confused

[ladyblue 11]

My wife is mad at me cos I cooked Nigerian food and she says it smells disgusting and she is also mad at me when my family call from Nigeria and we speak igbo(my native language) . Does anyone have such experience?

Your wife needs to understand the sacrifice you have made. You have left everything familiar to you to be with her . So if cooking some food familiar to you (even if it stinks) or talking to your family who may or may not speak English well so you have to talk the language. Ask her if she was in Nigeria how would she feel if you got mad. My husband is from Nigeria and he talks Yoruba to his family all the time. I hear it so much I start to pick up the language a little and when his family calls they get so tickled to hear me say some words which gives them reassurance their son is being taking care. As for the food yes it does stink but it really good and she just needs to accept it. Life is too short to get mad on little things especially the journey we all had to get our loved ones here. Wish you well and don't change who you are because that's probably one of the reason she was attracted to you anyway.

[Caryh 5,206]

My husband doesnt like fish...and i respect that. We live in Kuwait for 1 year and 5 months before we applied for my immigrant visa. Everything i cooked he loved it, specially my pork adobo, my pork steak. And actually about my language, he is learning by his own thru google. I guess its how you love the person, how to accept everything about him/her.

Cook some dried fish in the house for him.

[*HappyInlove* 6]

My wife is mad at me cos I cooked Nigerian food and she says it smells disgusting and she is also mad at me when my family call from Nigeria and we speak igbo(my native language) . Does anyone have such experience?

I'm sorry to hear about that. Maybe she's still adjusting and not yet used with you cooking your food inside your house. And when she gets mad about you speaking Igbo to your family, try asking her if she wants to learn your language so that she'll at least understand some and learn eventually to speak it. So that it's not gonna make her feel out of place every time you talk to your family.

With my husband I don't know why, It's not that he is perfect but he understands where I came from, what I speak and what I cook and eat. He let's me cook dried fish inside the house when its winter. When I apologized about the smell, he just said It doesn't bother him even maybe it really was but he's just being too sweet. I just plugged the air freshener so it doesn't stay longer in the house. One time we had a cook out, I was so surprised that he included a whole fish to grill and when it's cooked he removed all the bones using his hands so it's much easier for me to eat. He doesn't also mind grilling the dried fish for me lol. The smell was everywhere, but luckily we're at the dead end and we have one neighbor who is not close to our house. My husband surprises me in so many ways. He will research websites and go to Filipino recipes and cook me Filipino foods. He also eats what I served them, Filipino or american dishes. In regards to my native language, he is so interested in learning and speaking them that he gets mad at me if I don't converse in my language. He told me that we're not coming back to Philippines for vacation till he can speak fluently my language. He did that to motivate and encourage me to teach him more. When we first started talking almost 10 years ago, he will take down notes to the translations and memorized them. Now he is speaking and understanding a lot of my native language, not fluently but he's able to speak almost the basics. My Filipino friends were surprised and they all laughing because they cannot believe he's talking to them in our language. Every time we talk to our family on the phone, my parents were so tickled that their son in law responding to them in visayan. He understands my culture and supports what makes me happy. I think that's what love can do

[Ortolan 381]

She's just feeling insecure, maybe. It would be helpful if you could teach her some words in your own language, so she could try to understand a little of your conversation with your family. Ultimately it will make a much better marriage if she could learn some Igbo.

And the 'disgusting cooking smells'... that's just something she's got to get used to. Part of being married with different backgrounds and cultures is the new tastes and smells and language and traditions. If she wanted a guy next door, she'd have picked a guy next door, you know? So try to help her learn about your culture and your food. It will make your lives happier.

[lonelywithouthim1 36]

Some people are insecure, which might explain why she's worried about conversations in your native language. She should be learning to accept and trust in you about that though. I was just saying if her name is popping up, possibly you could switch to English just to reassure her. Hopefully she'll get over that insecurity though.

