So confused ;(

[VanessaTony 3,567]

These days, mortgage payments can be less than rent for the same size home. However, renters don't pay property taxes, homeowners insurance, flood insurance (depends on where you live), earthquake insurance (depends on where you live), maintenance, homeowners association dues, etc. Renters often don't even pay for some or all of the utilities, especially water and trash collection.

My husband and I are lucky. our mortgage is less than we would pay renting. the mortgage includes an escrow account that pays property tax and homeowners insurance. We have 2 dogs and the pet deposit (if they let you have dogs at all) in some places is ridiculous. Yes we pay maintenance and have to mow and all that but honestly it's a far better financial situation.

[kev_n_jena 89]

This is my situation:

I've been married to my USC husband since 2008. I have a 10 yr GC. Two years ago we moved here in TExas because I found a better job as an RN and besides i have not adjusted to the cold weather in Illinois. When my husband followed me here, he didn't work for the next 9 mths...it was fine with me. Then last year, i ask him if he could help me with the finances and if he could find a job and he did. Since May last yr he has been working part time (24 hrs or less/wk) at a retail store. Two months ago, i was able to get a house. So naturally, our expenses are a little more. I asked him if he could find a full time job and this is where our problem is. He is so reluctant. He was offered a job last week but that requires him to drive some 40 miles and he said "i will never drive that far"! I explained to him that this is just temporary until he is able to find something nearer but for the meantime we need whatever little money he can contribute. I am paying for everything (mortgage, car, car insurance, house bills, med insurance, food, cellphone, house repairs, gas...everything!). This is really getting difficult for me. (He gets like 200$ every 2 wks for his part time job). I have a son from a previous marriage and sometimes i feel that i fall short to provide for him...

I don't know what to do...i'm so depressed, i feel that he is making me "pay" for letting him move here in Texas. It's not that he is alone here, he has a sister who lives within a mile from us and a brother too while I don't have a family here.

I'm so tired...i'm almost at the point of giving up

I've driven 90 miles per day round trip to work for the last 12 years. Tell your husband to grow up and be a man for a change. Whatever you do, don't spend any of your hard earned money on his lazy butt and I'd have him doing the laundry, cleaning, cooking etc. also.

[MissAAA 9]

This is my situation:

I've been married to my USC husband since 2008. I have a 10 yr GC. Two years ago we moved here in TExas because I found a better job as an RN and besides i have not adjusted to the cold weather in Illinois. When my husband followed me here, he didn't work for the next 9 mths...it was fine with me. Then last year, i ask him if he could help me with the finances and if he could find a job and he did. Since May last yr he has been working part time (24 hrs or less/wk) at a retail store. Two months ago, i was able to get a house. So naturally, our expenses are a little more. I asked him if he could find a full time job and this is where our problem is. He is so reluctant. He was offered a job last week but that requires him to drive some 40 miles and he said "i will never drive that far"! I explained to him that this is just temporary until he is able to find something nearer but for the meantime we need whatever little money he can contribute. I am paying for everything (mortgage, car, car insurance, house bills, med insurance, food, cellphone, house repairs, gas...everything!). This is really getting difficult for me. (He gets like 200$ every 2 wks for his part time job). I have a son from a previous marriage and sometimes i feel that i fall short to provide for him...

I don't know what to do...i'm so depressed, i feel that he is making me "pay" for letting him move here in Texas. It's not that he is alone here, he has a sister who lives within a mile from us and a brother too while I don't have a family here.

I'm so tired...i'm almost at the point of giving up

Just take a step back and pray. Appreciate all you have and things will work out for the better.

hugs**

[kennym 275]

How does the immigration forum relate to relationship advise?

Just like anyplace, we all has opinions on how to help your situation, but they're based on generalities..

My suggestion is two fold;

First, dont look to the internet for relationship advise..

Secondly, find friends, family, pastor or priest, or counseling..

THere is no way anyone should consider this website or any other internet resource as a place to even remotely solve any relationship problem..

for Immigration issues, this is an excellent resource, but all we can offer is general advise on your relationship..

Please tell me what you expect to get our of this thread..

[Xanax 349]

How does the immigration forum relate to relationship advise?

Just like anyplace, we all has opinions on how to help your situation, but they're based on generalities..

My suggestion is two fold;

First, dont look to the internet for relationship advise..

Secondly, find friends, family, pastor or priest, or counseling..

THere is no way anyone should consider this website or any other internet resource as a place to even remotely solve any relationship problem..

for Immigration issues, this is an excellent resource, but all we can offer is general advise on your relationship..

Please tell me what you expect to get our of this thread..

Lots of people come here for advice similar to what the OP asking.

Most people here are married or about to be so they can understand and attempt to help the OP.

Similarly, often it's easier to ask anonymously on an internet forum then to talk to friends or family.

[kennym 275]

Lots of people come here for advice similar to what the OP asking.

Most people here are married or about to be so they can understand and attempt to help the OP.

Similarly, often it's easier to ask anonymously on an internet forum then to talk to friends or family.

Hey Xanax, I get that, But there are lots of forums where participants are married, it simply doesnt make sense to go to a website specializing in Immigration support to solve marital problems. The reason is, we can't possible know both sides and really, relationships are complex, so providing a few sentences doesnt give anyone the abilty to provide informed feedback..

