Divorced american man now married to filipina

[shure 8]

Hi VJ friends,

Sorry posting this, i really need your opinion especially from those americans that were divorced and now married to filipina. I am a filipina that are married to american. My husband was divorced. He had failed marriage with american woman. To make the story short, I discovered that he still paying her car insurance, she is the beneficiary of some of his insurances, talk to her almost everyday. I know it's about the kids but sometimes I think it is too much if he talks about where he applied for a job,or anything about him. When I got here in US I cried alot because I feel like Im not married. We live in an apartment and planning to move to a bigger one, but then he told me he doesn't mind living close to his exwife house. I'm like no! I dont like to have a house or apartment close to your exwife, I told him Im not happy when I see or hear him talking to her on the phone, that hurts. I explained to him that if he wants our marriage to work out he needs to get away from his exwife or totally take her away from his life because he is married now. I understand if it's about his kids but what I dont understand is when he talks to her everyday or almost everyday, its like informing her what is happening to him, about job, training, drill etc. One time we were having dinner and his exwife text him. The text was just letting him know that her and the kids are having dinner out. It wasn't a text that u need to text back immediately. But instead he grabbed his phone and text her back while we were having dinner, and it pissed me off. I stopped eating and told them Im done. That he ruined our dinner. Why if someone else calls he doesnt wanna answer. I asked him to answer and he answered i can call back we are having dinner. Why if it is exwife he can't wait?

And also about proof of bonafide marriage. I know and I am aware of the what we called "adjustment of status" and the USCIS will require us to submit evidence that you are married, so to prove them that your marriage is real u have to have joint bank account, bills with both of your names on it, include my name in his insurances, etc. but he never done it by willingness instead I forced him to get me in to his bank account. Before I can't buy anything bcuz I don't have money, I have no access to his account, when i feel hungry I can't grab snacks at handy mart. And thats the only thing we have done so far, seemed like he doesn't want me to be a beneficiary. I mean it's okay but for me being a wife its kinda hurt my feelings. I asked him if it's ok to go back to Philippines because I don't feel like a am wife here. I feel like he still love his exwife although his exwife already married to a same sex. But he doesnt want me to go back to Philippines. I told him I am not happy w/ our marriage bcuz of his exwife. If he didnt call his exwife will call. And also always asked him favor often. But yes I am not happy because he can't take her away in his life. I would rather choose to go back to my country if it won't stop.

My question is ....is this normal to those americans that already divorced? You guys do the same with your exwife? Just wanna get some opinions from you guys as a relief. Thank you very much, your answers are very much appreciated !!! God bless us all!!!

[Peter_Pan 661]

It is called decency. People that are on decent terms with ther exes are rare, and they shouldn't be given grief about it. You, on the other hand, sound awfully insecure.

[Laser1 63]

That's pretty normal in the U.S.. It is bad manners to text her during dinner, though. The larger problem, it seems, is that you do not have access to money.

[DouglasFiel 53]

No, it is not normal. I can understand some communication in regards to the children,,, and possibly some insurance with the CHILDREN

as the beneficiary with a third party trust (Not the ExWife).

Hope your husband will come to understand the destructive seeds he is sowing.

Regards,

dc

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

They have kids together. You can't come between that. They have to communicate about what is happening with the kids. You should know that going in to the marriage. Also, living near one another makes it easy for the kids to have normal lives.

[CristiFur 15]

Normal and acceptable to others, while others react the way you do. Having communication between them can't be avoided as they have kids, specially if they are young and have joint custody, but also depends on how frequent the communication are and type of discussion they are having. From your description, I'd say that a little bit overboard if they talk/text multiple times a day and talk about such topics.

My ex and I talk about once every 3 weeks most of the time and last about a couple of sentences, and that's because I have full custody of my son and she lives on the other end of state.

I guess this is really more of what kind of arrangement the divorced couple have.

Well you've told him how you feel so I hope he will respect your wishes..

PS..maybe you don't see it but sometimes it's better to be in good term with ex's, they can make your life a living hell sometimes..

