Had American ignorance affected yours or your spouse's adjustment to life in the U.S.?

[lei1111 3]

sadly ignorance and intolerance are universal. be well and good luch with all of the adjustments your family is going thru.

[ullnvrkno 95]

Yeesh, we're not ALL bad

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot", I still find many people to be abrasive toward foreign nationals looking to establish themselves here. My fiance himself is a very well-traveled man and has said to me that the U.S. is much more intolerant than the U.K. by comparison. People here have not been shy about directing racial slurs, comments about his accent, and other "tart" comments.

Other actions have been less subtle but still insulting such as giving him dirty looks when he speaks Hindi or telling him to "speak American" when he answers in English with a strong pronounced Indian accent.

Most of the time, we both just brushed these comments off but it's extremely difficult for me to control myself when someone is being so disrespectful to the man I love. Most of the time, I believe that the comments stem from ignorance rather than contempt or spite.

I'm just curious if anyone else has had issues adjusting to American life because of comments directed at that they were not intended to be rude but came across as insulting.

What you are describing has a name: xenophobia; and it is not an exclusivity of US people. Happens everywhere and you are bound to run into it sooner or later (not just in the US but everywhere), even in your/his own country!! Wait a few years and you will witness how he would be treated in similar terms by his own con-nationals in his own country. Has happened to me (I'm USC by naturalization) and it happens every time I visit.

[keysjangle 145]

In my dealings with Americans I don't thing I've ever been negatively targeted, but I have had some jabs taken at me.

Questions about my igloo or remarks on how I sound very different come up all the time. Thankfully, I'm able to laugh things off or play them down. When people are rude to you, you just kill them with kindness

[sachinky 464]

That said, I should also say that much of the down putting that I have experienced in the US has been, brace yourself for this, not from Americans but from certain sections of Indians themselves who cannot hide their bias for the newer immigrants. I have had a certain wealthy Gujarati neighbor often pass snide remarks about how people from the 'south of India' are swarming all over the neighborhood, yada, yada, yada. I think this stems more from having their sense of exclusivity lost, you know, like being forced to share their American pie which they thought they had monopolistic rights over.

This is spot-on.

Edited April 28, 2012 by sachinky

[sachinky 464]

I wrote this post some time ago on another thread but I think it is definitely relevant here.

I can't say I have ever been made to feel unwanted or unwelcome in the 6 years I have been in the US. Of course, four of those years were spent in Ithaca, NY -- ten miles surrounded by reality, as we like to say. I now live in Albuquerque, large diverse population, also my work-place is very multi-cultural. So I can't say that I have been on the receiving end of any form or type of "hatred/xenophobia/racism/ignorance." Also, there is a huge difference between true racism and just blissful ignorance. This is just me, but I am very forgiving of ignorance. When someone asks me if I live in a hut back home or if elephants stroll down the streets, I am certainly not "hurt" or "offended" by it. I find it wonderful, actually. I am happy to explain in depths about how things work back home, our festivals, food and filmstars, and different cultural norms. Most people are fascinated and excited to learn something new, it's never been met by agression or hostility. And frankly, why should I take offense? How much do I know about Nigeria or Vietnam?

However, even if one is at the receiving end of slurs or condescending remarks, I don't think it should necessarily retard an immigrant's transition. A lot, I'd say, would depend on the attitude. If one is open to new challenges, then one has a easier time fitting in. I used to be really shy before I left home. Not self-concious or diffident, just not comfortable around new people. Once in college, I realized that if I was going to spend Friday night watching a rented DVD and eating take-out Chinese, I was going to become lonely and friendless very quickly. So I took to keeping my room-door open and often took up invitations to go to dinner or parties, even with groups of people I didn't know that well.

Another thing I've noticed is the accent. I didn't have a strong Indian accent to begin with, it was mostly neutral and most of it has been erased by four years in the U.S. However, in the beginning, when some of my American friends either giggled at or corrected my usage of a word, I didn't take offense. I laughed along with them and would say "Oh, this is how you say it here, in India we pronounce it as such-and-such." Getting defensive and clamming up doesn't do any good. Rather, having a humorous attitude about such things help. For instance, a nurse at the health center once remarked to me, "Wow, your English is remarkably impressive." So I grinned at her and said, "Why, so is yours!" And we both had a right good laugh about it.

[Another time my boss at work asked me to stamp some books. He pointed to the stamp and asked, in all seriousness, "Do they have these where you come from?" I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. I think HE was almost offended by HOW funny I found his question to be.]

