Life in USA turns out Hell to me and my kidS

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Please stop the judgmental comments. The OP did not ask for an analysis of her relationship so please do not assume you have any right to know more details - they are irrelevant to the discussion at hand and none of your business. She asked for advice about how to deal with an abusive situation, about how to decide between the different options she has available. If you have nothing constructive to offer to this discussion then please do not participate. Any further judgmental comments not related to the topic itself will result in more thread bans.

[ScottThuy 140]

I never understand why people marry so far outside their age group, it is very rare this is successful. Especially if you already think that he is way too old for you, why did you marry in the first place, was it for that elusive shot at a better life in America which isnt always the case as you have now found out?

Relationships with age differences are more likely to work out than those that start off with extreme financial issues... there are a great many couples here on VJ with significantly different ages without problems... personality issues are much more difficult to overcome and the OP is dealing with a spouse with an extreme issue..

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I agree with you "happy in love". MARK42979 this comment is kinda nasty, having a husband who is far way too old and american is not an issue here, the issue is that the poor woman's husband is treating her so bad. Let us be an encourager not a "discourager". I dont know if the one who wrote this post is the american guy or the Filipina fiance. But whoever wrote this please be kind..... Thank you...

I just hope that his "GIRL" won't have the same nightmare (with him) like the OP has.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

There are 3 sides to every story....his...hers...and the truth. If things aren't working out its a shame but how can you complain about an age difference when you had to know his age when you met?

Yet another scolder. Jeeeeez! The age has nothing to do with the OP's dire situation. Wake up!

Please stop the judgmental comments. The OP did not ask for an analysis of her relationship so please do not assume you have any right to know more details - they are irrelevant to the discussion at hand and none of your business. She asked for advice about how to deal with an abusive situation, about how to decide between the different options she has available. If you have nothing constructive to offer to this discussion then please do not participate. Any further judgmental comments not related to the topic itself will result in more thread bans.

[sachinky 464]

I don't understand and this is NOT a judgmental comment but did you find out that he was twenty years older to you AFTER you got married? You mean, he lied about his age from you? Like others, I too am confused by your 'age-gap' statement.

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

I don't think the OP is coming back but for those who say its not kidnapping to take a child out of the country without permission thats definitely wrong. While the Philippines has not signed the Hague Convention (basically the US can't extradite from the country), the US parent can file charges which would effectively bar the Foreign parent from re-entering the US and potentially limit their travel to other countries.

[yellow_flower 2]

Hello Everyone,

Though I can share our experience here in America with my 2 young kids against my horrible life with my husband. We move here last year September 2010. I married to a US citizen guy and we have son which is 7 years old now and I have my own daugther before I marry him which is 9 years old now. It takes like 4 years the process of our Visa due to denial and re process again. I moved here with my 2 young kids knowing that life in america with him is heaven and a nice future to my children. I am wrong!! our life comes out Hell since we got here. My husband is way to old to me for like 20 years gap,. He is so emotionally abusive person..everytime he comes home we end up fighting, he love yelling at me infront of my children we started in a little conversation and it end up big because he never listen and he thinks whatever he decide is right and am always end up wrong. He is controlling me for my decision and for all my life. He dont like me having asian friend, he dont like me being exposed, he dont like me to have my freedom. He said that whatever he wants me to do I have to do it. He is so greedy, money and food. If he leave home and give me 20bucks when he comes back he expected reciept or prove what i spent on the money, I cannot even get a job because he dont want me to get a job he said I should only take care of him and the kids and thats all.

I stand behind him on all his decisions in a few months eventhought I am not happy..my first christmas here in America is full of tears we didnt celebrate the christmas because he is not in the mood to do. We went to church but he left us bcoz his dog jump out to his car and that we have to walk in a white snow freezing christmas eve carrying my 2 kids to get back home.

After a months behind his back-- finally stand on my feet! A friend of mine sponsor me to get to school nursing aid just to be able to handle myself and get a better job and not such to depend on him..I told him about my plan he wasnt happy because he said that my salary in nursing aid a week is enough to pay the taxes and babysitters to my kids.

My children is afraid of him ( his own son,and my daughter) there is no moment that I never cried of what he did to me, he is emotionally abusive to me..he yelled and embarrashed me infront of people even we go shopping our food he yelled to me if i cannot hear what he said. God Knows I felt so much pain beside him.

2 days ago, I called his phone, let him know that I got a call from school about my daughter personal problem which I think my daughter is affected of what is happening to our life here, my daughter is begging me to go back to Philippines where they are happy and they are not happy here. Anyway, the school called me to schedule a meeting regarding my daughter and I told him and I said I felt sad because I blame to him what is going on and I ask him if he can do it or he cares for the family then i ask him to change his attitude and show a little respect to me or stop yelling at me infront for the children I said to him if he wont change then its better for us to go back To Philippines where we are happy and my childrens. He said to me and he work his #### to feed us and I have the nerve to blame all this to him. I just ask him to change his nasty attitude but he dont understand. I call a friend of mine to sleep 1 night at her house just to get away from him and want him to think what he done to us. but dispite it comes out really bad.

He turn on my friend back and sending my friend nasty messages he was mad on my friend of giving us a room for a night to sleep. then when we go back home the next day he wasnt here but he leave me a note in the wall that he is not coming back and that i have to support the children on my own. I am so confused!! I dont know what i've done wrong to him of treating us like this. We have such a terrible moment here in USA and the sad part is why my children have to be here to witness this life. My children born with so much love and care to my family, they grow up of laughters and smiles and hugs with my loving families..then when we move here what they saw is my tears, yelling, and my terrible husband. I dont know what to do..

My daugther is a green card holder for 10 years and so I am. my son is a us citizen here in America.

what my plan is...to send them back to Philippines...after my graduation and once i get my reimbursement back from my school. I dont know if my plan is right, but I like to go back to Philippines and leave my children to my family and I go back here to work and send support to them. I know from myself that I cannot handle my 2 children here with my miserable life. I dont drive here and currently a student. I dont know what to do. He left us yesterday with nothing, no food in the fridge and no money, how can I support my children in this situation and the apartment is behind the rent. I dont know what to do. please anybody give me advice on what to do If i send my children back in Philippines for their own safety and what will happen to thier citizenship and my daughter 10 years greencard?

please I need an advice I have a friend willing to loan money to buy ticket just to take my children back to Philippines.

I expected answer please...

thank you!

hi there. am a Filipina too. am currently residing with my husband in Missouri.

you are getting a lot of good advise from the members here. so get a hold of yourself and listen. lakasan mo ang loob mo. you can do this. you just need to bring out that fighting spirit.

[Psalm139 5]

There are 3 sides to every story....his...hers...and the truth. If things aren't working out its a shame but how can you complain about an age difference when you had to know his age when you met?

I agree with the 3 sides thing , but as i read her post over and over again, i dont think she is complaining of age difference, she is more specific of the abusive part... whatever is the truth only GOD knows....