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Having second thoughts about speed of things...

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The short of the long is that I have moved to the US on a fiancé Visa, and we have to get married within 90 days of me moving into the country. We have been engaged for about a year now!

Until recently, this wasn't an issue with me, however I am now having doubts about being ready for all of this; getting married, moving countries, etc. I am not allowed to work for about four months after we get married, which makes financials very difficult, and school here costs a fortune compared to where I'm from.

I can't help but feel like I may have jumped the boat too soon and part of me wants to go back home for a while longer, work some more, and possibly postpone the wedding [1. Until we are financially comfortable, 2. I'm not sure I'm ready.]. Another problem with this, is that moving back home would null my Visa, and potentially ruin chances of getting another one for a while! Should I suck it up, get married on paper, and start building my life here? OR leave and risk it?

My other problem is I am very much a family girl. I find it very difficult to be away from my family for long periods of time. I dont' know if this is something I'll ever grow out of. FI does not want to live in my hometown, but I'm not sure I'll be able to live in his for an extended period of time.

FI lives at home, with his parents. I am currently living there with him, as neither of us have steady income [i don't have any at all, really.] . I realize that it's going to take a while to get atable, no matter what we do, but I feel as if I have more opportunity to do so slightly quicker back home. Note: FI is willing to try long distance, but doesn't seem t keen or hopeful about it [not that I expect him to be thrilled, just mostly hopeful and like it wouldn't be the end of the world!].

Needless to say, there is a lot to be thought of, but I really don't know where to start or what to think!

Edited by SweetheartSarah


  • Sent and marked "received": February 13, 2018
  • Biometrics Scheduled: February 17, 2018
  • Biometrics Completed: March 5, 2018

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The visits from the US to Canada are not so bad. Have him come visit you as it is easy for a US citizen to come visit Canada and frequently so long as he has a passport.

I would not want to be rude, but these are things that should have really been thought of prior to the move. I will not blast you with this as I'm sure you know.

The only thing I could advise is, enter the marriage in Good faith and understanding. If you cannot, then do your best to go home and follow through with your plan as notated above. Do not make any decision based on paperwork / waiting. It should be done in love, preparation, and readiness / willingness. Don't fear the future, live in the present and make the future.

I will remind you that the world economy is unstable and that at this point in time, it is incredibly hard to have "stability" as any of us can lose our jobs any day (unless you work in healthcare), and even then there is a possibility with mergers, etc.

I would simply say, trust your heart / instinct. Don't try and over prepare, but at the same time don't walk in blindly.

Good luck and God bless. :o

That's my 2 cents and it's worth about that, maybe less.

Our Timeline
Started Talking as friends 7/2011
Became a couple 1/2012
Met in Canada 5/2012
Propsed as I knew she was the woman for me 5/3/2012.
Sent K-1 Off to the Chicago Lockbox 6/11/2012
NoA 1 6/13/2012
NoA 2 12/19/2012
Embassy Intervew 02/07/2013 (APPROVED)
Visa Recieved 2/14/2013
CFO Seminar 2/15/2013
Flight 3/1/2013 POE Detriot, MI, and then home to NC!!!!

Sent off AoS / EAD / AP Packet 7/19

NoA 1 EAD / AP / AOS 7/23

EAD / AP Card Recieved 9/27.

The wonderful world of the AoS....

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From a mum’s point of view:

It wouldn’t be married on paper. You would be legally married and all that it entails. To end it would most likely require a divorce.

This is a scary process. You are leaving everything that you know behind and most of what you love. It’s scary for me to be going through and I’m sure every one of us has had that niggling in the back of our minds about leaving home.

The thing is you can get married and file for AOS (&AP for visits home) as soon as possible and start to work and really get into your marriage and your new community, or you can go home.

The one thing I always try to ask myself during big decisions is whether I would regret not giving something my all.

So my question as a mum would be this:

If you were to go home now and the long-distance thing didn’t work out, do you think you would be mad at yourself for not giving it a chance? Take some time and weigh your options and talk to hubby about it as well. Perhaps the answer in the long run would be neither home town but somewhere new and fresh and good for both of you.

I wish you all of the best in whatever you decide is right for you!

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Moved from K1 Process & Procedures to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum; topic is a better fit in this forum.