You know, there is 3 sides to every story.. Your side, their side, and the truth.. so, it's sad to expose personal issue thinking their is something to be gained from it.. It would be sad if someone actually listened to advise given here,and It's irresponsible to act on relationship advise from a website as the consequences could be extremely damaging to a relationship..

I beleive strongly people, who are strugling in relationships are vulnerable.. And often look to the wrong place for guidance..

We cant solve the OP's problems.. This is a Immigration Website..

[Moomin 292]

Hey Xanax, I get that, But there are lots of forums where participants are married, it simply doesnt make sense to go to a website specializing in Immigration support to solve marital problems. The reason is, we can't possible know both sides and really, relationships are complex, so providing a few sentences doesnt give anyone the abilty to provide informed feedback..

You know, there is 3 sides to every story.. Your side, their side, and the truth.. so, it's sad to expose personal issue thinking their is something to be gained from it.. It would be sad if someone actually listened to advise given here,and It's irresponsible to act on relationship advise from a website as the consequences could be extremely damaging to a relationship..

I beleive strongly people, who are strugling in relationships are vulnerable.. And often look to the wrong place for guidance..

We cant solve the OP's problems.. This is a Immigration Website..

While I agree that there are many forums specializing in relationship stuff and advise, I do think that it's justified asking on VJ sinde some people can't relate to how it is originally being from overseas. I'd be frustrated, sad and p*ssed if I had to pay all bills without the prospect of seeing my Danish relatives once in a while because spouse decided not to contribute when the reason is "I don't want to".

Being frustrated only feeds the homesickness, IMO.

[kennym 275]

While I agree that there are many forums specializing in relationship stuff and advise, I do think that it's justified asking on VJ sinde some people can't relate to how it is originally being from overseas. I'd be frustrated, sad and p*ssed if I had to pay all bills without the prospect of seeing my Danish relatives once in a while because spouse decided not to contribute when the reason is "I don't want to".

Being frustrated only feeds the homesickness, IMO.

sure, I could see that... Not sure I would do it, but can see your point...

[Darnell 8,478]

rpt - what's it look like, to hold off getting naked, until he comes back with a 5000/month job ?

[Xanax 349]

Hey Xanax, I get that, But there are lots of forums where participants are married, it simply doesnt make sense to go to a website specializing in Immigration support to solve marital problems. The reason is, we can't possible know both sides and really, relationships are complex, so providing a few sentences doesnt give anyone the abilty to provide informed feedback..

You know, there is 3 sides to every story.. Your side, their side, and the truth.. so, it's sad to expose personal issue thinking their is something to be gained from it.. It would be sad if someone actually listened to advise given here,and It's irresponsible to act on relationship advise from a website as the consequences could be extremely damaging to a relationship..

I beleive strongly people, who are strugling in relationships are vulnerable.. And often look to the wrong place for guidance..

We cant solve the OP's problems.. This is a Immigration Website..

I think a lot of the VJ community just feel comfortable here asking or are asking about other immigration related stuff and see that this is a common trend (international relationships and marital problems) and they ask here.

I really see no harm, if someone wants to ask here and others are willing to try to help or give advice, why not?

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

My husband and I are lucky. our mortgage is less than we would pay renting. the mortgage includes an escrow account that pays property tax and homeowners insurance. We have 2 dogs and the pet deposit (if they let you have dogs at all) in some places is ridiculous. Yes we pay maintenance and have to mow and all that but honestly it's a far better financial situation.

And it's very easy to do but most people think they deserve a McMansion and overbuy.

I've driven 90 miles per day round trip to work for the last 12 years. Tell your husband to grow up and be a man for a change. Whatever you do, don't spend any of your hard earned money on his lazy butt and I'd have him doing the laundry, cleaning, cooking etc. also.

My regular commute is 5 miles each way but occassionally drive 35 miles each way on some days. You do what you have to do to keep your family afloat and the account in the green.

rpt - what's it look like, to hold off getting naked, until he comes back with a 5000/month job ?

A fantasy that won't work. Unless of course a divorce from adultery is the aim.

I think a lot of the VJ community just feel comfortable here asking or are asking about other immigration related stuff and see that this is a common trend (international relationships and marital problems) and they ask here.

I really see no harm, if someone wants to ask here and others are willing to try to help or give advice, why not?

This is actually the best forum to ask on. We have a unique blend of shared common stuuf like immigration, government stuff, etc I still have coworkers that ask why my Fiancee is not here yet, they have no clue about what we have to go through to get someone here legally. Of course as Americans they get to travel to most places with no visa so the idea of asking permission to enter a country is foreign (pun) to most.

[Darnell 8,478]

great drift, but you do realize that the OP has already taken the plunge, and has secured a mortgage and a house, irrespective of your comments .

Her main concern, from what I can read here, is to engage her husband to get out and get a higher paying job and contribute to the 'family finances'.

I'm sorry, 200 every two weeks is less than what comes in on SSA disability, and he needs to be somewhere over 1000/week on a job.

Cable TV Installers, for example, earn at least 1000/week.

Can you guys focus, instead, on encouraging her with other job-related stuff for her husband?

[rlogan 2,036]

I don't know what to do...i'm so depressed, i feel that he is making me "pay" for letting him move here in Texas.

Sounds like his plan worked.