I would say it's kinda fishy and weird that your lady does not want you to meet her parents. We (ukrainians) usually present our beloved once to the parents, if the relationship gets serious.... just saying...

I don't know your girl, but perhaps there is an explanation....

1. maybe she is ashamed of her parents (if they are from village or so) - what is weird again....

2. her relationship with parents is not as good as she states

Any way, may be something out there, ,maybe not.......just have a sincere talk with your lady.

Hope your situation clears up! Have fun in Lviv

[Dashinka 23,245]

I agree with pretty much everything that has been said so far, and have personally experienced many of the items Victor listed in his post. My wife's mother is not really happy with my wife's decision to come to the U.S., and she lets my wife know that fact very often, but Katya was quite up front about this from the start, and with that, I have met my now mother-in-law many times along with the rest of her family.

Based on your first post, it seems you have already asked her a few times about her parents, and she simply changed the subject. I think you need to push it a little more without sounding confrontational as you don't want to start a marriage with secrets, and let her know that you are supportive of her. Hopefully, it is not anything serious.

Good Luck!

[baron555 934]

I didn't meet my wife's parents either, during our regular Skyping before our meeting and during out waiting for the visa. The opportunity for me to meet them in person hasn't surfaced after 5 years of marriage and life here in the US, but I regularly see them on Skype since she has moved here.

I'm neutral to your case on whether this is a red flag or not. But do find out why you can not meet them in person if you have the physical opportunity to do it.

[workin4somethin 0]

Maybe remember that your relationship is with your fiancé and not with her parents. I think it is not too unusual in any society to have a logical reason for a situation such as yours, regarding your fiancé's parents. My view: Chill. Accept what you have with the woman you love. Trust her. You will have your answer soon enough. Good luck!