I have no idea what your Nigerian food smells like, possibly it is very hard on the American sense of smell. And women generally have much stronger sense of smell than men. But I do know my wife's culture have some foods that smell horrible. I've developed a taste for these foods too. And while that smell might make me think how good its going to taste, I also know it smells terrible and that smell would last for days in the house. There are some American foods that have the same affect on her, and I make sure she's not subjected to them. We cook those types of things outside, and hope the neighbors are not outside when the wind is blowing their direction. Nothing you can do about the past, but you can change where you cook this type of thing in the future. If she's still mad about the food, she might still be smelling it everywhere in the house, including her clothes. You might feel the same if she brought in an odor you couldn't stand and got stuck having to smell it for days. But with enough time, she might discover that smelly Nigerian dish tastes good and her attitude about the smell may change. Much as mine has to some of the foods from my wife's culture. Although I doubt I ever want to trapped in the house with the smell for days because we cooked it inside.

I agree....Good suggestion. I am a naturalized American citizen but My husband and I are from the same country. So we share the same language and food but I can tell you that some of the smell can last for days and even travel with you in your clothes. I have always made a point when and where to cook such food because I may love to eat it but do not want to wear it. I hope you don't read more into it because you don't share the same background but try to see it from her point of view and come up with a solution that work for you. Caryh made a great suggestion regarding the language....it's just part of respecting and caring for her feeling and doing what it takes to make her feel part of your life too. Good Luck!

[Novembro 1,763]

We dated for 2 years before we got married..when she visited me in Nigeria she ate Nigerian food and she liked it..I live in Nebraska and it's very cold outside that's why I can't cook outside cos of the weather..I feel she is insecured and it really bothers me..about the language..she said her mum doest like when I talk to my parents with my native language cos they feel we talk about them..which doesn't make any sense to me. I don't have any friends here in Nebraska and I speak English all the time except wen my family calls from Nigeria. And I also explain to her what I discuss with my family each time they call

Did she somehow not notice that you were Nigerian? Did she not realize what she was signing up for?

On another note, The Husband tweaks out when I cook brussel sprouts. "Did you touch my food with the same fork you touched those things with? Ahhhhhhhh."

Such a baby.

[Caryh 5,206]

Did she somehow not notice that you were Nigerian? Did she not realize what she was signing up for?

On another note, The Husband tweaks out when I cook brussel sprouts. "Did you touch my food with the same fork you touched those things with? Ahhhhhhhh."

Such a baby.

EEEWWWW brussel sprouts? You're lucky he didn't move back to England if you did that. I would and I'm not even from there!

[Novembro 1,763]

EEEWWWW brussel sprouts? You're lucky he didn't move back to England if you did that. I would and I'm not even from there!

Don't hate me because I'm healthy, hate me because I touched your food with my infected fork.

[Emily and Nathan 39]

I can't believe one of the "hottest" forums today is the equivelant to people being mad someone left the toilet seat up..

Like niether one of these issues... if you want to call them that are even close to being forum worthy?

She's mad because I cooked smelly food...shes mad because I speak my first language to my family who taught me that first language..?!

Like both of those are ridiculous reasons to be mad at someone....

If that makes her mad... I bet she'd be livid if she saw you are airing out your personal relationship problems in a public forum like this.

I'm sorry.. I don't mean to be mean.. but these seem like nit picking?

[Pitaya 2,576]

How about some yummy and fragrant Durian????

My wife brought some home. She had been shopping at the local Asian market. As soon as I walked in the door, I asked her.....Where was the durian??? It is all okay, I have been known to enjoy durian. However, perhaps not to the extent that she loves to devour it....... YMMV...most definitely!!!

[Novembro 1,763]

I can't believe one of the "hottest" forums today is the equivelant to people being mad someone left the toilet seat up..

Like niether one of these issues... if you want to call them that are even close to being forum worthy?

She's mad because I cooked smelly food...shes mad because I speak my first language to my family who taught me that first language..?!

Like both of those are ridiculous reasons to be mad at someone....

If that makes her mad... I bet she'd be livid if she saw you are airing out your personal relationship problems in a public forum like this.

I'm sorry.. I don't mean to be mean.. but these seem like nit picking?

