Jump to content
mrsbourffada

Dealing with family drama

 Share

27 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Morocco
Timeline

mrsbourffada

It is MrsBourffada, right? :)

You believe in your husband and your marriage...then the rest of the family would need to give him a chance and meet him. IF they still cant get accustom to whom you chose as your husband, then you are 26, your own adult and need to focus more on your (now)Visa, marriage and future.

Good for your mother supporting you. On FB? well if that is the way you and the family communicates it is a start...

I quote

"My husband is a Muslim man and it was extremely hard for my Mom and Dad to come to terms with the fact that I married a him"

I believe maybe your siblings most likely get their example from your parents

Children are lead by example...but adults can make up their own minds, So hopefully with your mother showing support the other members might see you have found happiness and open there hearts to your situation. and OMGolly he is Muslim!!!

Your young. Dont take on the world's issues. Just continue to be a good person and grow with your husband.

Good Luck! :star:

event.png


event.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: China
Timeline

Its our life you make it together. If others do don"t want to play so be it.

In Arizona its hot hot hot.

http://www.uscis.gov/dateCalculator.html

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Timeline

if your family wants to be a jerk to you, then u should stop talking to them. i hate it when family is unsupportive of their own siblings and stuff because of things like religion. i married out of religion and my family loves my wife to death and so do her parents love me.

2006 - Entered US on F-1
2009 - COS to H-1
2011 - Married USC

Conditional GC Process:
04/2012 - Concurrent I-130 petition / I-485 AOS / I-765 EAD / I-131 AP sent
35 days to biometrics, 73 days to EAD/AP combo card, 85 days to interview, 96 days to Conditional Green Card

04/2014 - Eligible for ROC

06/2014 - I-751 package filing joint with spouse sent

5 days to extension,37 days to biometrics, 172 days to CSC transfer, 247 days to Green Card

04/2015 - Eligible for Citizenship

09/2015 - N-400 package filing on basis of USC spouse sent

29 days to biometrics, 105 days to interview, 147 days to oath and US citizenship

~ 9 years and 6 months from first entry to US citizenship

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Thailand
Timeline

I think a lot of us can understand. My family thought I was crazy in the beginning for keeping a long distance relationship, staying in thailand for three months, paying for immigration, marrying out of my religion, and marrying so young. They didnt trust me and my actions with him at all. I think most of the concern was actually over we would actually make it through the process and the fact that they had only met him once before he left. Also our age. But since he has gotten here, he has grown to be part of my family and they love him as a member of the family. I am glad that it turned out not to be an issue in the end. :)

ฉันรักคุณ
K-1
Filed May 2011
116 days to NOA2
4 days for the NVC
74 days to the interview
Interview date: 12/14/11 APPROVED!
POE: 12/16/11
Total days from NOA1 to K-1 Visa in hand: 202
Wedding Date: 12/27/11

AOS
Sent AOS: 4/21/12
NOA1: 4/30/12
RFE: 5/14/12
Biometrics App.: 5/21/12
Sent RFE Response: 5/31/12
Interview: 7/24/12
Approval: 10/12/12

Currently.... they have issued Ice the incorrect GC and we have tried 4 times to fix it. First time they had us send it to the incorrect address. Second time they said we used an expired form, which was the form they gave us. Third time was "oh sorry we lost the last page, can you send it again?." Fourth time is the gov is shut down. Will this ever be corrected in time for Ice to get the permanent GC? Stay tuned to find out. T_T

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Timeline

How many of you here have seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Well I LIVED IT!! :lol:

OK so we didn't get married in the Greek church and we didn't baptise my husband in the little swimming pool in the Greek Church we still took him to the church. :lol:

I was born and raised in Australia but all my family are Greek. I'm first generation Australian on my father's side and second generation Australian on my mother's side so dad was born in Greece and mum was born in Australia and her parents were born in Greece. When I took my American born husband to Australia to meet my big fat Greek family it was like living the movie. All my extended family came out to meet him at my parent's place in one weekend. My husband had a different person sitting in front of him every half hour for 2 days straight. He even started understanding the Greek language. We did nothing but eat eat and eat some more for weeks to follow. When we arrived there was a crowd of people to greet us at my parent's place and when I said "This is my husband" they all rushed him to kiss him all at one time. All this happened when the movie first came out and everyone asked us if we'd seen the movie. We said no so a few days after our arrival we went and watched the movie. OMG - my husband said if he had seen the movie before he married me he never would have married me. :lol: So much that happened in the movie happened to us in real life. Sitting down to dinner one night my mother asked my husband if he had enough to eat and when he said "Thank you - no more, I've had plenty" she said "OK I'll get you something". As he met my cousins he thought it was great that all the girls were named Ann or some variation of it like Marianne or Dianne and all the boys were named Brett or Victor which is the same translated into Greek. I think it would have been harder for us if the movie hadn't softened the blow for us as I was first in a long line of Australian/Greeks to marry outside of our culture at the time. I came home with a xeno. The movie made life easier for everyone to not only accept but embrace my xeno husband. We suddenly felt like and were being treated like celebrities. :rofl:

Not to make light of your situation but just lightening the mood with my story here. I think after your family meet your husband and sees your happiness they will eventually come around. In the meantime they are just cooling their heels waiting to see how he treats you. They will come around in time. Suggest you don't talk about sex, politics or religion. :no:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
Timeline

I would like to thank everyone for sharing their personal stories here. It has made me feel A LOT better. I don't know why I thought that my family were the only ones out there who are behaving like this. It's comforting to see that so many of you have faced very similar dramas! :) Thanks again for you kind words, and insight.

pAAEm7.png
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Greece
Timeline

I can really relate to what you wrote. I had known and been communicating and repeatedly visiting Aaron for more than a year before I told my parents that he even existed, and that was the same conversation in which I told them that we had gotten engaged. (And no, telling them in advance of the wedding, and trying to help them feel included in my own way, did not help a bit.) Oh, and I'm 33, and have been living on my own for 13 years, and 800 miles away from them for almost 11.

They were, and are, furious about it, which really hurts. Part of it is definitely xenophobia and overprotectiveness: during the only phase in the conversation when my mother seemed to be vaguely aware that this was primarily about my life and not hers, the only things she could think of to tell me were: "black men [or did she say African? or both?] really like blonde women" (implying that he only likes me because I fulfill some sort of tired stereotype), and that (in her opinion) some people only get into interracial relationships because they enjoy opposition and want to make a statement (or something like that). :blink:

Part of it is also their religious/traditional values: I (supposedly) belong to them until they give me away to some deserving man who has conducted a closely supervised, parentally sanctioned, and very chaste courtship of me on my parents' couch, or something. HA! Apparently the last 13 years have taught them nothing about me at all.

But a lot of it is just that this does not fit their image of how their life would play out, and in many ways, I and my life only really exist to them as plot devices in their life. I didn't let them write the script or stage manage the performance, which in their minds equates to love, so I must not care. They have been intensely controlling my entire life, and something like this is when those tendencies tend to flare up the most.

We're kind of at an impasse now, and have been since I told them in January. My dad had originally wanted to communicate by email with Aaron (after declining to talk to him on the phone when I offered), which Aaron was willing to do, but I eventually decided not to facilitate that due to the high likelihood that my dad would say a lot of things he would really regret later after getting to know Aaron as a real person. That, and it is really beneath my dignity as an adult to sit idly by and let other people discuss/think they are determining MY future. I think they may come here to visit in a few weeks, and if they do, I may arrange a conversation between all of us and Aaron via webcam, having told him ahead of time that I may abruptly disconnect if they get out of hand. I do want them to feel included, but not if that requires relinquishing my ownership of my own life, or hurts Aaron.

So...family harmony is important, but everyone in your family is currently mourning the demise of their vision of how you would fit into their lives and the choices you would make (as you are mourning the demise of your vision of how they would behave during this exciting time in your life!), so give them some time to work through their emotions. Once he is here, they may be ready to calm down and interact more.

