missing husband

[TBoneTX 43,372]

Well said!

Si, man -- that's one of the best explanations of the situation that I've ever read.

[dwheels76 5,463]

Usually an abuser has managed to alienate your support group. Either through distance or just plain old bad behavior. They will do things like interagate your every moment on the phone until it is easier not to call anyone. They will question/time/challange your separate time out of the house until it is easier just to stay home. They will devalue your every action, usually the mental abuse and isolation are in place long before a hand is raised for the first time. They must have already made you feel that you are low in the order of life and deserve to be taught a lesson, to be corrected. It is your fault the car broke, that dinner was cold when he arrived home hours late , that they didn't get the promotion domeone got, that they have gained weight and can't fit into their clothes. If it wasn't for your stupidity, your worthlessness life would be better, and if you can't change your ways then that makes you more worthless, more stupid and lower in the order in life.

Anyone that believes the victim is somehow to blame doesn't understand the whole picture of those that fall into the cycle and to point fingers is akin to the Nazi's agreeing blindly that non whites are in some form less human that whites and as such as underserving of the same life. Shame on all of you that said such.

So very wisely put. I pray many reading this will see a mother, sister, daughter or friend and recognize the signs and intercede. Bravo NigerorBust.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Usually an abuser has managed to alienate your support group. Either through distance or just plain old bad behavior. They will do things like interagate your every moment on the phone until it is easier not to call anyone. They will question/time/challange your separate time out of the house until it is easier just to stay home. They will devalue your every action, usually the mental abuse and isolation are in place long before a hand is raised for the first time. They must have already made you feel that you are low in the order of life and deserve to be taught a lesson, to be corrected. It is your fault the car broke, that dinner was cold when he arrived home hours late , that they didn't get the promotion domeone got, that they have gained weight and can't fit into their clothes. If it wasn't for your stupidity, your worthlessness life would be better, and if you can't change your ways then that makes you more worthless, more stupid and lower in the order in life.

Anyone that believes the victim is somehow to blame doesn't understand the whole picture of those that fall into the cycle and to point fingers is akin to the Nazi's agreeing blindly that non whites are in some form less human that whites and as such as underserving of the same life. Shame on all of you that said such.

I have been abused throughout my childhood, so don't come preaching to me about what books say about that type of relationship. As a child, I had no options but to know it is wrong and wait for the moment in which I can separate myself from it. My mother who was my abuser was abused as a child as well, and chose to continue the cycle with me. That was her choice and yes, I am blaming her for it. I could have ended up an abuser myself, but I made a different choice.

So yeah, if you chose to stick to an abuser, you deserve everything that's coming to you because you are a weak and stupid person. I know, how very in-politically correct of me to say so.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

I have been abused throughout my childhood, so don't come preaching to me about what books say about that type of relationship. As a child, I had no options but to know it is wrong and wait for the moment in which I can separate myself from it. My mother who was my abuser was abused as a child as well, and chose to continue the cycle with me. That was her choice and yes, I am blaming her for it. I could have ended up an abuser myself, but I made a different choice.

So yeah, if you chose to stick to an abuser, you deserve everything that's coming to you because you are a weak and stupid person. I know, how very in-politically correct of me to say so.

Blaming the abused person and calling them weak and stupid, these are things an abuser would do to an abused person....

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I have been abused throughout my childhood, so don't come preaching to me about what books say about that type of relationship. As a child, I had no options but to know it is wrong and wait for the moment in which I can separate myself from it. My mother who was my abuser was abused as a child as well, and chose to continue the cycle with me. That was her choice and yes, I am blaming her for it. I could have ended up an abuser myself, but I made a different choice.

So yeah, if you chose to stick to an abuser, you deserve everything that's coming to you because you are a weak and stupid person. I know, how very in-politically correct of me to say so.

You are obviously your mothers daughter.

[Peter_Pan 661]

Blaming the abused person and calling them weak and stupid, these are things an abuser would do to an abused person....

Is she not tho? That's the question.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I have been abused throughout my childhood, so don't come preaching to me about what books say about that type of relationship. As a child, I had no options but to know it is wrong and wait for the moment in which I can separate myself from it. My mother who was my abuser was abused as a child as well, and chose to continue the cycle with me. That was her choice and yes, I am blaming her for it. I could have ended up an abuser myself, but I made a different choice.

So yeah, if you chose to stick to an abuser, you deserve everything that's coming to you because you are a weak and stupid person. I know, how very in-politically correct of me to say so.

PP, unfortunately the majority of the american populace has been conditioned to never accept responsibility for their personal actions and instead to fling blame onto someone else.

By the way, congrats on correcting your situation

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

You are obviously your mothers daughter.

Can I get an Amen. :yes: :yes: :yes:

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

PP, unfortunately the majority of the american populace has been conditioned to never accept responsibility for their personal actions and instead to fling blame onto someone else.

By the way, congrats on correcting your situation

I have to disagree, abuse is never that cut and dry, if it was more people would remove themselves from it sooner. We all preach about getting help and it sounds good on paper, but nobody knows what that person is going through. Maybe they can't due to fear of harm or even death for them or their loved ones. There are so many variables I can't even name them all. But you two seem to have it all figured out.