A few other tips:

--Have your foreign SO read a basic book chronicling U.S. history. It helps immensely. I didn't like the feeling of not knowing what people were talking about with regards to slightly obscure historical figures or events. It's not easy to go from a country where you presumably know everything about its history, culture and politics to feeling like an idiot in a strange land and feeling left out of conversations. I hated feeling "stupid" as I called it. 'A People's History of the U.S.

' by Howard Zinn is a good starting point.

--Teach him American words for certain things. Like "Bell Pepper" for Capsicum. God, you should've heard me trying to order a sub from a deli my first week. Holiday/Vacation. Shower/Bath. Movie theater/hall. Bracket/parenthesis. The different types of cheeses. I didn't know diddly squat from Amul cheddar cheese until my stint at the campus food station.

[sachinky 464]

I don't mean to hog space on this thread but I'm writing this from an immigrant's POV so hopefully, this will be helpful to someone.

Most people think moving to the U.S. is one big party. It's not. And people need to understand the hard realities of living over there. And discuss it before the big move in terms of expectations and reality. Not just "oh, it's gonna be great--we're going to be together and eat hamburgers." Don't think of it in exotic, romantic terms. It's hard even for well rounded, well traveled, easily adaptible individuals, much less those who've never left home, are intensely attached to their family, or never even been on an airplane before.

I moved to the U.S. when I was 18. I actually adapted quite easily, made new friends in college. The first few winters were a bit hard to take but I coped. I rarely got homesick. And whenever I did I just watched a Bollywood movie or some cricket online. Or cooked some chicken curry.

But I also saw other international students who didn't try to assimilate. They kept to their own home circles and isolated themselves. Then they complained about being homesick or not having American friends. Or feeling like they didn't belong. I went out of my to make sure I made friends based on personalities. Not nationality. Even though that would've been easier to do. But I didn't make friends with just South Asians or Indians just so that they would understand me better. Yes, there were times I had to repeat myself, or explain Indian film stars or Indian foods to my American friends just as they would explain the television shows they watched as a kid or their Halloween traditions. I had one rule of thumb: If I wouldn't be friends with that person in India, I wasn't going to become friends with him/her just because we both happened to be Indians in America. If I only wanted Indian friends, well, then I could've just stayed in India. Why move all the way to the other side of the Atlantic? This is something I don't understand about my cousins--one is in Singapore, and the other one is in London. Their friends are all Indians, they barely know any Brits or Singaporeans. Which is a pity, I think.

Two professors, at the end of the first semester, commented that they hadn't met anyone who had adjusted so well to a new life, much less an eighteen year old.

I do think the younger one is, the easier it is to assimilate and adjust. This is my opinion but I think the onus is on the individual to fit in; the existing society is not obliged to make accomodations for the immigrant. I am true believer in "When in Rome, do as the Romans." And I truly try to abide by it. Mr Sachinky says I am the poster-child for new immigrants.

[Dana-Mića 51]

I am a USC through neutralization, I came here at the age of 11 and didn't know a thing about blakc/white/spanish/etc. I soon learned while attending JR High. My friends would talk about white people as if i was some other color and their excuse would be oh youre not white you're European. At 11 i really just wanted to fit in but now when I think about it it hurts but I understand that that was the mind process of young children who at the time might have not known better. Mind you I live in NYC in one of the most diverse boroughs where over 50 different languages are spoken and heard walking down a busy street. But you have ignorance everywhere and here in the US i think the main problem is lack of geographical location as well as lack of knowledge. I've had people tell me they hate immigrants yet this country was and is made up of immigrants. People to this day call me Russian because they have no clue that Serbia isn't Siberia or even close to Russia. In the end after almost 14 years here I have learned to live with rude comments and enjoy the good ones. I am proud to be Serbian and I am proud to be an American I love living here and I also love being from Serbia. I love being able to speak Serbian, English, and some what broken Spanish and without NYC I don't think I ever would have.

I should add that Serbia isn't any better when it comes to racisam or ignorance. I am Serbian but was born in Croatia and to Serbians even if I made my own home and was rich I would still be looked at as a refugee who used the system. I have told them pleanty of times that we should of switched sides they live in the camps i lived in and I live in a home to see which is nicer. The Gypsies or properly said Romes live a very horrible life sometimes due to racisam in Serbia. Than on the other hand in Serbia people can have schools in their own languages which you dont see here. You have Romanian schools, Albanian, Bulgarian, Hungarian, etc. Oh and a lot of them dislike America but would love to come live here.

