Intrusive Ex

[RFEMAKEMECRAZY 6]

Has anyone ever had to deal with an ex who has irrational fears about a "scary" foreigner moving here and living with you and your joint custody children? Do they have any right to demand personal info about the foreign fiancee/spouse or to interfere in any way?

[Inky 1,110]

Your going to be living with the EX? or living with the kids and your husband/wife who has joint custody with their ex?

A person has the right to information on someone who will be living with their kids. Personal safety of the children.

[Enigma11561 336]

I do not think they have any right to information or interfere in any way. However,,,,I can understand a mothers need to know who is living with her children. Never get between a mother hen and her chicks. Understand?. If you are developing a foreign relationship, and have joint custody, I would strongly recommend, when the time comes, to sit down with her and explain everything so she will feel comfortable with your decision. Even if your ex cannot take any legal action ( which may be possible), she can really make some problems with your custody relationship on a personal level.

PS. Her fears MAY be rational..how well do YOU know this person to trust them with your children?

[Enigma11561 336]

Your going to be living with the EX? or living with the kids and your husband/wife who has joint custody with their ex?

A person has the right to information on someone who will be living with their kids. Personal safety of the children.

I do not think they have the "right", in a legal sense, but can certainly demand to know. I agree with the safety of the children. Too many horror stories out there where a woman, for example, invites her BF to live with her and the children are found injured or dead.

[RFEMAKEMECRAZY 6]

Of course not living with the ex.

Ex was allowed to move someone into their home without consulting me. Don't you think the visa process does a pretty thorough check of the foreign person? And frankly, what kind of parent would move a dangerous person in their home with their children. To insinuate that someone would is to call into question their competence as a parent. So you feel an ex should be able to investigate and interfere in their ex's personal life?

[Dan & Jenni 457]

I do not think they have the "right", in a legal sense, but can certainly demand to know. I agree with the safety of the children. Too many horror stories out there where a woman, for example, invites her BF to live with her and the children are found injured or dead.

im pretty sure the OP doesnt need you pointing all this out to them as im also pretty sure that the OP will of given this a hell of a lot of though seen as there are children involved.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Dan & Jenni

[Enigma11561 336]

Of course not living with the ex.

Ex was allowed to move someone into their home without consulting me. Not good. Don't you think the visa process does a pretty thorough check of the foreign person? Not really. Personalities can be very well hidden. And frankly, what kind of parent would move a dangerous person in their home with their children. Again, one may not know until it is too late. And some people are just not a good judge of character To insinuate that someone would is to call into question their competence as a parent. So you feel an ex should be able to investigate and interfere in their ex's personal life? Not interfere necessarily but at least know what is going on.It's their kids also.

No one is insinuating that either you or your ex is a bad person. Nor insinuating that either of you are going to be with a bad person. It's just that I would want to know who is living in the same home as them.

[RFEMAKEMECRAZY 6]

I was looking for anyone who has had experience with the legality of these demands being made by the ex, not just opinions. I should have been clear in my initial post.

I already understand how these fears arise and why.

[Sandra G. 5,043]

Yes your ex wife has the right to "demand" personal informations about your "new wife" if she is living in the house and/or spending time with the children. If you refuse to give any information then your ex wife can petition the court to order your to disclose who is in the house when the kids visitations, if she believes that the children may be in danger. She has to demonstrate that it is in the child's best interest for her to know who he children are exposed to.There is a legal recourse in the law for that. If the Court grant her motion you will be forced to disclose the name of the person living in the house.In the event she prove that your new wife is a bad influence for the kids, because she is for example a felon, a drug addict, she can petition the court for a restraining order to keep your new wife around the children.

Edited April 2, 2012 by sandranj

[RFEMAKEMECRAZY 6]

Um, last time I checked, the US government doesn't issue visas to felons and drug users.

Why was my ex allowed to move someone into their home without even telling me and all of a sudden I am supposed to jump through hoops to make them feel good and secure when the tables are turned. We have nothing to hide, but I don't think the ex has the right to pry without any cause except irrational fear.

Last thing you want to have to worry about and deal with when arriving here is a angry, controlling and jealous ex spouse.

[Julie y Pat 67]

Um, last time I checked, the US government doesn't issue visas to felons and drug users.

Why was my ex allowed to move someone into their home without even telling me and all of a sudden I am supposed to jump through hoops to make them feel good and secure when the tables are turned. We have nothing to hide, but I don't think the ex has the right to pry without any cause except irrational fear.

Last thing you want to have to worry about and deal with when arriving here is a angry, controlling and jealous ex spouse.

As Dr. Lechter told Clarice, tell your ex, "Quid pro quo". Demand to know the same information, and make it clear to your ex that any attempt to use the legal system to compel you to disclose this information without providing the same will be counteracted by the same legal action on your part.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

Ok here is my 2 cents worth of things..... I personally do feel that your x has a right to know who is going to be around the kids. That is if she was letting you know who was going to be around the kids.

