Is it just me or has going through immigration really put wedding planning into perspective?

[HannahP 119]

My husband and I wanted a big white wedding but didn't get it. My father probably would have paid (he's fairly traditional and makes good money as a doctor) but we had to do everything rush-rush at the last minute for various visa-related reasons.

Our wedding was actually pretty sad. I wore a used dress and he wore an old suit. His parents were able to make it from Canada, thankfully, but only my parents and two of my nine siblings could attend. My dad snapped some shots on his camera but deleted most of them. I have, like, three pictures of my wedding day. I had to go to work right after so we didn't even have a dinner or anything "nice" afterwards. His parents offered us 4k for a honeymoon, an offer we haven't been able to take them up on four years later. My father swears to this day that he gave us some money as a present but he never did.

So my total wedding cost was whatever the marriage license cost plus $200 for both of our rings. His mom bought me a beautiful bouquet to "carry" which was sweet of her.

I think the hardest part was the total lack of validation from any of our other family/friends. We sent out cards but got maybe a handful of replies? Only his parents gave us a present. It was like...we had to do everything so last minute so it wasn't a "real marriage" in the eyes of most of our family and friends. I had family asking me two years into my marriage when I was going to have a real ceremony!

Edited October 14, 2011 by HannahP

[az110965 252]

I just got off the phone with my fiance (who checks the site everyday for updates to our processing).

Earlier in the week she sent me photos of her in Costa Rica trying on wedding dresses and one in particular was absolutey breathtaking. After she read Igor's list today and saw the processing date, she told me she'd marry me in jeans and tennis shoes if it meant getting our NOA-2 (God I love this woman....).

Our wedding plans were already quite simple. My friend is the Mayor in the city that I live in and he offered to officiate, then a simple reception for about 20 people. Her dream dress was about $400 and she wants RED shoes to wear with her gown.

At this point, I'D wear the gown if it meant getting her here sooner...

[dap 5]

I agree, this has put everything in perspective. My love has always said he just wants to get married, however, he wanted me to enjoy my day. Over the past couple weeks and days while waiting on him to come so we can marry; I have realized that I just want to marry. I just want to be with my babe! I dont want to have to worry about colors, designs, invite this person, invite that person. So last night, we decided (along with my pastor) that we were just going to have a small ceremony after church one Sunday. Then we will have a big one next year in his hometown Jamaica. It will give my family and his family a chance to mingle as well as let my family see Jamaica.

But my focus right now is on getting my darling here!

Thanks.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

wedding dress and sandals: 230 dollars

wedding rings 400: dollars

gas to drive to tybee island: 40 dollars

Photographer: 115 dollars

one night at a beautiful hotel by the beach: 200 dollars

ceremony at the beach: 0 dollars

spent the rest of my life with the love of my life:PRICELESS (L)

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Ever heard of family paying for the wedding? lol

Unless you have a family like mine. While they're supportive of the wedding they said to me, "You want to get married? Well you better start saving..."

And so it begins....

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

So far, my wedding is about $15k with about 150 people invited. This is MAINLY because of my parents, but I also don't feel like I should have to sacrifice wearing a beautiful dress and walking down an aisle at an amazing venue just because of this visa process. We set the date a good distance in advance so hopefully everything will be done in time. If not, ALL of the services (venue, cake, dj, photographer, etc.) can be moved with one phone call and we will NOT pay any extra fees since we explained all of this to them in advance.

Of course all I want is for my fiance to be here but i'm not sitting here stressing over it and saying- :i wont have this beautiful wedding because he might not be able to come here" ... i'm staying positive and believing that YES! he will be allowed in and everything will be fine and dandy. naive maybe, but we'll see.

and there's really nothing bad about having a big wedding... if its what someone wants then fine, it's what they want. who can judge and say whether it's right or wrong? it feels like people who want a wedding bigger than a few people & their fiance are being attacked here

I'm not trying to attack anyone here so I'm sorry if you feel that way. The whole point of my original post was to state that after undergoing the procedures for bringing my immigrant fiance here, I have seen my wedding from a different viewpoint. Normal couples don't realize the luxury of having their significant other in the same country let alone fussing about all these elaborate wedding preparations.

Again, that was the whole point of my post, to say that the whole point of a wedding is to legally bind myself with the man of my dreams and that I'm not involving myself with tedious details of wedding preparations that distract from the marriage.

[G&T 12]

We're getting married at the Top of the Rock: $200. To that add the document marriage costs: $50. Tickets to the Top of the Rock: $21.50 each. My dress and his tux: $275. Rings: $250. Photographer: $150. (I work in the industry so I have a couple of friends that offered their services even free, but I believe in remuneration for work). Then I secured a basement at a bar in the city. They are only charging for the open bar for wine and beer: 100 guests= $1000. Other miscellaneous (beauty salon, rent a car, incidentials): $500. So, as it is, I'm well under 3K and I do not intend to spend more than that.... and I live in NYC!

There's absolutely no need to lose ourselves in unnecessary logistics. I receive emails from David's Bridal, The Knot, some other ####### and I delete. I've read photography packages of $3k. In this day and age, there's no need for that. Hint: go to a photography school and hire a a talented up-and-coming photographer. You'll be helping him/ her because they can put it in their resume/ portfolio and at the same time you'll be saving money.

i'm glad we all have our priorities straight!

I was checking a photographers' profile since 2009 until I had the guts to ask him early this year how much he was

charging... I felt like Humpty Dumpty from my high wall and had a great fall... $3,500 is his price for labor .

