Husband keeps putting it off!

[LucidSofia 59]

Hi everyone..

I recently got married and our plan was to file the I-130 immediately. However, its been two weeks since the wedding and we have not yet received the marriage certificate. I've taken this time to prepare some of the documents; getting the photos ready, translating documents, finding old plane tickets. My husband however has done nothing. He used to brag to me about how good he was with paperwork, yet he has done absolutely nothing! I even planned the wedding myself. His excuse is, "the certificate is not here yet, so whats the point". I dont think he realizes that this is not something you can just put together in one day! I try to explain this to him and after he realized how completely annoyed I was at him he said he would start on it... that was on friday. Saturday he did nothing but promised he would start on sunday. Sunday came and went, and I cant remember what the excuse was for not doing anything yesterday. Today he cleaned the whole house, went to the gym, did the groceries.. but alas, of course the visa petition is not as important. (I work and study, and he is not currently studying or working so he mostly fills his day going to the gym, taking care of the house chores and watching movies). I'm seriously reaching my last nerve here. I feel like if he doesnt get started on it tomorrow I am totally going to lose it.

Am i completely overreacting?? Should I just calm the ### down? I guess im just really stressed out about this since we are both unhappy in the country we are living and I know how long this process takes, and the sooner we send it the sooner we can get approved!

Has anyone experienced similar frustrations with their spouse/fiance??

We both love each other very much, I just feel like when it comes to these sort of things we take completely different approaches. I stress out easily and like to get everything done as soon as possible, while he procrastinates and waits until the last second, and only THEN does he do everything really quickly.

I feel like I just started a completely ridiculous thread but I just really needed to vent.

[bsd058 296]

Hi everyone..

I recently got married and our plan was to file the I-130 immediately. However, its been two weeks since the wedding and we have not yet received the marriage certificate. I've taken this time to prepare some of the documents; getting the photos ready, translating documents, finding old plane tickets. My husband however has done nothing. He used to brag to me about how good he was with paperwork, yet he has done absolutely nothing! I even planned the wedding myself. His excuse is, "the certificate is not here yet, so whats the point". I dont think he realizes that this is not something you can just put together in one day! I try to explain this to him and after he realized how completely annoyed I was at him he said he would start on it... that was on friday. Saturday he did nothing but promised he would start on sunday. Sunday came and went, and I cant remember what the excuse was for not doing anything yesterday. Today he cleaned the whole house, went to the gym, did the groceries.. but alas, of course the visa petition is not as important. (I work and study, and he is not currently studying or working so he mostly fills his day going to the gym, taking care of the house chores and watching movies). I'm seriously reaching my last nerve here. I feel like if he doesnt get started on it tomorrow I am totally going to lose it.

Am i completely overreacting?? Should I just calm the ### down? I guess im just really stressed out about this since we are both unhappy in the country we are living and I know how long this process takes, and the sooner we send it the sooner we can get approved!

Has anyone experienced similar frustrations with their spouse/fiance??

We both love each other very much, I just feel like when it comes to these sort of things we take completely different approaches. I stress out easily and like to get everything done as soon as possible, while he procrastinates and waits until the last second, and only THEN does he do everything really quickly.

I feel like I just started a completely ridiculous thread but I just really needed to vent.

Yes, thankfully I do all of the paperwork.

It sounds the same for my wife and I. She procrastinates and I stress out completely about the smallest details. lol.

Funny how opposites attract isn't it? It's not always fun having these differences, and you'll become more patient (this is a hard thing to find in people nowadays, and I'm not anywhere near as patient as I should be), but it's always worth it! You will find yourself becoming a better person as you notice your differences. Word to the wise: A furnace refines gold, and spouses can turn up the heat sometimes. ha ha,

Edited January 22, 2013 by bsd058

[bsd058 296]

Oh! And yes, stay calm. Freaking out on him won't help any situation (something I'm still learning).

I would fill in the forms and give him his to fill out by a certain date. When you're done with your forms, tell him that you're just waiting for his.

I mean, you can only do so much, but do what you can to make it easy for him to fill those forms out.

Don't worry. It'll get better. Things happen, and he'll begin to realize that you're usually right when it comes to doing things right away. But you'll find that he's right by not stressing out so much about the things that need to be done. It's a complement thing. He helps you calm down, and you help him stay focused. It may not be complete unity right now, but it will happen naturally. It's part of becoming one. As long as you work through it together, these things will get better.

