J1 overstay (no 2 year rule), married, fly to Europe and back?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Simply being married gives you zero immigration benefit. Your husband is wrong on that.

You came to the US, quit your J1 program after one day of work but you didn't leave, then you met someone and married 3 months later. I don't think you should push it any more.

Edited September 20, 2012 by Harpa Timsah

[ceadsearc 516]

Simply being married gives you zero immigration benefit. Your husband is wrong on that.

You came to the US, quit your J1 program after one day of work but you didn't leave, then you met someone and married 3 months later. I don't think you should push it any more.

Precisely this. OP, you have multiple red flags in your case. You and your marriage are already going to be under added scrutiny. Don't give USCIS more reason to question things.

[Brit Abroad 166]

It sounds to me like you're confused and need some guidance in what comes next; in addition to being concerned about a three week separation.

Once you are married to a US citizen, you need to file to adjust your status from a J1 visa, to a spouse with a permanent resident card (aka green card). This is the only way for you to stay legal and avoid any future possibility of deportation. The forms you need are here. Print them out, read through them and start working out what paperwork you need to assemble to send in with them.

Stop worrying about time apart - this is healthy for any relationship and will make it stronger in the long run. Use this time to gather the supporting paperwork you need for your Adjustment of Status, and get your immigration record set straight. You will need to gather evidence that you are a couple and this will take some time. It offers distraction and it will keep you very busy. When you are working toward something so important, I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Your lawyer may have given you correct information about your position regarding the J1, but America does not like people being "out of status" or between status types and all it takes is one person with a grudge against you to call ICE and you could be up in front of a judge very quickly, so concentrate on getting that situation fixed as soon as you possibly can.

Best of luck to you, OP.

[mrs_gonzo 9]

I can't believe you are complaining about 3 weeks, knowing you would have him back in 21 days. Just suck it up, it could be a lot worse. If I were you I wouldn't take any chances and considering it may even take you longer to get an appointment at the embassy (and be possibly denied). Just file AOS as soon as possible.

[Moomin 292]

Please bear in mind that people aren't judging you but it's your situation.

3-4-5 weeks is alot if we're talking about my friend who has a child with colic and often home alone with the kiddo for 2-3 weeks at a time until the husband's back from working overseas.

3 weeks is also alot if you're stuck in a country and you need to get home to a relative who had a stroke but you can't leave because you either abandon your status or you can't afford it. 8 months apart is hard on a relationship, 3 weeks can be hard on a relationship. Most couples here go months and months without seeing each other. It's not a competetions however I do think that most would've adored to settle for less than a month apart. Especially when struggling but in general too.

Your right is that nobody held you back when marrying your husband. Your husband has the priviledge - not you - of his status as a US citizen. Even when being a greencard holder, there's still a looooong way before getting the same rights as a US citizen, namely by becoming one.

So 10 minutes of talking is still 10 minutes with your husband. You can cath up after he returns. Look at it as the probably last time you'll be "forced" to be apart and count down.

[Diana&Rusty 0]

Dont risk yourself please. 3 weeks is not too long.You can do it.

[redflower7 0]

Stop worrying about time apart - this is healthy for any relationship and will make it stronger in the long run.

I am not so sure about this. First of all because of the 14 weeks we have only been together and that we might alienate each other again.

And it already is very strange because he is not communicating much and not interested of finding additional ways for example via Skype. Since he left on tuesday he just phones 10 minutes each day (but i must admit that he already said before we will only have short talks because it will be difficult for him to find a connection in the village), but although his sister now said he can use her phone and that its free, he still stops after 10 mins because he said he doesn’t want to block her phone. I think he could speak longer if he wanted to.

Plus, he usually always is very emotional when here, tells me at least 10 times each day he loves me, calling me from work saying he misses me, even singing to me how much he misses me. After we said goodbye at the airport he send me 3 sms saying: i will miiiisss you, i loooove you, i dont want to looose you ...

