PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Perhaps the better way to look at it would be 'is this person I am going to marry worth everything I own in the case he or she leaves me after only a few months'? If you can't answer yes to that question then perhaps marriage is not the relationship you want. Pre-nuptial agreements are contracts that degrade a marriage into a financial arrangement.The exchange of a service for the promise of a pre-determined financial reward based on length of service or failure to breech contract.

If someone wants to marry a foreigner and suspects he or she is doing it just for the visa or money the best thing to do is move to their country and live as they do without the benefit of the US citizen's resources. Most of the Filipinas I have met would gladly have stayed behind in the Philippines (my own wife included) and would much rather have lived at home rather than move to a new country.

You are completely biased against them. It's not always about fraud, it's not about being suspicious, it's not about whether someone is worth more than possessions, this is just how YOU choose to see it.

Pre-nups CAN be about all those things, and they can also be about protecting the future spouse as well, and I prefer to see them in that light. Get an attorney, negotiate the terms, and put it away somewhere and hope you never have to use it. They can also be retracted later (by agreement of both parties).

You are attempting to push the OP and anyone else reading to your point of view by stating, in no uncertain terms, that they are poison to a relationship and basically using peer-pressure to try and force people to see if your way. After all, if there are people like you, so unwilling to see the benefit and so vocal and rude about your opinion, then the OP may get scared that people will judge her for it.

The OP need not care what you think, what I think, what her neighbour thinks, it's about what SHE thinks. They CAN be good things. If her fiance is looking at them as only to protect himself then yes, that's a huge red flag and this relationship has issues. It depends on how he presented it to her, how well the negotiations go etc. I would be interested to first see what the first draft says. If it reads completely unfair (even before she makes changes) then I'd be wary of him. If he already went through it and made some reasonably fair provisions for her (only needing a few tweaks) then you know he cares about her interests too.

[Texsinbad 6]

I have read through the posts, but didn't see anyone's real life experience. So, I thought that I would add my 2 cents.

When we are in love, we are thinking "Forever", but for most of us, "Forever" doesn't last as long as it use to. In my first marriage to a Filipina, I had no Prenup. Didn't think about it at all.

Before we even met and all the time waiting on the Fiancee Visa, I tried to make sure that she understood that I wasn't rich--not poor, but sure not rich. After only a few months after she arrived and we got married, she was unhappy that we didn't have a big house, fancy cars, etc. like some of her other relatives/friends in the States. She also was unhappy that I couldn't help her family as much as she wanted me too, and for them to have more money, she would have to work. Working sure wasn't part of her "dream" plans.

Adding to this, were Filipinas we met near us who would act nice to me, but then tell her "divorce this old man and get half of what he has and then get you a young man who can give you more". Eventually, she believed them, and moved in with a younger man.

So, even if you want and hope for "Forever", it doesn't mean that you will get it.

As others have suggested, a Prenup is for both parties--not just for one. Even if you don't have much, a Prenup will ensure that you get something in case the marriage doesn't work out.

There is a saying "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst".

Good luck to all and may all of your marriages be "Forever".

[baron555 934]

Hi All.

My fiance and I just discussed about prenuptial agreement...He wants us to have a prenuptial agreement.I know know he loves and trust me...but still I feel sad because its like he is thinking that I might get his money and leave him????I am not after his money ..I love him dearly....and I agreed to what he wants.My question is...Is it natural to have prenuptial agreement in America?I was offended honestly.

It's usually executed when there is a large diisparity between financial levels of the couple.....or when there is a doubt that the relationship will last and the two will attempt to "go legal" and try to obtain the other's income.

Love emotions should not enter into this decision and both parties NEED to be honest and open about the document and the reasons behind it.

[duraaraa 203]

Not sure if this has been asked, but...

How much time have you actually spent, physically, with your fiance?

If I were going to marry someone who I hadn't spent a considerable amount of time with, I would be unsure and want a prenup. In my case, though, I lived with my fiancee and worked in her country, so I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, and am not worried about needing a prenup.

[sk8rpatty 17]

"is this person I am going to marry worth everything I own in the case he or she leaves me after only a few months'? If you can't answer yes to that question then perhaps marriage is not the relationship you want"

This is a ridiculous statement, well for anyone with common sense. Especially in a relationship that developed long distance. How can you possibly know someone well enough to not protect yourself?

I was very much in love with my ex when I married him. We were very happily married for over 10 years. 12 years in he developed a gambling addiction and put us in a lot of debt over the next 3 years. When we divorced I had to cover half of the debt HE created and he walked away with half of everything I owned, including a large chunk of my 401K.

Am I more careful this time around?? You bet.

Edited June 11, 2013 by sk8rpatty

[VanessaTony 3,567]

"is this person I am going to marry worth everything I own in the case he or she leaves me after only a few months'? If you can't answer yes to that question then perhaps marriage is not the relationship you want"

This is a ridiculous statement, well for anyone with common sense. Especially in a relationship that developed long distance. How can you possibly know someone well enough to not protect yourself?

I was very much in love with my ex when I married him. We were very happily married for over 10 years. 12 years in he developed a gambling addiction and put us in a lot of debt over the next 3 years. When we divorced I had to cover half of the debt HE created and he walked away with half of everything I owned, including a large chunk of my 401K.

Am I more careful this time around?? You bet.

Exactly! People change, things change. Writing the document at a time when you feel you know the person, when it's done out of love instead of hate is a MUCH better idea than waiting until divorce.

[christeen 966]

In worst case scenarios and when people are hurting ( like when a relationship is falling apart) people do not behave as they should and in man cases, not in a civil manner. I think of a prenup as a predefined set of rules on how things will be divided when people are at their most irrational. Just be sure that BOTH of you have input so it is not one sided.

We discussed a prenup in a rational, life planning conversation, but since we were entering with roughly equal business interests and assets, decided that it was a moot point. IMO The task of life planning IS a business, so separate some from the emotion and address it in a rational manner.