husband wants divorce

[mrs.wife 1]

Well, the stress of immigration has finally caught up to us. My husband told me today that he wants a divorce. I am the USC and have done everything in my power to help him to be happy here to no avail. He has not contributed at all financially in the past 2 1/2 years. Instead, I have been paying for his schooling so that he can get the job he wants. Now that he is about to finish his schooling and will finally be able to get the job he wants, he is deciding to leave me. I can't believe that I was so stupid to fall for this. We have had some disagreements over the span of our marriage, but regardless of the disagreement topic, it always ends with him blaming me for taking him away from his life in his country. He became a completely different person a couple of months into our marriage. He decided that he no longer wanted children. He refused to take responsibility for any of his actions and blamed me for everything. He would go out late at night and not come home until 3 or 4 in the morning. I kept hoping things would get better and sometimes they did which kept me going for awhile. In spite of everything, I still love him, and it really hurts me to hear him talk so casually about leaving me. Tomorrow he has a major exam that will determine whether or not he passes his final course. He already told me that he is going to fail it on purpose so that he can blame me for things not working out in the United States. He plans to return to his country and continue his life there but keeps telling me that I ruined everything because he will never be able to get his old job back. We had known each other for several years before we started our romantic relationship, but now I feel like he was just fooling me all that time. I spent time with him in his country and never saw this type of behavior. It's like coming to the US gave him the chance to go crazy and become a whole new person. I have offered numerous times to quit my job and go live with him in his country, but he does not want the responsibility of having to support a wife there. (The job situation is not real good). Please if anyone can offer some support, I am heart broken. I know I am not perfect, but I really have tried to make things nice for him here, and I have supported him financially in everything he wants to do.

[unlockingsky 94]

have you considered going through marriage counseling?

i hope there may be a miracle for you.

[mrs.wife 1]

have you considered going through marriage counseling?

i hope there may be a miracle for you.

Thank you. Yes, I have been. He refuses to go with me. He feels that therapy is too invasive. I forgot to add above that we already have a trip planned to his country in a couple of months, and he plans to just stay there instead of returning with me. I have no desire to go see his family when we are discussing divorce. I don't think there is any way to get my money back if I cancel my flight (and just keep his), so I am really stuck.

[rika60607 215]

I am sorry for what happened to you. Sometimes men do that and there is no way to change their mind... what he did to you is utterly unfair. Something like that happened to me and to a friend of mine - a gorgeous and loving woman. This has no reflection on you.

Just let go. He sounds like a user... don't be used anymore. On the bright side, you wasted 2.5 years on this guy, not 10 or 20.

Take care of yourself and things will get better again once he's out of the picture.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. As for the flight you may not be able to cancel it but you can probably change it for a $200 fee and it won't be a complete loss. Feel like going anywhere else on a trip with the ticket?

[Leatherneck 693]

Based on your post, your husband is not interested in being married regardless of your effort to sustain the marriage. If he is not willing to commit to making his marriage a success, it is unfortunate your options are limited. At some point, you'll have to decide when to cut both your financial and emotional losses.

Edited March 19, 2012 by Leatherneck

[summersurf 10]

I really feel you as a woman, my heart would be broken too if i were you. I'm sorry you have to go through this pain.

I wish i could hug you and whisper that you're in my prayers.

Bad things happen in our lives to make us stronger. You'll get better soon.

[And_Sam 44]

Thank you. Yes, I have been. He refuses to go with me. He feels that therapy is too invasive. I forgot to add above that we already have a trip planned to his country in a couple of months, and he plans to just stay there instead of returning with me. I have no desire to go see his family when we are discussing divorce. I don't think there is any way to get my money back if I cancel my flight (and just keep his), so I am really stuck.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Nobody who has been through VJ wants to end up like that. I understand still being in love with him but if he is making you feel like he has used you all this time then you need to do something about it.

If this was me, I would completely cancel out both tickets to his home country. Unless you want him to go back and not return with you. I wouldn't want to go to his country with him either.

I guess I would feel like if I had supported and paid for everything since the beginning then by god he can find his way back home!!!

good luck!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

If this was me, I would completely cancel out both tickets to his home country. Unless you want him to go back and not return with you. I wouldn't want to go to his country with him either.

I guess I would feel like if I had supported and paid for everything since the beginning then by god he can find his way back home!!!

Well I'd cancel his return flight at least.

If he wants to go back then let him but don't pay for him to easily return to the US.

[clueless55 18]

Let him go. He is only making your life miserable, while you feed and support him. Let him go back home.

[Fandango 1,439]

Sounds like you married a narcissist. I'm so sorry.

[amyandjorge 76]

Sounds like you married a narcissist. I'm so sorry.

Agreed, he needs to get over himself. Start spending your money only on yourself and your own future.

And I would cancel the tickets to his country. It will be worth the loss of money to see the look on his face.

[idocare 3]

Sounds like this man may already have all the paperwork necessary to come back into the USA on his own. ( Visa ) I can almost guarantee you that he's coming back and soon but not to your place. Cancel his return flight and let him pay for his return !!! Especially since he says he's not coming back , he shouldn't need a round trip ticket.

I have heard of people saying that only to return to the

U.S. to live as single even if they are still married.

[Oana31 0]

Oh, honey !

Just let him go, divorce from him ASAP, even if that hurts really bad. It looks like you're the only one who was emotionally involved in this relationship.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but he's a major JERK !! What kind of man lets his wife pay for his school and then just blame her for what doesn't work out as planned?

You're actually lucky he decided to break it off now. You'll still have time to meet someone and have a family.

Cheer up, from here on it can only get better !!

[Xanax 349]

1) He treats you terribly.

2) He used you for at least 2.5 years.

3) He didn't care for you enough to have you in his home country and look after you but was happy for you to look after him?

4) He wont try counselling.

5) He took back things he had previously said to you "he doesn't want children anymore"

What has he given you in your relationship? This does not sound like a 2-way relationship at all. It sounds like all give and no take! Not fair!

I hope everything works out for you. I would protect myself if I was you. I would divorce him, discontinue to help him financially and then cut him out of my life so I could start fresh with someone that deserves me and all that I offer.