Leaving Your Children

[IntoTheLight 5]

Thank you IntoTheLight. I have been constantly talking to my kids about the move and so far they are ok with it. They are both pretty adamant about staying in Australia and are both actually happy about going to live with their dad. I've been going through all my books, DVDs, and scrapbooking stuff and letting them pick out what they'd like to keep as I can't take it with me - that's making it easier for them. So far it's been good, but we still have a long time to go, and I'm sure it's going to get a lot harder as it gets closer to moving time.

IntoTheLight, I hope you get to visit your mother often. Thank you for your wishes

Aww, thank you. I hope so too.

And yes, I agree. It all will get harder when it gets closer, but also exciting for other reasons, right? Glad to hear that your kids are happy to live with their dad. That makes it easier, I'm sure.

[His karma 20]

So far we have only told the children and their dad (and he's been ok about it so far). I am however worried about the backlash that will come from family and friends once we tell everyone. I am especially not looking forward to telling my parents as they've never been supportive and they will berrate me the most. So far the kids have been pretty good about it but then the move is still such a distant thing it doesn't seem real yet. I am currently on an emotional rollercoaster; some days I feel good about the decision and other days I feel like the worst mother in the world for abandoning my kids.

Thank you guys for this thread, and thank you lynndy38 and His karma for your kind words. I am really going to need this outlet and support group in the months to come, as it's only going to get harder.

My mom has been very supportive. I did have an aunt who was less that supportive, calling me selfish and immature and that I was damaging my children by leaving them behind even if it was only going to be for a few years. She seems ot think that me being happy means nothing because I should be putting my kids before some guy. She doesnt agree that me being happy is paramount to being healthy and able to be there for my kids. I do have lots of positive support though and that makes all the difference.

[NikLR 13,220]

My mom has been very supportive. I did have an aunt who was less that supportive, calling me selfish and immature and that I was damaging my children by leaving them behind even if it was only going to be for a few years. She seems ot think that me being happy means nothing because I should be putting my kids before some guy. She doesnt agree that me being happy is paramount to being healthy and able to be there for my kids. I do have lots of positive support though and that makes all the difference.

There are always those people and family members and I've learned to tune them out. My mom and I discussed it and frankly it's their own problem, normally deeply rooted in some sort of fear or guilt for themselves. She realized this when she was talking to my step dad and his feelings about my move.

All I know is there is almost nothing in this world that is completely right or wrong, and what works for one person will not necessarily work for another. The point is to try your best to do your best and let go of the guilt that we never reach perfection. Nothing is perfect. Well perhaps this world is perfect about only one thing - imperfection.

Have a wonderful time with your daughter...I am sooooo jealous as I wont get to see my boy until December.

My son's life is consumed with football and his friends right now......also his Playstation!!!! Just how it should be. We talk daily sometimes for 5 minutes if he's busy or going out or we talk for hours......if he needs help with homework etc..... We watch funny youtube clips and listen to music together. We also look at clothes and shoes as he's becoming quite a fashion victim!!!! He's learning the art of communicating as we have no choice but to sit and talk about whats going on in our lives....thats no easy feat for a teenager so I am immensely proud of him as who wants to talk to their parents at that age!!!!

It's not ideal and I ache to hold him. The guilt often cripples me,I worry all the time what Lew will be like in the future because of me moving here. My parents tell me over and over it was the right thing to do. So far he's coping well, thank goodness for my amazing supportive family. Lews with my folks every weekend and the extended family see him lots too.

Its always easy to judge people when looking at their lives but who are we to comment when we really have no idea what path their lives have taken and what brings them to a point such as the parents on this thread have reached?

Good luck to all.

I'm happy you're able to spend that time with your son. And you're right, it is teaching him some valuable lessons in life. He has to deal with some stuff that teens don't normally have to and he'll be a better person because of it. Doesn't make it easy but the best lessons in life never are. Best of luck to you!

[bvpshenvalley2 1]

I just found this thread and have just recently made that very hard decision myself. My daughter is only 20 months old. My husband recently took her with him to his country of Peru. I am angry that he made me choose between being a single mom with not support in the US or living without my young daughter. I made the decision because he has family there to take care of her and I don't. I work a non-family friendly stressful job in the US and I felt that she deserved better than a frazzled mother that had two hours at the end of the day if that to tend to her needs. He also had been taking care of her most of her life as a stay at home dad so separation from him would be more trauma for her than separation from me.

[lynndy38 64]

I just found this thread and have just recently made that very hard decision myself. My daughter is only 20 months old. My husband recently took her with him to his country of Peru. I am angry that he made me choose between being a single mom with not support in the US or living without my young daughter. I made the decision because he has family there to take care of her and I don't. I work a non-family friendly stressful job in the US and I felt that she deserved better than a frazzled mother that had two hours at the end of the day if that to tend to her needs. He also had been taking care of her most of her life as a stay at home dad so separation from him would be more trauma for her than separation from me.