SO after that, and as for me Pictures are important, I got of the great wall and found one that we can pay for.

But hey, could you give me the info that bar's basement??

I am considering a few options but I almost got everything put together in my mind. The problem is that the financial equation goes a little over 5000 when is taken to reality.

[Britt♥Marco 9]

I'm not trying to attack anyone here so I'm sorry if you feel that way. The whole point of my original post was to state that after undergoing the procedures for bringing my immigrant fiance here, I have seen my wedding from a different viewpoint. Normal couples don't realize the luxury of having their significant other in the same country let alone fussing about all these elaborate wedding preparations.

Again, that was the whole point of my post, to say that the whole point of a wedding is to legally bind myself with the man of my dreams and that I'm not involving myself with tedious details of wedding preparations that distract from the marriage.

While I understand what you're saying, I'm still going to be dressed up in a huge fancy dress looking gorgeoussss while legally binding myself to the man of my dreams. I'm sure MANY others here are going to/have done this and it's not like it's a bad thing

But I don't really think planning a wedding "distracts from the marriage" ... unless like you said, you're paying for it yourself. then i guess i get your point

[Tyeger87 10]

I have been a member of theknot.com for a while and although I love the site and ideas, it is very hard to make their advice mesh with immigration. A better site ive noticed is offbeatbride.com. This gives you a huge array of ideas for all different styles etc. instead of just the traditional wedding styles you find at The Know. So if you all are looking for innovative ideas, check out offbeatbride.com

[G&T 12]

While I understand what you're saying, I'm still going to be dressed up in a huge fancy dress looking gorgeoussss while legally binding myself to the man of my dreams. I'm sure MANY others here are going to/have done this and it's not like it's a bad thing

But I don't really think planning a wedding "distracts from the marriage" ... unless like you said, you're paying for it yourself. then i guess i get your point

Well Like you, I am having a fancy dress for which I only paid 600 when the price tag is 8 times more.( connections )

Hands up if you can pay/use/ get marry in the dress of you want, no matter how fancy or simply it is.

Hands down if you are putting yourself under the bridge for that one special day /dress and are also leaving your

bank account empty for the possible rainy days.

AND yes ,to many of us the whole immigration process does put a wedding in perspective with the fact that another process has to be paid

later on and that your future wife/husband has to be supported until he/she is able to work and get in tune with their new place.

If I didn't have those things to worry about then maybe, just maybe I wouldn't mind about the wedding planning and cost THAT MUCH ( as long as is not more than 7K ),

after all a wedding ,small , big , fancy or simple is a matter of your likes and how deep your pockets are.

[Kim n Jai 1]

I just want to marry the love of my life, honor our cultural backgrounds, family and friends, with a small celebration afterwards and finally begin our lives together

Love it! I couldn't agree more. Also, to me it's a very personal, intimate thing not to be shared with hordes of people.

[G&T 12]

Love it! I couldn't agree more. Also, to me it's a very personal, intimate thing not to be shared with hordes of people.

[Robert&Karen 264]

We got our rings last night!

[KrisandJennie 35]

While I understand what you're saying, I'm still going to be dressed up in a huge fancy dress looking gorgeoussss while legally binding myself to the man of my dreams. I'm sure MANY others here are going to/have done this and it's not like it's a bad thing

But I don't really think planning a wedding "distracts from the marriage" ... unless like you said, you're paying for it yourself. then i guess i get your point

I definitely see both sides of this. I myself am having a big wedding. Partly b/c my parents are paying for it (they have wedding funds for each of their 3 girls) and I've always wanted a church wedding and a reception hall. Plus, my fiance and I both have lots of family and friends and we want to share our big day with them. it's all a matter of personal choice. My fiance and I CHOOSE to have a big wedding b/c that's what we (and our families) want. We will be having a small ceremony in the courthouse when he gets here so we can start the AOS/EAD process, but we want the big day as well.

I will say that after going through all of this visa stuff (and still going through it), I totally get the small wedding thing!! I would not mind having a nice wedding with 50 or less people in my parents' back yard. BUT, this is something my fiance and I want, a big wedding.

So anyways, I don't think anyone was attacking at all, I just think most of the people who responded prefer smaller weddings. I don't think anyone was suggesting that you love your fiance any less b/c you want a big wedding. Chin up and party like a rockstar on your big day! I know I will be!!!!!

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

I think of course the kind of wedding a couple wants is a personal decision and I can see a lot of opinions on here, but I love what the OP is saying about how the immigration process really puts it all in perspective and makes planning the wedding different than a couple who's never had to be long distance. Me and Victor are planning to have a very simple and intimate day with family and a few close friends, and we're getting married in jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, because we're both very casual people and aren't very comfortable being dressed up. Also, we already feel like we're married and will celebrate our wedding anniversary on the day we fell in love with each other, not on the date that we have our civil ceremony - it's a piece of paper which makes it legally official, but it's already official to us and we already call each other husband and wife. I guess I was never one for fancy dresses and posh decorations at weddings myself, anyway, and I never fantasized about the "perfect wedding day" as a little girl. Me and Victor have simple tastes and we also hate stress, and planning a big white wedding is stressful. I'm sure I'll probably get some comments from family members about why didn't we have a big wedding, but a lot of these extended family members are probably just wanting a free party with free food and booze, because when we announced that we are engaged, very little of my family actually congratulated me or even acknowledged it anyway. I figure we can include the people who actually paid attention and not worry about pleasing the extended family who couldn't even bother to say congrats to us.

-Amy