Edited January 22, 2013 by bsd058

[Darnell 8,479]

Hey !

Take 2 huge used pillows, duct tape them to his chest and groin.

Then take a long stick, hit only those parts of his body for 2 to 3 hours, until you are spent.

When finished, tell him you really are upset with him and you need him to get to the office and pay for expedited service on the marriage certificate.

[bsd058 296]

Hey !

Take 2 huge used pillows, duct tape them to his chest and groin.

Then take a long stick, hit only those parts of his body for 2 to 3 hours, until you are spent.

When finished, tell him you really are upset with him and you need him to get to the office and pay for expedited service on the marriage certificate.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I think it is frustrating when your husband or wife has different habits than you. My husband likes to beat any argument or disagreement to death until you just give up and never speak of it again.

For us, American immigration has been about 98% work on my part both times(I'm the USC). I got all the paperwork together, researched, copied, and mailed. I had him order his draft records and birth certificate under direct supervision.

For the Danish he was a little more involved, but it was mostly me, even in planning the move.

It seems that he is only interested in planning out things that directly interest him. He doesn't really care if we live in the US or DK, but he spent an hour looking at baby stuff with me online tonight and seeing what we'd need to get and asking the purpose for each product (we're trying to conceive) and he color codes and meticulously does the household budget every month.

I did ask him about not helping with the immigration research and he said that he had looked at it, but even when I read it in Danish that I seemed to understand it better than him and that he thought I'd be better at it. Maybe your husband feels the same or has some reason?

[SAT 9,609]

When Tiff and I got married, it took me about 30 days to complete all the paperwork and send it lol. I've always been a procrastinator...<sigh>...Luckily, Tiff wasn't too frustrated by this. She has a lot of patience, being that I dragged her along for 7 years befor marrying her...So now, feeling guilt, I spend my life trying to make it up to her.

[LucidSofia 59]

Oh! And yes, stay calm. Freaking out on him won't help any situation (something I'm still learning).

I would fill in the forms and give him his to fill out by a certain date. When you're done with your forms, tell him that you're just waiting for his.

I mean, you can only do so much, but do what you can to make it easy for him to fill those forms out.

Don't worry. It'll get better. Things happen, and he'll begin to realize that you're usually right when it comes to doing things right away. But you'll find that he's right by not stressing out so much about the things that need to be done. It's a complement thing. He helps you calm down, and you help him stay focused. It may not be complete unity right now, but it will happen naturally. It's part of becoming one. As long as you work through it together, these things will get better.

Thank you, this is very good advice. He does calm me down sometimes.. this will be very usefull when we are in the waiting process. But now that we actually need to get stuff done, I wish he wouldnt be so calm.

This morning when I left for work I begged him to please get started on the forms today. He said: "Ok sweetie, I will. I´ll get a lot done today, I promise". I really really hope that he does.

When Tiff and I got married, it took me about 30 days to complete all the paperwork and send it lol. I've always been a procrastinator...<sigh>...Luckily, Tiff wasn't too frustrated by this. She has a lot of patience, being that I dragged her along for 7 years befor marrying her...So now, feeling guilt, I spend my life trying to make it up to her.

Aw, that´s sweet

[LucidSofia 59]

I think it is frustrating when your husband or wife has different habits than you. My husband likes to beat any argument or disagreement to death until you just give up and never speak of it again.

For us, American immigration has been about 98% work on my part both times(I'm the USC). I got all the paperwork together, researched, copied, and mailed. I had him order his draft records and birth certificate under direct supervision.

For the Danish he was a little more involved, but it was mostly me, even in planning the move.

It seems that he is only interested in planning out things that directly interest him. He doesn't really care if we live in the US or DK, but he spent an hour looking at baby stuff with me online tonight and seeing what we'd need to get and asking the purpose for each product (we're trying to conceive) and he color codes and meticulously does the household budget every month.

I did ask him about not helping with the immigration research and he said that he had looked at it, but even when I read it in Danish that I seemed to understand it better than him and that he thought I'd be better at it. Maybe your husband feels the same or has some reason?

Thank you for your answer. It makes me feel better to hear about other couples differences in habits. My husband definitely does not like to beat an argument to death, instead he prefers to not talk about it unless I bring it up or he´s drunk. And then he just gets frustrated and tells me i´m right even though he doesn´t really think that.

