So afraid of making the wrong choice - I want to go home.

[Jawaree 717]

E HUGZ...U gave birth to your kids, U R a good mother,

U have been trampled and feel worthless tormented with

self blame...Listen lady its best for a child to be in a happy

single parent home than one that they R on edge , afraid

for mom, constant hollering and lack of emotional stability.

Sometimes men take home the work & is verbally abusive

as home is the only place he can flex this testosorone,he

could have been raised in the same kind of household,or

carries guilt due to his cheating...Is there anytime that he

sits and talk to U in a civil manner Y not use that opportunity

to suggest counseling, and u getting a part-time job, some ppl

becomes resentful when they R the sole bread winner even if

there is no money probs.

I don't think its a good idea to leave a 3 yr old with a verbally

abusive person, soon he'd be verbally abusive to her too, &

yes he will fight U for custody...sad but U cannot lose all the kids

U brought into this world, does he have family members who can

help to encourage him into therapy for the family, have U thought about

going to church and trying to get him to go, do U think he would

do drugs? or it might be some mental problems neither of u know

he has, was he like that B4? I think U should buy a cheap recorder

and to tape some of his tirades B4 U have a nervous breakdown

and he commits U then take the kid, whatever U do try to record

some of his behavior and be very careful not letting him know

Best wishes I hope things changes for the better soon

[TJandJR 69]

I don't know your financial situation or if he controls your money so I just want to say many counties have shelters for abused women and their children. You might want to look into it in case you need it in the future. Perhaps keep the phone numbers and addresses in your purse. Also there are free hotlines available to call and talk to someone about your situation. You could look them up. Don't let him beat down your self esteem. I hope the best for you.

[rlogan 2,036]

I grew up in a family like this. My dad still has violent outbursts to this day. I resent my mum for never having the spine to leave him and failing to protect us from him and I'm not really interested in maintaining a familial relationship with them once I establish my own life. I don't know how your daughter will turn out, but having been through it myself, I know how she feels and what she is going through. It is a desperately lonely and terrifying experience. Please follow the advice above and get out of there asap.

Thanks for posting this. Often we hear the "staying for the children" excuse, but it is actually the worst thing you can do. Some end up repeating the cycle by either involving themselves with abusive people or becoming abusers in their own relationships. Some break out of the cycle and establish normal lives.

But almost none of them respect the parent that allowed themselves to be abused, and many children learn by example and become emotionally abusive of the parent while they are children, adolescents, and teens themselves.

The feeling of powerlessness is a function of not making the decision and remaining abused. Once the decision has been made then the planning can begin, and that alone grants power regardless of whether the economic conditions are difficult. Why listen to the abuser on custody? That is the last person you want to trust. Start looking for resources locally. There are generally women's and children's domestic abuse shelters and counseling that can get you pointed in the right direction. But calling them first requires that you make a decision to take control of your life into your own hands and out of the abuser's

[Darnell 8,478]

I am not any mental health pro or an attorney,

but

it smells to me like he is the problem, not you. Those types of outbursts can be indicative of some mental health issues. I suggest you contact the psychiatric sherrif's office in your COUNTY and explain his outbursts to them. If they think so, they'll come out for a site visit and first evaluation. If they think he's a danger to you and your daughter because of a perceived mental condition, they'll bring him in for 3 to 7 day evaluation at a hospital.

Your living environment is not safe, and he's the cause of that.

[Tosh Love 77]

Dear Really Torn,

Just as everyone has stated, I want you to know you are a great mother and YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Just take every one of your hurdles one at a time and try not to think of everything at once. Please call and talk to someone at 1-800-273-8255 and keep talking. Post back here when you can and please, please, please don't give up.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

"I also never got over his plan to fly to a different state to meet another woman. I often blame myself and think if I were this other woman he would be happy, and not hate me so much. This is not healthy though! This is no way to live my life and I want out so desperately."

Reading this makes me feel so sad for you, but also hugely encouraged by the empathy shown by other VJer's. I know we only have your side of the story but you can't blame yourself for his infidelity (whether it was planned or actually happened). If he was with the other woman he would probably be cheating on her too and being abusive, it's a fault with his personality not yours. I haven't had children so I'm no expert but I can imagine that any child would be better off out of a family life like that. As a couple of people have already said, you need to document his verbal abuse and the effect it has on you and your child and seriously consider leaving him and fighting for custody.

What I do know for sure is that it is really unhealthy to have such low self esteem and berate yourself for other peoples failings and treatment of you. There is NO excuse for his behaviour towards you. Your husband is obviously making the problem far worse but I feel that you would really benefit from some help, whether it's from professionals or friends. Many people on here I'm sure have gone through self loathing and low self esteem and I'm sure many people would be willing to try and help or even just listen. I know I would. When I was in that kind of situation it was an online friend not a professional who helped me fix it and relearn self worth. I hope that whatever you choose to do about your family life that it works out, and please don't hesitate to take up peoples offers of help and advice because you can leave him and it's possible to win custody and have a happier life with your daughter.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

What's in the best interest of the child? Open the door that you believe is the proper one and then proceed without looking back.

[Karee 4,189]

My parents got a divorce when I was 7. At the time I thought it was a good thing because it was constant fighting between them. It sucked living in that environment. My mom struggled financially for years. I never blamed either of them for the divorce. I'm 45 now and still think it was a good thing.

I think as a child it's better to be poor and somewhat happy, rather than financially secure and downright miserable.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

My parents got a divorce when I was 7. At the time I thought it was a good thing because it was constant fighting between them. It sucked living in that environment. My mom struggled financially for years. I never blamed either of them for the divorce. I'm 45 now and still think it was a good thing.

I think as a child it's better to be poor and somewhat happy, rather than financially secure and downright miserable.

Truer words have never been said.

And for the parents it must really suck to be together in a miserable marriage just because of the kids.

[sparkles_ 456]

I was in a similar marriage and ended it when my boys were 4 and 2. I also worried he may take them, he is in the military and I was only a student with little income. I documented each outburst against me and my sons, and I now have filed for sole custody both physical and legal and visitation at my discretion which I'm 99% sure I'll get.

You can do it if you are A) telling the truth, and B) document everything.