I read an article the other day that said, "Your parents don’t want what is best for you. They want what is good for you, which isn’t always the same thing." They would much rather you do things in your life that are acceptable, safe, normal, and good enough, but you owe it to yourself to do the thing that is a risk but has the potential to give you the best possible, fully realized version of your life.

I couldn't agree with you more!! When I told my parents about my fiancee, then boyfriend there was screaming and yelling and threats of disownment, just because I chose a path in life that did not stick to their plans. I just plainly told them, I either chose my happiness or yours. I chose mine.

CR1 Visa

USCIS
08/13/2013 -- I130 Sent
08/14/2013 -- I130 NOA1 (email)

02/20/2014 -- I130 NOA2 (189 days - email)

NVC

02-28-2014 -- NVC received
04-03-2014 -- NVC case number assigned

05-22-2014 -- Case completed!!!!!!!
05-30-2014 -- Interview scheduled for July 16th 2014 08:30am

05-31-2014 -- Interview Letter received
Embassy
06-24-2014 -- Medical

07-16-2014 -- Interview Approved!!!!!
07-21-2014 -- Visa in hand
09-24-2014 -- POE

 

ROC
09-09-2016 -- I-751 sent
09-17-2016 -- NOA received

10-14-2016 -- Biometric appointment

08-07-2017 -- New card ordered
08-10-2017 -- New card mailed ( still no approval letter)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My family is behaving in a similar way. My mother specifically. Not because i'm married to an American, its not a huge cultural difference so there wasn't much to come to terms with there. Its because i'm moving to America. We live in the UK together at the moment but everybody seemed to think we would live here forever (jobless, carless and pennyless on a council estate in the armpit of the East Midlands :rofl: I dont think so!). Im not sure if they thought we would be happy with that kind of life in the long term. My husband has never really wanted to live here, he did it for me. But the time has come for us to go and she seems to think its the end of the world.

I have explained the reasons and shrugged off any guilt trips. In the end, i'm an adult and a mother myself so i need to do what's best for my own family now. She attempted to ruin my wedding too so i never really have forgiven her for that! That was more because she thought i was too young to get married.

In the end, we are all capable of making our own decisions who we marry, what kind of life we lead and the main thing should be our happiness.

If you and your husband are happy, enjoy every moment of your lives together and prove those who didn't accept it wrong.

CR-1
07-01-2011 : Married

05-10-2012 : I-130 Mailed to London (DCF)
05-11-2012 : I-130 Delivered and signed for at Embassy
05-18-2012 : NOA1 Email
07-26-2012 : NOA2 (69 days)
07-28-2012 : NOA2 hard copy received
08-10-2012 : LND Case number received. Letter dated 08-07-2012
08-15-2012 : DS-230 and DS-2001 mailed to Embassy
08-23-2012 : Medical
09-14-2012 : Emailed Embassy and confirmed DS forms have finally been logged (After 29 days)
09-22-2012 : Interview letter received. Dated September 19th.
10-03-2012 : Interview - Approved!
NOA1 to Interview - 138 days.
10-10-2012 : Passport with Visa delivered two hours late at 8pm.
10-22-2012 : POE Philadelphia
11-15-2012 : Green Card received in mail
12-11-2012 : Went to the Social Security office to apply for SSN after it did not arrive.
12-15-2012 : SSN Arrived in 4 days.

05-09-2013 : Left USC Husband.
11-28-2013: Filed for divorce.

05-01-2014: Divorced

05-08-2014: Sent I-751 petition to VSC

05-13-2014: NOA1 (was not postmarked until 5/22/14 and received on 5/24/14)
06-18-2014: Biometrics in St. Albans, VT

11-21-2014: RFE. Received on 11/24/14.

01-22-2015: Interview notice mailed out. Received 1/26/15

02-12-2015: Interview in St Albans, VT - Approved during interview!