Well, this is definitely not a case of me understanding better. He´s the US citizen.. AND claims to be a paperwork master (this really bugs me, lol). I think his reason right now really is just the fact that the marriage certificate is not here yet, so he doesn´t feel the pressure to start the paperwork. And then i try to get him to understand that it´s a lot of paperwork and he promises he´ll start "tomorrow" or "later today". And then he doesnt, because something else (like taking a nap) happens instead. *sigh*

Edited January 23, 2013 by LucidSofia

[LucidSofia 59]

Hey !

Take 2 huge used pillows, duct tape them to his chest and groin.

Then take a long stick, hit only those parts of his body for 2 to 3 hours, until you are spent.

When finished, tell him you really are upset with him and you need him to get to the office and pay for expedited service on the marriage certificate.

Lol

Well the marriage certificate was only supposed to take 3 days to get procesed. Then extra time needed for however long it takes to get from where we got married, to our address.. which i assume shouldnt take any more than 3 days using normal post service... so at most it should have been here wednesday of last week. I gave it a few more days just in case, and called on monday, only to be told to send en email.. which i got a reply to yesterday saying "they were looking into it". I´m going to call again today in the afternoon if its still not here to see what the deal is.

[LucidSofia 59]

Ok, progress!! He ordered ink for our printer (cant print out the forms without ink), and made a timeline of the documents he needs to get. Yipee!

Edited January 23, 2013 by LucidSofia

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

Ok, progress!! He ordered ink for our printer (cant print out the forms without ink), and made a timeline of the documents he needs to get. Yipee!

That's good!

[moemac59 193]

Hi everyone..

I recently got married and our plan was to file the I-130 immediately. However, its been two weeks since the wedding and we have not yet received the marriage certificate. I've taken this time to prepare some of the documents; getting the photos ready, translating documents, finding old plane tickets. My husband however has done nothing. He used to brag to me about how good he was with paperwork, yet he has done absolutely nothing! I even planned the wedding myself. His excuse is, "the certificate is not here yet, so whats the point". I dont think he realizes that this is not something you can just put together in one day! I try to explain this to him and after he realized how completely annoyed I was at him he said he would start on it... that was on friday. Saturday he did nothing but promised he would start on sunday. Sunday came and went, and I cant remember what the excuse was for not doing anything yesterday. Today he cleaned the whole house, went to the gym, did the groceries.. but alas, of course the visa petition is not as important. (I work and study, and he is not currently studying or working so he mostly fills his day going to the gym, taking care of the house chores and watching movies). I'm seriously reaching my last nerve here. I feel like if he doesnt get started on it tomorrow I am totally going to lose it.

Am i completely overreacting?? Should I just calm the ### down? I guess im just really stressed out about this since we are both unhappy in the country we are living and I know how long this process takes, and the sooner we send it the sooner we can get approved!

Has anyone experienced similar frustrations with their spouse/fiance??

We both love each other very much, I just feel like when it comes to these sort of things we take completely different approaches. I stress out easily and like to get everything done as soon as possible, while he procrastinates and waits until the last second, and only THEN does he do everything really quickly.

I feel like I just started a completely ridiculous thread but I just really needed to vent.

OMG...we must be married to the same man. My husband is the laziest man and I had to do everything to get our K1/AOS package together. All he had to do was sign the paperwork where I had inserted the post-it notes

[Novembro 1,763]

I continuously asked for help with writing our wedding invites to no avail. He even managed to get out of doing the wedding registry.

That meant that I got to pick out all of the stuff I wanted and he can't complain.

[Caryh 5,206]

I've got to admit, there are times I'm just as bad. I hate certain paperwork tasks and will come up with any excuse to ignore or put them off. Even doing things that are much more work. Like currently I need to make some calls and create some paperwork to make some transfers in my investments. I hate being bothered with it, mainly because I hate having to go to a bank and get a gold medallion guarantee stamp, although when ever I done it before, its not that hard at all. But somehow my brain can come up with all these other tasks that must be done before it. I can understand the pile of paperwork for immigration being the same. I think it was the same for me in fact. I couldn't handle doing too much of it at any one time. It just seemed overwhelming and I start doubting if I did things right. So I started doing just one part per day and double checking my work. After a few days, I suddenly jumped into it totally and got all of the rest done at once. But those first couple of days seemed really tough.