While it might seem "nit-picky" to those of us from this area, certain cultural differences can often create barriers when people are learning to adjust to one another. And the whole "I don't mean to be mean, but..." usually means you intend to be just that.

[Caryh 5,206]

How about some yummy and fragrant Durian????

My wife brought some home. She had been shopping at the local Asian market. As soon as I walked in the door, I asked her.....Where was the durian??? It is all okay, I have been known to enjoy durian. However, perhaps not to the extent that she loves to devour it....... YMMV...most definitely!!!

Yep another one to keep outside! We have some frozen now, waiting for a nice day outside to thaw and enjoy it.

[Caryh 5,206]

I can't believe one of the "hottest" forums today is the equivelant to people being mad someone left the toilet seat up..

Like niether one of these issues... if you want to call them that are even close to being forum worthy?

She's mad because I cooked smelly food...shes mad because I speak my first language to my family who taught me that first language..?!

Like both of those are ridiculous reasons to be mad at someone....

If that makes her mad... I bet she'd be livid if she saw you are airing out your personal relationship problems in a public forum like this.

I'm sorry.. I don't mean to be mean.. but these seem like nit picking?

I don't think a Canadian/American relationship is going to understand how different and strong some food smells can be. Although I have to agree she's being pretty darn sensitive about the language thing. I wonder if this has more to do with the guy's mother in law living in the home though? My wife has even learned how badly certain food smell and how long they can linger in American homes, particularly when they're sealed up for the winter. Homes in her country are built to be open to the breeze. Here she prefers certain items from her country be cooked outside also, and liberally gets the Febreze out to counter some cooking smells.

[Emily and Nathan 39]

While it might seem "nit-picky" to those of us from this area, certain cultural differences can often create barriers when people are learning to adjust to one another. And the whole "I don't mean to be mean, but..." usually means you intend to be just that.

People people... I'm an extremely nice person...And just because I am from Canada doesn't mean I don't have experience with different cultures. I have friends from all over the place and I love ethnic food...In no way was I comparing the poster's relationship to my own.

What I am saying... is if you are in a relationship.... and you are in love...

Being mad about what the other person cooks.... seems silly

and being mad about your significant other using their first language to communicate with his family... seems strange.

If I was in a relationship with someone from a different culture.. I would encourage both of those thing...

and if the smell of something he cooked bother me... I would say "Hey.. I don't like the smell of that.. mind if we don't cook that inside anymore? K LOVE YOU"

and if I felt like he was talking about me in his own language to his family.. I would say "Hey.. were you talking about me to your family?...or what were you guys talking about? or..It felt like you were talking about me to your family it made me uncomfortable." ETC

This should be a simple fix... it doesn't make sense to me that this needs to be an issue discussed on a public forum when it is your private relationship issues...

I can understand if you are in an abusive relationship... or something serious is happening... but why post little disagreements on here when you can just work on resolving it with your wife?

I don't think a Canadian/American relationship is going to understand how different and strong some food smells can be. Although I have to agree she's being pretty darn sensitive about the language thing. I wonder if this has more to do with the guy's mother in law living in the home though? My wife has even learned how badly certain food smell and how long they can linger in American homes, particularly when they're sealed up for the winter. Homes in her country are built to be open to the breeze. Here she prefers certain items from her country be cooked outside also, and liberally gets the Febreze out to counter some cooking smells.

[blest.but.strest 50]

Okenz, I understand the way you feel about the language thing. I speak 5 languages including my US born and raised wife's mother tongue "Spanish", but she hated when I spoke any other language other than English or Spanish. I really suggest you to invite her to learn Igbo, at least the basics, get her interested in your culture. If she really loves you she will learn to love where you are from and your culture. I tried doing that with my wife but I speak so many languages so it was a little hard to remember it all, and I don't blame her for that. But on the other hand, she always assumed I was talking about her which actually became a problem in our relationship.

As for the food, I can oddly relate to your wife a little. My wife, the USC, loved to cook food from her parent's country, most of it was great but some of it didn't smell to good. I loved her and learned to accept her heritage, I opened windows, ran the AC, and used febreeze in order to clear the air out.

Just being curious, what did you cook?