CRBA
08-16-2012 : CRBA in London for our daughter - Approved!
09-11-2012 : CRBA and Passport arrived.
09-25-2012 : SSN Arrived. Mailed from MD on 09-17-2012

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Germany
Timeline

I would like to thank everyone for sharing their personal stories here. It has made me feel A LOT better. I don't know why I thought that my family were the only ones out there who are behaving like this. It's comforting to see that so many of you have faced very similar dramas! :) Thanks again for you kind words, and insight.

hello Mrs. Bourffada :).. i read your thread and im sorry to hear that. i bet you just want your fiance to be with you so that you two can get married and wanna share the excitement and joy with your family.

when you wrote your sister for example never says anything when you two are together.

maybe it helps when you just call them out on it. like ask them directly on point what their problem is with your fiance. and maybe you can take some concerns away from them. when you explain it to them.

maybe next time you skype together your sister or mom could be there as well and try to talk to him to get to know him.

i saw that ur fiance is from morroco. i been there so many times and have some friends who are from morroco and it is a beautiful country and culture. ppl are very friendly and nice there.

my old neighborhood friend married someone from morroco as well. and her family didnt liked him at all, the whole village talked about it and was against it. she told me that it was hard for him at the beginning, but he stayed all friendly and killed the mean things with kindness. he is such a cool fun nice person, there was no way ppl couldnt like him. her family came around slowly. but they did.

i really hope your family will come around and accept him... i wish you two the best :) stay strong

Visa Journey:

K1:

Service Center: Vermont Service Center

Consulate: Frankfurt, Germany

I-129F Sent: 10-13-2010

I-129F NOA1: 10-18-2010

I-129F NOA2: 04-05-2011

Consulate Received: 04-15-2011

Packet 3 Received: 04-29-2011

Packet 3 Sent: 04-30-2011

Packet 4 Received: 05-07-2011

Interview Date: 06-07-2011

Interview Result: Visa was on hold

Second Interview: Approved

Visa Received: 01-20-2012

ENTRY: 02-12-2012

Married: 03-26-2012

AOS 04-19-2012

Email notification 04-26-2012

NOA1 send : 04-24-2012

Biometric send: 04-27-2012

Biometric appt: 05-18-2012

AOS transfer to CSC: 05-24-2012

EAD/AD approved&send: 06-22-2012

EAD/AD arrived: 06-28-2012

e4nrdek1wws.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Uganda
Timeline

Little update (and wanted to bump this thread, since there is plenty of family drama on this site and it's good to have a place to talk about it):

My mom announced last Friday that they are indeed coming to visit: turns out after much questioning it will be this coming Friday evening, for the weekend. Not much time. My aim is going to be being very matter of fact about everything and making it clear that THIS IS HAPPENING, end of story. My plan so far (haven't told them: I think it will go better if I just make a "here's what we're going to do!" speech when they get here) is to have all of us talk to Aaron via webcam, and to go visit the church where the wedding will be and (this was my brainstorm) meet with my minister. He is a wonderfully calming person, and I'm hoping that we can get a conversation going about the whole issue with him present. It's not like anything's going to change my parents, but it could calm them down enough for me to be able to work with them, and at the very least I'll have an eyewitness to their wily ways. And as a bonus, I'll tell them about and offer to show them my wedding dress if they behave.

This is what I am willing to do to make them feel included. I think it's quite a lot, and they won't, but that's how it is.

What really sucks about all of this drama is that I really could better use all of this energy I'm wasting standing up to my parents to continue strengthening my relationship with Aaron. I know we are solid, love each other very deeply, are committed to the relationship and sharing our lives, etc. etc. etc. but nothing is ever a sure thing, and it wears me down feeling like I'm having to defend something that needs building and fortifying at this point rather than (their) battering, attacking, and hurling projectiles. Wouldn't it be more befitting my parents' supposed status as the Ultimate and Infinitely Sagacious Arbiters Of Everything to, you know, give me some guidance and support for this transition, rather than taking turns throwing hissy fits?