But since he has been gone on tuesday he is very sober on the phone and not saying all these things he usually does, he is not even calling me as usual darling. He confirms he misses me when i ask him, but he is different! ( i must say that yes we had some problems. I don’t want to say too much, just that he has been married for a long time before (18-44) and there were Big problems, then she died of cancer and he was scared to get married again. And sometimes when we had small arguments they reminded him of their big arguments and he quickly said "it doesn’t work im leaving" but he wouldn’t really have left he said, its just when his anxieties come up he changes for that moment, as his wife didn’t treat him well and they constantly had bad fights, throwing him out of the house etc.)

We had our ups and downs with his scars from his previous marriage. But generally it was ok and he was very intensely loving with me and very emotional.

But i thought when he is gone he would be even more emotional then usual. But he is not! I don’t know why. I asked him today but he said he doesn’t like to exaggerate and i said but you are always like this usually. I also said that i miss him more now then when he is at work but no reaction from him. Then i told him i miss him so much and feel alone so i will go to a friends house tomorrow and he didn’t like it that i want to go there because he is not here, he said i could go there because i want to see her but not because my husband is not home and because that effects me. I then said to him: of course it effects me when you are not here it’s a big gap, do you understand that? But he refused to reply and said he doesn’t want to talk about this. I think that this behavior is strange!?

I don’t know what to do , when i say how much i miss him he doesn’t react much, nothing much is coming from him in general! When i ask him if he misses me he says he misses me, but it might not be true (he is so different ) and im worried that he came to realize that he doesn’t miss me all that much or doesn't even want the relationship anymore. As much as i came to realize how much i love him. I don’t know how to find out the truth how he really feels now. But i have to know!

Does anybody have any idea???

Unfortunately i can’t fly there, that is the first thing i would want to do tomorrow morning.

[Ken&Ruzana 4]

I am very concernced about this because we have only been together for a short time. Since June we are dating and getting to know each other. After only 10 weeks we got married. And now after 14 weeks already have a 3 week separation! I am not sure if this will damage or even destroy our marriage... We cannot really communicate as he stopped his iphone service and is in a village where he needs to use someone elses phone, so that means 5 mins talking every other day.

Maybe the other couple's already had a long time getting to know each other properly?

I never thought that i would feel so bad once he is gone and he only left on tuesday afternoon.

I would not leave you can survive the 3 weeks. Think of it this way, lets say you do go and then they do not let you back in the country then you are going to have to be apart maybe 9 or 10 months until your visa is approved do you want to risk that? Is it worth it for 3 weeks?

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

The frame of mind you are in, you're not going to feel any better about your relationship if you two are together or miles apart.

[ceadsearc 516]

Perhaps couples counseling when he returns might help you guys.

[redflower7 0]

Perhaps couples counseling when he returns might help you guys.

I would love to but he wouldn't want to go.

[redflower7 0]

Does anybody have an opinion about my previous post on how he behaves now on the phone? And how i can find out how he feels now?

[Sweetcheeksss 91]

Maybe I'm missing some relevant piece of information but I'd guess that if he married you 4 weeks ago (unless he was forced) he's probably quite fond of you. Probably even loves you.

I think you're working yourself up into a frenzy because he's away. And if he's anything like most guys - the more you freak out over the phone, the less he'll want to call. Least that's how my hubby is.

Take a deep breath, stop over analyzing every little thing he says and chill out until he gets back. Be thankful that he's even calling at all.

[alizon 77]

Does anybody have an opinion about my previous post on how he behaves now on the phone? And how i can find out how he feels now?

Could be that he doesn't feel like he has the privacy to speak openly on his sister's phone. I think you need to stop thinking about this and cool off a bit. Enjoy the time you get to speak with him, and he'll be back in a couple of weeks for you to deal with whatever you think is a larger issue.

[AnotherLostSoul 167]

If you don't complete your program, you are also not entitled to the 30-day grace period generally granted to J1 holders. This means that she was out of status the moment her program ended some time in February. Whether she has also been accruing overstay since then, I don't know, but in any event your analysis is correct.

Thanks for clearing that up, I was not sure if she/he still has a 30 day grace period if she/he interrupts her program ahead prior to the completion of it...Again, thanks for the clarification. All the best, OP!