I know you'll be dealing with awful guilt right now......and a broken heart. Just wanted to sat thank you for sharing a little of your story. I know you have your reasons that many people wouldn't understand,but there are a few of us that do.

I would advise if you can to keep as much contact as possible, she's little but it will matter one day.

I'm just over 100 days apart from my son (14) it's the longest we've ever been separated and to be honest I'm dying inside at the moment. But daily contact and the fact he seems unfazed helps. Let us know how it goes :-)

[His karma 20]

I just found this thread and have just recently made that very hard decision myself. My daughter is only 20 months old. My husband recently took her with him to his country of Peru. I am angry that he made me choose between being a single mom with not support in the US or living without my young daughter. I made the decision because he has family there to take care of her and I don't. I work a non-family friendly stressful job in the US and I felt that she deserved better than a frazzled mother that had two hours at the end of the day if that to tend to her needs. He also had been taking care of her most of her life as a stay at home dad so separation from him would be more trauma for her than separation from me.

It is never and easy decision to leave your children behind. I am leaving all of mine with my ex and I hate it. But I know it will be easier for them to be around all their family, cousins, Aunts, Uncles and grandparents the for me to move them to a new country, new school system and people they have only met over Skype other than my fiancé. hold your head high and remember that it isn't just having your child in your arms that makes you a good mother. Sometimes the decisions we make that hurt the most are the ones that make the greatest benefit to our children. My move is only temporary as my fiance doesn't want me away form my children for any longer then need be and we will be starting the process to bring him to Canada once his daughter graduates.

[NikLR 13,220]

I get to see my daughter in less than a month, I'm very excited. Funny thing was she just spent 2 weeks in the USA but was in Hawaii with her father and his family.

[His karma 20]

Wow it has been a long time since anyone posted. I thought I wuold give an update and see how everyone else is doing. I received my Visa today and now have to get packed and ready to leave. I will be heading down, driving, in about 5.5 weeks and I am fully expecting to hear from all the nay sayers about leaving my kids. I know it is going t be difficult, and I am fully expecting alot of backlash form a few family members who obviously arent in this situation and are making this choice.

I need to meet with my lawyer and have the custody and visitation set up so that my Ex can't keep my children from me.

[inlovesalem 17]

Wow, glad to see I am not alone in this. Extreme guilt over this choice.

When I left my ex husband 3 yrs ago, my two girls came with me back to my hometown (in Canada), after half a year in the new school my youngest decided she'd rather live with her father where she grew up. That was a hard enough decision to let her move 3 hrs away from me. My oldest stayed with me.

Now at 19 (my oldest), she lives on her own and has a good job, and my youngest (15) still lives with her dad.

So I had the decision to make in June when hubby proposed on what to do. I still feel guilty, even though I only saw my youngest on occasion (due to school).

NOW after filing, she has made comments about wanting to move away from her hometown (hint hint to me), but I feel like after the long process of getting her here, she will end up wanting to move back to her birthplace within the year.

[NikLR 13,220]

Both my ex and I decided that if our daughter wanted to move with me, she had to stay for a year before she could move again. Neither of us thought it was okay for her to bounce back and forth.

[jgoodman 8]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. My fiancé is coming here in Feb without her two daughters 14 and 17. They have indicated that they may not want to leave their family and friends to join us here in the US. After reading these posts, I will try harder to encourage them to join their mother. I want them all to be happy, especially my future wife.

[Cam54 84]

Whenever I see a post from boiler it's never constructive or positive , I think you are posting to get a reaction boiler and it's not fair.

OP, it's a tough situation you're in but you can only hope that after a few visits seeing your new life there'l be a change of mind, whereabouts are you moving to?

[His karma 20]

Just thought I would pop in and see if anyone ahs any updates. I have been in the US since November of 2013 and because of my AP taking a long time, I only got back up to see the kids in December of last year. My ex has made if very difficult to even talk to them, so I have had weekly phonecalls. He refuses Skype, stating he doesn't believe in it I am going back up for my oldests graduation, and hopefully (Cross your fingers) bringing the younger two down for a few weeks. I am going to mediation next week and will be pushing for that as well. I found out in February I was pregnant and then lost the bay in April. My youngest was upset about it and has since stopped talking to me but I have a feeling my ex has had something to do with that.

I am still planning on returning to Canada. We have paid the Immigration fees and are just finishing compiling the package to send in. Then we have toget hubby his medical, which he has to go to Dallas for, and wait for his FBI background check (ugh) then we are back in the waiting game. I just redid a medical for my green card because of a workload delay not associate with my case...not happy, but...the notice did say my application was approved pending the items they needed.

Hope everyone is coping well with being away. I find myself getting depressed on occasion, missing their hugs and kisses and cuddles, and the long talks with my oldest, but I know there is an end in sight, I just have to keep fighting to keep contact.

[TBoneTX 43,192]

Keep the faith.

[NikLR 13,220]

His Karma, I'm sorry that your ex is being this way. I hope your Canada immigration goes smoothly and quickly.

Mine doesn't get in the way of our conversations, and my daughter comes down regularly.