You are in the same situation as me. Since we got a divorce she has moved 3 of 4 boyfriends in the house with our kids, that is all in less than a year. Of course me, I check the background of that "BF" and see if there are any felonies or convictions. Call me a stalker I don't care, I WANT TO KNOW WHO IS AROUND MY KIDS. Her first bf had a nice little rap sheet of robbery and assualt. But when I brought it up to her and wanted him out of the house, "I was blowing things out of purportion".

Needless to say I was right and he ended up physically assualting her and my kids, and he is in jail now for a long time.

So the moral to the story is: if she is letting you know, then you let her know. If not then she has no right too

[Ron4 22]

Has anyone ever had to deal with an ex who has irrational fears about a "scary" foreigner moving here and living with you and your joint custody children? Do they have any right to demand personal info about the foreign fiancee/spouse or to interfere in any way?

She does have the right to know about who is living wth the kids, just as you do. If you did not inquire when her "other" moved in because of apathy or because you trusted her judgement, that is fine. But she has the right to know whether she is doing it out of concern or to make your life difficult may yet be determined.

No the USCIS is not in the habit of giving Visas to felons and drug dealers, and that is why they asked for the information they do, such as the G325A but they will not share that info with your ex, so if you tell her that the person is fine because she got a Visa, she may accept that or she may ask for the info to find out herself. If she has reason to believe there may be a danger to the children a court will back her up and require you provide basic information to determine if the concerns are valid.

I'm sorry you and your ex do not have a good enough relationship that you can introduce them and let her see for yourself that she is a good person, but as you can see just from the stories on here there have been many bad calls. Just give her the info and let her see that it is Okay.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

The ex-spouse can certainly ask. Whether they have a right to demand information or refuse permission for the children to be around your new spouse depends entirely on the terms of joint custody agreement.

A friend of mine had an ex-wife who was a tramp, and she was in the habit of bringing men home from bars and nightclubs. The family court refused his request for sole custody, but he got his ex-wife to agree to custody terms that required both parties to agree if the children were going to be staying in a home where anyone other than the children or either spouse was staying overnight. He hired a detective and found out she was having overnight guests on days when she had the kids. He went back to court with the evidence the detective collected, and he got sole custody. The last I heard she was taking him back to court to try to get joint custody again.

My ex-wife objected during our divorce because I asked my mother to come and live with me so there would be someone home to take care of my daughter when I was at work. She didn't like the idea that my mom would be helping to raise our daughter. In the end it didn't matter. The family court mediator ripped her to shreds, and I got sole custody.

[RFEMAKEMECRAZY 6]

She does have the right to know about who is living wth the kids, just as you do. If you did not inquire when her "other" moved in because of apathy or because you trusted her judgement, that is fine. But she has the right to know whether she is doing it out of concern or to make your life difficult may yet be determined.

No the USCIS is not in the habit of giving Visas to felons and drug dealers, and that is why they asked for the information they do, such as the G325A but they will not share that info with your ex, so if you tell her that the person is fine because she got a Visa, she may accept that or she may ask for the info to find out herself. If she has reason to believe there may be a danger to the children a court will back her up and require you provide basic information to determine if the concerns are valid.

I'm sorry you and your ex do not have a good enough relationship that you can introduce them and let her see for yourself that she is a good person, but as you can see just from the stories on here there have been many bad calls. Just give her the info and let her see that it is Okay.

Yes, I trusted the ex's judgement. Didn't think I had a choice. And it certainly wasn't apathy. Unless there was some reason for actual concern, outside of my feeling insulted for not even being informed of any of this or even introduced to this person who just started showing up one day at parent-teacher conferences, I did not see a reason to interfere as I would want the same respect if tables were turned. My child did not voice any concerns about this new person at the time, so I let things go for the sake of peace. And yes, it is very unfortunate that we don't have the kind of relationship where we could just communicate more openly and introduce the new spouse in a friendly way.

My point is, they will not find anything that the government has not and meeting someone once isn't going to reveal their character. It is to appease the person, not to truly accomplish anything.

I feel extremely disrespected in every way by my ex and this is just another incidence of power play and manipulation due to their insecurity. (I believe this particular insecurity is fueled by fear of a foreigner, because I was not questioned about a previous live-in significant other who was from the US.) My ex makes many derogatory comments about me and my family to my child. Constantly lays guilt trips on the child if they show affection for anyone but them and my child's relationship is now strained with the above mentioned step parent who moved in several years ago. My child doesn't want me to say anything to the other parent because they don't want things to get more uncomfortable than they already are. We tried a couple of years ago and nothing improved.

There is a lot more to this situation than just the issue of wanting to investigate my fiance (there always is). How do you keep the peace and cooperate for the child's sake without constantly cowering and giving in to a bully? This is just one more slap in the face after years of disrespect on the part of my ex.