Edited by afoyoswa

Joy (& Aaron, who doesn't read/post here yet)

Dec. 27, 2010: First met each other in Entebbe, Uganda while I was visiting my friend/his cousin (12/27/10 - 1/10/11) (visited again Jul. 2-9, 2011 and Dec. 24, 2011 - Jan. 9, 2012; engaged 1/7/12)

K-1

Feb. 18, 2012: I-129F sent (delivered 2/21 per USPS & USCIS; NOA1 notice date 2/23/12; check cashed/email/text 2/24)

Aug. 9, 2012: NOA2!!! [NOA1 +168 days] (reached NVC 8/17, left NVC 8/20; @embassy 8/24; embassy confirmed receipt 9/5)

Oct. 24 - Nov. 8, 2012: I visited again (Nairobi: medical 10/31; interview 11/5 [NOA1 +256 days]; result--APPROVED!!!!!!!)

Nov. 15, 2012: Visa in hand (was ready for retrieval 11/12/12)

Nov. 20, 2012: POE, Boston!!! (legal marriage 12/12/12; family/friends wedding ceremony 1/12/13) (276 days)

AOS/EAD/AP

Feb. 4, 2013: AOS packet sent (delivered 2/6, NOA1 text/email & check cashed 2/11 midnight)

Feb. 11, 2013: NOA1 notice date for I-485, EAD, AP (I-485/EAD NOA1 hard copies & biometrics appt letter arrived 2/16, badly mangled AP NOA1 arrived 2/27; biometrics done 3/4/13)

Apr. 3, 2013: EAD & AP approved (received card 4/11)

Aug. 16, 2013: I-485 approved & green card production ordered!!!! (card arrived 8/26/13) (193 days)

ROC

2015 sometime? I've slept since then.

Naturalization

Dec. 20, 2019: N-400 submitted online (Boston, MA field office)

Jan. 9, 2020: Biometrics

Feb. 4, 2020: updated wait time = 4 months (estimated case completion June 2020)

Aug. 7, 2020: interview scheduled (!), but no idea when

Sept. 16, 2020: interview, Boston (approved)

Sept. 24, 2020: oath ceremony, Boston---DONE!!! (279 days from submission)

230Hm5.pngxrcBm5.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

Good plans, and good luck, si man. Keep us apprised.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

How many of you here have seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Well I LIVED IT!! :lol:

OK so we didn't get married in the Greek church and we didn't baptise my husband in the little swimming pool in the Greek Church we still took him to the church. :lol:

I was born and raised in Australia but all my family are Greek. I'm first generation Australian on my father's side and second generation Australian on my mother's side so dad was born in Greece and mum was born in Australia and her parents were born in Greece. When I took my American born husband to Australia to meet my big fat Greek family it was like living the movie. All my extended family came out to meet him at my parent's place in one weekend. My husband had a different person sitting in front of him every half hour for 2 days straight. He even started understanding the Greek language. We did nothing but eat eat and eat some more for weeks to follow. When we arrived there was a crowd of people to greet us at my parent's place and when I said "This is my husband" they all rushed him to kiss him all at one time. All this happened when the movie first came out and everyone asked us if we'd seen the movie. We said no so a few days after our arrival we went and watched the movie. OMG - my husband said if he had seen the movie before he married me he never would have married me. :lol: So much that happened in the movie happened to us in real life. Sitting down to dinner one night my mother asked my husband if he had enough to eat and when he said "Thank you - no more, I've had plenty" she said "OK I'll get you something". As he met my cousins he thought it was great that all the girls were named Ann or some variation of it like Marianne or Dianne and all the boys were named Brett or Victor which is the same translated into Greek. I think it would have been harder for us if the movie hadn't softened the blow for us as I was first in a long line of Australian/Greeks to marry outside of our culture at the time. I came home with a xeno. The movie made life easier for everyone to not only accept but embrace my xeno husband. We suddenly felt like and were being treated like celebrities. :rofl:

Not to make light of your situation but just lightening the mood with my story here. I think after your family meet your husband and sees your happiness they will eventually come around. In the meantime they are just cooling their heels waiting to see how he treats you. They will come around in time. Suggest you don't talk about sex, politics or religion. :no:

Haha... that movie is so much like my big fat ITALIAN family :) When I brought Tom (who has no siblings, and is not really close with his extended family) home, it was such a culture shock to him, but he loved it!

Ex27m5.png MbP5m4.png

VJsig.jpg




Link to comment
Share on other sites

 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -

Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...