Our journey:


September 2007: Met online via social networking site (MySpace); began exchanging messages.
March 26, 2009: We become a couple!
September 10, 2009: Arrived for first meeting in-person!
June 17, 2010: Arrived for second in-person meeting and start of travel together to other areas of China!
June 21, 2010: Engaged!!!
September 1, 2010: Switched course from K1 to CR-1
December 8, 2010: Wedding date set; it will be on February 18, 2011!
February 9, 2011: Depart for China
February 11, 2011: Registered for marriage in Wuhan, officially married!!!
February 18, 2011: Wedding ceremony in Shiyan!!!
April 22, 2011: Mailed I-130 to Chicago
April 28, 2011: Received NOA1 via text/email, file routed to CSC (priority date April 25th)
April 29, 2011: Updated
May 3, 2011: Received NOA1 hardcopy in mail
July 26, 2011: Received NOA2 via text/email!!!
July 30, 2011: Received NOA2 hardcopy in mail
August 8, 2011: NVC received file
September 1, 2011: NVC case number assigned
September 2, 2011: AOS invoice received, OPTIN email for EP sent
September 7, 2011: Paid AOS bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 9, 2011)
September 8, 2011: OPTIN email accepted, GZO number assigned
September 10, 2011: Emailed AOS package
September 12, 2011: IV bill invoiced
September 13, 2011: Paid IV bill (payment portal showed PAID on September 14, 2011)
September 14, 2011: Emailed IV package
October 3, 2011: Emailed checklist response (checklist generated due to typo on Form DS-230)
October 6, 2011: Case complete at NVC
November 10, 2011: Interview - APPROVED!!!
December 7, 2011: POE - Sea-Tac Airport

September 17, 2013: Mailed I-751 to CSC

September 23, 2013: Received NOA1 in mail (receipt date September 19th)

October 16, 2013: Biometrics Appointment

January 28, 2014: Production of new Green Card ordered

February 3, 2014: New Green Card received; done with USCIS until fall of 2023*


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sweetheartsarah love isn't who you can live with, it's who you can't live without, ask yourself how would you feel tomorrow without seeing him? waking up and not seem him by your side every morning? etc, and ask yourself how do you feel starting your marriage and living with his parent,living with him without a steady income? You will be able to find the right answer, just ask yourself the right questions,lol.Good luck.

I would lose my mind if I had to live with my parents or in-laws, but some people do not mind.It doesn't work for me tho.

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There is no quick fix to any of this - but

since yer here, why not get married and file the AOS?

If you have doubts about the marriage now, forget anything immigration related, and go back to Canada.

Sometimes my language usage seems confusing - please feel free to 'read it twice', just in case !
Ya know, you can find the answer to your question with the advanced search tool, when using a PC? Ditch the handphone, come back later on a PC, and try again.

-=-=-=-=-=R E A D ! ! !=-=-=-=-=-

Whoa Nelly ! Want NVC Info? see http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/NVC_Process

Congratulations on your approval ! We All Applaud your accomplishment with Most Wonderful Kissies !


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I went through something a little similar when I moved to Denmark. We had planned on getting legally married right away, but the first month it was difficult adjusting to each other and a new country and I wanted to be sure. Mind you being married in Denmark grants me no legal rights to stay here that I don't already get from being an EU citizen, so there was no pressure or timeframe in needed to be done in.

I didn't have doubts about my now husband but I had doubts about spending the rest of my life in a place I didn't really like and knew that I would never love the way I loved the little Connecticut town I had lived in for the previous 4 years. So, we got married about a month after I arrived despite me being miserable and crying all the time about being here. He did everything in his power to cheer me up, but it just would not quit. A few weeks later it sort of reached a head and my husband, who isn't really an America fan, told me that we were going to move back because he couldn't stand to see me so unhappy.

Perhaps you do need more time to be sure and that is ok. Perhaps you need to wait until he is more financially secure as living with parents is no way to start a new marriage. A married couple needs space and a place of their own.

If I could do this marriage over again, I would have waited until when we moved back to America this summer and had a big wedding with a proper wedding dress and all. Actually that is what we are doing but it feels a little lame after the fact.

If you are having doubts then you need to wait. I had doubts about my first marriage and that ended with us divorced not a year later.

3/2/18  E-filed N-400 under 5 year rule

3/26/18 Biometrics

7/2019-12/2019 (Yes, 16- 21 months) Estimated time to interview MSP office.


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Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

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