[TiklingGuy 211]

I am on great terms with my ex-wife. My wife now has a problem with that just like you do. I dont think i am as extreme at it as your husband is, but you cannot punish him for having a past. I have done everything that Monreal has asked me to do as far as not talking to my ex-wife. I have removed our ten year friendship and i only speak to her over the phone about the kids as far as when and wear we will make a visit switch. That is still not enough for her. She is Unreasonable about it. I agree he needs to dial it down several notches. But Jealousy will destroy relationships. People say Jealousy is normal. I say get rid of it. It will eat on the inside and change who you are as a person. Communicate with him and tell him that he needs to dial it down a bunch. (which i am sure you have). But dont expect him to completely remove her from his life. If you do, you may find yourself being removed from his life by him.

[MuDelphi 159]

Throw his golf clubs in the river.

[flicker 5]

no!!! it is not normall !!!! it is disrespectfull to you and just plain rude for anyone who is married to someone else to show more attention to the ex instead of them,,not once did you say the kids called ,,it was always the ex,,useing the kids as an excuse is sickening and for anyone else to say its normal or youre being insecure,,well i dont think they are liveing in the real world,,sure it would be great if we all loved each other but thats not the case and with the divorce rate being over 50% in the usa WHERE WE LOVE TO PREACH GOD AND COUNTRY i think you deserve a little more respect and attention

[Leatherneck 693]

Communicating with an ex wife regarding the welfare and care of the children they have together is normal, but texting and talking about things that have nothing to do with their children should cease now that he's married. The dinner situation and the idle chatter is insensitive as well as rude.

However, try to control your jealousy, she is no threat to you, the ex is with another woman, -- she prefers tuna over sausage. Surely she's aware of your jealousy via your husband, she might be purposely getting under your skin, because you allow it.

[TiklingGuy 211]

Communicating with an ex wife regarding the welfare and care of the children they have together is normal, but texting and talking about things that have nothing to do with their children should cease now that he's married. The dinner situation and the idle chatter is insensitive as well as rude.

However, try to control your jealousy, she is no threat to you, the ex is with another woman, -- she prefers tuna over sausage. Surely she's aware of your jealousy via your husband, she might be purposely getting under your skin, because you allow it.

Tuna!! Remember Fleet Week!!

[Hank_ 9,172]

I think you are onto something there Gary.... even if she is snacking on tuna... she may be having fun being catty.

[PMartin37 161]

Communicating with an ex wife regarding the welfare and care of the children they have together is normal, but texting and talking about things that have nothing to do with their children should cease now that he's married. The dinner situation and the idle chatter is insensitive as well as rude.

However, try to control your jealousy, she is no threat to you, the ex is with another woman, -- she prefers tuna over sausage. Surely she's aware of your jealousy via your husband, she might be purposely getting under your skin, because you allow it.

I was thinking exactly that same thing. The husband (if he's the type that divulges EVERYTHING to his ex) might have mentioned it and perhaps she's getting a big charge out of it.

You should tell your husband that being a good husband to YOU means being respectful of your feelings. Men that love you and want a lasting relationship don't want to MAKE you jealous. Some men actually get a charge out of this. But if it's wrecking your relationship then he should curb some of his behavior. But you have to curb yours a bit too. It's mutual respect you're going for here.

I agree with Leatherneck about his dinner time behavior was uncalled for. I think when he gets the text from his ex he thinks it might be important and that's why he jumps right on it. (That's the ex wife being a control freak). Now what he does next about it..is where the respect for YOU issue comes in. He just needs some proper schooling and he'll be fine

[Leatherneck 693]

Tuna!! Remember Fleet Week!!

Yes I do... Go Navy!

[Leatherneck 693]

I think you are onto something there Gary.... even if she is snacking on tuna... she may be having fun being catty.

Being catty comes natural to some women. The first time the husband informed the ex that the wife was not happy about the unnecessary chatter -- the ex smelled blood in the water.