Leaving Your Children

[Boiler 43,576]

Why are you leaving Australia?

[mama-of-3 0]

My husband has been unable to find work here and his visa is taking far longer than we have anticipated. He needs to work and provide for his family, and he can get work in America without any problems. We've been doing a lot of research and have decided that financially our family will be better off in America.

[lynndy38 64]

Hi everyone. I have enjoyed reading this thread immensely as I am in the process of making this hard choice myself. I have been a single mom of two kids (14G and 11B) since my oldest was 6 months old. The kids have the same dad (for anyone trying to work out the math lol) and have always spent every second weekend with him only, never lived with him. Two years ago I "met" my American husband online. Since he has a 27B that is all grown up and married, it was a no brainer that he would come here (to Australia) to marry me and live wih me and my two kids. We've now been married 18 months and have a 6 month old son. Circumstances have now changed and we have made the choice for my husband to go back to America and for me to follow with our 6month old when my visa comes through, which won't be for another 6-12 months. Since I have court orders preventing my children from leaving Australia, I have decided to leave them with their dad (I think it's time they spend more than just every other weekend wih him anyway) for now. My husband and I have made it clear to them that if they decide they want to move with us, then I will go to court and fight for them to be able to come with me. At the moment they have both said they do not want to move to America with us. I am hoping that they will change their minds. This has been a very difficult and heart-breaking decision, but I know in my heart that taking them with me would just be me being selfish. They deserve a chance to get to know their dad and his new kids better, as well as stay in the environment in which they've lived their whole life. They are old enough now to make that choice. Although for me there's extra heart break as Australia is so much further to the USA than Canada or UK and so much more expensive, so apart from skyping and texting who knows when we'll be able to visit

Hi there,

Just wanted to say I know exactly how you're feeling right now......my 14 year old son chose to stay with his dad in the UK. Many people will never understand the choice we've made, and be prepared for the guilt trip of a life time. People will judge you, for me personally moving over here has meant my son will have me in his life rather than him visiting my grave. Im lucky enough that so far he has been wonderful and continues to do well. We talk daily on skype and my parents are bringing him over to visit. Make sure you communicate with your children and keep them involved let them know you love them at every opportunity you can. Wishing you lots of luck.

[His karma 20]

Hi everyone. I have enjoyed reading this thread immensely as I am in the process of making this hard choice myself. I have been a single mom of two kids (14G and 11B) since my oldest was 6 months old. The kids have the same dad (for anyone trying to work out the math lol) and have always spent every second weekend with him only, never lived with him. Two years ago I "met" my American husband online. Since he has a 27B that is all grown up and married, it was a no brainer that he would come here (to Australia) to marry me and live wih me and my two kids. We've now been married 18 months and have a 6 month old son. Circumstances have now changed and we have made the choice for my husband to go back to America and for me to follow with our 6month old when my visa comes through, which won't be for another 6-12 months. Since I have court orders preventing my children from leaving Australia, I have decided to leave them with their dad (I think it's time they spend more than just every other weekend wih him anyway) for now. My husband and I have made it clear to them that if they decide they want to move with us, then I will go to court and fight for them to be able to come with me. At the moment they have both said they do not want to move to America with us. I am hoping that they will change their minds. This has been a very difficult and heart-breaking decision, but I know in my heart that taking them with me would just be me being selfish. They deserve a chance to get to know their dad and his new kids better, as well as stay in the environment in which they've lived their whole life. They are old enough now to make that choice. Although for me there's extra heart break as Australia is so much further to the USA than Canada or UK and so much more expensive, so apart from skyping and texting who knows when we'll be able to visit

It isn't an easy decision. And add in the expense for travel and such and it is overwhelming. We are heref or support, feel free to lean on any of us, no matter the distance we have, we are all elaving a peice of us behind, whether it is for a short itme or permanently.

[mama-of-3 0]

So far we have only told the children and their dad (and he's been ok about it so far). I am however worried about the backlash that will come from family and friends once we tell everyone. I am especially not looking forward to telling my parents as they've never been supportive and they will berrate me the most. So far the kids have been pretty good about it but then the move is still such a distant thing it doesn't seem real yet. I am currently on an emotional rollercoaster; some days I feel good about the decision and other days I feel like the worst mother in the world for abandoning my kids.

Thank you guys for this thread, and thank you lynndy38 and His karma for your kind words. I am really going to need this outlet and support group in the months to come, as it's only going to get harder.

Edited June 10, 2013 by His-ina

[Boiler 43,576]

At that age I doubt if it has really sunk in what will be happening.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

My husband has been unable to find work here and his visa is taking far longer than we have anticipated. He needs to work and provide for his family, and he can get work in America without any problems. We've been doing a lot of research and have decided that financially our family will be better off in America.