Edited April 28, 2012 by Dana-Mića

[CarlosAndSveta 808]

I am a USC through neutralization, I came here at the age of 11 and didn't know a thing about blakc/white/spanish/etc. I soon learned while attending JR High. My friends would talk about white people as if i was some other color and their excuse would be oh youre not white you're European. At 11 i really just wanted to fit in but now when I think about it it hurts but I understand that that was the mind process of young children who at the time might have not known better. Mind you I live in NYC in one of the most diverse boroughs where over 50 different languages are spoken and heard walking down a busy street. But you have ignorance everywhere and here in the US i think the main problem is lack of geographical location as well as lack of knowledge. I've had people tell me they hate immigrants yet this country was and is made up of immigrants. People to this day call me Russian because they have no clue that Serbia isn't Siberia or even close to Russia. In the end after almost 14 years here I have learned to live with rude comments and enjoy the good ones. I am proud to be Serbian and I am proud to be an American I love living here and I also love being from Serbia. I love being able to speak Serbian, English, and some what broken Spanish and without NYC I don't think I ever would have.

I should add that Serbia isn't any better when it comes to racisam or ignorance. I am Serbian but was born in Croatia and to Serbians even if I made my own home and was rich I would still be looked at as a refugee who used the system. I have told them pleanty of times that we should of switched sides they live in the camps i lived in and I live in a home to see which is nicer. The Gypsies or properly said Romes live a very horrible life sometimes due to racisam in Serbia. Than on the other hand in Serbia people can have schools in their own languages which you dont see here. You have Romanian schools, Albanian, Bulgarian, Hungarian, etc. Oh and a lot of them dislike America but would love to come live here.

Becoming a U.S. Citizen through neutralization? Is that done with surgery, radiation, or chemo-therapy?

[Dana-Mića 51]

Becoming a U.S. Citizen through neutralization? Is that done with surgery, radiation, or chemo-therapy?

LOL I think they pick your brain one cell at a time.

[Mike X Man 37]

I was met with a lot of ignorance when I first came here. Most of it was born out of cluelessness rather than malice. Every demographic has its rotten apples and cesspool bottom dwellers. Just ignore them and move along. I have experienced some xenophobia from my in-laws. They somehow forget that I have been living in the USA for over 15-years and I probably know more about this great country than they do. My acclimation to American culture and customs was completed over 10 years ago. Sigh.

Edited April 28, 2012 by MikeX

[unlockingsky 94]

i am sure we all have a common enemy,, the .001 elite that controls the public.

[devotional 4]

Well... I'm a Canadian born to Italian immigrant parents...living in a French province as an anglophone.Whenever I visit my fiance, I often get made fun of and laughed at because of the way i say "zed" or "washroom"( instead of bathroom)....or how i sometimes say "eh?". Am i insulted or upset by their giggles and comments? NOPE! I'm sure that if they were to ever travel and visit other parts of the world, they'd be poked fun at because of their accents as well.

Am I tired of being asked the question " So, have you guys discovered electricity yet? or do you still live in igloos?" or another one of my favorites.." Canada, America's lesser know sister, you know that eventually we'll just incorporate you into our country right? " YUP! It's one thing to be poked fun at because of the way you pronounce certain words...another entirely to be made to feel as if you're less of a person because you aren't an American.

I grew up in Montreal...where schools are bilingual, and your neighbor on one side is Irish and the neighbor on the other is Moroccan, your boss is Jewish and your doctor is European. I feel sorry and sad for ANYONE who makes racist and discriminatory remarks...their ignorance will be their own downfall. I don't really care which God you pray to, or the color of your skin, or how you pronounce letters of the alphabet and I am REALLY hoping that once I do move to the USA- I will be lucky enough to meet people who feel the same way as I do.

I'm sure that culturally, there will be an adjustment period...but hopefully, it'll be a smooth and uncomplicated one!

[bombyjuly 13]

i had lived here for more than 20 years,im not native american,and never,i had felt my self discriminate in this country, i have accent ,and never nobody discriminated me for my way of speak, i think there are stupid people everywhere,and believe me,the people than discriminate the others here,75% are not native Americans............ Its my opinion y respect the others.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

[EmelyNJoel 43]

The Minister replied "Why? you're going to hell anyway"... He then said you don't even pray to the right God!

Wow, sounds like a southern baptist. They LOVE to judge, and are way more focused on Hell in my experiences than other denominations. [No flames I was raised methodist / baptist and have attended a southern baptist church for 2 years. (in the past)] I am surprised he didn't realize the thing about religions springing from the God of Abraham. But good for you for recognizing that Jews, Christians and Muslims all pray to the same God. That shocks a LOT of people. I often think God is really pissed at a lot of his followers (of all faiths )

We are no where close to a perfect society, but I think we are the best country overall. I'm a true believer on that. I just try to not be blind to our faults.