My mother stayed with my father when he was abusing her, when I was old enough I stood up to him and it was enough to stop him. My mother finally gathered the strength to leave him and get help. It was a dark time for her, and I am glad she got out before he took her life or my own. Now her reasons are her own as to why she stayed for as long as she did and I've made peace with it as she has. My father has gotten help, so I've made peace with him. It's because of what he did and what I went through that makes me the man I am now. And no matter how many times I deal with people who are in abusive relationship, I never belittle them.

By both of your accounts, my mother and the countless women that are caught in these nightmares are weak and stupid. No one has the right to judge, and I will never tell someone in that situation that's what they are. Compassion is a blessing.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I have been abused throughout my childhood, so don't come preaching to me about what books say about that type of relationship. As a child, I had no options but to know it is wrong and wait for the moment in which I can separate myself from it. My mother who was my abuser was abused as a child as well, and chose to continue the cycle with me. That was her choice and yes, I am blaming her for it. I could have ended up an abuser myself, but I made a different choice.

So yeah, if you chose to stick to an abuser, you deserve everything that's coming to you because you are a weak and stupid person. I know, how very in-politically correct of me to say so.

You are not alone with the abuse card that you throw around as a poor excuse for prosecuting others that have followed a similar path. Your attitude shows you are still a victim and an abuser. As a child I was forced into sex when I should have been playing with Barbies and when I resisted I was beaten to the point my teeth and jaw was damaged. The system meant to support turned on me rather than report their own and tried to convince me that a 8 year old somehow "asked" for it. I have walked the path and I know walking away isn't something a victim can do. As an abuse victim it is a goal to offer a hand to others that are at the bottom , not to step on them and accuse them of being weak and stupid like all their other abuser have done. I hope some day you recover from what was done and let go so you can stop verbally/mentally abusing others.

Edited August 1, 2012 by NigeriaorBust

[Karee 4,189]

You are not alone with the abuse card that you throw around as a poor excuse for prosecuting others that have followed a similar path. Your attitude shows you are still a victim and an abuser. As a child I was forced into sex when I should have been playing with Barbies and when I resisted I was beaten to the point my teeth and jaw was damaged. The system meant to support turned on me rather than report their own and tried to convince me that a 8 year old somehow "asked" for it. I have walked the path and I know walking away isn't something a victim can do. As an abuse victim it is a goal to offer a hand to others that are at the bottom , not to step on them and accuse them of being weak and stupid like all their other abuser have done. I hope some day you recover from what was done and let go so you can stop verbally/mentally abusing others.

I'd say that pretty much sums it up. Good post.

[Peter_Pan 661]

You are not alone with the abuse card that you throw around as a poor excuse for prosecuting others that have followed a similar path. Your attitude shows you are still a victim and an abuser. As a child I was forced into sex when I should have been playing with Barbies and when I resisted I was beaten to the point my teeth and jaw was damaged. The system meant to support turned on me rather than report their own and tried to convince me that a 8 year old somehow "asked" for it. I have walked the path and I know walking away isn't something a victim can do. As an abuse victim it is a goal to offer a hand to others that are at the bottom , not to step on them and accuse them of being weak and stupid like all their other abuser have done. I hope some day you recover from what was done and let go so you can stop verbally/mentally abusing others.

You are right, we should pet them on the head and support them in their decision to go back to the abuser; and "no, you're not weak, you are strong for being with someone who smacked you around for 20 years, and I am so proud of you now" speech - what a joke. Walking away is something you can do, in the right circumstances. You can't walk away in Iran, but you damn sure can in the US.

As an abuse victim, I have no sympathy for people CHOOSING to be victims. I'll focus my effort and energy on the real victims, children who are being molested, or women in hyper patriarchal countries who have little to no rights to say NO. American women who are slapped around when the out of the situation is only a phone call away deserve nothing but contempt from me.

Oh, and I am so tired of the ####### with "no one has the right to judge". I have a brain, I know right from wrong, and I will speak my mind. If you wanna go through life without judging, knock yourself out.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Peter_Pan

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Following your logic every young woman / man kidnapped and held captive in the US should have done something , Elizabth Smart is therefore stupid , Jaycee Dugrd is to blame for her ordeal, Steven Stayner is also guilty. There were all adult by the time of their rediscovery and in the US.

My sympathy goes out to your family and parnter such hartred and bile must be hard to live with.

Edited August 1, 2012 by NigeriaorBust

[Peter_Pan 661]

Following your logic every young woman / man kidnapped and held captive in the US should have done something , Elizabth Smart is therefore stupid , Jaycee Dugrd is to blame for her ordeal, Steven Stayner is also guilty. There were all adult by the time of their rediscovery and in the US.

My sympathy goes out to your family and parnter such hartred and bile must be hard to live with.

I really don't see how you can infer that from what I said.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

American women who are slapped around when the out of the situation is only a phone call away deserve nothing but contempt from me

You can't walk away in Iran, but you damn sure can in the US

Are those not your words.