Can you get a job? Can he go back to the US to work for a bit while the visa in Australia is processing? Can he get a job in the US transferred to Australia?

[mama-of-3 0]

We have been thinking and researching this for quite some time and we both agree that this is better for our family in terms if housing, cost of living, employment, etc. Don't get me wrong, I want to go to America, ever since I was little I have wanted to live in America. I am sad about leaving my kids behind but I'm not abandoning them, I'm leaving them with their father (something I'm noticing that they're getting excited about). I joined this thread to hear from others about their experiences and what they did to feel better/cope,. I am moving to America because I want to not because I have no other option.

[Boiler 43,576]

I am moving to America because I want to not because I have no other option.

That is very honest of you.

[IntoTheLight 5]

I just want to say that I am so touched by reading this thread. People may think you are being selfish or a bad parent because you are leaving your children, but honestly, don't listen to them. You guys love your kids and really do want what is best for them. Sometimes that means you have to be happy, too. I know that I would have felt horrible if one of my parents had given up happiness and love for me. Even if I would have missed them, I would have preferred them to enjoy their life and feel it could really strengthen a relationship in the end. I hope your children will feel the same way.

I don't have kids, but I will be leaving my mother alone in Canada when I leave. My father and other family have passed away, so it is a tough decision because I am pretty much the only person she has and her health is not the best. So, although it is not the same, I can relate a bit. My heart is with you guys!

[mama-of-3 0]

Thank you IntoTheLight. I have been constantly talking to my kids about the move and so far they are ok with it. They are both pretty adamant about staying in Australia and are both actually happy about going to live with their dad. I've been going through all my books, DVDs, and scrapbooking stuff and letting them pick out what they'd like to keep as I can't take it with me - that's making it easier for them. So far it's been good, but we still have a long time to go, and I'm sure it's going to get a lot harder as it gets closer to moving time.

[mama-of-3 0]

I just want to say that I am so touched by reading this thread. People may think you are being selfish or a bad parent because you are leaving your children, but honestly, don't listen to them. You guys love your kids and really do want what is best for them. Sometimes that means you have to be happy, too. I know that I would have felt horrible if one of my parents had given up happiness and love for me. Even if I would have missed them, I would have preferred them to enjoy their life and feel it could really strengthen a relationship in the end. I hope your children will feel the same way.

I don't have kids, but I will be leaving my mother alone in Canada when I leave. My father and other family have passed away, so it is a tough decision because I am pretty much the only person she has and her health is not the best. So, although it is not the same, I can relate a bit. My heart is with you guys!

[mama-of-3 0]

IntoTheLight, I hope you get to visit your mother often. Thank you for your wishes

[NikLR 13,220]

So far my daughter is doing pretty good. We talk once a day at least and she can message me when she wants to. We've skyped too. Saying good bye was the hardest thing either of us have done but she seems to be okay. She'll be out for a 3 week visit in Aug as she isn't done school until end of June and is immediately going to Hawaii for 2 weeks with her Dad and his family.

Have so many fun things to do when she gets here!

[lynndy38 64]

So far my daughter is doing pretty good. We talk once a day at least and she can message me when she wants to. We've skyped too. Saying good bye was the hardest thing either of us have done but she seems to be okay. She'll be out for a 3 week visit in Aug as she isn't done school until end of June and is immediately going to Hawaii for 2 weeks with her Dad and his family.

Have so many fun things to do when she gets here!

Have a wonderful time with your daughter...I am sooooo jealous as I wont get to see my boy until December.

My son's life is consumed with football and his friends right now......also his Playstation!!!! Just how it should be. We talk daily sometimes for 5 minutes if he's busy or going out or we talk for hours......if he needs help with homework etc..... We watch funny youtube clips and listen to music together. We also look at clothes and shoes as he's becoming quite a fashion victim!!!! He's learning the art of communicating as we have no choice but to sit and talk about whats going on in our lives....thats no easy feat for a teenager so I am immensely proud of him as who wants to talk to their parents at that age!!!!

It's not ideal and I ache to hold him. The guilt often cripples me,I worry all the time what Lew will be like in the future because of me moving here. My parents tell me over and over it was the right thing to do. So far he's coping well, thank goodness for my amazing supportive family. Lews with my folks every weekend and the extended family see him lots too.

Its always easy to judge people when looking at their lives but who are we to comment when we really have no idea what path their lives have taken and what brings them to a point such as the parents on this thread have reached?

Good luck to all.

Edited June 17, 2013 by lynndy38